DISCUSSION -- April 2015 300-word Writing Challenge (#17)

[Remedy]

Next 10 reviews:


jastius - A Gift of Yesterday

A tableau of fantasy kicks this story off, but does it remain? Question after question fill your mind as the villagers take form. Jastius makes it appear that a dangerous bargain is taking place – daughters for goats. But the clever turn is a happy one. Brighter futures await the chosen as we merge into sci-fi. Poignant progression.

Cascade – Economy

Cascade hits a bullseye when writing the innocent voice of a child. Like a modern Lord of the Flies, we’re handed a darkly-humorous take on a world without grownups. The scenario grows darker still as the situation declines. Left to wonder about the parents and the fate of the children, we can only marvel at Cascade’s deep creation. Smoothly sinister.

LittleStar – How the Other Side Dies and Lives

Wonderful deception sets the pulse of this post-apocalyptic tale. Enjoy the confusion as LittleStar sets down clues to dawn your epiphany. Surely this is just another band of survivors, trying to make their way in a sepia-washed hell? In expert timing, we are given the last breadcrumb. But, tragically for our zombie heroes… it is too late. Understated undead.

ratsy – Too Late

A fascinating character develops through ratsy’s telling. Opportunistic, selfish, pessimistic… He’s not the most lovable chap, however, thanks to ratsy, he’s believable. Careful word choice and some dark-humour weave this story of final moments. We think he’s made it, but what can I say… You get what you deserve. Cunning karma.

Luiglin – Beyond

Luiglin takes us into the mind of Tartak, a primitive figure full of curiosity. Together we stalk a technologically advanced race who have come from the sky. Using clever description, Luiglin gives us the camp at nightfall through the eyes of Tartak, who waits with motive. Seamlessly, the blend of ancient belief and sci-fi encounter escalate to a harrowing end. Terrific treachery.

Phyrebrat – The Herald

Phyre gives us a poetic piece containing subtle sadness and strengthening hope. Recline your seat and settle into this relaxing journey with The Herald – a sign that something is about to happen. Something good perhaps… something for us. It ends with us wishing for a visit from The Herald, so that we too, can leave our mark. Lyrical liquid.

TitaniumTi – The Spark of Consciousness

Through calculated pacing we are fed important information. A story that is so much larger than its parts unfolds. People from humble backgrounds survive beneath a surface wiped clean, but they are not all that remains. The annihilating force has not only destroyed, but created too. TitaniumTi gives us new life from the ruins. Expansive entertainment.

holland – Planes and Trains

Flash forward in time to holland’s earth. A planet where aeroplanes have become obsolete thanks to the vactube. “All aboard.” He cries as you step into his unique and imaginative invention. Remove the air and hurtle anywhere through the vacuum, perhaps to see your distant partner. Nostalgia, wonder and advancement clothe this happy tale. Joyous journey.


Karn Maeshalanadae - A Day in the Life of a Dragon Keeper

Karn hands us a brave and confident hero in Kevin, the dragon keeper. Action and suspense flow effortlessly through the story, as Kevin survives a plane crash and dodges dragons. Exciting and bold to the last, Karn spins this fun story to a cool conclusion. We’re left wanting to know more about Kevin and his other dragon-based adventures. Mythical marvel.

alchemist – After The Crash

Appearances may be deceiving in alchemist’s offering. Skilfully, he leads us to believe we are witnessing an ordinary meeting between colleagues, but how ordinary? We know the “crash” has been a significant event, however, it’s the characters body language which prove to be more significant. The brilliant last line will demand a re-reading. Furry fantasy.

 

[Starbeast]

Thank you Victoria and Starbeast. Uplifting reviews as always. Much appreciated

You're very welcome Remedy.

thank you Starbeast! without the reviews from you guys, i would have no clue whether my stories made any sense to anyone. the feedback of the reviews you guys deliver, that personal take upon how our stories present themselves you offer us month after month is what makes these challenges so valuable an insight to ones writing experience and indeed, truly enjoyable. You guys really rock!

You're welcome Jastius. I highly agree, feedback is essential. We all need to hear what people think, and how others percieve what we've written.

After seeing Ashleyne get stuck in with the reviews on the 75er, I decided to stop talking about doing reviews one day... and do them.

Starbeast - Driving Into Darkness

SB’s fast-paced adventure of desperation. Awesome Action.

Thank you Remedy. It's always a pleasure to see another reviewer comment on our short stories. Nice job.

 

[Ashleyne]

Thanks for the review, Remedy. Good on you for jumping in. One of the best parts of these competitions is seeing how others view our stories. I'm gonna be singing the theme to Fresh Prince in my head for the rest of the evening, now.

I enjoyed doing the reviews for the seventy five-er. I'm feeling the compulsion to do likewise for this 300 word-er. I may write and post them either Friday or Saturday

 

[Juliana]

Delectable detail.

Thanks Remedy, love it. Nice reviews. Such a talented bunch of reviewers! You are all amazing.The reviews are actually one of my favorite bits of the challenges; they they're 'bonuses' makes them event sweeter.

@ratsy, glad the creatures left your airplane alone.

For once I actually have an inspiration story to share. Don't worry mods! Will hold on to it until voting is over.

 

[Cat's Cradle]

Epic reviews, Remedy, thank you!

 

[Starbeast]

300.17
(part three)
​

Luiglin - I enjoyed this tale, because it reminds me of real life primative tribes, and how they percieve strangers that use incredible flying machines (much like the Cargo Tribe). Not to mention modern man's typical behavior, like eating prewrapped food, our outrageous t-shirts, our bad habits and laziness. Plus, without all our "amazing things" we possess, we're pretty much the same as them. Excellent entry.

Phyrebrat - A spectacular adventure set in the far future where humans are without heavy technology. Our humble narrator logs his journey by having his body used as his journal. Every place in the world he visits is another etching on his skin diary. I dream how wonderful it would be to travel the world and meet all of God's people. This tale made me want begin my personal quest, to be among everyone on Earth.

TitaniumTi - An astonishing science fiction tale about some kind of tremendous, formless thing that came to Earth and it left it's mark. As I read further into this attention grabbing story, I was rewarded with quite a stunning reveal at it's end. The unexplainable thing that brushed against our planet gave us a gift, a new type of consciousness. The encounter with the unknown is what I would like to think is, a blessing.

Holland - It always stokes my interest in what people think about, that they wish to be apart of, something like a far away place, a period of time, or even a item that is no longer manufactured. It is definately a human characteristic that most of us want something that is unobtainable, and that's what I like so much about this tale. I felt very comfortable reading it and connected with it as well. Wonderfully written.

Karn Maeshalanadae - The title doesn't give the story away, but it does hint at some very cool fun with fantasy. Marvelous tale, where just after a plane crash, the survivors are faced with a terrible threat of being a dragon's roasted lunch. BUT!!! Never fear, a hero steps out of the crowd and saves the day, with mixed reviews from the passengers. An enchanting story that put a smile on my face. Well done sir.

Alchemist - Holy, fuzzy peaches. This was quite an unexpected offering that slapped me in the face with a delightful ending, of the furry kind, and a charming romp of "where is this story going" syndrome. A superbly written tale that lead me to where I thought I would be, only to stun me at the end with an anthro reward. May I say, good stuff dude. I suddenly feel like listening to "Foxy Lady" by Jimi Hendrix.

Perpetual Man - A World War II story. Awesome. And this is totally awesome because this reminds of when captured German soldiers were sent to the United States to live in prison compounds. And as in real life, the people of the towns got along quite well with the enemy troops, because they weren't the boogie man from hell, as the media portrayed them, they were just like the boys in America. Outstanding entry, and then some.

Moonbat - Heh heh. You got me to chuckle with this one. I like the dialogue between the experianced elder, who was wise and not at all vaguely bewildering and the young kid, who was being taught to see more than just what is in front of him. Personally would have liked to see the cow piloting the plane, with a goat crew. Heh heh. These young people today I tell ya, a bunch of texting zombies. Nicely constructed sir.

 

[Starbeast]

300.17
(part four)
​

Kerrybuchanan - Coming this May, to a theater near you. Bond, is, back. In a non-stop. high flying, explosive adventure, facing off with a new arch-enemy, Blowfeel, son of Blofeld. "I don't think so." See James Bond battle an army of tiny soldiers in a plane headed for disaster. "Got you, you little devils." This, will, be, Bond's last mission. "Oh s******t--!" Rated PG13. This movie has not been titled yet.

Johnnyjet - Ahh. You have the perfect site name to write the challange for this month my friend. And you come up with a grand tale of an old artificially intellengent aircraft that gets thrilling news, a chance to fly again. Happiness sparks the vehicle with the thought of having a dangerous test flight for an experimental engine. I had to smile for the eager aircraft who was not forgotten. Astounding science fiction.

Marmalade - Firstly, nice to meet you. And second, you have written a wonderful fastasy, that is not only a story, but I feel that in way it is a meaningful moral tale was well. You illustrate that even the tiniest of living creatures can surprise you. And not everything is peaceful as pie. What we take for comfortable surroundings can change very quickly, and the ones you think you know, have much more under the skin.

Glen - Whoa. You stunned me with your unexpected entry that was written like a surreal tale of survival. As I read through your intense drama, I felt like I was the guy suffering in the biosuit, struggling to get around and hearing my heavy breathing inside the claustrophobic-like helmet that protected the wearer. And all of the time, worrying about if I'm going to die, as I slowly become weaker and confused. Hazardously cool.

Crystal Haven - An eerie sci-fi treat that resonates like a classic episode from The Twilight Zone, tv show. You injected the right amount of creepiness into this little gem of a story. A very well crafted spooky offering that kept me trying to figure out what happened. Then you give the startling reveal at the end which raised my eyebrows to which I thrilled at the thought of alien intervention. Monstrously magnificent.

Mosaix - Far out. Another science fiction treat. I enjoyed how made this story flow with marked time, and you created a traumatic situation that put people's lives at risk with impending doom. Plus, without any of the passengers aware that this entire horror strickened event was part of a scientific study by beings from another world. Highly entertainling, which definately kept me at the edge of my seat.

Venusian Broon - I must start off by saying that this is an amazingly cool fantasy tale. Featuring little beings that... Gasp!!! Hey I bet those were...? Say, do you think that..? Hey. Could they have been...gremlins? Yep. EEE-YOWW!!! Which way will I go George, which way will I go? Hmm, that way. (Starbeast runs away screaming - then runs back) Gremlins? Heh heh. What a fairy tale. Heh heh. Little men. Ha ha ha ha. Good stuff.

 

[Droflet]

Remedy, you star. Another great review. Thanks muchly.

 

[Luiglin]

Cheers for the reviews.

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

This movie has not been titled yet.

Oops!

Thank you, Starbeast, for your review. It's considerably better than my story!

Suggested name for the story (far, far too late to be useful): Double Oh-oh.

 

[jastius]

Thank you remedy! I love the review and the two word synopsis that you cleverly included at the end.
(Those goats! Ba'ad!)

 

[Bowler1]

I'm not going to have time to make the 300 this month, too much work and not enough spare time. I promise to come along and vote, so stay tuned.

 

[Remedy]

next 10 reviews:


Perpetual Man – A Reminder of Guilt

Jump into Perp’s time machine and travel back to WW2. Not to the trenches or bomb craters, but to his lovingly-crafted ordinary folk. People just trying to enjoy the little things in life. Perp’s young POW’s are soon reminded of the distant horrors as they are gunned down in misguided revenge. Ending with a powerfully-eerie image, Perp shows us the injustice of war. Sublimely subtle.

Moonbat – An Udderly Unbelievable Lesson (I’m not kidding)

Comedy now, as Moonbat takes us through his highly humorous dialogue. Like the Monty Python crew teaming up with The League of Gentlemen. Eat your heart out Confucius! Filled with wit and whimsy that never takes itself too seriously, Moonbat delivers laughs. And like all great sketches – he saves the best until last. Chuckle churner.

Kerrybuchanan – Double Oh-oh

Spoof, parody and pastiche roam the corridors of Kerry’s hugely entertaining Bond bash. Villain✓ Perilous situation✓ Action✓ Gadgets✓ Bond✓ Wry humour✓ Bowtie✓ We are even given the hugely rewarding experience of Mr. Bond saying “Oh, c**p!” Not to mention a final line to die for! Shaken Shenanigans.

johnnyjet – The Last Flight of AIbel 7

A real friendship steps into the foreground in this uplifting entry. Johnny makes us feel like we have known these two characters for years. So very different in appearance, the captain and his ship, yet identical in passion. Well-formed and described AI strengthens our belief as we hope for their future… back in the sky. Comforting companionship.

marmalade – Mettle Over Mind

Marmalade spreads thoughtful descriptions like jam on toast in this magical fantasy. A young boy with hidden power is about to learn the possibilities. Taking the image in a daring direction, marmalade has the “great metal bird” transfigured into the scene. An inspiring start for Sen and a solid beginning for marmalade. Brave birth.

Glen – Derelict

Dripping in mystery and conspiracy, Glen provides a sci-fi world of alternate reality. Sporadic thoughts and peppered description give us clues to the fate of our narrator, but nothing is set in stone. Mind-bending trickles of information let us decide if this is an end or a beginning. And the final image will stay in your mind long after. Rigorous reflection.

crystal haven – The Return

Layer upon layer stack this story high. Waking from an expertly-depicted black-out, things soon turn sour when unsavoury memories flood back. A plane far too old stirs the intrigue, while crystal craftily sets us up for a shock. Has our pilot made it safely back to earth after a terrifying abduction? It would appear not, as crystal’s well-introduced gigantic beings make us take a step back. Humongous horror.

mosaix – Learning Curve

Incredibly accurate satirical sci-fi from mosaix. Stories within stories emerge and not one character is forgotten. By taking significant aspects of human behaviour and condensing them into concise actions, mosaix makes this mammoth task look easy. The end of this intense overlaying scenario breeds a pause for thought… aren’t we humans daft! Introspective inception.

Venusian Broon – Things that die hard

Had you read this elsewhere, you may be lead to believe that Roald Dahl was behind it. Amiable characters and mischievous motives bring us through this cheerful story in style. And it’s always a pleasure when an ending takes us back to the beginning, tying up the title nicely. VB’s amusement park for all. Carefree caper.

chrispenycate – The Ballad of Failing Tours

Chrispy conducts this sombre satire in the form of a masterly poem. Like a eulogy to lands of promise, we’re shown the decline of tourism and its knock on effect to the little people. When concrete runways determine destinations, it makes you think of those places without. You may be reminded of the phrase: The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Careful word choices shine here. Relevant requiem.

 

[The Judge]

Your absence will be noted in the Little Colour-That's-Impossible-to-Define Book, Bowler. Better not make a habit of it. (The absence. Not the Book. Trying to make a habit of that would get you into serious trouble with the Demon Monks, who have the monopoly on habits made with cloth dyed in Colours-That-Don't-Exist-Or-Are-Otherwise-Indefinable. Not even Ray-Guns would help you then.)

Anyhow, having left it another day to see if inspiration struck for a dark, harrowing SFF tale set in a foetid jungle located somewhere in the dark luxuriance of Mesoamerica, I've gone with the boring one I'd already written.

So that's 32 of us in.

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

Great review, Remedy. I love the little two-word summaries after each one.

 

[Juliana]

Great review, Remedy. I love the little two-word summaries after each one.

I know. I love mine so much I may have to put those two words on a mug.

 

[Moonbat]

I think I'll put mine as my Avatar's wordy thing, I'm not sure what we call it, and I'll probably spend 10 minutes trying to find the place to edit it.

 

[Remedy]

3 more reviews:

The Judge – Tempus Fugit

Time flies while reading TJ’s alphabetical timeline and flying through time is the theme. Tricky to find the appropriate word for every letter. Trickier still, to introduce 3 characters – provide background and motive – avert 4 historical catastrophes – explore the dangers of time travel – shed light on the follies of our own time – AND – develop a romance! The Judge completes all with aplomb. Spanning spectacular.

TheDustyZebra – Through a Glass, Darkly

The neatly-captured voice of the media tells TDZ’s story: a missing plane lost to that dreaded place, The Devil’s Triangle. Dusty paints the frenzy of speculation we would expect from such a phenomenon adeptly, all while placing hints of a fantastical element at work. A “dark fog” could be responsible, yet when the fog lifts on these events, we receive a warm and sunny outlook. Nebulous News.

Ursa major – Burning Devotion

Ursa pens a fascinating story of religion and faith through the eyes of a sceptic. Smart wording disguises the true identity of “the Sign” until the time is right. Through questioning the strong beliefs of his people, Ursa’s character learns their mistakes. Does he correct them and make them see clearly? Perhaps not, as a new religion is born and like our own world, a clash is inevitable. Deity delinquency.

____________________________________________________________

Up to date... as of right now . That's me for tonight. Anymore last minute entries, I promise to do in the morning.

Quick thanks to everyone for the encouragement on my first review attempts. I have to say its been great fun.

Good luck all!

 

[Ursa major]

The challenge has now been closed to new entries.


The voting is open. To cast your votes, use the link below.

Please vote for your top three choices; note that all three votes must be cast at the same time to count.

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[Starbeast]

300.17
(part five)
​

Chrispenycate - I was taken back when I saw that you had written a tremendous poem. You certainly, and artistically covered every possible thing related to aircraft. It flowed like a surreal river, then splashed onto the page with depth and dimension, creating a rythmic tsunami that flowed into my mind. My brain smashed around with aircraft chunks and lost luggage in my head, but in a good way. Well written sir.

The Judge - Let's see, where shall I begin? I'll start with, number one. The Larch. I mean, firstly, once I read the entire story, I thought that it was such a sweet way for a mother to relate to a child about her father and what he was trying to accomplish. And much like the most of us, when we try to alter what was done in the past, we discover we shouldn't muck with it. Number three. The Larch. I mean, nice execution.

TheDustyZebra - This would make a fantastic episode for the tv show In Search Of, which was hosted by the late, great Leonard Nimoy. It could be a two hour docu-drama. That would be cool, or freak people out, I don't know. Anyway. I enjoyed your strange tale that invovled mysterious forces that makes things and people vanish into the unknown. Then, let's them return from the beyond. Spookalicously fascinating.

Ursa Major - Great swirling onion rings. You've sculpted quite an unexpected story that thrusts into the soul, with shattering questions about, what is to be believed, and what we are told is the truth, and them some (within the boundries of your tale of course). Then you dazzle the reader with a powerful ending, of burning enlightenment. I've always liked this kind of fiction that shows someone questioning "the way things are".

Culhwch - Alright. An alien invasion story. This science fiction offering is jam-packed with high octane action, accompanied with intense drama about us against them, in an ultimate survival conflict, truely a war-of-the-worlds epic. Plus you left me wanting more as you begin the fast-paced tale with the coming of the enemy from another planet. Will we defeat the aliens? Will humankind survive? TELL ME!!!