First scene of my fantasy book.

[therapist]

@Paul J. Menzies Hi. Welcome to the forums, and thank you for giving me such an in depth critique. It's really appreciated. I'm currently reworking this first scene and taking a lot of what you said into consideration. Also don't worry about being too hard. I'm trying to make this draft as good as it can be, so being soft would've been doing me a disservice.

 

[mrmcduff]

While I found the humor and tone of the scene fun, I'm missing the key ingredient of an introductory scene -- a promise (or at least a hint) as to what the central conflict is

When Bozi had allotted Caruso one of his stalls, he hadn’t given any real instructions, just told him that it was simple, that anyone can sell shrooms.

On a simpler note -- this sentence should be at least two. It feels rushed, going from piece to piece, forcing the reader to go back and forth, ping-ponging them around, the message unclear.

My criticism of the comma mishmash aside, I think that the paragraph starting with that sentence would make for your strongest opening. Give me a feeling of the stakes and who is struggling before you try to draw me in with the setting.