Britain's Got Authors

[Stephen Palmer]

That's already every cable news channel

heheh

 

[Cli-Fi]

I think they would need to have already written a novel before the show begins. Otherwise, I can't see that watching a author at work would make for riveting TV. So, the format would need to be more like The Apprentice, where some belligerent crazy person, with groping hands and dyed hair, makes teams made from 16 new authors sit various different tasks, and eliminates one person every week. The tasks could be a grammar and spelling B, speaking at a literary festival, holding a book signing, adapting it for radio with a hammer and nails... The winner has their novel published, while the losers face a life of appearances on other reality TV shows.

So an author version of the biggest loser?

 

[Ursa major]

and I overcame childhood trama when Louise Fouracre stole my story in primary school: The Unhappy Traffic Light.

Sounds like a truly horrific rite right write of passage...


...but to really get the audience's sympathy, you'll have to make light of it.

 

[Dan Jones]

I've actually thought about this topic before, in my festering, fevered daydreams, and have come to the conclusion that it would make for a truly awful television show. There's nothing visual about the medium. At least with the singers some of them look weird/ attractive/ insane so there's that visual element.

But how about a sober, dressed up Radio 4 programme? Preferably hosted by a Andrew Marr (we could ask him at the Wolseley) and with Jo Nesbo as the celebrity pundit. That could work.

 

[TheDustyZebra]

I'm going with Elevator Pitch, the show where each contestant has to do their pitch in the elevator and the audience votes either to send it to the top floor to meet with the executives, or to drop the bottom out.

 

[Dave]

If this thread is really, actually a serious consideration rather than just a lounge topic, then it couldn't be a reality show competition about "writing" a story but could only work if it was "reading" small excerpts of stories. Britain's got the X-Factor type of shows are performing arts talent shows, not song-writing talent shows. The Eurovision Song Contest is meant to be a song-writing talent show, but it has become something entirely different, and I couldn't tell you quite what it is now.

There's nothing visual about the medium. At least with the singers some of them look weird/ attractive/ insane so there's that visual element.

Exactly, though I would disagree about writers not looking any less weird than singers (remember that I have have met some of you in person ) and I keep having an image of Terry Pratchett in his wizard hat as I think about this more. The difference is that singers are artistes and writers are not, in general, natural performers.

I'm going with Elevator Pitch, the show where each contestant has to do their pitch in the elevator and the audience votes either to send it to the top floor to meet with the executives, or to drop the bottom out.

Yes, that would work too, or else a small story excerpts read out to a sitting jury in a kind of Jackanory way. I'm not sure that hearing authors pitch to publishers would make good TV either, but the explanations that the publishers make for accepting or turning them down, open to public scrutiny, that might at least be useful to the writers. It works for inventors and budding small businesses on Dragon's Den.

 

[Montero]

Flash fiction challenges?
I've also seen the chain story telling thing done at conventions - have a line to start it and the moderator calls time on each person and the next has to pick up the story. Quite varied as to how the authors coped with it - as said on this thread already - authors not necessarily natural performers.

 

[Luiglin]

Is it already bad enough being an author with rejections by agents, publishers, peers and readers that you now propose a car crash TV option?

Just stamp a red X on my forehead now and be done with it

 

[Venusian Broon]

I sensed that your idea, @Phyrebrat may have been done already...

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/nov/16/x-factor-novel-writers-talent-show-Italy

‘Masterpiece,’ an Italian Reality Show for Writers



If it were here in the UK, even if the show ended up on 11pm time slot on a Tuesday night on BBC4, all the writers, assuming they all started out as unknowns and unsigned, would probably get more recognition than they would ever get trying to do it themselves. So even managing to get on (and I'm sure there would be thousands and thousands of entrants) would be quite a good move just for the publicity.

Depends what sort of show you are thinking about. I'm thinking about having the husky voiced Mariella Frostrup (repeating what she did with the Sky painting 'X-factor') and perhaps Stephen Fry as the two presenters and quite a laid back programme.

Or where you thinking about Simon Cowell and Amanda Holden and loads of tacky crap

 

[Lumens]

You could combine it with a Big Brother kind of show where every week, authors have to write an interesting chapter to stay in the house. Intersperced with real time story telling and theatre sport. Get some props in there and cameras which they can use, maybe also have them compile a list of props which they can request for each week. Could be just as good as East Enders.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Ouch.

Fellow chronners! Please. Have a care!

I am not suggesting it. More wondering why it hasn't been done or how soon before it will.



pH

 

[Venusian Broon]

More wondering why it hasn't been done or how soon before it will.



pH

Obviously the Italian 'demo' in 2013 didn't really excite the rest of the world like, for example, Deal or no Deal

 

[Phyrebrat]

Obviously the Italian 'demo' in 2013 didn't really excite the rest of the world like, for example, Deal or no Deal

Definitely Frostrup. Hmmm. Is Brian Blessed still alive?

pH

 

[TheDustyZebra]

You could combine it with a Big Brother kind of show where every week, authors have to write an interesting chapter to stay in the house. Intersperced with real time story telling and theatre sport. Get some props in there and cameras which they can use, maybe also have them compile a list of props which they can request for each week. Could be just as good as East Enders.

Or put new props in each week and they have to write about those, à la Whose Line is it Anyway?

 

[Venusian Broon]

Definitely Frostrup. Hmmm. Is Brian Blessed still alive?

pH

Yes I think he is. But I'd rather have him in my new show 'Profanity!' or 'Can you curse better than Brian'...of course no one will win.

I must be onto a winner with that format

(Just look up 'Brian Blessed Swearing' on Youtube )

 

[Dan Jones]

Brian Blessed plays Grampa Rabbit in Peppa Pig. He's an all time hero. He should be made to do all audio books, ever.

 

[Phyrebrat]

I love your idea, VB!! Can we work Alan Partridge, oh and Pauline from The League of Gentlemen, too?

pH

 

[Venusian Broon]

I love your idea, VB!! Can we work Alan Partridge, oh and Pauline from The League of Gentlemen, too?

pH

It gets better!

Gotta have Don Logan (Ben Kingsley) from Sexy Beast* as well.

---------------------

* I've seen a lot of difficult stuff in film and TV but I still remember being quite open mouthed at the sheer level of cursing that comes from Ben Kingsley's mouth in that film. It's like, no matter how blasé you get with swearing etc., it proves there is always another level higher that can shock!

 

[Gonk the Insane]

Is Brian Blessed still alive?

I'm fairly sure he is: I have the same level of conviction in this as Blessed does when he says, GORDON'S ALIVE!!!

BLESSED'S ALIVE!

 

[SilentRoamer]

Fooooooooooooooog!!!!!!!!