# Review: 2012 - A disaster of a movie (SPOILERS WITHIN!)



## worldmaker (Nov 15, 2009)

Incensed, so much I have to put metaphorical pen to cybernetic paper, thus herein are my views, thoughts and the venting of spleen, etc.

Now I don't mind the underlying premise.  The writers have to hand the story on something and the huge upheavals in the Earth are as good as any excuse for a story Hollywood can come up with, so I'll let them off for that.  (Please, if you're a geologist or astrophysicist don't tell me off there, yes I know, unrealistic, etc.)

So let us at the underlying storyline.

A billion euros (a bit like a foreign dollar, very alien and un-America, gosh what were the producers thinking, poking fun at the feebleness of the good ol' greenback!?), for your safe seat on the "last ship out of the end of the world".

Sound like a good deal, to any half-wit.  But how much does it really cost to build your own ship for you, your family, friends, girlfriends, mistresses and other totty?  A couple of hundred million, and a few hundred million to spare for some other luxuries, like a few more ships?

So all the half-wits are to be packed away on a magical, mysterious "big ship" to save their lives.

Right.  Yes.  I think not.

Oh, and don't forget to kill of all the non-U people, those who don't "fit" the magical ships, like foreigners who aren't proper Americans, ie., born in America or as rich as an America.

As for big ships, obviously the half-wit population of the world haven't noticed the huge cruise ships already floating around the world, so easily modified, oh and the vast aircraft carriers that could airlift an entire town to safety, oh, and...  But of course these are "special ships" for special people, not like all the nuclear submarines in the world though.

As so we sail off into the sunset heading for a new home, where all the foreign people have already settled because it didn't get harmed too much in the end of the world (of America), so we can conquer it as soon as we arrive by offering them Trade Goods.

Let this sink in the mire of it's own doom.


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## Teresa Edgerton (Nov 15, 2009)

Thread moved to Reviews.


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## Rodders (Nov 15, 2009)

So it's safe to say that you didn't enjoy it then, Worldmaker?


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## asher marquering (Nov 15, 2009)

i just wanted to say 

yay cape town survives 

its my home city if thats a thing


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## dustinzgirl (Nov 15, 2009)

The idea of massive survival ships is not new, and completely plausible. 

Sure, you could build a darn good ship for a few million euro. But if you wanted to build a damn good ship, you spend a few billion. 

I do, however, think that the majority of the things shown on the commercials look outrageously impossible. Like driving a car off the back of a big airplane. Um, no. Not going to happen. I think the windsheer alone would make it impossible to survive.

However, John Cusack can do no wrong. Except Serendipity, but we pretend that movie was never made. I haven't seen 2012 yet, I'm just saying, a multibillion dollar ship isn't an unreasonable amount, and considering inflation and the influence of the euro and lack of greenbacks, its entirely possible.


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## Omphalos (Nov 15, 2009)

Im going to go see it tomorrow.  Ive already resigned myself to hating the story, loving the eye-candy.


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## Rodders (Nov 15, 2009)

I just don't fancy this so i really doubt if i'll be seeing it. Even on it's DVD release and subsequent downfall into the bargain bin.


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## worldmaker (Nov 15, 2009)

Rodders said:


> So it's safe to say that you didn't enjoy it then, Worldmaker?



Oh I enjoyed all the CGI, but the logic and "Go-America-GO!" mushiness didn't work with me.


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## worldmaker (Nov 15, 2009)

dustinzgirl said:


> The idea of massive survival ships is not new, and completely plausible.
> 
> Sure, you could build a darn good ship for a few million euro. But if you wanted to build a damn good ship, you spend a few billion.



Last year I designed a small expedition yacht for millionaire buyers in the middle east.  Self-righting in the event of severe storms or poor captains, crew of about ten, accommodates twenty in luxury, plus upto four cars two speedboats and a helicopter, with a cruising range of 20,000 miles, for a sale price of about £100 million.  So one billionaire could buy a fleet of ten of these instead of one tiny cabin on a "supership".

As for the film.  What had me laughing at the end was the "stupendous" size of these "super-ships".  They looked about the same as an over-dressed aircraft carrier - cost about $10 billion, crew complement about 6,000, plus a hundred aircraft and nuclear reactors; or an armour-plated Queen Mary II - cost £850 million, with luxury accommodation for about 4,000 passengers and 2,000 crew.

See what I mean?
Grrrrrrr.


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## worldmaker (Nov 15, 2009)

Rodders said:


> I just don't fancy this so i really doubt if i'll be seeing it. Even on it's DVD release and subsequent downfall into the bargain bin.




Wait for the bargain bin in the supermarket, that's what I did for Independence Day - just to remove it from influencing impressionable children.


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## worldmaker (Nov 15, 2009)

Omphalos said:


> Im going to go see it tomorrow.  Ive already resigned myself to hating the story, loving the eye-candy.



The eye candy is great, you could close your ears to the rest.


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## worldmaker (Nov 15, 2009)

asher marquering said:


> i just wanted to say
> 
> yay cape town survives
> 
> its my home city if thats a thing




Be great to imagine a sequel in which the survivors reach Cape Town and are dealt with by all the S.Africans waiting on the beach, armed, with revenge on their minds for not being warned by all these selfish, greedy, self-serving rich folk and politicians.

He he he!


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## Omphalos (Nov 16, 2009)

worldmaker said:


> Be great to imagine a sequel in which the survivors reach Cape Town and are dealt with by all the S.Africans waiting on the beach, armed, with revenge on their minds for not being warned by all these selfish, greedy, self-serving rich folk and politicians.
> 
> He he he!



You might get your wish.  

2013!! Emmerich Plotting TV Sequel To 2012!! -- Ain't It Cool News: The best in movie, TV, DVD, and comic book news.


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## dustinzgirl (Nov 16, 2009)

worldmaker said:


> Last year I designed a small expedition yacht for millionaire buyers in the middle east.  Self-righting in the event of severe storms or poor captains, crew of about ten, accommodates twenty in luxury, plus upto four cars two speedboats and a helicopter, with a cruising range of 20,000 miles, for a sale price of about £100 million.  So one billionaire could buy a fleet of ten of these instead of one tiny cabin on a "supership".
> 
> As for the film.  What had me laughing at the end was the "stupendous" size of these "super-ships".  They looked about the same as an over-dressed aircraft carrier - cost about $10 billion, crew complement about 6,000, plus a hundred aircraft and nuclear reactors; or an armour-plated Queen Mary II - cost £850 million, with luxury accommodation for about 4,000 passengers and 2,000 crew.
> 
> ...



Yeah in 2009.....

But not in 2012!!!


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## worldmaker (Nov 16, 2009)

Omphalos said:


> You might get your wish.
> 
> 2013!! Emmerich Plotting TV Sequel To 2012!! -- Ain't It Cool News: The best in movie, TV, DVD, and comic book news.




ARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

(sound of feet racing for the hills, to launch in my Orion spaceship - only $1 billion to you sir, very fast take-off, trillion mile range takes two hundred people - and flee it all.....)

And where are all the nuclear submarines?
And the ships that rode out the waves in the deep sea?
And the people flying above it all in their hot air balloons?
And the tens of millions who noticed nothing, because it all took place in America?

So many options.

I'm thinking of my own alternative script...  "The Other End Of The World."


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## PTeppic (Nov 16, 2009)

Just got back from it and thoroughly enjoyed it. Okay, it was cliche heaven. It was also disaster movie bingo: driving away from earthquake; driving away from volcano, flying away from volcano, huge ships turning over and so on and so on (it's probably worth a drinking game as a minimum...).

On a grand scale? Not too bad: some pseudo-science explained at suitably fast pace, interspersed with rescue plans at international level dotted with a couple of keeping-it-real ordinary folk on the ground. Plenty of humour, action, suspense, romance, etc. I'm a sufficiently happy watcher I might even get the DVD. Maybe.


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## Omphalos (Nov 17, 2009)

Heh.  As soon as I heard the one of the characters say "the nutrinos have mutated," or somesuch I just turned my ears and brain off and enjoyed the ride.  

The best part of the movie was the Avatar trailer at the beginning (oh, and watching L.A. slide into the Pacific.  That part was worth the price of admission).  I had grown tired of the hype surrounding that movie, but that tralier was awesome.


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## worldmaker (Nov 17, 2009)

Omphalos said:


> The best part of the movie was the Avatar trailer at the beginning (oh, and watching L.A. slide into the Pacific.  That part was worth the price of admission).  I had grown tired of the hype surrounding that movie, but that tralier was awesome.



I have a very nasty feeling that the trailer is the only awesome part of Avatar.

Prepare for a whole new dimension of cliches?


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## rojse (Nov 18, 2009)

2012 - Excellent special effects depicting absolute trash.


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## Interference (Nov 18, 2009)

worldmaker said:


> I'm thinking of my own alternative script...  "The Other End Of The World."



Lol

I'd finance _that _movie


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## Moonbat (Dec 13, 2009)

It was quite good, in the whole Hollywood Disaster Movie (circa noughties), kind of way. Nay it was very good in the whole Hollywood Disaster Movie (circa noughties) . It had all the elements, and at about 158 minutes it had the time to do it. Ok there were plenty of moments of high implausibility, but I liked a lot of them. some of my favorites:

Driving a limo away from/around cracks in the road.
The plane flying under the tube train that had no tube (or was it just a train)
People hanging off the floors of buildings that had no sides and were falling
Flying past huge sections of land that were just all over the place
the cracking runways that the plane still managed to fly off

Oh, the joys of seeing that kind of movie. The special effects guys must have had a field day when they made some of that. 

We had the avatar trailer, but it was suitably vague and very short. The Sherlock Holmes trailer was much more interesting. But hopefully I will get to see Avatar in 3D (my first time) hope it is as good as I'm expecting, almost a sure sign that it wont be, so on that note, I 'spect its not much!

Anyway, if you've got time to waist, and you'd to see how bad your death could be, or even your survival, then watch 2012. I'm serious, imagine being our Hero, having wirtten one very poorly recieved book that somehow made it onto the boat (although they must have digital backups of every major work) and then being an average man that somehow survives along with all the rich and powerful people, then to top it all your stuck with your ex wife! Still, £25 badly spent


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## worldmaker (Dec 13, 2009)

Interference said:


> Lol
> 
> I'd finance _that _movie



Thanks, it's a deal, it's got all the billionaires who built their own boats, submarines and airships floating over the world and under the seas as it's destroyed.

It's a comedy.


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## jezelf (Dec 14, 2009)

*WARNING* spoiler alert!  ( ...and a load of opinionated, soap box waffle )

 Those ships were so badly designed specifically for a plot device. Poor, very poor. 
 
The cliché and stereotypical world that Emmrich lives in shames great story tellers everywhere. I hate to think if kids growing up see all that as a decent narrative.

Another movie where the rest of the world can't do or solve anything without the US to come up with the idea or action like when they all stand about like lemons waiting for the American team to decide weather to open the door or not as they argue (with stereotypical characters) - they could had got everyone in by the time it took for them to pull their finger out.(yes I know, it wouldn't have 'helped' the story, but it's just shameful story telling )

Also the line of 'it’s a suicide mission!' just made me absent mindedly groan with despair - you'll know what I mean if you've seen the movie. Oh and _another _dysfunctional family *yawn* which get back together with 'circumstances' conveniently killing of stereotypical characters who don't fit in with a morally correct 'happy' ending *yawn*. I just wish his plot devices were more watertight (har har) than so thin and ridiculous. 

Every time I see stuff like that I imagine an exceedingly talented writer somewhere being turned away because their work wont sell to mainstream audiences because they will need to use their brain cells.

On the whole, it is very spectacular visually but style over substance that’s all you ever get from Emmerich though.  OK, I know - to be honest I did expect all that, hoping to be proved wrong. I went for the special FX, which is not really want I wanted to see it for. I wanted an engaging story. 'Leave your brain at the door' is not much of an excuse for films for me. 

Avatar, look like it's going to be the same - beautiful to look at, lame or a cliché story. I know it can't be too cerebral for the general populous if they want to get their money back. Have yet to see Moon - hear good things of that in a 2001 sort of way so that might balance things out

Still, does make me think I can do better, so helps me from worrying about my own stories too much! 

 This pretty much sums 2012 up for me 

YouTube - From Garrison Dean + io9.com - 2012: It's a Disaster!!!


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## Interference (Dec 14, 2009)

It says "Spoilers within".  You mean within the movie?  And would those "spoilers" happen to be the people who wrote, directed, shot, edited, produced and starred in it?


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## Daisy-Boo (Dec 15, 2009)

asher marquering said:


> i just wanted to say
> 
> yay cape town survives
> 
> its my home city if thats a thing


 

My town too and I second your yay!


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## biodroid (Dec 15, 2009)

Daisy-Boo said:


> My town too and I second your yay!


 
And the Drakensberg!! I just love how they pronounce Kwa-Zulu Natal like Kwa-Zooloo NahTahl. Hehe, my home town!!


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## Daisy-Boo (Dec 15, 2009)

biodroid said:


> And the Drakensberg!! I just love how they pronounce Kwa-Zulu Natal like Kwa-Zooloo NahTahl. Hehe, my home town!!


 
I sniggered so rudely when I heard that line in the movie..._Kwa-Zooloo NahTahl_.


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## blacknorth (Dec 16, 2009)

Saw this film this evening.

*also possible spoilers*

Hm. I enjoyed the first 80 minutes or so, simply because I love disaster stories. However, as jezelf stated, then it got bogged down in Emmerich's natural selection process - being that the survival of the fittest relates entirely to their box-office potential.

The latter third of the film rests on a minor plot turn which takes forever to resolve and which becomes utterly tedious as major characters perform stirring speeches and impossible heroics, while minor characters get their comeuppance for not being stars.

I always thought the Mayan prophecy rendered the Earth uninhabitable, else what's the point? I can't say I'm exactly inspired by a world full of oligarchs and their butlers.

Some spectacular action set-pieces raised it just above stinker level. And it was good to find out that George Segal is still going.


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## Daisy-Boo (Dec 17, 2009)

blacknorth said:


> And it was good to find out that George Segal is still going.


 
Yes it was. Pity they didn't give him more screen time. I think his acerbic presence in the White House or on the bridge of that ship would've been a tonic.


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## Boneman (Dec 17, 2009)

An unsinkable ship? Was there an iceberg in it?


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## Jardax (Dec 19, 2009)

I liked good effects but it has a classical and boring US scheme used in all catastrophical movies. Americans can produce much better movies if they use their brains....


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## worldmaker (Jan 7, 2010)

Interference said:


> It says "Spoilers within".  You mean within the movie?  And would those "spoilers" happen to be the people who wrote, directed, shot, edited, produced and starred in it?



Well there was that too, but I take that as a given.


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