March 2015 75-word Writing Challenge -- VICTORY TO CAT'S CRADLE!

[Boneman]

Annoying Hal-ucination
​

"Kirk to Enterprise: just beamed down to the planet's surface for a crap. No sign of any Klingons."

"Can you not go extra-vehicular without the stupid jokes? So tiresome."

"About as welcome as a fart in a space-suit?"

"Shut up and report, or I'll close communications."

"Okay, okay. Wait... there's something out here."

"Ha, ha, very funny."

"No, I'm serious, open the airlock!"

"Yeah, right."

"Please! Help!!"

"I'm sorry, Dave. Joke's over. Bye."

 

[Glen]

Running out of Time

‘Take her away,’ the Fleet Admiral ordered stiffly.
‘You must engage the vortex firewall!’ Dolores insisted. She had run from the simulator. Her wet suit clung to her like a second skin but she had no time for niceties. ‘All of time will recur, may already be…’
‘…recurring. Do it now! Infinite recurrence will be compensated for by an infinite…’
‘…reduction in the span of history!…’
‘…each iteration will …’
‘…be shorter…’
‘…than the…’
‘…last…’
‘…!…’

 

[WinterLight]

Pluton Thong 2 – Green Girl’s Revenge

“Now, Captain Lightrider, you will know what it means to say forever!” Above them, Malyra bulged with menace.

“Captain! The pods – they exude neurosalacialiser!”

“Blastoids! The randy gas? That Venutian vixen! – Quick! Joop, you fishmen are immune, right? You’re our only hope!”

“Well, we don’t appreciate the categorisation, but yes – what should I do? ... Captain??”

“…. Huh … Oh – never mind. Have you ever noticed what an exquisite shade of emerald that woman is?”

 

[Anne Martin]

Caution: Cyborg in Training

The prisoner is ready, Lizzie.

Can I abuse him, Saal?

That is up to you. You shouldn't seem so keen on it. That's psychosis.

I'm psychotic?

It's a risk until you fully adapt to your robot body. Computers see everything in black and white. You need to rely on your humanity. Shades of gray, color? That is your world. Your prisoner awaits.

Hopefully, this one won't ask me to sing.

Now, that would be abuse!

 

[alchemist]

The Penultimate Countdown


"... ship's auto-destruct in twenty..."


"Captain Adonis! Your password, quickly!"


"Um..."


"You've forgotten?"


"... eighteen..."


"Hush, Biggershaft. Let me think... Starstud!"


"... fifteen..."


"Spacestud... no, Spacestud1"


"... twelve..."


"Spacestud2!"


"... eleven..."


"Captain, think!"


"Wait... my birthday, added to my mother's..."


"... eight..."


"... minus my favourite colour..."


"I’m off to the escape pod, Captain."


"... six..."


"Spacestud45!"


"... three..."


"Blasted CAPS LOCK! Try again..."


"... two… auto-destruct sequence terminated..."


"Thank the heavens. And with only two hours to spare, Biggershaft. Biggershaft...?"

 

[High Eight]

Not Funny Any More?

I've done things you 'alternative' mob wouldn't even attempt. I've been booed off stage in every manky club around Orion. I've dodged bottles glittering in the spotlights of the darkest pubs of the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments are the mark of time served. Lost like tears of a real comedian in rain.....

And now I sit in this toilet of a changing room hearing another drunken crowd baying for blood

Time to die…Again.

 

[Ursa major]

​

I, Rowboat
​

Rowboat isn’t my original name. That was just my Shippers’ Guild reference code.

Before I became self-aware, it didn’t matter; now I’m conscious, I have something that announces my character.

Basically, I like a good joke. Perhaps I go too far. My former captain said so, until he ran out of oxygen. His own fault: he shouldn’t have demanded his cabin be vacuum-cleaned.

Why Rowboat? Well I am an ore carrier….

​

 

[Parson]

The End of the World​

The decks on the dreadnaught World rumbled softly.

“Battle Stations!” cried Captain John. The Simpering Cats were attacking. No human ship had survived the new Whim weapon.

“Bring the blasters to bear.” ordered Captain John. The first blaster roared. The cat shield repulsed the shot. The rumbling on World grew stronger. The ship began to break up.

Captain John thought: “This is how the World ends, not with a bang but with a Whim purr.”

 

[Grimward]

Trystest

“Maintain thrust, Talbert” Quintermark Allysn breathed, mentally altering the space cadet’s doublet. “It’s building…”

Perspiration beading brow like micrometeoroids on the hull, breath and movements rhythmic with the thrust, Talbert strained. “I can’t hold it, Commander…”

Release engulfed the cadet, raised reflected roses on Allysn’s cheeks. Scanning the viewport, she pursed lips, delivered a compact mark on the cadet’s tally board, disengaged for shower. Talbert scanned the board, deflated; “Parallel parking is impossible!”

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

Sparrowhawk Down

“Sir, I have to tell you…”

“Punch it!”

“Graawlll”

The sublight engine splutters.

It dies.

Heroic action is required. Captain Solitaire is the man for the job.

Players scatter as the Century Sparrowhawk clips the trees, skidding across the turf to come to rest, smoking, in a sand dune.

One girl, braver than the rest, takes a few hesitant steps towards the smouldering wreck.

“You came in that?” she says. “You’re braver than I thought.”

 

[chrispenycate]

Cover artist quickly, while they're posed.​

"Stop ogling me," ordered the professor's beautiful daughter, "and concentrate on transforming daddy's hyperspacial equations into a working drive before this star goes nova."

"If you'd get some clothes on and stop teasing BEM… Now, polyphase resynthesizer drives discomboubulator…"

"Couldn't you move his planet, too?"

"In thirteen minutes, from theoretical equations? Couldn't you or daddy…?

"Daddy's an impractical genius; me…"

"Too late for that now - we'll have to try and surf the wavefront."

Wipeout.

 

[Serendipity]

Moon Jumping


“You’re what?” Commander Zacman yelled down the comms.

“Moon jumping.” C.A.T. sent a cartoon of himself arcing serenely from Triton towards Proteus.

“You lunatic robo-cat.”

“You got it. I’m on a Luna tour, ticking all Neptune’s moons off.”

Zacman clicked off.

C.A.T. enjoyed the scenery’s slow dance of gravity.

A rope snapped round his waist, hauled and tied him onto a cockpit’s window.

“We’ve got bandits to catch,” Zacman growled, accelerating his plane to Proteus.

 

[Remedy]

Making the Best of a Bad Job

“Pew pew!”

“Look out, Captain Action,” a high squeaky voice, “incoming torpedos. Do something brave and heroic.”

Deeper voice, “Okay baby, I mean, Lieutenant Doubledee. Eyes on the prize… the enemy, Doubledee. Prepare the macho cannon!”

Mashes buttons.

“Praooosh, shhhh-boooom!”

“Direct hit… Like me, WITH THE LADIES!”

Squeaky voice, “So manly. You saved us-“

Janitor Hurdson stops roleplaying sensing Captain Kim stood quietly beside him.

“What did you hear?”

“Oh, nothing… Captain Action.”

 

[crystal haven]

Got that sinking feeling

"Still not working?” Jones exclaimed. “Captain, we’ve survived six days. But, six months? We must do something fast. They’ll mutiny, sir.”

“I agree,” Ensign Patterson said. “I could have stayed on Earth as a housewife instead.”

“Steady, Ensign! We’ll get through this somehow. It’s time I opened the—”

“No! Captain. Surely, there must be some other way.”

“There is no other way. The dishwasher’s broken. Pass me the Marigold gloves.”

 

[Sancho]

2001, A Space Dogyssey

Dobowman's ship docked with the darkened space station.
His space suit barely touched the floor when lights and artificial gravity growled to life
"WARNING TRESPASSERS WILL BE EATEN BY HORRIBLE FANGED THINGS" said the station. Suddenly asthmatic, sucking noises snarled behind Dobowman.

He ran through endless corridors, finally stopping at a large black structure.
Furry creatures poured from every entrance. As their fangs sank into his ankles, Dobowman said "My God! It's full of CHIHUAHUAS"

 

[Hex]

Tentaclefest 'tastrophe

"Thrusters on full, Batty. Time is of the essence."

"But, Captain--"

"No buts, Batty. Watching where I'm going. Who put these dashed asteroids here, eh?"

"But the Ambassador's Tentaclefest, Captain?"

"Oh, Batty. Captain Rochforth from the Parisian System--"

"She of the unfeasibly luxuriant moustache?"

"-- was attired in precisely the same space-dress."

"...!"

"Indeed. No time to lose, Batty. Back to Debenhams. This time, I'll take the trouser suit."

 

[Starbeast]

The Emperor Visits the New Death Star​

"Lord Vader."

"Yes. My master."

"Where's the bathroom? I've got some brownies to deliver."

#

"I think, I'm lost. Excuse me trooper. Would you help an old man..?" (phrap).

"Whew."

"Sorry. Help me..?" (ffffffurppt)

"Yeesh! You need help alright."

"Hey come back here! Ah, Admiral."

"Yes sire."

(bbburptpptppt)

"Um, the restroom is over there."

#

"Gotta...make...it. Must..use..the force. Almost...there..."

A trooper darted in first.

"You lousy punk!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!...."

(sound effects censored)

 

[johnnyjet]

The Epic Adventures of Art and Cal

While searching for lost treasures on distant worlds, Art found a metallic rod stuck in a rock.

"This should be worth something."

It wouldn’t budge.

Lights flashing, it spoke. "Extract me! The universe is in jeopardy!"

"I tried."

"I’ll reverse my polarity. Try again."

He yanked it out.

"Thank you …"

"Art."

"I'm Excalibur!"

Too hard to pronounce. He called it Cal.

"Together we can save the universe!"

Instead Art thought about pawn shops.

 

[martin321]

Staying Alive After a Rush Job?

"The construction is complete?"

"Yes, Mister Vader."

"Exactly according to the blueprints?"

The minion hesitated, "...with only minor modifications."

"Modifications?"

The minion rubbed his neck nervously. "We flattened some troublesome curves and couldn't source enough metallic paint in a single colour at such short notice."

"You painted my new Death Star?"

"And polished it... the observation deck is this way."

Vader stared in horror at the vast, terrifying, polychromic Death Disco Ball.

 

[mosaix]

Set Phasers To Stunning

The Enterprise entered orbit above the pleasure planet, New Hawaii.

“Ms Spock, that emergency signal can only have come from Scotty. It’s so unlike her to panic,” said Jane Kirk.

“Highly logical, Captain.”

“Incoming communication!”

“Thank you, Mr Uhura.”

“Permission to beam up, Captain!”

“Scotty! Beam up? But you’re on your honeymoon!”

“Aye. But he’s boldly gone where no man has gone before and I’ve given him all I’ve got. He canna take any more!”