Be careful for what you wish for...

A different kind of abuse, but of interest since it shows not only how ingrained abuse is accepted, but also how some victims welcome the abuse or even impose it on themselves as a result of societal pressure and cultural norms -- women with bound feet in China http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-31964279

I have to confess I'd thought it was the aristocracy which carried out this loathesome practice, as a way of hobbling their noblewomen and making them effectively useless, to show how they didn't need to walk, they were wealthy enough to be carried. I didn't realise it was prevalent among peasants, too.
 
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Historical norms are irrelevant. It's fiction. Readers only complain about historical norms when they go against what they want in fiction, and only cite historical norms when they want to see something in fiction.

Same with historical norms above. 'Realism' is problematic. Readers of fiction don't want realism, they want realism that caters to their whims. Every piece of fiction is unrealistic on far more levels than any piece of fiction has ever been realistic. Simply having a coherent plot is largely unrealistic, yet it's not complained about because that makes the fiction more readable. People will come up with any and every excuse they can to support the things they personally enjoy or attack the things they don't personally enjoy in fiction. Realism is a hollow argument. Andy Warhol's Four Stars was realistic, but that doesn't make it interesting or watchable or particularly good fiction. And even that was only a tiny slice or realism.

I disagree strongly. As a reader, I bring my knowledge of human history and behaviour to the table every time I open a book. I read as much history as fiction, and at least half of the fiction I read is the more authentic kind of historical fiction. I cannot block out what I know about human societies and behaviour simply because I'm engaged in a fictional story. Behaviour flows from environment. And my most common reason for setting a book aside in disappointment is the characters do not behave plausibly given their environment. Fantasy novels where the characters live in radically different worlds from ours, and yet have the sensibilities of modern middle-class Westerners, drive me nuts. It's as toxic to my immersion as if the king's guard pulls out a cellphone from his tunic to ask his wife to pick up some Thai takeout for dinner.

Granted, I am abnormally fussy in this way. And it's probably the reason why I dislike most fiction I come across. I can't shut off enough of the analytic part of my brain to believe in the world and the story. You have to make me believe before I can feel.

However, when an author does go to great pains to model behaviour from environment, to understand and then portray how the material conditions of a society or an upbringing will shape the values and social norms of the characters in that environment, then you have finespun gold. I find myself slipping into the fictional world effortlessly.

That's as a reader. As an author, I'm also inspired mostly by history. I prepared over 100 pages of historical notes, single-spaced and in point form, as research for the historical fantasy novel I'm working on now. Social hierarchies, aristocratic values, traditions, religious ceremonies, domestic life, titles, military organization, civic festivals, agricultural practices, marriage rites, folklore, etc. I couldn't begin to breathe life into my characters unless I understood their world and their values. And since I'm writing about a place radically different from North America circa 2015, those characters and their values are going to be different from those of people who live in North America circa 2015.

Is that an excuse to pepper fiction set in a violent world with gratuitous scenes of rape? No. Just because something happens in a setting doesn't means it's necessary to depict it. And I think sometimes "it's historical" is just an excuse to indulge in gratuitous sex and gore. But that doesn't mean we should dismiss all fiction that depicts plausibly awful behaviour as gratuitous.
 
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Again, people only mention this when it's in support of something they want to see. They never mention what's common through history when it doesn't appeal to them personally. Rampant disease, absurdly short lifespans, lack of any education, physical disfigurement, untreated mental illness, lack of sanitation, and various things that are so abhorrent that they would be censored from this 'family friendly' forum... yet none of those are argued for as historically accurate or as adding realism. Funny that.

Not in my experience. Many works of historical fiction deal with those unpleasant truths. Have you read any of the Saxon books by Bernard Cornwell? The Accursed Kings series by Maurice Druon (which was cited by George RR Martin as 'the real Game of Thrones')? Even sentimental old Dickens didn't sugar-coat the conditions that most Londoners endured in his day.

Morally reprehensible characters make for piss-poor protagonists.

There are few people who lived before the 18th century who would pass a moral judgement by modern Westerners unscathed. Does that mean we should recast all characters from pre-enlightenment times (and their fantasy analogues) in modern sensibilities to make them sympathetic? In truth, a great many readers will fail to engage with a character who differs much from their modern sensibilities. But that sensitivity varies by the reader.

Writers write what they want to explore; create worlds they want to see come to life (in the sense of become more real, more fleshed out). Readers read what they want to explore; inhabit worlds they want to escape to.

Again, that varies. I for one am not creating a world that readers would want to escape to. I'm creating a world that is exotic, and ripe with conflict. It is more cruel than our world. The people more passionate. The stakes higher. It's a weird, savage, decadent world, and I personally wouldn't want to spend one day in it. But hopefully it's an engaging setting for an epic story of divided loyalties and the struggle for power.

It's also worth noting that the world of a Song of Ice and Fire is a deeply unpleasant place, and yet many readers are thrilled to read stories set there. And fantasy has a long tradition of savage and cruel settings, from Howard's Hyboria to Vance's Dying Earth, Lieber's Lankhmar to Moorcock's Young Kingdoms. The entire sub-genre of Sword and Sorcery posits dreadful settings full of bad people.
 
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