Looking for a Word...

[ginny]

I know this isn't critique section however; Quoting you here:
Already the nightlight glowed on the southwestern horizon—No, nilite—Kae corrected herself in P-say.
This draws too much attention by having her correct herself and why is Kae correcting herself. This would only make sense if she were of a different culture.

Anyway. if you want to compare the words or equate them maybe;

Already the nightlight, the nilite, glowed on the southwestern horizon.

Maybe you have mentioned p-say before and you just want to be sure the reader knows the meaning; however, it still is almost too instructive.

Already the nilite glowed on the southwestern horizon.

Should work if you trust your description surrounding this and your reader's perception.

I trust you have defined P-say prior to this point and you really need to learn to trust the reader at some point or you risk overloading them as much as you could start over loading dialogue with he said and she said s.

Just something to suck on for a moment.

 

[-K2-]

Hi @ginny ; thanks for helping out!

In the story, there are a few cultures portrayed in a very dense area. The protagonist is an outsider (to the extreme) to all cultures, working for one (the government)--and over the past 23 chapters--intermingled around two others that are oppressed by and who somewhat oppose that government. The reader has seen the term 'P-say' (Pastoral Pidgin Language) a few times, seen the language and associated Sowfee-say dialect used often, and encountered the word 'nilite' a couple times in very earlier chapters, without any clear definition as to what it is, or what language it comes from.

The protagonist (character in question) though she speaks P-say fluently, has been very resistant to speak it and resisted attempts by those that do to welcome her into the community...which would require betraying the government.

At this point, the protagonist is simply grumbling about the bright nights--the nilite a part of it--but the self-correction of her internal musing along with subsequent dialogue and action is meant to demonstrate subtly that she's made the decision to switch sides. Part of that speaking P-say instead of English.

If her mood in the scene was different, I might have considered adding something to that line like, 'with a proud/satisfied/self-congratulatory smile,' or some such to really press the point of her effort, but...

So yes, I agree if I simply put P-say or nilite out there as a translation or definition it would be out of place.

However, I'm using her self correction as part of a chapter where she decides to accept their offer and also seeks to embrace their culture (which she has vacillated between deriding them--indifference--and appreciating them, up to this point).

Unfortunately, I need to use the term P-say since it is different than Sowfee-say (which she's currently pressured to use, but is not the universally accepted language), and since both integrate 'code-switching' often (mixing various languages in a single sentence), I don't want the reader even more confused wondering why she'd correct herself at all, not recognizing or remembering the use of the word nilite.

Does that make more sense? (hehe, likely not). In any case, from there on out the association and self-correction (for any word) is never used again. She either speaks P-say or she doesn't, the decision made.

Thanks for your suggestion. If I misunderstood please correct me, I'll mull it over regardless to determine if it doesn't work as well as I think.

K2

 

[ginny]

If I understand you correctly and if this is her POV and if she has thus far not thought in P-say, and if this is her thinking: then:

Already the nilite glowed on the southwestern horizon.

For most astute readers as long as it is clear that nilite is P-say at that point.

However depending on how many languages you have...you might want to try a way to simplify things before you drive the readers mad.
I really don't care much if you drive yourself mad--that's on you.

 

[Phyrebrat]

I’d plump for lambent bloom.

 

[CTRandall]

I'm late to the topic but I've used "limn"--as in the last glow of the sun faintly limned the horizon--to evoke the faint light around 11.30 or midnight in midsummer.

 

[Anthony Tompkins]

I'm looking for a word to describe a bulge of light from the horizon like seen in this image:

What we're seeing above is 'Zodiacal Light' which is NOT what I'm wanting to explain, but the effect would be similar. IOW, a bulge of light but not fanning out.

Perhaps 'bulged up' might be it, but I can't help thinking there is a better word.

Any ideas?

K2

I would say something along the lines of,

"A shell of light, speckled with stellar glass shards."

 

[-K2-]

Thanks @ginny , @Phyrebrat , @CTRandall , and @Anthony Tompkins for the suggestions. I'll keep this thread and your posts in mind when I revisit that chapter for another read through.

K2

 

[Anthony Tompkins]

Glad to help!

 

[The Judge]

Just very quickly, K2, I saw smoke rising from a bonfire the other day making a dirty kind of cloud and it occurred to me that perhaps for this sunlight effect you need a word that has dirty or unpleasant connotations to aid the atmosphere. My word for the smoke was "smudge" which I really like, but if it doesn't work for you, perhaps follow that trail when you come back to the scene. Good luck with it anyway!

 

[-K2-]

Thanks @The Judge ; and thank you everyone;

Believe it or not, each answer and each argument against, helps me brainstorm out what I'm looking for. Though perhaps not the best words to use--or even final--the words that best describe what the characters see (to me) are: beacon, pillar/column, and parabolic.

If you see a faint, distant beam of light aiming straight up, you have 'beacon.'
To describe that beam of light, we have 'pillar or column.' There I'm at odds, but, it doesn't matter since they're the same. The advantage of pillar is, it partially describes a known optical phenomenon which is actually an illusion.
To describe the end result as that light diffuses through the overcast, we have a 'parabolic' glow.

My Nonsense:

So here is the extremely brief deal, you can look up aspects you care to. Due to changes in the environment, climate, and so on, there is a persistent band of low haze (overcast) which covers the latitudes of the city in question...BUT...that's not all there is in the various levels of the atmosphere. Each layer has its own usual types of clouds and so on with further additions due to climate change. In addition to that, we even now have layers rarely seen in mid-latitudes now common (of note noctilucent clouds, which today we usually only see if lucky early night).

Anywho, 'Zodiacal Light' cannot be used in any form because it's a very dim optical phenomenon resulting from sunlight reflected off dust in space. In this story city, you'll never see it--ever.

However, what applies is called a sun pillar (or light pillar).

If you've ever seen one, they're MUCH more impressive than photos tend to show. In any case, it's an illusion caused by sunlight going in all directions, reflecting off flat (typically) ice crystals in the atmosphere. The reason it looks like a beam is you only see the light reflected along the band (covers whole sky) directly between you and the sun--and the sun CAN be below the horizon. The light reflected at a different angle (to the sides) doesn't reach your eyes since it reflects off nothing else.

In my world, that effect is extended due to moisture/ice higher in the atmosphere, resulting from contaminants and changes to the atmosphere and climate. However, it's also muted...

The band of light we see reflects back down...but...along the way it needs to pass through layers of thin clouds and haze. So, progressively from that column we get a narrow scattering of light that DOES reflect back into our eyes--but--the same stuff that scatters the light we can see, blocks other scattered/reflected light that would form what we think of as a sunset. (IOW, unless it's relatively close along that intense band, it gets absorbed, blocked, scattered away before it reaches us).

So, imagine the illusion of the column--muted--and around it we get a parabolic shape (widest at the horizon) which fades as you go up and out to the sides. But, we don't get a sunset as we think of them.

Anywho, that's my thinking on this. A faint pale pillar of light, like a distant beacon, diffusing out in a parabolic glow, that lasts until the city lights switch on and obscure it. When the lights turn off, there it is now east as the sun rises, extended out equally as sunset until the dim dawn.

K2