Dark and emotional story issues

[Darkranger85]

I'm writing a very dark themed story but I have a few questions I'm hoping someone might know something about.

In a nutshell, the main character has been controlled by magic and forced to be an assassin for many years. Now she is free but still the spell has hold of her, it just acts differently now that her master is dead.

So, the story revolves around her guilt about her actions, both in the past and now. Even killing innocent people and such.

So my main concern is how to bring out her emotional turmoil through the book without sounding like a broken record?

I'm imagining a 3 part story for this storyline. The first focusing on guilt and sinking into despair. Then as she comes to realized how she's been controlled it begins an upswing in her feelings, and the third book ends with a more or less exeptance of the situation and self forgiveness.

 

[James118]

Well, in the past, my stories have told me that plot developments should reflect a character's inner turmoil, to a degree. Which should cause which is down to you, but it would be very interesting if the external conflict, the crux of the plot, matched the internal one, the character's development as a person.

So I guess, to address your primary concern, it won't sound like a broken record because it will evolve through the book, next to the plot.

 

[Darkranger85]

OK, let me give an example of my worries.

In the beginning she kills an innocent. So the inner dialogue goes on "How could I do this? Blah blah bla"

As the story unfolds, things might change but that same kind of though would still be present.

I hope I'm conveying myself in an understandable way.

 

[Loren]

Are you thinking three books or breaking one book into 3 parts?

Any way you shake it you need to have a huge underlying problem that she must solve.

She must think she can't do it.

With each victory towards that goal, more problems need to be thrown at her. You have to be a sadist.

At the end there needs to be a resolution to that huge problem.

So, if you can identify the huge problem and and the steps she takes to resolve it (plus all the other challenges you keep throwing at her) you will have your story.

 

[Darkranger85]

Are you thinking three books or breaking one book into 3 parts?

Any way you shake it you need to have a huge underlying problem that she must solve.

She must think she can't do it.

With each victory towards that goal, more problems need to be thrown at her. You have to be a sadist.

At the end there needs to be a resolution to that huge problem.

So, if you can identify the huge problem and and the steps she takes to resolve it (plus all the other challenges you keep throwing at her) you will have your story.

I'm not really worried about finding the story. As she goes about surmounting this huge issue, she's going to do unspeakable things.

I'm worried about being repedative with inner dialogue and such.

 

[Brian G Turner]

It may be the case that you don't have the emotional development arc straightened out as yet. That way her inner conflict can develop, grow, etc as the stakes develop to the finale.

If you do have that covered, and still find her repetitive, you may find that she's not active enough. Readers may expect a character to complain about something - then do something about it.

2c.

 

[tinkerdan]

You're right to be worried. I think the best you can do is see this in stages and focus once or twice on her inner conflict and then use mostly body language to help describe her present condition. It will be a little work but it will be worth it. In each step you can go back into a moment or two of focus as she changes her approach and you can demonstrate the marked shift in the inner conflict, but after try to keep it in the body language.

By that I mean when she's resigned to her fate she has stooped posture; slumped shoulders; blank expressions.
When she's defeated by the situation she has a limp posture; vacant eyes; trembling hands and chin.
And you can do the same for when she is fighting it and moving forward.
Some of these can be obtained from the Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman & Becca Puglisi--sadly though once you get used to using it you will quickly find there are emotions they miss and you will have to start winging it.

So although it is helpful to have the inner turmoil--it is sometimes more helpful to show it outwardly through anger, frustration, regret, sadness, resoluteness, determination, joy and so on. Mixing it up well with less inner thought types of turmoil will bring the reader into it while they make their own judgments.

Keep in mind though that there might be some mile stones where you'll want to deliberately belabor the issue to show setbacks and breakthroughs. Definitely a lot of work.

 

[Denise Tanaka]

The biggest challenge I see is making the darkness/regret/guilt feel authentic. You're going to need to dig down DEEP into the core of yourself and find those awful places to dredge up. You must be honest with the character portrayal. If you aren't "true" it won't smell right and you'll lose the reader. If you can pull it off successfully, you'll have a great thing. Don't be shy. Don't back away.

 

[Darkranger85]

@tinkerdan So what you are saying is to not sink into her thoughts every time something like this happens?

Makes sense to a point but also sounds easier said than done. I'm finding it hard to picture a scene in which she kills an innocent and then not showing her thinking.

Perhaps you could give a quick example of a scene and how you would avoid repedative inner dialogue.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

I think the best you can do is see this in stages and focus once or twice on her inner conflict and then use mostly body language to help describe her present condition.

This is very good advice and very important. Also use visceral reactions: pulse jumps, stomach feels like lead weight, etc. Think about what your own body tells you when you dread something you are about to do, and what it tells you afterward when you are reminded of something you regret or feel guilty about. Then apply that to your character.

The biggest challenge I see is making the darkness/regret/guilt feel authentic. You're going to need to dig down DEEP into the core of yourself and find those awful places to dredge up. You must be honest with the character portrayal. If you aren't "true" it won't smell right and you'll lose the reader.

This is absolutely right as well.

 

[Darkranger85]

@ Theresa and Denise : I see what you are saying for sure. I've never killed anyone, but I do know what intense guilt feels like. Especially when carried for a prolonged period.

In a way, that's why I'm worried about being repedative. Cause true guilt is repedative. Running the same thoughts through your mind over and over again. Having a battle with your own inner thoughts, even though you've had that same battle a thousand times and know that it'll never end in a resolution.

Making the same wish over and over again. "I wish I could go back and change what I did" even though you made that same wish minutes ago and its no more likely to come true this time than it was the last.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

But you can push thoughts to the back of your mind. The moment you think of them you can train yourself to just go blank. You can think one or two words and just stop there. But that's not fast enough for your solar plexus. It's already picked up the emotion and reacted. Which means that you don't have to describe your character's guilt after the first time or two. Just the trigger: a name, a flash of memory, a smell, an object (or whatever) and then that sharp physical pang while the memory is stowed away so fast it barely registers. Readers will know what it means if you have prepared the foundation already.

 

[Darkranger85]

Well, everyone experiences things differently. I personally have not gotten to that point in my experience.

For me, intense guilt has always been like a looming black outline to every single thought, where even laughing at a joke is nothing but a quickly fading ray through blackness, and then my thoughts would turn back to misery.

I suppose though, its hard to write it that way without my feared outcome coming true.

 

[tinkerdan]

Okay so these are a bit rough and you could do so much more with a bit of thought.

It never got easier: the killing. Melissa held wet hands that belonged to a stranger out and away from her, shaking the blood from them until her wrists were sore. Head slumped forward she stepped back sharply, as though she'd only then discovered the body. Weak knees forced her to the tarmac where she continued to remove the blood onto the street until her hands felt raw. Tears struggled out across her face. The dark and broken form in its unnatural twisting, accused her in it's utter silence. It's very stench competing with decaying detritus spilled from the trashcans upended by the struggle. Her hands shook until her entire body vibrated; and for one in-congruent moment a smile tried to work across her face. Her body began to stiffen as she rose and turned away. She let the sound of the night wash over her as she forced herself to march, resisting the urge to turn and admire her work. Walked until her warm flesh cooled from the night air and she could once again hear the distant sounds of traffic from far away, off the 75, and only then did she stop to wonder where she was. In a dizzy rush she slumped to her knees once more and dropped her head as her stomach's contents splattered the curb and she continued to heave as though trying to retch out her soul. When she was exhausted, she rolled onto her side and then to her back. Faint stars were attempting to shine through the darkness of the clouded sky and a thousand crickets chirped. No. It was never easy, yet it hadn't stopped. When would it stop?


When would it stop? Melissa clenched her fists and brought them up until the trickle of blood tickled down her forearm. The night air was full of smoke and a sweet acrid smell of city sewer. Fists held tight, her head fell back as she gazed into the night, counting stars through eyes that burned with so much anger that the tears were afraid to intercede. Chin trembling until she grit her teeth and she moaned in anguished anger. She did not look down. Would not allow satisfaction to some uncontrolled part of herself. She spun on her heels and walked away. Only the sound of her feet making a thousand steps kept her grounded. Walking became rigid mechanical motion. The image of the broken lifeless form was etched in her memory and there was no need to look back. Stopped in the light of a random street lamp she glared straight ahead, arms crossed, pushing her elbows hard into her abdomen. Her hands worked slowly open and close like a rhythmic heartbeat. And despite the many times she'd declared it before. She knew it must stop now.

 

[Darkranger85]

I like the scene tinker! Very vivid!

And I see what you mean now. You didn't really fall into her inner thoughts, and actually I didn't notice that at first. I had to go back and read it again to realize.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

For me, intense guilt has always been like a looming black outline to every single thought, where even laughing at a joke is nothing but a quickly fading ray through blackness, and then my thoughts would turn back to misery.

I think you need to get in touch with your own body and find out what physical sensations accompany your emotions. And then learn to describe them. They'll pull readers into your stories more effectively than the kind of metaphor you've just used to describe your feelings.

 

[Darkranger85]

I think you need to get in touch with your own body and find out what physical sensations accompany your emotions. And then learn to describe them. They'll pull readers into your stories more effectively than the kind of metaphor you've just used to describe your feelings.

I agree. I certainly wouldn't publish my metaphor lol. But it wasn't intended to be.

 

[TitaniumTi]

I'm imagining a 3 part story for this storyline. The first focusing on guilt and sinking into despair. Then as she comes to realized how she's been controlled it begins an upswing in her feelings, and the third book ends with a more or less exeptance of the situation and self forgiveness.

If I was reading your story, I wouldn't think that was enough. I'd want her to strive for atonement, as well. That would add further levels of conflict and emotional complexity, as she plans for atonement and even starts to achieve it, only to be forced into other evil acts. The emotional upswings - I can't fix it, but I can do this good thing - might be followed by downswings.

Memories are another tool for conveying emotion - in your protagonist's case, an image associated with a victim, perhaps. Think of Lady Macbeth; hand washing conveys her feeling of guilt. This emotion is accentuated by memory: "Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?"

 

[Darkranger85]

If I was reading your story, I wouldn't think that was enough. I'd want her to strive for atonement, as well. That would add further levels of conflict and emotional complexity, as she plans for atonement and even starts to achieve it, only to be forced into other evil acts. The emotional upswings - I can't fix it, but I can do this good thing - might be followed by downswings.

Memories are another tool for conveying emotion - in your protagonist's case, an image associated with a victim, perhaps. Think of Lady Macbeth; hand washing conveys her feeling of guilt. This emotion is accentuated by memory: "Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?"

You bring up a good point, one I have thought of but haven't decided on.

I thought of making these stories lead into a new series in which she is looking for atonement. Kind of like a medieval version of Batman, just darker.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

If there was an Amazon category for Dark and emotional, I'd be in it - I rarely write anything else.

1 try not to wallow in it. Small blasts are effective, three books of humourkess angst Isn't.

For me, it helps to go deep into the character and I try to walk with them all the painful way. Empathy, if you like.