Thumar book cover, and back of book blurb.

[Tim Murray]

Here is a proposed version of the final book cover. I am good with the back cover, and the wrap around art. My problems start with the font type and placement of the authors name. This is what I feel should be changed.

1: Author's font should match the title.

2: Front cover - Authors name could be on the bottom of the cover. This way, top and bottom text frame the vision of Thumar.

3: Spine - The horse on the back cover gets placed on bottom of spine. The title, authors name and horse logo gets re-spaced.

4: Bar code will be gone and re-placed to the right by Create Space after book is finalized.


While I am at it, here is the back of the book blurb.


"Derak Jamar III and Shesain Andehar are literally from different worlds. So why can’t he get her off of his mind? He finds himself irresistibly drawn into a relationship that will be the most incredible experience of his life.

Derak grew up in poverty in twenty-fifth century New York City. Only his intense drive to succeed saved him from becoming lost to the city’s gangs. He chose the discipline of martial arts and the rigor of education instead. Through the development of his exceptional skills, he rose to become a senior naval officer and was appointed to its representative to the planet Thumar.

Shesain Andehar is Derak’s equal, both in status and intellect. She is the ambassador of Thumar and a member of its elite. Before he can truly understand this marvelous planet, a catastrophic event threatens them all."



What are your thoughts?

 

[Montero]

"he rose to become a senior naval officer and was appointed to its representative to the planet Thumar."

Should that be "and was appointed to BE its representative"?

To my mind - and I am no expert - the author's name on the spine disappears into the background - it needs a lighter colour.
The title and author are across all the interesting bits in the picture, with the grass just sitting at the bottom taking up space.
So probably moving down the author name is a good idea and putting it in a lighter colour.

 

[BDFiala]

I'm no expert in visual art, but to me it kind of has too many colours, if that is the right way to put it. I'd use the water and the far away shore with the mountain, the city and the sky, but I'd cut out the closer shore and all that grass. I'd definitely put the author's name on the bottom, make the font a little bigger and as you said make it the same as the title font (I'd probably make the title a little bigger as well). Moving the horse to the spine sounds good. As Montero said, I'd try using the lighter colour for the author's name on the spine.

 

[Montero]

And reading your back cover in more detail - your review quotes.
It really isn't usual to put lots of detail about the person giving the review in the way that you have done.
You'd usually just have "SFX Magazine" or "Raymond Feist" or "www.wonderfulreviews.com". Saying the quote is from a published author or someone with a PhD looks really amateur. You are going to a lot of effort to sell the reviewer. The reviewer name should be there to sell the book. If someone has music awards or a PhD in chemical engineering - that really, really doesn't matter in terms of selling science fiction.
If it was hard sf and you had a professor of physics or astronomy saying how great your science is - then just maybe - but other than that, no.

 

[zmunkz]

I like the image. I feel like the blurb should come above the reviews, but I guess I don't know what standard practice is. In any case, there is too much text on the back cover. Visually, a big block of dense text will tend to turn off a reader... I'd try to slim it a bit and space it a bit so it doesn't feel as thick. Maybe just removing the reviewer bios (per the comment above) would be enough.

I agree about the author name on the spine... it gets lost. Also the use of that outer glow effect you have to try and make it pop is a bit dated IMO.

The front looks good. I'd continue to experiment with the placement of the title and the author for something a little more visually balanced, but definitely not bad.

 

[Tim Murray]

Thanks for your feedback, it will help me dial in the final cover art.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

The title and author are across all the interesting bits in the picture, with the grass just sitting at the bottom taking up space.
So probably moving down the author name is a good idea and putting it in a lighter colour.

I definitely agree with this -- the whole bottom half is just grass and water, so it won't hurt a bit to cover some of that with text.

And reading your back cover in more detail - your review quotes.
It really isn't usual to put lots of detail about the person giving the review in the way that you have done.
You'd usually just have "SFX Magazine" or "Raymond Feist" or "www.wonderfulreviews.com". Saying the quote is from a published author or someone with a PhD looks really amateur. You are going to a lot of effort to sell the reviewer. The reviewer name should be there to sell the book. If someone has music awards or a PhD in chemical engineering - that really, really doesn't matter in terms of selling science fiction.
If it was hard sf and you had a professor of physics or astronomy saying how great your science is - then just maybe - but other than that, no.

Yes, this. The credentials of some of the reviewers come across as rather odd and pushy, like you're trying to convince people why their opinion is good. And the second review is not particularly good for a cover blurb. I think you could lose that one and space stuff out better on the back. As it is, you have "engaging" and "magical" and "fascinating" and "delightful" and then there's "I liked the character development". Meh. That's for Amazon, not the back cover.

Aside from that, I'm still not thrilled with your blurb (and you want that to be "Alliance's representative"), and those two moons (or planets?) are a bit alarmingly close both to the planet and each other for my liking. *shrug*

 

[Tim Murray]

Where would you go with the blurb? I can take a few suggestions.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

"Derak Jamar III and Shesain Andehar are literally from different worlds. So why can’t he get her off of his mind? He finds himself irresistibly drawn into a relationship that will be the most incredible experience of his life. (Why? Perhaps lean more toward the danger here. A relationship that will certainly be the most incredible experience of his life, and could be his last?)

Derak grew up in poverty in twenty-fifth century New York City. Only his intense drive to succeed saved him from becoming lost to the city’s gangs. He chose the discipline of martial arts and the rigor of education instead. Through the development of his exceptional skills, (Mary Sue there.)he rose to become Now he's a senior naval officer and was appointed to its the Alliance's representative to the planet Thumar.

(This is probably a given.)Shesain Andehar is Derak’s equal, both in status and intellect. She is the ambassador of Thumar and a member of its elite.(So is this.)
(Now we go straight back to Derak again. Let's have a bit more about Shesain first.)

Before he (Derak)can truly begin to understand this marvelous planet, a catastrophic event threatens them all."(I think you had a tiny bit more specific thing here before? Maybe put that back?)


I'd lose the quotation marks, too. Makes it look like another review.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Actually, as well as expanding on Shesain I'd like to have a hint of what their relationship might be.

Agree about the cover quotes, about all that normally gets said is x, author of.... If you are going to use cover quotes you really need to get ones that look above the book's weight, otherwise they look like you're scrabbling and then they do more harm than good. And you really don't want one that says the book is quite good....

As to the fonts. I think the font itself is a little insipid and wonder if there are more striking ones available.

 

[Vertigo]

Another brief comment on the artwork. The city (?) seems out of scale with the rest; relative to the trees (?) on the far shore of the lake it looks too small. Also it seems sharper, more in focus than it's surroundings. This, to me, makes it look like a composite picture.

 

[Montero]

The little horse - is it part of the picture or a brand logo?
I'm assuming more brand logo from the way it is done.
I didn't mention this before but it makes me think YA - the colours make it look toy-like.

 

[Phyrebrat]

I think it needs a blur-wash. Everything is too sharp and the text looks like it is sitting on top of the image instead of part of the design. Regarding the font, I think it's risky using that one. It looks too amateur, and I would go for something that either ties in with the story's feel, or a more traditional one.

Finally, if you saw this image, would it scream intrigue and 'buy me!' to you? Apart from the colours, it appears a little middle of the road to me.

If you could put a wash over it, it will have the effect of unifying all the different ingredients.

pH

 

[The Big Peat]

The big thing about the cover to me is there's no central element drawing my eye. I like the classic sci-fi feel of it to me but a central element would make it a lot more memorable. On reading the other comments, I really have to agree with the comments about scale, and I think the font doesn't quite go with the classic style.

I have to echo comments about the comments and blurb. 'Quite good' doesn't belong in a promotional quote. Quotes from non-authors/reviewers look like they just came from the author's friends. The only credentials I need (barring academics on books with a heavily academic focus (i.e. hard sci-fi) are what they wrote/who they write for.

The blurb as it stands makes me think this will be a Romance. Is it? If it is, you might want to lean more towards Romance on the cover. If not, you might want to change it. I think TDZ has given a lot of very good advice on how to sharpen up the blurb - the only thing I can really add is I want a bigger hint about what's going to happen next (other than a potential Romance).

Hope this helps.

 

[Tim Murray]

Thanks for all of your input. I'm considering leaving the reviews off the back cover altogether. I reworked the blurb. It will be the only thing in the back cover. The horse will be gone as well. Here is the reworked blurb.

"Derak Jamar III and Shesain Andehar are literally from different worlds. So why can’t he get her off his mind? He finds himself irresistibly drawn into a relationship that will be the most incredible experience of his life, and could be his last.

Derak grew up in poverty in twenty-fifth century New York City. Only his intense drive to succeed saved him from becoming lost to the city’s gangs. He chose the discipline of martial arts and the rigor of education instead. Now, he’s a senior naval officer and the Alliance’s representative to the planet Thumar.

Shesain Andehar is the ambassador of Thumar. Her exotic beauty and intoxicating pheromones has proven useful in her profession, and in luring the only man in the galaxy who is equal to her. Before Derak can truly understand this marvelous planet, and Shesain, a cosmic life ending event threatens them all."

 

[TheDustyZebra]

Her exotic beauty and intoxicating pheromones has have proven useful in her profession, and in luring the only man in the galaxy who is equal to her. Before he can truly understand this marvelous planet, and Shesain, a cosmic life-ending event threatens them all."

Not sure about "cosmic life-ending event", though. It's not really life-ending if it's only threatening them, and we can assume they're going to save the day anyway. Is it really a great secret that can't be revealed until the reader gets there? More specifics would be better.

 

[Tim Murray]

Not sure about "cosmic life-ending event", though. It's not really life-ending if it's only threatening them, and we can assume they're going to save the day anyway. Is it really a great secret that can't be revealed until the reader gets there? More specifics would be better.

How about a gamma ray burst headed straight towards Thumar in a matter of days? seven days.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

There you go! Now that's a detail that gives us something to worry about on their behalf.

"As Derak begins to fall in love with this marvelous planet, and Shesain, a gamma ray burst is on course to destroy them all. He has seven days."

Err... just as a point of inquiry, why is the ambassador of Thumar on Thumar? Ambassadors generally do their work elsewhere. Presumably you explain this in the book.

 

[Tim Murray]

There you go! Now that's a detail that gives us something to worry about on their behalf.

"As Derak begins to fall in love with this marvelous planet, and Shesain, a gamma ray burst is on course to destroy them all. He has seven days."

Err... just as a point of inquiry, why is the ambassador of Thumar on Thumar? Ambassadors generally do their work elsewhere. Presumably you explain this in the book.

She is Derak's point of contact for Thumar, and Thumar is home base where she operates from, for the pegasus sector as well. So here it is. Do you agree with leaving the reviews off the back and having just the blurb?

"Derak Jamar III and Shesain Andehar are literally from different worlds. So why can’t he get her off his mind? He finds himself irresistibly drawn into a relationship that will be the most incredible experience of his life, and could be his last.

Derak grew up in poverty in twenty-fifth century New York City. Only his intense drive to succeed saved him from becoming lost to the city’s gangs. He chose the discipline of martial arts and the rigor of education instead. Now, he’s a senior naval officer and the Alliance’s representative to the planet Thumar.

Shesain Andehar is the ambassador of Thumar. Her exotic beauty and intoxicating pheromones have proven useful in her profession, and in luring the only man in the galaxy who is equal to her. As Derak begins to fall in love with this marvelous planet, and Shesain, a gamma ray burst is on course to destroy them all. He has seven days."

 

[TheDustyZebra]

Do you agree with leaving the reviews off the back and having just the blurb?

That's something for the others to discuss. They may wish to weigh in on the phrasing of that last bit, too -- it was very much off-the-cuff, and I'm not totally enthralled with it yet. But I think we're making progress!