Dropping the but

[Ursa major]

The way we experience events is more all at once, and we don't appreciate the contrast between warning and reality or hope and failure in the one, two way we like to write these kind of sentences.

I don't wish to be picky, but....

Given that a book has only one means to inform the reader -- as opposed to, say, a film, where the image (or even multiple images), the dialogue and the music can be rounding out what the watcher (and listener) will be experiencing (not to mention that they can be portraying different, possibly contradictory, narratives) -- how is the writer meant to capture, on the page, the PoV character experiencing multiple simultaneous events/actions AND do so without confusing the reader (unless they want to, obviously)?

 

[OuttaInc]

Do you get a different feeling from the addition or omission of "but"? If so, how would you describe it?

The feeling I get with the omission is one of greater profundity for the second sentence. I would interpret its omission to mean that the author wanted to emphasize the second sentence for some reason.

But it’s hard to judge these things out of context. It really makes a difference whether these sentences come at the end of a long paragraph, or are part of a series of short, staccato-like statements.

 

[Swank]

I don't wish to be picky, but....

Given that a book has only one means to inform the reader -- as opposed to, say, a film, where the image (or even multiple images), the dialogue and the music can be rounding out what the watcher (and listener) will be experiencing (not to mention that they can be portraying different, possibly contradictory, narratives) -- how is the writer meant to capture, on the page, the PoV character experiencing multiple simultaneous events/actions AND do so without confusing the reader (unless they want to, obviously)?

I would say that the examples I gave show the POV of experience just as much as the 'but' examples. If anything, we don't actually engage keys in locks with great hope, then crushing disappointment when they don't open. That's something of a dramatic device imposed upon real life by the informal storytelling process. In actual experience, moment by moment we try things without conscious expectation and are relatively unsurprised when the result is different than what we would have expected with forethought. We tend to digest the effort and failure simultaneously. (Or warning and reality.)

This is especially true if you are using the past tense, but even in present is fine:
I make it to the portal. The key I have jams in the lock. Monsters are rounding the corner as I begin to climb the great door.

I'm not insisting that my way is the right way, but I am saying that one could remove the 'but' type structure and retain immediacy. And that this might read better reading.


But if the OP is only interested in the two ways of organizing 'but' sentences, I apologize for leading the thread astray. I was just reflecting on how I personally prefer to handle this kind thing.

 

[Wayne Mack]

I find that there are times to use conjunctions between phrases and times where short statements are more appropriate. Having too much of one or the other makes for a boring read. There are times to use short sentences, times to use longer sentences, and times to mix the two.

 

[Dave]

I agree with the idea that the use of "but" make it a "binary" choice, when it may be more complicated. I do read the meaning of original two sentences very differently (especially in the first sentence.)

I ran out into the garden in search of the life-giving herb. It was too dark to see.

It might be too dark to see, but I could still find it by my acute sense of smell, or because I knew the garden layout intimately, and found it with ease. Or I would have done if only someone hadn't left the rake lying just there.

I ran out into the garden in search of the life-giving herb, but it was too dark to see.

This leaves no room for doubt. I couldn't find it because it was too dark to see.

 

[ckatt]

Would the reader pick that up?

That's one of those questions that's hard to put a finger on.
I think the effects of a lot of things are felt by the reader without consciously picking up on them.
And then how strong the effect is will vary from reader to reader, I suppose.
I guess that's why I ask the question in the first place. I'm always fascinated by the range of interpretations and experiences we can have when looking at the same thing.

 

[sknox]

It is interesting to read through these posts and see how many times people use "but" in their statements. I don't intend this as criticism, but it seems they do it unwittingly (as here).

The word is a conjunction. It is in the same family as and, or, however, and so on. They have their uses and their abuses. Examples of both are easy to find.

I'll add that there's a difference between the use of but--of all diction, really--in dialog versus narration. What works well in the one doesn't necessarily work the same way in the other. And what works well for one speaker or narrator might be out of place with another. There simply isn't a reliable, generalized rule. We authors never get off that easy!

 

[Parson]

I probably use "but" too often in my writing. (I want to put a but here) It does seem to me that having the but ties the two sentences together and often provides insight that is absent in two declarative sentences back to back.

*I am reminded of Hebrew where many verbs are given a waw or vav consecutive which often is strictly necessary but is used for clarity or stylistic purposes.