How to write romance in science fiction?

[Joshua Jones]

DISCLAIMER: I am not looking for a detailed discussion of a romance scene, as this is almost surely outside of what is permitted on a family friendly forum.

I am looking for some examples of exceptionally well done romantic relationships in a SF context. My problem is, I have a really high standard for this. Stories where the protagonist and the love interest meet each other, fall in love, culminating in a romance scene are not adequate in my mind, nor is the standard formula of Hallmark/Lifetime movies (they meet, like each other, past relationship/rival love interest emerges, fight ensues, they make up, they get married). I am more interested in complex relationships between complex people who are trying to make their disparate interests mesh into a functional life where everyone gets what they want, where fights and tensions emerge, are made up over but not quite go away, inside jokes abound, and both sides genuinely love each other but may or may not be skilled at showing it. Where she comes out of the shower, he flirts, and she simultaneously enjoys the attention, wonders if he is only saying that because he has to, and just wants to get dressed so they aren't late to the show...again.

What I am looking for are realistic relationships that don't stop with a romance scene or marriage, though either may happen. They continue to grow and mature over the years.

Anything like that out there?

 

[The Judge]

Well, I was writing one, but that's no help to you.

From the little I've read of one book, I think Elizabeth Moon has Vatta, her MC, involved with a long term love interest, but they're not together, in that book at least, and I've no idea how their relationship works. Otherwise I'm drawing a blank at the moment.

Since you've put this in Writing Discussion, I take it the question is raised in connection with your own work rather than that you simply want a satisfying read. Knowing of other novels dealing with romantic entanglements in an adult way would certainly be useful for comparators if you intended to market your work as SF romance. But from the little I know of your proposed series that doesn't seem likely.

Are you thinking you ought to read others' work in order to help with your own novels? If so, I'm not sure that's necessary, so don't let the hunt for such a series hold you up. You clearly understand what is involved in long term relationships, so use that knowledge to inform your writing. If you're having problems with individual scenes, use Critiques, or get yourself a writing group or beta readers.

 

[Plucky Novice]

If I were trying to learn how to introduce sub-genres into my work I would go to the experts. Read that other genre and learn from the specialists, in this case romance.

A relationship is a relationship, it doesn't matter where it happens. The stresses and strains might have different causation but the relationship operates the same. Well in humans anyway.

My advice would be to forget sff and learn from the best of romance. There's no substitute for personal experience though as the Judge suggests.

 

[-K2-]

In much of what I write, no matter the genre, this is a common theme... The trouble is, what you just described could fill volumes to do it justice. Write a manual on interstellar, dimensionally jumping, space warping, hyperdrives detailing its operation and every sub-component down to exacting detail, and you'll have much less to write. That's one reason I write smut, it's easier

That said, if you give a brief as to their history somewhere in there, perhaps find them reflecting upon X bad time here, Y good time there, then most importantly setup 'a' situation that tests their relationship, and show the resulting ramifications from that... it may help compress a lifetime of emotions down to a good example of the strength/weakness of their bond.

As to an example in literature, there I won't be able to help not being all that well read. In film there are a number of examples, yet even those elude me at the moment.

What I can tell you is this. If you look for it, don't look for grandiose gestures or long-winded poetic speeches to demonstrate the strength of someone's affections. It often boils down to a single brief look. The longing that it holds, even when they're close. As though their heart breaks every moment they're with one another. Almost as though they could burst out sobbing AND yelling in joy all at the same moment, yet swallow it and hold it back and still instead.

Demonstrate that intensity and more, and you'll be able to hint at the strength of love and the bonds formed by it.

K2

 

[Ihe]

I seem to recall Mcmaster Bujold did alright in Cordelia's Honor in this respect.

 

[Vertigo]

The genre is littered with SF romance oriented authors:

Lois Mcmaster Bujold - Vorkosigan
Elizabeth Moon - Vatta
Mike Shepherd - Kris Longknife
Anne McCaffrey
Catherine Asaro

Those are just a few of the SF romantically inclined authors I've read. I can't really comment on their quality since I tend to find that romance to be the least enjoyable part of their writing and that is why I have pretty much stopped reading any of their stuff. But horses for courses and all that.

 

[Onyx]

It's a bit of an odd problem, because we really don't expect characters in extraordinary circumstances to fall in love in an ordinary way. And most SF is concerned with extraordinary circumstances where the characters' time and attention are stolen by the major plot events.

The Expanse series does feature two of the main characters falling for each other and maintaining a relationship over years. I think the portrayal is reasonably realistic given what else is going on, but not especially detailed or romantic for the reader.


I've always thought it was interesting how much romance was communicated in Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi through probably less than a minute of actual screen time, yet you finish those films with the belief that Han and Leia are clearly going to get married. Those handful of tense moments between them did all the heavy lifting that a long on-screen courtship might not.

 

[Joshua Jones]

Well, I was writing one, but that's no help to you.

From the little I've read of one book, I think Elizabeth Moon has Vatta, her MC, involved with a long term love interest, but they're not together, in that book at least, and I've no idea how their relationship works. Otherwise I'm drawing a blank at the moment.

Since you've put this in Writing Discussion, I take it the question is raised in connection with your own work rather than that you simply want a satisfying read. Knowing of other novels dealing with romantic entanglements in an adult way would certainly be useful for comparators if you intended to market your work as SF romance. But from the little I know of your proposed series that doesn't seem likely.

Are you thinking you ought to read others' work in order to help with your own novels? If so, I'm not sure that's necessary, so don't let the hunt for such a series hold you up. You clearly understand what is involved in long term relationships, so use that knowledge to inform your writing. If you're having problems with individual scenes, use Critiques, or get yourself a writing group or beta readers.

Thanks for your suggestions, and you are right that I am not planning on marketing my WiP as "Romance IN SPACE!" as TV Tropes would call it. However, romantic relationships are some significant sub plots during the story, and the story arc of one major character revolves around a young, passionate love being tragically ripped away from her, her grief, and how her second husband absolutely does not compare with her memory of her first husband. So, as these are present within the story, I am looking for ideas of how things can go well, be difficult, and so forth in a SF setting. Additionally, as I can only speak directly from one side of such a relationship and based on my counseling training and watching far to many chick-flicks in my female dominated household. Hence, I am looking for some additional insights into the female experience in such a long term relationship, to help ensure I am realistically portraying these.

Basically, I want my readers to be confused about what sex I am (ok, slight overstatement), because my depictions of both sexes are so realistic. And, I suspect that will take some reading of depictions of relationships from various perspectives.

 

[-K2-]

Basically, I want my readers to be confused about what sex I am (ok, slight overstatement), because my depictions of both sexes are so realistic. And, I suspect that will take some reading of depictions of relationships from various perspectives.

Ah, that's the easy part. Simply have your character be equally drawn to, reject, deal with, etc., all other individuals regarding genders and inclinations. I do not mean in just an intimate sense, or a romantic one... yet how they deal with people in general. In fact, you could initiate scenes wherein you're vague regarding everyone's gender. Essentially, making it so the reader must guess regarding each one.

After a bit of that (and you can do that with each new person encountered), have those other individuals genders and roles slowly be revealed during their interactions with the protagonist... If done well, even if you have extremely explicit content, you might be able to pull it off well enough that even at the end the reader is unsure regarding the protagonist.

K2

 

[Joshua Jones]

Let's give multi quote a try here...

If I were trying to learn how to introduce sub-genres into my work I would go to the experts. Read that other genre and learn from the specialists, in this case romance.

A relationship is a relationship, it doesn't matter where it happens. The stresses and strains might have different causation but the relationship operates the same. Well in humans anyway.

My advice would be to forget sff and learn from the best of romance. There's no substitute for personal experience though as the Judge suggests.

I am not so much going for it as a subgenre as I am hoping to portray realistic life in the relatively near future (roughly 500 years in the future), which includes relationships. Where it gets complicated is where I have a range of characters, but I can only write directly from my experience, and I want to write female characters experiencing the emotions of realistic relationships as a woman would experience them. Truth be told, it isn't just for this area that I want to do so, but it is the one I feel least prepared to write about. Hence the question.

In much of what I write, no matter the genre, this is a common theme... The trouble is, what you just described could fill volumes to do it justice. Write a manual on interstellar, dimensionally jumping, space warping, hyperdrives detailing its operation and every sub-component down to exacting detail, and you'll have much less to write. That's one reason I write smut, it's easier

That said, if you give a brief as to their history somewhere in there, perhaps find them reflecting upon X bad time here, Y good time there, then most importantly setup 'a' situation that tests their relationship, and show the resulting ramifications from that... it may help compress a lifetime of emotions down to a good example of the strength/weakness of their bond.

As to an example in literature, there I won't be able to help not being all that well read. In film there are a number of examples, yet even those elude me at the moment.

What I can tell you is this. If you look for it, don't look for grandiose gestures or long-winded poetic speeches to demonstrate the strength of someone's affections. It often boils down to a single brief look. The longing that it holds, even when they're close. As though their heart breaks every moment they're with one another. Almost as though they could burst out sobbing AND yelling in joy all at the same moment, yet swallow it and hold it back and still instead.

Demonstrate that intensity and more, and you'll be able to hint at the strength of love and the bonds formed by it.

K2

Thanks for the suggestions! Subtle is definitely better, but I am thinking about what things look like in long term, realistic relationships, rather than so much the intensity of a new relationship and extrapolating that to last an entire relationship. But, I will definitely keep that in mind, and "Show vs. Tell" is always applicable (except where it isn't...)

I seem to recall Mcmaster Bujold did alright in Cordelia's Honor in this respect.

Thanks for the suggestion; I'll see if I can find it.

The genre is littered with SF romance oriented authors:

Lois Mcmaster Bujold - Vorkosigan
Elizabeth Moon - Vatta
Mike Shepherd - Kris Longknife
Anne McCaffrey
Catherine Asaro

Those are just a few of the SF romantically inclined authors I've read. I can't really comment on their quality since I tend to find that romance to be the least enjoyable part of their writing and that is why I have pretty much stopped reading any of their stuff. But horses for courses and all that.

Yeah, if I were writing romance to be in that genre, I would either be desperate for money or out of my mind. And, I would probably go by something like Jennifer Jones... but, I am not so much doing that as having romantic subplots throughout, and I want them to be realistic from both sides.

It's a bit of an odd problem, because we really don't expect characters in extraordinary circumstances to fall in love in an ordinary way. And most SF is concerned with extraordinary circumstances where the characters' time and attention are stolen by the major plot events.

The Expanse series does feature two of the main characters falling for each other and maintaining a relationship over years. I think the portrayal is reasonably realistic given what else is going on, but not especially detailed or romantic for the reader.


I've always thought it was interesting how much romance was communicated in Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi through probably less than a minute of actual screen time, yet you finish those films with the belief that Han and Leia are clearly going to get married. Those handful of tense moments between them did all the heavy lifting that a long on-screen courtship might not.

I've had The Expanse on my shortlist to read for far too long, so maybe it is time to break down and pick it up. Is the show anywhere close to as good as the book?

And I think you raise a good point about Star Wars. The tension is spaced out very well, but still has a feel of inevitability to it. That said, there isn't a huge amount of courting going on in my WiP. I have one major episode of it going on for a time, but it is about halfway through one character arc, and though the ramifications of it have far reaching consequences, the courtship itself might be 3 chapters or so. Far more common are long term relationships and people who, for various reasons, are in no relationships or less committed... situations of various flavors.

 

[Joshua Jones]

Ah, that's the easy part. Simply have your character be equally drawn to, reject, deal with, etc., all other individuals regarding genders and inclinations. I do not mean in just an intimate sense, or a romantic one... yet how they deal with people in general. In fact, you could initiate scenes wherein you're vague regarding everyone's gender. Essentially, making it so the reader must guess regarding each one.

After a bit of that (and you can do that with each new person encountered), have those other individuals genders and roles slowly be revealed during their interactions with the protagonist... If done well, even if you have extremely explicit content, you might be able to pull it off well enough that even at the end the reader is unsure regarding the protagonist.

K2

Yeah, that would be the easy way to do it, but I rarely take the easy way... my real, non-hyperbolic goal is to make believable characters from different societies interacting with others in realistic ways, given their attachment or non-attachment to the society's cultural values. And, none of my societies are perfect, though depending on what a reader values, may seem more or less good than others (until, of course, they must watch through the eyes of the characters as the facade breaks and the ugly underbelly of the society starts to show, which happens to all of the societies).

 

[-K2-]

@Joshua Jones ; May I PM you?

K2

 

[Joshua Jones]

@Joshua Jones ; May I PM you?

K2

Sure thing; I am going back on the clock, so it may be a bit before I respond, but I will respond!

 

[-K2-]

Sure thing; I am going back on the clock, so it may be a bit before I respond, but I will respond!

Yes well, the option is not enabled. When you have an opportunity, feel free to PM me and in addition to what others are contributing, let's see what we can come up with. That said, re-reading some of the above posts of yours you might find what you're wanting to accomplish, regarding how you are viewed might not be as foolproof as you might hope.

You might also discover that the more you try and blur that line the more it is revealed, mostly in the regard that in the end, in some regards we're not that different.

K2

 

[The Big Peat]

The thing with the stereotype Hallmark thing you point to is, if you want a subplot that doesn't want to feel rushed, well, you're gonna be hitting the same points.

I'm not a big SF fan so I can't give you SF examples, but all the fantasy examples I can give are multi-book examples, because only other many many books can you really get that complexity imo. The only SF one I can think of is F'lar and Lessa in Anne McCaffrey's Pern books, and even that's basically your Hallmark thing plus a bunch of sequels with them as minor characters that builds some added complexity to it

The very absolute best fictional romance I can think of is that in the Falco novels by Lindsay Davies (historical whodunnit). That's twenty books long.

 

[Joshua Jones]

Yes well, the option is not enabled. When you have an opportunity, feel free to PM me and in addition to what others are contributing, let's see what we can come up with. That said, re-reading some of the above posts of yours you might find what you're wanting to accomplish, regarding how you are viewed might not be as foolproof as you might hope.

You might also discover that the more you try and blur that line the more it is revealed, mostly in the regard that in the end, in some regards we're not that different.

K2

Yeah, I probably should have put some emogis with that comment. If I actually didn't want people to know my sex, I probably wouldn't have picked a gendered pen name. What I was trying to say hyperbolicly is that I want to have female characters which express such a deep insight, they seem like they were written by a female. We all know of bad depictions of women by men, and vice versa. And, it is relatively easy to find female depictions of the passionate parts of a relationship. What I am looking for is depictions of the mundane, so I can make that perspective more believable.

Does that make sense?

 

[Joshua Jones]

The thing with the stereotype Hallmark thing you point to is, if you want a subplot that doesn't want to feel rushed, well, you're gonna be hitting the same points.

I'm not a big SF fan so I can't give you SF examples, but all the fantasy examples I can give are multi-book examples, because only other many many books can you really get that complexity imo. The only SF one I can think of is F'lar and Lessa in Anne McCaffrey's Pern books, and even that's basically your Hallmark thing plus a bunch of sequels with them as minor characters that builds some added complexity to it

The very absolute best fictional romance I can think of is that in the Falco novels by Lindsay Davies (historical whodunnit). That's twenty books long.

Thanks for the recommendations. I think the Hallmark trap comes into play when the end of the relationship is marriage. It seems to me that there is plenty of drama to drive a story (or at least a sub-plot) after marriage.

20 volumes... sounds doable with my universe. And quite a bit like fun. I'll see if I can find that series.

Thanks again!

 

[Plucky Novice]

I can only write directly from my experience, and I want to write female characters experiencing the emotions of realistic relationships as a woman would experience them.

The best way to do this might be to go and talk to some women at various stages in relationships. It'll give you far more insight than reading other authors' interpretations.

 

[Onyx]

Yeah, I probably should have put some emogis with that comment. If I actually didn't want people to know my sex, I probably wouldn't have picked a gendered pen name. What I was trying to say hyperbolicly is that I want to have female characters which express such a deep insight, they seem like they were written by a female. We all know of bad depictions of women by men, and vice versa. And, it is relatively easy to find female depictions of the passionate parts of a relationship. What I am looking for is depictions of the mundane, so I can make that perspective more believable.

Does that make sense?

The biggest difference I've noticed between male and female writers is their approach to character development. If I could be forgiven for a broad generalization, women tend to see their characters as growing or developing, men see their characters as being revealed or overcoming. So if you want to make your handling of genders feel like an author of one or the other, that's what I would consider.

 

[Joshua Jones]

The best way to do this might be to go and talk to some women at various stages in relationships. It'll give you far more insight than reading other authors' interpretations.

Absolutely, and I do. I also do some pastoral work, so talking through issues and the like is part of my day to day life. Entering into someone else's mind like we can in fiction, however, is another story.

For the record, my approach for this is to widely digest information from a range of sources. I already watch a fair selection of chick-flicks, having a wife and two daughters, as well as Hallmark, Lifetime, and might-as-well-be-Hallmark Netflix movies. I talk with people, as well as observe families. I also have some pastoral counseling training, so I have broad strokes understandings of people and relationships. I also read quite a bit from various perspectives, so I pick up insights there as well. All of this information I synthesize, and use it to create characters. In doing this, I can often predict what a character may feel in a given situation, even if their experiences are vastly different from mine. However, I only have so many ways to refine this, so I always look for more data in this area. And, the majority of works which feature romantic relationships either have as their culmination a romance scene or a marriage scene, so I think I have a good feel on how those may play out. But, longer relationships are a but harder to find, and as such, I am not sure I can accurately represent a female perspective. So, I know that many have a crisis between years 4 and 10 where the rose colored glasses come off, he gets fatter, and the same strong feelings aren't there all the time anymore. I am curious to see more works which deal with that phase, and the phases which come after it, so I can test my understanding.