700 words of new beginning

[HareBrain]

I spent a while searching about order of x said or said x and thought I had found the right order. Lol I will read more about speech tags.

I think the best thing would be to just see how published authors do it, and whether that works for you.

I've just thought, BTW, why [said X] probably stands out less than [X said]. It's perhaps that "said" is indeed almost invisible when a reader gets to it, and since that's the word they get to first, the whole tag is passed over. With [X said] it's the character name they get to first, and they process this a tiny moment before reaching "said" and realising it's not important. Or maybe I'm overthinking it!

 

[Bowler1]

Flick through some books you have and authors you liked best and see how they use speech tags. Watch for dialogue with no speech tags, such as following a character action, or before an action. Use of names, or not. Some writers add emotions to speech tags (sighed, cried). There are as many options as your imagination can think of.

There is always detail. You have stepped up and improved, now the gloves come off - heehee....

A double post with HB, but I thought of it first.

 

[jastius]

I like it but it does need tweaking.
In the first line 'also' seems out of place. to me also is something you tend to see coupled With, 'as well as’.
Maybe its just me, but son of a carpenter after apprentice seems repetitious.
If you leave it why not use it? "Scrawny son of a strapping great carpenter".
The other word I don't like is 'fatigue'.. Would a young boy even use fatigue? And not something like... Tired out or played out or exhausted? It sounds a bit contemporary for the setting.
And the part where Hugh makes his grandiose speech, wouldn't he have a name for his little troop? In keeping with his aspirations?

Sounds like a lovely story!