An old world revisited

It is seen that there is a clear conflict and the conditions for an unforgettable adventure are given. The paragraphs between dialogues seemed appropriate to me, they give substance to the story; you will see later if you put others that you consider better but you always have to consider them, because otherwise, unless it is very clear who is speaking, the reader gets lost.
On the other hand, the names are perfect, especially if they already come from a trilogy. Now, regarding Kare, I think it is enough to mention her. Also, hehe, it's not very gentlemanly for two men to talk a lot about a lady, right? :ninja:
 
I've never reviewed anything before, so not sure I'll be great at it, but this section is what drew me to this place, so why not offer up an attempt, right?

So I've never read your work before, but being the, obviously, new reader I found this very easy to read and understand, and it felt comfortable, like pulling on a pair of your favourite socks. I love the dialogue, I felt it flowed naturally and didn't feel like it was forced to get to a particular point, and it was easy to see that these were two old comrades talking about bad news without being overly-dramatic about it. The stakes being along more personal lines would probably draw me in even more, I'm all for the big wow events in stories, but nothing makes you feel closer to a character when the events of the story are affecting him alone. I'd definitely read more.
 
TheIntelligencePolice said:
I've never reviewed anything before, so not sure I'll be great at it, but this section is what drew me to this place, so why not offer up an attempt, right?

So I've never read your work before, but being the, obviously, new reader I found this very easy to read and understand, and it felt comfortable, like pulling on a pair of your favourite socks. I love the dialogue, I felt it flowed naturally and didn't feel like it was forced to get to a particular point, and it was easy to see that these were two old comrades talking about bad news without being overly-dramatic about it. The stakes being along more personal lines would probably draw me in even more, I'm all for the big wow events in stories, but nothing makes you feel closer to a character when the events of the story are affecting him alone. I'd definitely read more.
Click to expand...
That is terrific feedback, many thanks. I do love a character driven Sci fi, so it’s nice to know others do, too - and this works for that. :)

enjoy the chrons!
 
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