The "Clomping Foot" Of Nerdism

I tried to do something like this a few years back. It's much more difficult than it seems - the main problem is character/reader empathy.

I guess the fact that Sauron doesn't do a great deal would be also problematic - he basically sits around dressed up as a big eye for a while, talks to the palantir a bit and then he's defeated. His life under Morgoth might be quite interesting, but his third age existence less so - plus, he's unequivocally evil - there's no light and shade to his character (unlike the majority of the characters, who all have varying shades to them), so he wouldn't be a particularly engaging POV.
 
Actually, the stage directions "One of the three is an enormous disembodied eye" sounds just right for Beckett.
 
Scene – a rubbish dump on the outskirts of Mordor. Nazgul 1 is examining his boot.

Enter Nazgul 2.

NAZGUL 1 – Have you found the One Ring?

NAZGUL 2 – The absurdity of existence is demonstrated by this hole in my boot.

NAZGUL 1 – Have the halflings been this way today?

NAZGUL 2 – They’re not coming today.

NAZGUL 1 – Oh. See you tomorrow, then?

NAZGUL 2 – Yes, see you tomorrow.


FIN
 
The reason for the hackneyed Tolkien spin-offs is presumably laziness on the part of games designers, etc. It must be easier to cobble together Tolkien movie graphics and Gigax's D&D simplicity than it would be too bring the richness and tone of Tolkien's world back to life. I agree with Toby - it's a bit depressing. Personally I'm happy with world-building nerdism. This was great in Dune too, and things like the Faded Sun books, and they weren't derivative, or fantasy, but they were richly detailed and better for it, to my mind. A rich world doesn't obviate a decent tight plot.

OK. Firstly, the Interplay LOTR games from the early 90s did capture the richness and tone, for me, though you need to squint past very dated graphics.

Secondly, Stan Nicholls' Orcs series I found a bit immature and hackneyed. The narrative was just 'collect the tokens' and I was really disappointed to find it not based loosely on LOTR. I was expecting Orc refugees fleeing away from the wrath of the evil king who was trying to commit genocide after toppling The Benvolent Lord by sneaking some secret weapon into the heart of the Benevolent Lord's realm... No. Not that.

Thirdly I'd love to see the Black Book translated into English, that would be cool!
 
I think from that brief scene you have just shown you ought to write it, Toby. Giving the Nazgul existential angst would make great comedy.

(Why does Nazgul 2 have a hole in his boot, when its set up that Nazgul 1 is looking at his own boot? :))
 
I am kind of afraid to click that link, Ray. Is it a Frodo/Samwise ship or something?
 
People can ship who they like, but some of them I really do not understand. I saw a Tommy Lee Jones/George W Bush ship once. I will never be the same after that.
 
Interesting. I had sort of forgotten that LOTR was written as a side project from the Silmarillion due to interest in a sequel to the Hobbit. I think that's what's always tainted my enjoyment of LOTR... I did really enjoy the Hobbit as a cracking good adventure story and I also really like the Silmarillion as a truly unique and encyclopedic approach to myth-making. LOTR, as a hybrid, has never worked for me. For me, it's too wordy and into lineages and the like to be a really great adventure but also too brief to really provide the context needed to enjoy it as a slice of a greater story.

Regarding the former, it's BORING... Helm's Deep and Pelennor Fields are barely a chapter each. Ditto for Moria. But we get about 10 chapters detailing EVERY swamp Frodo walked through and every person that died in it while the ONLY exciting thing that happens is Frodo falls in the water once... all scenes that were beefed up in the movie just to make it seem like something interesting happens.

I've still never read any of the appendixes, because the very notion of that is absurd to me. It's basically Tolkien getting to the end and being like "oh yeah, I forgot I never said a word about where the heck Aragorn marrying Arwen came from." Apparently, that couldn't have been handled in a way that would make sense in an actual novel that's telling a story (like adding it to Rivendell in book 1), so he decided to create an appendix to explain a bunch of stuff that was otherwise incomprehensible. It's sloppy, bad writing if you're going for a novel/story. It only works if you're writing an encyclopedia or family history (ie. the Silmarillion). That's not even touching on Faramir and Eowyn's romance being obviously shoe-horned in late in the series as a romance as Tolkien realized his book was dreadfully boring and offered no characters to root for other than Sam and Gandalf.

I think at the time, it was such a novel concept, that the notion of depth in his fantasy world was sufficient to carry it (the way the mere use of deep focus made Citizen Kane a classic film despite it being pretty boring in anything other than a technical sense, or Star Wars demonstrated that special effects could truly bring space to life even if in retrospect it's a thin story with a lot of kitsch). But in the end I feel that, looking back, Hobbit and Silmarillion are far better works in the way they commit to what they are. His attempt to bridge the gaps between them in LOTR falls short. I can often tell that LOTR is really just another 2-3 chapters of the Silmarillion, expanded in the same way Peter Jackson broke the Hobbit out. He didn't WANT to write another "novel" in this world, and it very much shows in conscious efforts to avoid the excitement of the Hobbit in favor of the dry historical background of the Silmarillion. The trouble is that while Jackson was good at teasing out conflict (Helm's Deep, giving Aragorn and his backstory more explicit context, Gollum's internal battle), Tolkien seems afraid to inject much fun into his proceedings, lest it be viewed as too childish.

Fantasy has run with this for a long time, churning out epic doorstopper after epic doorstopper and viewing any fantasy that is self-contained as trite. So you get things like Robert E Howard being viewed as little more than the inspiration for some cheesy Arnold Schwartzenegger flicks, while Robert Jordan gets a book deal that literally carries him to his death bed. Or there's Brandon Sanderson: he did one very good and interesting standalone fantasy that got scant attention (Elantris). So he wrote a bigger trilogy to get some cred, landed the gig wrapping up WoT, and then immediately inked a deal for yet another massive 10-book series where book one is 1100 pages. Meanwhile, Chris Wooding write a series of some of the most engaging standalone adventures I ever read, and his series is already dead because there's no "hook" when the story actually FINISHES at the end of a book. It's soap opera for fantasy nerds really, as publishers begin to realize the real money isn't in publishing works that are new and challenging like LOTR was then, but in getting nerds hooked on the next installment of a never-ending saga.

In a meta sense, I would argue that LOTR would never be published in the post-LOTR fantasy world. They'd tell Tolkien there's no real hero, and unless he pads out Aragorn and Arwen's romance (which he can't do because he doesn't write dialogue well, it's all stilted speech patterns taken from Beowulf and the like), no book deal. Instead, he'd probably get pushed to write LOTR as one 1000-page book in a much longer series that would cover basically all of the Silmarillion, or to draw LOTR out into 10 books so we get every conversation Aragon and Arwen ever had. He'd have been told to give Sauron more depth and a backstory, etc etc. It's not great as an epic doorstopper because it's incomplete, but it's no good as an adventure because it's too dry. I think its reputation is based far more on its novelty and its impact than on its actual merits, and both of his other books are better. I get what he was trying to do with LOTR, but it was really only created because the world wasn't (and probably still isn't) ready for the Silmarillion, which is imho a much better example of the mythical world-building he was trying to accomplish in LOTR.
 

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