If you want to know the truth, this whole craziness business started on the bus. I was on my way to play tennis with Elaine Greer, a girl who had these terrible braces and glasses but who was a real person, not one of these phonies you see walking around everywhere. She was a good tennis player, too. She really was.
Anyway, I was on this bus in my new tennis shoes and new tennis shorts and new tennis racquet and all, thinking I was really something, when this old bum got on the bus. I looked at his dirty coat and all, and I felt like he was thinking I was some kind of big snob. I really did. So I got off the bus at the next stop, leaving my stupid new tennis racquet right on the seat next to this old bum, and I ran. I ran until I couldn't run anymore.
There was this park full of little kids playing and screaming and all, and I stood there watching them. I wanted to grab them and hold them tight and tell them to stay little kids and not grow up into phonies and snobs. I just wanted them to play and scream and all forever. I really did. Then it got late, and the little kids' mothers took them home, staring at me like I was some old bum who shouldn't be looking at their little kids. So I just stood there, until the sun went down and this cop came and took me home. He was a real person, not some phony who thought his uniform made him God or something. He really was. So that's what happened, and I had to call Elaine and tell her I was sorry, but I could hardly talk because I just kept thinking about those little kids and the old bum and all. I really did.