Harebrain I think the reason it looks a bit bald is because you are a lovely narrator. Your explanatory bits are very Tolkien and Harry Potter.
If you really want the orc to sound like a bit more piecey and early Tarzan type thing, you could drop "need to" or even just the "to".
To be honest the lines didn't flag me as important on the first go through. But enough other people got it, and I usually reread the clever bits, anyways.
Your more narrative writing style would make an amazing story also, you realize.
If you really want the orc to sound like a bit more piecey and early Tarzan type thing, you could drop "need to" or even just the "to".
To be honest the lines didn't flag me as important on the first go through. But enough other people got it, and I usually reread the clever bits, anyways.
Your more narrative writing style would make an amazing story also, you realize.
