APRIL 2022 -- 75 Word Writing Challenge -- VICTORY TO CHRISTINE WHEELWRIGHT!

[AnRoinnUltra]

George Snuffelbuff and the Gomblecast

George Snuffelbuff didn't expect to meet Pungerwacker.
Of the most popular human Gomblecast.

She interviews strangers.

• They talk.
• She listens.
• Everyone tunes in.

Except George.

'Nobody has anything interesting to say', he always complained.

'If she ever stopped me ye'd get something worth listening to', he always promised.

Lo and behold:

There Pungerwacker was. With a camera.
'Can I ask a few questions?', she asked.

There George was. A rabbit in headlights.
'No', he mumbled.

 

[Ian Fortytwo]

Pressure, what pressure.

Pressure was rising quickly, which wasn't what I wanted. I wanted low pressure, so that the wet weather propagated the seeds. With overpopulation on the horizon food was going to become a challenge. I wanted rain first, followed by sunshine.

Mind you this was mankind's fault, one squabble led to another. Which led onto war, where cities were destroyed.

The population of this little island had somehow survived.

No help is coming, I'm under pressure

 

[BigJ]

The Façade of Regal Grace and Temperance

A whirlwind of paper flew around the room amidst flashes of bronze, blaring a cacophony of metallic shrieking bemoaning the incompetence of subordinates.

I know little of the weight of her responsibilities, but she can’t do her duty like this. Not very queenlike, either.

I darted behind her as she strangled her desk lamp. One quick turn of a knob and steam hissed from her neck.

She stopped; brass features relaxed.

“Thank you, dear.”

 

[Mon0Zer0]

Yours, Horrified of R’lyeh

Sirs,

I’ve used your product for twelve years and am neither taller nor more attractive. In fact, my abdomen is severely swollen and I have developed such a fishy odour I can’t even leave home.

If I do not receive an apology and five pounds, I will have no choice but to post out to my hundred thousand worshippers. This is the last time I shop at Alibabalhazred.com.

 

[M. Robert Gibson]

Captain Picatan, 42 EOD Regiment, Space Corps

"Humanity's future is in your hands. Good luck."

"Thanks, sir."

I studied the earth-bound missile's control panel.
Two wires and a countdown clock.
10 seconds.

How'd it go?
Cut the red, everyone dead.
Cut the green, keep your spleen.

Or was it:
Cut the red, no one dead.
Cut the green, lose your spleen.

No, that's the FBISNB456?

5

I think.

4

Gut instinct.

3

Green.

2

*SNIP*

* * *

The posthumous bravery award goes to...

 

[Hugh]

“Seconds To Live”

​

The spiders were picking their way towards him on their huge spindly metallic legs, eyeballs swivelling.

Jonny pushed himself further into the cracks knowing it was pointless. He had seconds to live, seconds to save himself.

Resignedly he took out his last Hershey Bar and tore the wrapper.

There was a blinding flash, tinsel everywhere, the words “COMPETITION WINNER” emblazoned across the sky, and he was transported instantly away.

He’d opened the trillionth Hershey Bar.​

 

[Swank]

Cabin Pressure

Flares fired, Alice cranks the stick and engages afterburner.

“Lost missile tone!” Karp wheezes.

“Up until we’re sure.”

Shooting through 50,000 feet, Alice tries to level out.

“Air’s too thin.” She pulls the throttle back as the nose just begins to fall. Stars are visible. The engines cut out.


TM687 climbs through 60,000 even with the nose pointed down. No bleed pressure - cockpit air getting thin.

“We better fall before our blood boils.”

 

[BT Jones]

History’s Biggest Tech Disasters, No. 7 - The Kompressor

Who could forget Kompressor? The headset that compressed a lifetime of Human memories into a single night’s sleep. The ultimate sensory experience, according to Brainwave, its creator.

314 testers disagreed, suing for PTSD – the psychological pressure from a hyper-condensed lifetime – and for the lost income from taking (extremely) early retirement. Fortunately for them, they won, so could afford their highland retreats, and half-century of gardening supplies.

And Brainwave? Their stock value (ahem) kompressed, exponentially!

 

[paranoid marvin]

The Power of Persuasion



"Please?"

"Never!"

"Pretty please?"

"Nope."

"Pretty please with icing?"

"No."

"Pretty please with icing and a cherry?"

"Yuck."

"You won't regret it."

"I will."

"Aw, come on."

"No way."

"You know you want to."

"I don't"

"Do."

"Don't."

"Do."

"Don't."

"Don't."

"Do... I mean don't."

"I'll be your bestest friend."

"Who cares?"

"I'll be your bestest friend forever and ever."

"Enough already! Alright father, I'll join the Dark Side."

"Thanks Luke. Here, have a cookie."

 

[MatthewKusza]

Pressing Concerns

“Gold!”

The barbarian tromped heedlessly forward.

“Padraig, wait!”

The thief cursed watching a flagstone sink.

“Stop!”

Padraig froze.

“Ness? What’s wrong?”

“Pressure trap.”

“I stepped on it?”

“Yes.”

“Bah! Nothing happened!”

“Don’t move!”

Something clicked as Padraig lifted his foot. Tumbling backwards, Ness escaped the falling portcullis. She scowled through the grating.

“We’ve discussed this! Let me check first!”

“Can you open it?”

“Probably.”

“Uh oh! Ceiling’s dropping!”

“Good thing I work well under pressure.”

 

[johnnyjet]

In Deep

It's madness they said. Your mind's touched. The deep sea pressure affected you.

But I saw the wreck. A strange vessel. Nothing like it. I figured it came from out of this world.

I analyzed what I saw. I wasn't mad.

I thought it was a dead ship. Until I saw its inhabitants. Teeming with strange creatures. Millions.

They said it's madness.

But I saw them. And they saw me. And now they know.

 

[Parson]

Jupiter Pressure Performance Test 2049​

The Euro Space Agency pumps started building the pressure for the Jupiter Explorer pressure test.

30 atmospheres

40 atmospheres

“George, the spec for the Explorer test is 75 atmospheres. Isn’t that too risky? It only needs to withstand 40.”

50 atmospheres

“I’d order the test stopped now, if it wouldn’t cost us our jobs.”

60 atmospheres

BOOM!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2056 Review

Fatal Incident Conclusion: Explosion due to excessive pressure.

Today we wonder which pressure was to blame.

 

[Danny McG]

Fire number 2

He glanced at the visiscreen as the pressure increased, the alien cruiser approached through the debris of his star fleet.

His burned out hulk of had one final chance to catch them by surprise with a salvo of hyper bombs.

Too late, the pressure released and he groaned in despair and wrinkled his nose in disgust. Why were the latrines placed so far away from the fire control console?

 

[mosaix]

Pay Attention!

T minus 15 seconds…

As usual, commissioning engineer Jason Bell was watching the ball game and only paying scant attention to Mission Control’s transmission from Houston.

Five… We have ignition… The newly developed J-3 engines each providing two million pounds of thrust for the hastily assembled last chance ‘Halo’ mission to deflect comet Azrail from its collision course with Earth.

Two… One… We have lift off...

He froze. “Pounds!? Pounds!? I’m sure they said Kilos!”

 

[StilLearning]

A lawyer isn’t always a shark, but...

“Mr. Barrat.”
“Yes?”
“As a junior partner, do your responsibilities include puns?”
“Er…?”
“I said ‘put someone who can handle pressure on the Bancroft case’. You hired a squid, normally found below 200 meters. Ha. Ha.”
“The Norwegian army once recruited a penguin: Brigadier Olaf”.
“So this mollusk's your …mascot?”
“Sure! She’s a Humboldt squid. 36,000 teeth. Gene engineered for face recognition”.
“And is… that a satellite photo?”
“Indeed Mr. Edgars - Bancroft’s private beach”.

 

[Elckerlyc]

Brought live from the Castle of Cards Contest

“Can Harry Twistle break the record? He gets up, slowly, concentrated… takes a card and leans over his castle... Is that his hand trembling? Yes, it is. He pauses... still standing bowed, looking pained. The audience holds its breath; can Harry withstand the pressure? He is… he is breaking... wind? Indeed, his tension vented audibly in the hushed auditorium. The audience erupts, the structure collapses! And Harry slumps back in his seat... defeated, deflated.”

 

[therapist]

Press a Button—Destroy a Solar System

‘DO IT! DO IT!’ chanted the kids.
My finger trembled over the button. ‘This feels wrong...’
‘You want to join our gang?’ the leader said.
‘Of course.’
‘Then blow up a star.’
‘But what if it’s inhabited, that’s murder!’
‘Pfft. Odds of that is like a billion to one.’
‘But if it is, billions will die. Statistically I'll be—’
‘A wimp?’
The kids laughed.
I’m not a wimp. I mashed the button and everyone cheered.

 

[The Judge]

Air Pressure, Blood Pressure, Pillow Pressure?​

​

​

The Chamberlain despaired – the Royal Pilgrimage to the mountaintop guru had become a disaster.​

​

Apoplectic, face purple with rage, the King spat out the tea. “Revolting!”​

​

“Sire, as I explained, the higher we go, the water boils—”​

​

“No excuses. Tomorrow, perfect tea. Or everyone dies.”​

​

The Chamberlain hurriedly made the final climb to the guru alone.​

​

“Pressure brings release from pressure,” said the guru.​

​

That night the King died.​

​

A stroke, perhaps.​

​

Or perhaps suffocation.​

 

[magpie Asylum]

MODS

I needed the Mods. They were gonna change me into something new, I didn’t care. As long as I could survive the pressures of the gas giant. I fell in love with it as a child I needed see it one day. I dove the giant twelve times in a suit. I needed to go deeper. I didn't care what I became. It was worth it to see under those beautiful clouds.

 

[Ursa major]

​

Making Heavy Weather of It?​

​

“Replacing unskilled workers with AIs was sensible.​

​

“Then followed AIs replacing anyone and everything. Trouble is, they’re too good, so not enough intelligence is assigned to adjusting the final configuration ‘on site’.​

​

“Which brings us to the current disaster: fixing a weather control system configured for a different gravity, air density and, well, ‘air’ to what’s actually here.​

​

“And suddenly I have to fix it.”​

​

“Your trouble is you moan like a human, WSCCC-347112.”​

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