Can I just interject that it's "lying" not "laying". "To lay" is a different verb from "to lie", and it's the latter which has to be used here. (Confusingly "lay" just happens to be the past simple of "to lie", so "He lay" in the text is correct. ie present tense = he lies there, or he is lying there; past simple = he lay there; past continuous = he was lying there).
"He lay, still, hoping not to be noticed" puts enormous emphasis onto the "still" ie you're stressing that he's lying immobile instead of lying while thrashing about, but it does read as a bit stilted. "He lay still, hoping..." does the job just as well without the stop-go effect of too many commas and does, indeed, indicate he's doing it on purpose. (He lay, still hoping..." means he's lying there -- with no indication of how he's lying -- but he remains hopeful.)
And while I'm here, in case it causes any confusion, the text might be obscure but it isn't obtuse. Obtuse means blunt when it comes to objects and angles, or mentally slow, wilfully or otherwise, in connection with people; obscure means difficult to understand.
"He lay, still, hoping not to be noticed" puts enormous emphasis onto the "still" ie you're stressing that he's lying immobile instead of lying while thrashing about, but it does read as a bit stilted. "He lay still, hoping..." does the job just as well without the stop-go effect of too many commas and does, indeed, indicate he's doing it on purpose. (He lay, still hoping..." means he's lying there -- with no indication of how he's lying -- but he remains hopeful.)
And while I'm here, in case it causes any confusion, the text might be obscure but it isn't obtuse. Obtuse means blunt when it comes to objects and angles, or mentally slow, wilfully or otherwise, in connection with people; obscure means difficult to understand.
