The blaring of a semi's horn jolted me like a splash of freezing water. My eyes snapped open, and it took me a few disoriented seconds to realize I'd drifted over the double yellow lines, lulled by the rain's steady rhythm. Adrenaline kicked in, and I gripped the wheel, wrenching it to the right, until the tires screeched back into the rightful lane. Easing off the gas, I took a few shaky breaths. "Rookie move," I muttered, shaking my head.
After regaining my bearings, I coasted for another twenty minutes, then merged onto I-85 South from North Carolina. The green neon glow of an exit sign blinked ahead, announcing CANSTON VILLAGE NEXT RIGHT. Since I'd nearly become a few lines in the local news, a break was overdue. Canston should have a motel. Even a no-star dive would be better than driving half-asleep or risking a nap in a roadside ditch.
I rolled up to the main part of town--a fishing village judging from the boats, at least a dozen docked alongside a handful of weather-beaten piers. A few houses spread around a hillside across the water, shadowed in darkness. The only light came from street lamps accenting raindrops in hazy cones.
Welcome to nowhere, I thought. Life here probably matched the pace of the tide.
Continue on-able?
For some time, I have -needed- to do a few things every time I edit. The first is, I search for too-often used words or word types I don't want (in earlier work I used '
ing' words every few words, hehe). To search for those, I ensure a highlight color is selected, click replace, add 'whatever word or portion of' in -find what- and -replace with-, and then under format hit -highlight-. I'll then hit -replace all-. It doesn't remove the words or change anything except highlight them, but leaves you something like this (be, was, yet, as, when, that, etc. searched for):
Word count is another huge problem I have, and along with it foreshadowing. So I'll cut or combine words and/or clauses. If I wrote your passages above and needed to cut a lot of words, it might go like this:
The blaring of a semi's horn jolted me like a splash of freezing water. My eyes snapped open, and it took me a few disoriented seconds to realize I'd drifted over the double yellow lines, lulled by the rain's steady rhythm. Adrenaline kicked in, and I gripped the wheel, wrenching it to the right, until the tires screeched back into the rightful lane.
My eyes snapped open, jolted by a semi-horn's blare. Disoriented, it took me a moment before I wrenched the wheel and weaved hard right from the adrenaline back over the double yellow lines.
Stay awake. Lulled asleep again by the rain's steady rhythm.
So your version is 63 words vs. 43. Don't get me wrong, you may want the freezing water analogy or the lull before he steers back to point out he's still half-asleep--but--the horn jolted him, so the adrenaline is already pumping. Some of the best lessons I ever learned here was participating in the 75, 100, and 300 word challenges. Do them here or on your own, yet after a few it will make a big difference in how you value each word, clause, and sentence.
It's fine work as is, but give it a try and see if you can say the same thing with less words, make it a little crisper, and make each subsequent line show the surprise in the last.
K2
