Book descriptions, blurbs, blah blah blah

[Brian G Turner]

There isn't a 'main' character as such. This is one of the things making a blurb problematic.

I know your pain.

If you have multiple protagonists, then for the blurb either stick with one, to make telling something of the story simple and easy - else introduce just a couple.

The thing is, your blurb doesn't need to tell the story - it just need to provide a few elements to make it intriguing and dynamic.

Where possible, make sure any characters you mention are seen as "doing" something - your previous references to Orlanda and Skye make them passive and that dilutes the impact.

Another example - Joe Abercrombie's The Blade Itself:
The Blade Itself: Book One Of The First Law (Gollancz S.F.): 1: Amazon.co.uk: Joe Abercrombie BA: 9780575079793: Books

Notice how he ties all three characters together at the end.

Either way, practice with variations of your own - just experiment - until you find something that seems to work, that might entice a reader to pick it up.

 

[ratsy]

Brian, I see that all the time in fantasy...they list the characters and a blurb about them, tying them all together

Here was the one that sprung to mind with 2 MC

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0091950600/?tag=brite-21

 

[Nick B]

Orlanda Nixon’s military past catches up with her when lifelong friend Skye Pennington is abducted by a rival corporation whose twisted CEO seems to be finishing a feud that started with his late father. With her options running out fast, Orlanda turns to the remnants of her old unit for help.

Colonel JJ Tristan, last officer of the Liberators, is trying to keep the embers of the once great military corporation burning, but passion and the dreams of a glorious past don’t pay the bills. Everything changes when Orlanda calls for his help; finally he has a reason to reform the Liberators, but will he be able to gather enough of them to complete the mission? JJ has his doubts; it’s been eight years since the once legendary Liberators were broken apart.

Rescuing Skye from a formidable corporation’s grasp will test their loyalty and open old wounds, and just getting their old warship, the Arianne, into space may be a problem, but the Liberators never left anyone behind, and JJ isn’t about to let that happen now.

On a mission that will take them across Protectorate space, and outside the reaches of civilization, a dysfunctional team race against time to rescue one of their own, but why does it feel like everyone is dancing to someone else’s tune?

***

This gives more away, cant say I am thrilled with it, its a bit long for my tastes, but might be necessary. Did I mention I hate blurbs?

 

[TheDustyZebra]

Arrgh. No. That's way too much, and I lost interest in the middle of the first sentence. And I already know what's going on!

Go back to your last -- shorter -- one, and mention JJ first. His storyline sounds more action-filled, and you can work Orlanda into the middle, giving JJ something to do.

 

[HareBrain]

I do like the second paragraph of your latest, though. I'd start (and possible end**) with that, and just expand the mention of Orlanda slightly to explain why she needs his help.

** You'd need a different or more hooky last line to it, though.

 

[Nick B]

Colonel JJ Tristan, last officer of the Liberators, is trying to keep the embers of the once great military corporation burning, but passion and the dreams of a glorious past don’t pay the bills. Everything changes when Orlanda Nixon calls for his help; finally he has a reason to reform the Liberators, but will he be able to gather enough of them to complete the mission? JJ has his doubts; it’s been eight years since the once legendary Liberators were broken apart.
Rescuing Skye Pennington, an ex-Liberator from a formidable corporation’s grasp will test their loyalty and open old wounds, and just getting their old warship, the Arianne, into space may be a problem, but the Liberators never left anyone behind, and JJ isn’t about to let that happen now.

 

[Nick B]

my head hurts. back tomorrow.

 

[ratsy]

I hate them too...but I thought I would throw something simple at you.


Orlanda Nixon’s past catches up with her when her lifelong friend is abducted by her father’s rival corporation. In desperation, she turns to the remnants of her old unit for help. (stolen from Jo)

Colonel JJ Tristan gets the call and feels every bit of the eight years since the legendary Liberators last had a mission.

Together they have to rebuild the team, while testing loyalties and opening old wounds.

In the end they can only hope there is still no job too big for the Liberators.

 

[HareBrain]

Colonel JJ Tristan, last officer of the Liberators, is trying to keep the embers of the once great military corporation burning, but passion and the dreams of a glorious past don’t pay the bills. Everything changes when Orlanda Nixon calls for his help; finally he has a reason to reform the Liberators, but will he be able to gather enough of them to complete the mission? JJ has his doubts; it’s been eight years since the once legendary Liberators were broken apart. Rescuing Skye Pennington, an ex-Liberator[,] from a formidable corporation’s grasp[,] will test their loyalty ... and open old wounds.

That's how I'd play it. Cheesy ellipses do have their uses. The only thing it now lacks, for me, is some connection between Orlanda and Skye.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

Colonel JJ Tristan, last officer of the Liberators, is trying to keep the embers of the once great military corporation burning, but passion and the dreams of a glorious past don’t pay the bills. Everything changes when a former unit member calls for his help; finally he has a reason to reform the Liberators, but after eight years will he be able to gather enough of them to complete the mission? JJ has his doubts. Their loyalty will be tested and old wounds opened, just getting their old warship into space might be the biggest challenge.

But the Liberators have never left anyone behind and JJ isn't about to let that happen now.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Yep, agrees. Better with JJ only.

 

[Nick B]

OK, had a bit of time to take another look at this, and thanks for all the suggestions and feedback. This is where I am right now. The only issue, may be thatthe story actually starts with Orlanda, whereas this blurb is all about JJ. To be honest, by a third of the way into the story, JJ is more prominent than Orlanda, but it changes about dramatically...


Colonel JJ Tristan, last officer of the Liberators, is trying to keep the embers of the once great military corporation burning, but passion and the dreams of a glorious past don’t pay the bills. Everything changes when a former unit member calls for his help; finally he has a reason to reform the Liberators, but after eight years will he be able to gather enough of them together to complete the mission and rescue one of their own? JJ has his doubts. But the Liberators never left anyone behind and JJ isn't about to let that happen now.

Old wounds are opened and friendships renewed, but just getting their old warship back into space might be the biggest challenge.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

I like that but I'd consider making that last sentence your first one.

 

[Thomas Watson]

Funny thing about blurbs. Mine always look and sound great until I publish a book and add the blurbs to the product description. Then they suddenly sound idiotic!