Writing retreats

[Guillermo Stitch]

I think we all did that; I know I did. I have learned to wait until the critique is finished, look for things that may be true in any sense to thank them for, then give my points in a sense of "This is why I did it that way; do you have any ideas on how to make that intention clearer?" And, if I just flatly disagree, I say something like "Thank you for your thoughts; you have given me much to think about."

I'm not part of any real world workshop. All my efforts are online. I use Scribophile and I have a very small number of people I trust who help me by email, so I don't have to worry about my facial expressions etc.

I've learned not to reply to critiques except to say thanks for them. If I'm troubled at all by points made, and I often am, I need to brew for a bit to figure out where the bs is coming from - them or me. With alarming regularity, it's me.

 

[Brian G Turner]

I've learned not to reply to critiques except to say thanks for them. If I'm troubled at all by points made, and I often am, I need to brew for a bit to figure out where the bs is coming from - them or me.

This is very true - I've found myself initially disagreeing with some points, only to take them on board after a good think.

 

[Guillermo Stitch]

This is very true - I've found myself initially disagreeing with some points, only to take them on board after a good think.

Yes, exactly. It happens to me most often with my wife. She's my best pair of eyes in the sense that she will spot ALL mistakes and has an unerring sense of when something isn't working, mistake or not. I think I'm getting better now but I used to respond very defensively to her and then have to crawl back some time later, tail between my legs to tell her I'd fixed the thing she said was broken.

Infuriating.

 

[sknox]

The thread earlier made me think of the murder mystery story, whose name I cannot recall, where the fellow goes to a house where there's some sort of convention. There's a murder. It turns out that it's a convention of butlers.

But I love the notion that it happens at a writers' convention. Maybe not a murder. A stolen manuscript?

 

[Juliana]

But I love the notion that it happens at a writers' convention.

And all the writers try to outdo each other with their creative alibis...

 

[Joshua Jones]

And all the writers try to outdo each other with their creative alibis...

Then, that one guy who thinks he knows everything and talks down to award winning writers starts going off at the mouth. He is the first to die.

 

[Venusian Broon]

I think we all did that; I know I did. I have learned to wait until the critique is finished, look for things that may be true in any sense to thank them for, then give my points in a sense of "This is why I did it that way; do you have any ideas on how to make that intention clearer?" And, if I just flatly disagree, I say something like "Thank you for your thoughts; you have given me much to think about."

I think of critiquing a bit like throwing confetti at a wedding:

It's done in a well-meaning way by the throwers, who try their best to make the occasion wonderful, but it's up to you if you want to pick it up afterwards. And generally it makes no sense to pick up every piece of confetti, just the bits you want to pick up. (And also the bits you should pick up!)

 

[Guillermo Stitch]

I think of critiquing a bit like throwing confetti at a wedding:

It's done in a well-meaning way by the throwers, who try their best to make the occasion wonderful, but it's up to you if you want to pick it up afterwards. And generally it makes no sense to pick up every piece of confetti, just the bits you want to pick up. (And also the bits you should pick up!)

Yes, confetti is a good analogy. Or weather - just let it fall like something out of nature and see what the lie of the land is when it has settled.

 

[Aleph]

I find that having a space for people who don’t want critique is good (me!) and having clear crit rules will stop people from butting in.