Congratulations @
johnnyjet
It was a clear and convincing win. I did not get round to a short list but you would have been on it.
Thanks again to everyone who voted for my entry or listed it. The number of mentions was very welcome and encouraging.
Not least because of the personal nature of my entry.
I was lacking inspiration and aborted a couple of earlier attempts - sometimes just putting words down gives them a life of their own and some sort of story will follow, but not this time. Heading into the last day, I was quite sure I would not be entering. Then in a quiet few minutes, when I should have been working, I just set my mind to thinking about obsession and its forms, to see if anything germinated. OCD was an obvious one and hardly original, so I almost dismissed it but thought I would have one last stab at entering.
Because I have a wealth of first hand source material.
I looked back at a particularly difficult time in my life and simply put myself into a science fiction setting. Yes, Commander Mike Harris is a version of a very young me, most specifically as I headed into puberty and my early teens.
Over time I developed a number of compulsions and will not go into the why's and how's - I don't really think I have a complete understanding even now - but suffice to say that the greatest two were clockwise and repetitions. Starting at four and then progressing into multiples of four. Eight was bad, sixteen worse, thirty two is almost beyond comprehension now. Sixty four? A that point I was in utter despair and I could feel my life spiraling into a black hole. The problem back then was I had not even heard of obsessive compulsive disorder. I thought this was unique to me.
Just a quick example of how it might play out... take something as simple as putting my slippers by the bed before turning in for the night. I HAD to give them a slight clockwise turn (there it is) as I put them down and all would be good (not going into what good was or the consequences of not good) but if as I let go I detected the slightest hint that my hand had twitched, or brushed against them in a potentially counter clockwise motion, I had to repeat the action. Four times. If I was lucky. If I detected an anomaly in the process, it was start over but of course no longer four. Going into my bedroom at 10pm with the idea of going straight to bed and sometimes still being up well past midnight due to going through what I now know as ridiculous routines became commonplace.
I have a clear memory, I must have been thirteen or fourteen (might even have been fifteen) of sitting in my room on night and crying because I was so tired and just wanted to go to bed. I got angry. Angry at myself and at this mental affliction, this curse that was blighting my life and by that time, making me physically ill. I think I gave myself a good talking to. I thought about the future and where this behaviour was taking me and in an act of outright rebellion, got into bed without completing whatever ritual I was stuck in. That was the start of beating it, of realising, even as Mike Harris does, that it was just something within me, a manifestation of my own fears and insecurity about what life has in store. It was a long time ago and I cannot in complete honesty recall my exact thoughts but only that suddenly something dark had lifted because I knew it was my choice to stick two fingers up at the compulsion and more importantly, any of the negative things in life that subsequently happened were absolutely nothing to do with me not going through a particular ritual.
I would like to say the cure was 100% but I would be lying. Am I a slave to it? No, far from it. When I turn volume up or down, I like it to be an even number but if it isn't, I can dismiss the momentary feeling of discomfort. If I have a choice of clockwise or counter clockwise routes (on foot or in a car) and they are more or less equidistant or neither more advantageous, I will almost without exception pick the clockwise one. If for some reason I can't, again a fleeting moment of disquiet but no compulsion.
In Commander Mike's position, would I have turned left to navigate round the space habitat clockwise? No.
Probably.