Fewer usage of the word flame is needed

[AnyaKimlin]

I'm struggling to use flame less than twice in this description:

His attention zooms in on a man with flickering blue skin at the top table; the man's clearly a foreigner here for the talks. Striking in appearance, he has flame-shaped ears and his hair is streaked with every colour to be found in a flame.

 

[J-Sun]

What are "flame-shaped ears"? Pointed? If they don't move, I'm not sure I'd call them flame-shaped at all. Also maybe "his hair is streaked with all the colors of flame" or something, as the "to be found in" phrase seems a little roundabout - though that's maybe just me and my suggestion isn't precise enough. Which flame would you prefer to do away with and do you just want a synonym or to restructure? I mean, you could say something like, "His ears had the shape - and his hair, the colors - of flame." I dunno - just some thinking out loud. Maybe some of it helps spark something.

 

[Jackie Bee]

Maybe elf-like of elven ears, that seems to descrive the shape that you mean, too.
Maybe "every color to be found in a fire".

 

[AnyaKimlin]

For the ears I kind of envisage something like this:

But I'm happy for others to imagine something else. There are no elves in the world. They have Less-Bigs who consider fairies a racist term they're the result of an insect breeding with an insect shifter.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

Maybe: His appearance evokes the roaring of a fire with his delicate flame-shaped ears, and red hair streaked with blue, white, yellow, orange and black.

 

[Jackie Bee]

For the ears I kind of envisage something like this:

But I'm happy for others to imagine something else. There are no elves in the world. They have Less-Bigs who consider fairies a racist term they're the result of an insect breeding with an insect shifter.

This looks like an ear of an elf after some ear-related accident

 

[AnyaKimlin]

This looks like an ear of an elf after some ear-related accident

Well apparently - in about six books time I have a certain character with a certain scene with this character and it involves nibbling and certain effects. I don't know if it's staying in the story lol My firefolk are sort of passionate with no concept of fidelity. I've never understood the attraction as they smell of hot steam tinged with sulphur and have skin that feels like asbestos but it doesn't seem to put my other characters off.

 

[Juliana]

I'd keep the flame-shaped ears (there's really no ther explanation for them) and exchange the second flame for fire, perhaps. "his hair, the many hues of fire" or something...

 

[Ray McCarthy]

For the ears I kind of envisage something like this:

I've seen furry ears like that. Not like an elfin ear at all.

 

[J Riff]

Leaf-shaped? Vampire bat ears... Draculoid.

 

[WaylanderToo]

Ears shaped like a husk of corn?
Ears shaped like a beech leaf?
Ears shaped like a gladus?

 

[AnyaKimlin]

I've seen furry ears like that. Not like an elfin ear at all.

Leaf-shaped? Vampire bat ears... Draculoid.

That's why they're flame-shaped He's a firefolk his name is Fyren. His brother is Blayze, his cousin Magma, his unce Ember his mother is Flare and his father Ignite (you get the gist )

I'd keep the flame-shaped ears (there's really no ther explanation for them) and exchange the second flame for fire, perhaps. "his hair, the many hues of fire" or something...

I agree - it's the second for the hair that needs to change.

Ears shaped like a husk of corn?
Ears shaped like a beech leaf?
Ears shaped like a gladus?

They're definitely flames if nothing else I've decided that flame stays. Thinking of using:

His appearance evokes the roaring of a fire with his delicate flame-shaped ears, and red hair streaked with blue, white, yellow, orange and black.

 

[J Riff]

But 'every color to be found in a flame' was good, I thought.... more descriptive than a list of colors.

 

[Juliana]

His appearance evokes the roaring of a fire with his delicate flame-shaped ears, and red hair streaked with blue, white, yellow, orange and black.

But 'every color to be found in a flame' was good, I thought.... more descriptive than a list of colors.

"His appearance evokes the roaring of the hearth, with his delicate flame-shaped ears, and red hair streaked with every color known to fire." or something.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

"His appearance evokes the roaring of the hearth, with his delicate flame-shaped ears, and red hair streaked with every color known to fire." or something.

A bit flowery for Angus perhaps?

He does a bit of flowery because as his female middle-aged author I can't resist but I need to rein myself in. Evokes is probably a bit much lol

He looks bizarre with his flame-shaped ears and hair all the colours of a roaring fire complete with a dusting of coal. Maybe the coal dust isn't natural it could be a gel -- I guess. Oh by the Universal Father it's like when Socrates gets me admiring his arse now this guy has me wondering about hair gel. "Who is he?"

 

[Juliana]

Ha! Love it.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

Thank you for your help - I needed to get into the right voice I guess. The fact I even wrote evokes tells me I wasn't . Angus isn't stupid he does big words and description but he's not the most flowery of characters.

 

[Juliana]

I needed to get into the right voice I guess.

So easy to get sidetracked by all the pretty, shiny words. I think Angus sounds fun. Haven't read much of Mayhem except for a few bits and pieces on crits, but I like what I've read.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

So easy to get sidetracked by all the pretty, shiny words. I think Angus sounds fun. Haven't read much of Mayhem except for a few bits and pieces on crits, but I like what I've read.

It has changed a lot in the last twelve months and I'm hoping for the better. Angus has got younger but the story has grown up. I think the young man fighting his way in grown up situations is working so much better. Many years ago Jo liked the story but said it was a bit simplistic in the way issues were solved and that they seemed to happen to him rather than he takes control of them (or something similar) and I think finally its dealt with those issues.

As long as I get fewer family disasters than last year it should be out late spring/early summer.

 

[Zebra Wizard]

ears shaped like petals?

before you posted that picture, when i envision flame shaped ears. I imagine elven ears but more bulb shaped, like a flower bud.

a flame is not spikey, so maybe you might want to say something along the lines of: ears shaped like a bristling fire.