Help with synopsis, please? Deadline looming....

[hardsciencefanagain]

thanks on behalf of Kerry
I would skip: running thru a wet(not relevant!) forest,being hunted and shot at(she survives unscathed)
waking in darkness:seems to me a lot of the times,caves are dark
After meeting kings and generals(skip this), she uses her own gifts of telepathy and healing to keep history on track.(post hoc ergo propter hoc?
Imrys convince her it will be worth the price.This an unimportant part which isn't adequately explained.Convince,how?
<<She poisons the king so his younger brother.>> This deed remains uninvestigated,unpunished?
Is Gareth's quietness relevant to the story?
<<<The boy, ARTOS, grows up to be a brave but headstrong young man. When he finds a blind minstrel ** accompanied by a boy of his own age?>>>
Sloppy,unclear: Artos is either a young man,or a boy;The boy accompanying the minstrel,is he the Minstrel's age then?

 

[Cat's Cradle]

Ah, that's so much better, Kerry! And with the wonderful tips you've been given on this second effort, I think the third will be the charmed one you need for submitting! Well done Kerry, and everyone!

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

Thank you all. If this story ever sees the light of day, there will be a lot of names in the acknowledgements!

@Bodhi, that really helps. So hard to see these things when you're writing them. Much appreciated.

 

[hardsciencefanagain]

I've noticed as well that it's hard to take a step back from your brainchild.You know what:it might be that synopses are harder to write than the piece itself.
synopses don't have flava

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

Last attempt. I am now fairly happy with the earlier parts, thanks to all the help you wonderful people have given me, but here are the last couple of paragraphs, in which I have changed the ending. Please can someone have a quick skim through, to make sure they read okay? My head is spinning so much, I can barely spell my own name!

Such magic always comes at a price. Niamhín collapses, and loses her baby. Under Imrys's influence, with the help of some magic, the loss is kept secret. When the queen gives birth a few days later, Niamhín's dead baby is swapped for the young prince. Evading pursuit, Niamhín and Gareth, accompanied by Imrys, take the royal child into hiding in the far north of the country.

Although still grieving the loss of her own child, Niamhín will fight to the death to keep her friend's baby safe. They find refuge at last with an old friend of the dead king, who offers them positions in his household. At last, they are a family.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Last attempt. I am now fairly happy with the earlier parts, thanks to all the help you wonderful people have given me, but here are the last couple of paragraphs, in which I have changed the ending. Please can someone have a quick skim through, to make sure they read okay? My head is spinning so much, I can barely spell my own name!

Such magic always comes at a price. Niamhín collapses, and loses her baby. Under Imrys's influence, with the help of some magic, the loss is kept secret. When the queen gives birth a few days later, Niamhín's dead baby is swapped for the young prince. Evading pursuit, Niamhín and Gareth, accompanied by Imrys, take the royal child into hiding in the far north of the country.

Although still grieving the loss of her own child, Niamhín will fight to the death to keep her friend's baby safe. They find refuge at last with an old friend of the dead king, who offers them positions in his household. At last, they are a family.

Works okay for me - closes this arc but leaves room for another.

 

[millymollymo]

Not sure I would have "magic" twice in the same paragraph, can you re-phrase it, maybe "Such power comes at a price." or the secondary magic traded out for spell or enchantment?

Otherwise it works. Good Luck!

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

Good thought, @millymollymo. Sorting....

Thank you, Jo.

 

[Glitch]

It does now allow the story to finish and be regarded as stand-alone. Any subsequent sequel would be expected to follow the child. Which you have said is your planned next story 'A Plain Sword'.

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

I have the next two written but only in first draft, Glitch. The good thing about that is I can split the first two wherever I want. The third follows the same characters, but in an unfamiliar world -- the future -- Imrys's own time.

 

[Glitch]

I meant it allows you to include the point about it being a stand alone, but with your ideas for the trilogy.

*****
This is the end of The Blacksmith's Apprentice. Although it is a stand-alone novel, I have two sequels written in first draft, forming a trilogy.

In the first, A Plain Sword (working title), we follow young Artos through his life, his love-hate relationship with his adopted brother, attempts by Morag to subvert the course of history to his betrayal and apparent death at thirty two years of age.

In the third part of the trilogy, Desert and Dragons (definitely a working title!), we finally catch up with Niamhín's twin brother, Dylan, who has travelled to a future Britain, a war-torn land, invaded and dying. With the help of the twins, Artos helps the survivors rally to defeat the invaders, once again saving Britain, as Imrys's prophesies foretold.

 

[Kerrybuchanan]

Yes, sorry, @Glitch. I was multitasking and gave a vague reply (still trying to fix the first 15k words!). I was trying to agree with you, and commenting on how convenient it is that I can do that, having already written book 2. There has to be some payback for all those wasted words....