Back Cover Blurb: The Imposters

[HareBrain]

The villains are formed associates of the pirate/criminal who can't get into the vault and think that Cleaver knows how to do it (if he ever did, he's forgotten how).

I would include something about this in the second paragraph as the motivation of the gangsters (you can sacrifice the thing about the renegade artificial intelligence). "gangsters who think he knows the location of a master criminal's vault, and who don't realise he can't now remember anything before last Thursday" (ideally better).

And I wouldn't call the same character by two different names in the same line. In something likely to be read at speed, you can't afford risking confusion.

 

[WSDuffy]

The blurb still definitely makes me want to read the book. Given what you just said, I might reframe if you want the story you described to be the one that people are preparing for. I read the blurb in a completely different context. The childcare element of Helen and the amnesia of Cleaver made me think that she was assigned back to a caretaking role after her assassination skills weren't as useful, ending up with an amnesiac soldier, like a more futuristic Robot and Frank. I didn't get the idea that they were going to link back to their government connections at all. It was actually bit of a point of confusion for me with Helen as well, as I didn't see how getting pirate treasure would solve her problem (as a couple others mentioned). I might add something to hint a bit more at the idea. Incidentally, I love the idea of an amnesiac tracking himself with the assistance of an android, but I might emphasize her hunting/tracking skills over her sabotage, assassination skills, which don't seem suited for the task she is being put to here

 

[Margaret Note Spelling]

Oddly enough, I read your explanation under the blurb and was instantly more interested in reading the book than I had been just from reading the blurb! Is there any way you could incorporate some of that into the blurb, too?

On a broader note, I wonder if we, as authors, have a tendency towards being more mysterious with our blurbs, when what readers really want is just a good taste of what they can expect to read about (without giving anything away, of course). The balance between enticing/informative can be hard to achieve, especially when we're talking about the vague amorphous Reader.

I suppose if I were doing it, my first thought would be to try and imagine what would make me read the book--but maybe an alternate way could be to try thinking about what made you want to write the book, and try to hint at some of that?

Just throwing out ideas. I know nothing about any of this except how blurbs affect me as a reader!

 

[Toby Frost]

Hello again! I'd like to see which of the following two paragraphs reads better. Basically, the question is whether it works better for "criminal" to be singular or plural:

Together, Richard and Helen must retrace Richard's steps, to the edge of known space. Only there can they find the keys to unlock his memory and the vault where the galaxy’s most vicious criminal stashed his loot. But their enemies are close behind…

OR

Together, Richard and Helen must retrace Richard's steps, to the edge of known space. Only there can they find the keys to unlock his memory and the vault where the galaxy’s most vicious criminals stashed their loot. But their enemies are close behind…

Thanks!

 

[Wayne Mack]

Hello again! I'd like to see which of the following two paragraphs reads better. Basically, the question is whether it works better for "criminal" to be singular or plural:

Together, Richard and Helen must retrace Richard's steps, to the edge of known space. Only there can they find the keys to unlock his memory and the vault where the galaxy’s most vicious criminal stashed his loot. But their enemies are close behind…

OR

Together, Richard and Helen must retrace Richard's steps, to the edge of known space. Only there can they find the keys to unlock his memory and the vault where the galaxy’s most vicious criminals stashed their loot. But their enemies are close behind…

Thanks!

The blurb should reflect what is in the story. Is it a single criminal or a set of criminals in the novel?

 

[Toby Frost]

Unfortunately there used to be two arch-criminals and then one killed the other, so I suppose the answer is: both? Or either?

 

[HareBrain]

I can't decide between the two but the comma after "steps" trips me up, though it's not technically wrong.

 

[Wayne Mack]

Unfortunately there used to be two arch-criminals and then one killed the other, so I suppose the answer is: both? Or either?

Do Richard and Helen interact with both criminals or only one? If neither, then the reference probably doesn't belong in the blurb.

 

[Bowler1]

Impostor - which looks like a 50:50 split now.

The first two sections are fine for me, but not the last. I honestly found your explanation of the third section interesting, so I think the focus on loot etc. as not doing justice to your ideas. Richard having to back track on his own past life is a great idea, rediscovering enemies on the way a nice complication and this gives me an idea of the general direction of your book (all based on guess work by me on what you've done, but hopefully I'm on track here). Anyway, I'm safely in the middle of the pack here in finding the last section of the burb as a little disconnected, but keep going, I like the sound of your book.

Good luck with it all.