SG 4.0 Switched Character and Timeline opening (900 words)

[Phyrebrat]

That way he could be striding along the pavement shaking confetti out of his hair, or rubbing furiously at his chin where an exuberant critter had attacked him with finger paint - it just seems more in keeping with the somewhat absurd scenario about to unfold. Added bonus if PC Charisma makes a snide comment about the confetti, just to cement Willie's irritation a little more.

Thanks Appello! I really like the idea of the kindergartners - especially the glitter - but I think that would make him even less likable; come on, who doesn't adore toddlers? Based on advice from TJ, I'm thinking of adding a sentence about something being stolen by the college kids. Anyway that's a lovely comment you finished with, and it's really got me chuffed. Thank you.

Put it up here and see what reaction you get, then. I'd offer to help, but I'm up to my eyes trying to clean out a hovercraft some idiot has crammed full of eels... (Seriously, if you want help off-Chrons, you know where I am.)

I sent you an email but it's not about SG just waffle as I struggled through my day!!

Were you thinking of having the same vein run through the historical chapters, or are they going to be played more straight?

I was going to play them more straight, definitely. Bearing in mind the God-fearing-ness of the Middle Ages, and then the stuffiness of the Victorian era, I think it'd be incongruous. One period is Regency, so I could be a little lighter with that. What's your take on it? I don't want it to be a comedy, it's just that the present day story line has some irreverence to it.

 

[The Judge]

Just to say I've moved the alternative opening into a thread of its own. Combined with Willie's piece it took you a good bit over the 1500 limit. As importantly, I think it deserves its own thread so people can look at it on its own merits -- and so people who haven't read this thread can come to it fresh and give their opinion.

It's at SG 4.0 Alternative beginning (900+ words) (like the fancy title I've given it?) and I'll be going over there shortly.


I'd certainly go with playing the historical chapters straight, as I think that would act as a foil to the more irreverent and jokey present day pieces. The only danger might be if the tone of the two clash too much, but that's something to look at when you get to the beta-reading stage and people can read it as a whole. So write them as they need to be written at this stage, and see how they meld together.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Just to say I've moved the alternative opening into a thread of its own. Combined with Willie's piece it took you a good bit over the 1500 limit.

It's at SG 4.0 Alternative beginning (900+ words) (like the fancy title I've given it?) and I'll be going over there shortly.


I'd certainly go with playing the historical chapters straight, as I think that would act as a foil to the more irreverent and jokey present day pieces. The only danger might be if the tone of the two clash too much, but that's something to look at when you get to the beta-reading stage and people can read it as a whole. So write them as they need to be written at this stage, and see how they meld together.

Oooh. Duh. I'm so stupid. Sorry I didn't think about the word limit.

I just love what you've done with the thread title.

pH

 

[Mad Alice]

Idyll thought. Should an art teacher call himself Willie, he is bound to get a bunch of Willie pictures drawn. Tempting the devil, that name.
Loved the piece.excellently done. Watch the punctuation and the internal dialogue, and I say you have a winner.

 

[Mad Alice]

Bearing in mind the God-fearing-ness of the Middle Ages, and then the stuffiness of the Victorian era, I think it'd be incongruous. One period is Regency, so I could be a little lighter with that. What's your take on it? I don't want it to be a comedy, it's just that the present day story line has some irreverence to it.

Shakespeare was quite bawdy at times .. The Victorians hiddenly so. Regency? She stoops to conquer, Tom Jones, Tristam Shandy. Etc.
(Could you even get away with a time traveling house of ill repute disguised as a religious institution?)

 

[Phyrebrat]

Well, there may be examples of bawdiness and Anglo Saxon ribaldry but I'm not sure it would fit the tone of seven murders every new owner.

pH