# Brian's Alternative Endings



## Brian G Turner (Apr 11, 2004)

I started this sillyness when I first built Alternative Worlds, while planning to build a humour section.

  Anyway - let cynicism reign!  


  ALTERNATIVE ENDINGS 

  For F/SF TV and Film

  (for sci-fi section)

*
  Star Wars - A New Hope*

 As the two droids try to leave Princess Leia's stricken ship in an escape pod from, a Destroyer commander turns to a gunner and says: 

  "There goes another one...don't bother holding your fire, you need the practice."

 Luke grows into an old and bitter moisture farmer under the rule of the Empire, thus saving Earth from a series of terrible prequels.


*BladeRunner*

  As Decker lays prone on the roof of a high building in the rain, Roy opens with the sentence:

  "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe..."

 And then proceeds to relate the observational conflict between Hegelian Dialechts and Aristotlian logic. After suffering for ten hours, Deckard manages to crawl to the edge of the roof and hurl himself from it. 


*Star Trek: The Next Generation - First Contact*

 Picard forgets where the Borg Cube's weak spots are. The Borg Cube therefore destroys the Enterprise and proceeds to earth - but retreats in dismay after being unable to assimilate Microsoft Windows.


*Farscape - the final episode*

  An insidious alien virus destroys the entire crew's libido. Without repeated sexual friction, nothing much ever happens again.

*
  Star Wars - the Empire Strikes Back*

 The cunning rebels suspend a long rope all around the distant perimeter of their base. When the fearsome AT-AT walkers appear, they all trip up and the Imperial Invasion is defeated. 

  Luke quickly meets and defeats Darth Vader, thus saving Earth from ever suffering _Ewoks_.


*Star Wars - Return of the Jedi*

 The Ewoks eat the entire Endor Moon landing party in a savage display of carnivorous culinary antics, thus saving Earth from a range of plastic action figurines bearing names such as "Chief Chirpa" and "Wicket".


*Conan the Barbarian*

 As James Earl Jones steps forward, intending to decapitate Conan's mother, Jones slips and impales himself upon his own sword, and thus his character's cult is never founded.

 Mentally scarred by this childhood experience, Conan grows to shun all things aggressive, and instead becomes one of the world's most respected flower arrangers.

*
  Conan the Destroyer*

 Facing capture, the Princess suddenly reveals the fruits of her Kung Fu training, thus saving everybody from one of the worst films ever made.



*Battlestar Galactica*

 Succeeding in a most cunning plan, Apollo and Starbuck spike their enemy's water supply with mind expanding drugs, sending the Cylons into a permanent state of giggling happy hippy peace.


*Buck Rogers*

 Faced with a flashing instrument display, Buck finally uses all his might and pilot training to safely return to a present-day Earth filled with leotards and disco music, thus saving himself from a 25th century filled with leotards and disco music.


*Battle of the Planets*

 Mark and Princess hook up and then buy into the suburban dream. Jason discovers his repressed homosexuality and hooks up with Zoltar. Tiny spends the rest of his life with Cheops, working for McDonalds. 7-zero-7 becomes the next CEO of Microsoft.


*Metal Mickey*

  One day Mickey is left outside and it rains. He rusts. No more boogie-boogie.


*Armageddon*

  The viewer presses "eject" before the film even starts. Best possible outcome here.


*Lost in Space*

  They find their way back.

*
  Back to the Future*

 The Delorean sports car blows a gasket on the first trial run. As no spare-parts exist from the bankrupt suppliers, Michael J Fox continues to accept his mom for being the special person she is.


*Alien*

 Ripley blows out the cat instead by mistake. The alien eats Ripley, then learns the ship controls and hotrods it through the universe.


*Aliens*

 Ripley discovers an allergy to the alien species and drops her flame-thrower in a sneezing fit. The aliens try to eat the cute token kid, but even they can't stomach that. The aliens allow Ripley to leave unmolested so long as she gets the child away.

  ...

  ...


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## Esioul (Apr 11, 2004)

Hehe, that's funny, I like the Star Trek one. Can you write me a Blakes 7 one?


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## Dead Riverdragon (Apr 12, 2004)

You don't like Conan?!?!?!


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## mac1 (Apr 12, 2004)

Those are great!

I like this thread already!

--------------------------------------------------------------​
*The Matrix*​
Neo takes the blue pill and lives out his life as Mr. Anderson, a nerdy reclusive computer programmer with a paranoid delusion of grandeur.​


​​*Armageddon (Alternative Ending #2)*​
A team of oil-rig workers in space realise they haven't a f*cking clue how to (a) Work complex NASA machinery (b) Rig explosives (c) Navigate a shuttle through the tail of a commet (a feat an experienced astronaut would find impossible) and (d) Hop between asteroids on what is fundamentally a moon buggy.​Upon this realisation the people of earth panic, there is looting, mass suicide, and people endulging every violent instinct they have.​Everything ends with the destruction of the earth, and only the oil-rig workers and an offensively stereotypical Vodka drinking russian survive. A month later they all die of starvation.
Tagline: We called it Armageddon for a reason!​


​​*Volcano*​
Tommy Lee Jones, after running into that collapsing building, grabbing the young girl and carrying her to safety sits down and contemplates what he has just done. Upon realising that no other man could possibly have got out of that building in time he goes for a run forest gump style. A half hour later he returns, declaring he has just been to Antartica and met his father Jor-El, he uses ice-breath to stop the lava, but isn't given the hero's welcome he deserved as the people of Los Angeles had the whole thing under control, they had already planned to save the day by parking buses in front of the lava.​


​​*Bowling For Columbine*​
Charlton Heston touched by the picture left by Moore, rallys to change the US constitution to ban the possession of firearms.​


​​*True Romance*​
Clarence grabs Alabama's bag brings it home and its full of her clothes. Clarence gets arrested for murder, but when it becomes apparent that he has visions of Elvis, he gets put into a mental hospital. Alabama returns to walking the streets, and everyone lives happily ever after.​


​​*Wayne's World*​
Wayne: "I booked them man, but they never came"​Jim Morrison: "He he he, Yeah, I played the same joke on Jimi back in '67"​Wayne: "Damn it Garth, lets go with that Scooby Doo ending!"​


​​*Evil Dead 3*​
Ash sits down and watches The Day The Earth Stood Still on a portable DVD player. He repeats the robots words "Claato Verata Nicto" perfectly, winks at Sam Raimi showing his knowledge of pop culture, takes the Necronomicon off its pedestal and returns home to work as a Lumberjack with a chainsaw for an arm. Sure he could've stayed in the past. Could've even been king. But in his own way, he is king.​


​​*American Pie*​
After a brief "6 months earlier" sequence showing a toxic waste truck crashing into a police van, the action cuts back to life at the high school. Jack Frost then runs riot on the set, Shannon Elizabeth sees him, recognises him, remembers the time they had together, realises she is not a virgin and runs away, everybody else then proceeds to be horrificly murdered on the set by an evil snowman, whilst trying to lose their virginity. There are no sequels, everybody leaves the cinema an hour and a half later, full of joy about the masterpiece of horror cheese they had just witnessed.​


​​*Lord of the Rings*​
Upon Mount Doom, Sauron stands tall. He removes his helmet to reveal the face of Skeletor. He looks up, turns to camera and declares in a camp voice, "I told you I'd back". Frodo then pulls out the ring, places it into a Japanese synthesiser, plays a magical tune, and the universe is saved.​


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## Jayaprakash Satyamurthy (Apr 12, 2004)

*Laughs his guts out*


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## Brian G Turner (Apr 12, 2004)

Dead Riverdragon said:
			
		

> You don't like Conan?!?!?!


  Conan the Barbarian - a masterpiece.

  Conan the Destroyer - toilet paper.

  2c. 


 Hm...as for Blakes 7 - I don't know if I'm _that_ cynical!


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## erickad71 (Apr 14, 2004)

I get the sneaking suspicion you don't like ewoks Brian . Those are pretty good, maybe you guys should move to Hollywood and start new lives as screenwriters .


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## mac1 (Apr 16, 2004)

*Matrix 3*

The film ends as usual, you see Neo become one with the machine, then you hear Mr. Smith's voice... 

"Mr Anderson, Mr Anderson, come back to us.... Theres nothing we can do for him now.... Nurse.... Nurse... NURSE!!! Give him 20cc's of diazepam and strap him to the bed."

*sound of door slamming*

*sound of lunatics laughing*

"Trinity, Trinity"

"another 10cc's"

*Wake up by RATM begins*

*roll credits*


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## polymorphikos (Apr 16, 2004)

*2001: A Space Odessey:*

One of the ape men accidentally pushes-over the megalith, crushing several of the other apemen and starting a violent frenzy which leaves them all dead or wounded, where upon the leopards eat them all.

*Jurrassic Park:*

One of the raptors steals Muldoon's shotgun and, much to everyones suprise, proceeds to round up the humans into the lobby while it negotiates for the island's independence from Costa Rica over the phone. After several hard days of talks, independence for the island of Isla Nubla is secured and the humans are released into the care of UN peacekeepers.

*Goldfinger:*

Unfortunately for Mr Bond, one of the laser technicians is the son of a recently-dispatched anonymous henchman, and turns the laser to full strength. He is fired without severance.


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## Brian G Turner (Apr 16, 2004)

The Jurassic Park one I especially like.


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## Grimward (Jul 6, 2008)

This is a thread, I think, that has considerable new material lying in wait from more recent movies....in that spirit, I offer:

*Independence Day:* (not necessarily that much newer,  but not listed above)

The helicopter sent to "communicate" with the Aliens plays a Brittney Spears video (insert one of your choice) instead of the sound clips and flashing lights.  The Aliens, who also see Wil Smith's dialogue lying in wait further into the script, withdraw from the solar system, screaming in pain.

*Kill Bill, Vol. II:*

Having decided enough is enough, Pai Mei uses the 5 Point Exploding Palm Technique on Beatrix instead of teaching it to her.  Beatrix's ensuing thoracic explosion creates a time warp, (un)commonly seen when character origins are released after their introductory features, that not only ends Vol. II but also erases Vol. I from the memory of anyone who saw it.

*Bridge to Terabithia:*
The Skrogar, being in truth far more vicious than even imagination could overcome, eat Leslie and Jess, then proceed on a bloody rampage thru the South that rivals even Sherman's.


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## Nesacat (Jul 7, 2008)

Picks herself off floor and makes a valiant attempt to put the day's paper out ...


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## Urien (Jul 7, 2008)

The 1950s alternatives



"Them"... The giant ants move into LA's storm drains, become unionised and the most productive workers in the city. Through their efforts it becomes impossible for terminators to chase each other through storm drains, or for space shuttles to land in them.

"Forbidden Planet"... The monster from the Id realises that it was all his mother's fault. Instead of attacking the star ship it checks into long term rehab on Salvation IV. 

"The Incredible Shrinking Man"... is mistaken for a GI Joe toy and is shrink wrapped to death.

"The Day the Earth Stood Still"... Klaatu realises that xenocide is not a peaceful resolution to the slightly warlike human problem. He then intervenes in all future SF scripts where humans go on trial for their existence, explaining the underlying philosophical contradiction. He is later killed and eaten by a fictional ewok. Gort becomes an agony aunt.


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## Dave (Jul 7, 2008)

I like this thread. Where has it been hiding? I'm thinking now. I'll be back!


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## Grimward (Jul 7, 2008)

Found it in the archives, Dave, and nearly asphyxiated upon reading it. Decided that others might benefit from temporary oxygen deprivation, and here we are....kudos to Brian for a hilarious venue.


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## Dave (Jul 7, 2008)

I think you've covered most things. All I could come up with is...

*Close Encounters of the Third Kind*

The enormous mothership lands, but it doesn't return the people who had been abducted over the years. Instead, the UFOs take Roy onboard their ship and perform a detailed physical examination. The UFO occupants then mutilate some cattle, and make crop circles before leaving again.


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## Lenny (Jul 7, 2008)

*Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone*

Hogwarts, having been hit hard by the credit crunch, give up on owls and use the Royal Mail to deliver post instead. Sadly, the boys in red _misplace_ Harry's letter, and Mr. Potter lives out the rest of his days in the cupboard under the stairs, where he contracts bad asthma from the dust and dies, coughing fitfully, when the Dursleys are out one day. Voldemort's reign of terror beins anew.


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## Pyan (Jul 8, 2008)

*The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.*

The Professor's housekeeper sees Lucy about to clamber into the Wardrobe, races into the room, drags her out, and with a stern lecture about getting trapped in old furniture, hustles her from the room, locking the door behind her and taking the key. The children never enter Narnia, and the White Witch reigns forever.


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## Talysia (Jul 8, 2008)

Oh, these are brilliant!  I'll have to get my thinking cap on to see if I can come up with something.


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## Grimward (Jul 11, 2008)

*Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End:*
The script writers, being zealous Detroit Red Wing hockey fans, abduct Davy Jones and throw him and his heart onto the ice during an overtime loss to the Pittsburgh Penguins, thereby eliminating Wil's object of revenge, Lord Beckett's captive "lap dog" and Jack's adversary in one fell stroke.


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## Parson (Jul 11, 2008)

*Titantic (an alternate beginning)*

The captain of the Titanic makes a course correction sparing us all 3 hours of unrelenting boredom!


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## Grimward (Jul 11, 2008)

And so, and alternate ending, as well.  Good one, Parson!


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## Pyan (Jul 12, 2008)

Nice extension of the idea, Parson!

*Lord of the Rings:*

Gandalf whistles up Gwaihir the Eagle, Frodo takes the Ring, is flown straight to Orodruin, where he drops it into the Cracks of Doom: _Job Done_!


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## The Ace (Jul 12, 2008)

LOTR;

Tolkein dies at the end of Book I (the arrival at Rivendell) and GRRM takes over.  The party is wiped out in Moria, but Sauron bends his will to summon the Balrog (now Ring-Bearer) to Mordor.  Its attempt to escape oversea ends at Rivendell where it kills Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen.

Denethor, Galadriel, Dain and Theoden are so busy trying to obliterate each other, they don't notice the Nazgul and hordes of orcs until it's way too late.

The returning Balrog recognises Sauron as its master and the victorious horde advances on the Grey Havens, (now the Gray Havens) pausing only for an orgy of slaughter in the Shire, which takes up an entire volume.

Sauron swats Tom Bombadil like an irritating fly before doing unmentionable things to Goldberry over six chapters.

Sauron invades and takes the Undying Lands, turning them into Hell.


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## Grimward (Jul 12, 2008)

Haven't read GRRM yet, but his reputation precedes him (think Hollywood would let him get away with killing off everyone in the movie?)!  Especially liked the bits about Bombadil and the Gray Havens.


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## Highlander II (Jul 14, 2008)

I too, am amused by this thread.  Do continue. 

LOVE the Titanic one.  Despite the fact that I refuse to see the movie.


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## Dave (Jul 14, 2008)

Mentioning _Titanic_ reminded me of the current craze of 'Sweding' films. If you have seen _Be Kind, Rewind_ they come up with the idea of 'Sweding' films - remaking them in 20 minutes, low budget-style, not always faithful to the original. _Son of Rambo_ was also about two boys making their own version of _First Blood_.

There is nothing new in 'Sweding'. Little boys who had access to a cine-camera have always done it, but video cameras are dirt cheap now. There are loads on You Tube - just Google 'Sweding'. Empire magazine even had a competition. A 60-second version of _Speed_ was the runner up, but first prize went to a version of _Titanic_.


> From _The London Paper_:
> “Titanic was far too long,” says Craig Trow, who (with friend Nick Jesper) won the Empire competition with a rendition of the James Cameron epic. “I was never convinced that the old lady telling the story could remember that much detail. So in our version she’s gone senile and can only remember enough for a 60-second film.”


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## Dave (Jul 14, 2008)

I've spent the whole evening with my son watching Sweded versions of movies on You Tube because of this.

The Empire magazine shortlist is here:
The Sony Ericsson Empire Awards 2008

We don't think _Titanic_ should have won. _Speed_ and _Alien_ are much better. That version of _Speed_ is also on You Tube here:

[YouTube]G7RVzBo4D6M[/YouTube]

We also particularly like this _Jurassic Park_

[YouTube]OFZBz3ZiQbk[/YouTube]

and this one of many _Star Wars_

[YouTube]_qEWhrjYg_o[/YouTube]

and especially _Terminator 2_

[YouTube]01iAqB-cqZw[/YouTube]


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## Urien (Jul 14, 2008)

Very funny. Students, huh... and this is what they do with their grants... er loans.

How can we build the future with such shoddy material? Actually having seen those, I think the future's fine.


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## Highlander II (Jul 15, 2008)

I love the cardboard dino's! 

These actually remind me of Cleo Linda's Movies in 15 Minutes over on LJ.  She's got some brilliant ones!


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## HoopyFrood (Jul 15, 2008)

It's what students do best in their large amounts of free time, it seems. My friends and I created our own horror film trailer last year about "The Gouger" (with me as the title role ). Look out, she'll gouge out your eyes with her ice cream scoop!

*Carrie*: Carrie finds she has a fine sense of humour and can laugh off whatever amount of pigs' blood people pour over her (teenagers will play these silly pranks); seeing this, everyone realises she's quite a nice girl after all, she becomes incredibly popular, joins the cheer leading team, shows her mother the error of her crazy, overbearing ways and only ever uses her telekinesis to float the remote control over to her when she can't be bothered to get up out of her seat.


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## jojajihisc (Jan 9, 2010)

*Gremlins*

The hostile titular creatures are eradicated and it gradually becomes apparent that the "mogwai" are a parasitic scout species meant to fertilize planet with their human, keratin-based excrement. 

*I, Robot*

After a thorough investigation of the robot factory Detective Spooner closes the case with "scientist jumped out of building and no foul play suspected" written in the margin of the report. He then heads to the YMCA for a pick-up game of basketball. His teams wins.


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## thepaladin (Jan 9, 2010)

*Star Trek The Motion Picture (1979): *Voyger 6 is struck by a small tumbling astral body not far out of the solar system and Earth is spared a long pretentious  movie.


*Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: *Someone bothers to keep trak of the unautherized coloney Kirk has planted sparing Khan, his people and thousands of movie goers untold misery.


*Star Trek III: The Search for Spock: *They don't find him.

*Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home: *The whales arrive in the future and communicate with their friends from a distant star system. Relating to the the fate of all Earths other whales the Giant ship/prob intensifies it's signal, wiping out all humans on the planet.


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## Window Bar (Jan 20, 2010)

_The Hobbit: _
When Bilbo makes it back to the Shire and retrieves the barrow treasure, he finds that all of the treasure's value (which was to have been his pension) was backed by subprime mortgages.

Off he goes on a new quest: this time to the land Tubigtu-Faile, where he sneaks down a tunnel into a bank vault and begins a game of riddles with Ban-Qur, who is lying atop a pile of junk bonds.

"What," asks Bilbo, "is heavier than stone, lighter than a feather, as ephemeral as a maiden's beauty yet as deadly as a viper?"

"My promise to you ..." began the ban-qur (and this, of course, was *the correct answer*, but he hadn't the wit to shut up)... "My promise to you is that according to the signatories of the second party of the sub-agreement's fourth clause of amendments in reference to that person, persons or entity being either able or unable to redeem the debentures is that you may depend upon me to discover a mutually beneficial compromise from which an annuity shall accrue to the first party ..."

Bilbo had heard enough and cut off his  ************** his tongue.


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## jojajihisc (Jan 20, 2010)

^Awesome.


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## J-WO (Jan 20, 2010)

*ARMAGEDDON*- ends exactly as it does in the film, but camera then zooms back to the edge of solar system. Giant alien starship there.

Alien Warlord- _'Hmm, seems they can handle big rocks. Lets try the flesh-necrotizing laser...'_


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## Boneman (Jan 20, 2010)

*Family Man *Nicholas Cage gets to the airport, Tea leoni asks him if he needs closure, says it's okay, goes back in line. He racks his brain to think of something to make her stay, finally comes up with: "We have a house in Jersey...two kids..."

Alt ending 1: Security arrest him and she leaves the country.

Alt ending 2: A man in the nearest queue lays him out, bored with his inane stupidity.

Alt ending 3: She is now convinced he's a mental case and flees through pasport control as fast as possible, changes her name, gets a new identity.

Alt ending 4: He sees Tea again, compares her with the babe he left at his apartment, says "Who am I kidding?" and goes back to the babe....


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## reiver33 (Jan 20, 2010)

*Event Horizon*

No one goes anywhere alone, so nothing bad happens. They power up the ship, set the auto-pilot for a flight back to Earth, and scarper.

*Pitch Black*

Riddick leaves the survivors to die.

*Return Of The Jedi*

On selecting Endor as their base of operations, the Empire exterminates the Ewoks. The rebel attack fails but the Emperor is killed, leaving Luke and a patched-up Vader to rule the galaxy as father and son.

*Close Encounters*

The US Airforce shoots down the mothership when it appears. It pancakes onto the landing area, killing everyone on the ground.


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## Pyan (Jan 21, 2010)

*Dune*

Paul slips during his first attempt to ride *Shai-Hulud*, and is eaten by the Worm. The Fremen resistance ends, and the Harkonnen go on to rule the galaxy.

*The Hobbit* (alternative)

Bilbo takes so long with the washing up on the morning of the Unexpected Party that the Dwarves go off without him. _They're_ all eaten by Smaug, Sauron finds Gollum and retrieves the Ring, and that's about it for Middle-earth...

*The Lord of the Rings*

Sam is actually an agent of Mordor, steals the Ring from Frodo on the first night out from Bag End, gives it to a Nazgûl and that's about it for Middle-earth (again)...


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## reiver33 (Jan 21, 2010)

*The Hobbit*

Bilbo doesn't go with the dwarves (see Pyan, above), who nick some trinkets from Smaug and scarper. Gollum can't find the ring but keeps killing the orcs/gobblins wandering by who might have picked it up instead. Sauron enlists the help of Smaug, points out the gap in his jewel-encrusted belly, and the dragon goes on to torch, well, everywhere. The Mordor relief effort is then welcomed with open arms by those blackened survivors who haven't fled to the Grey Havens or are hiding deep underground. Smaug then turns the Barad-Dur into a pile of rubble, roasts Sauron and returns to his lair. 

*The Lord Of The Rings (Return Of The King)*

Having broken down the gate the Lord of the Nazgul (that's the Witch-King of Angmar to us plebs), rides in to Minas Tirith and confronts Gandalf the White. Rather than being distracted by the situation outside he and Big G 'get it on' - the Witch-King showed no hesitation and even seemed to relish the prospect of a fight, which as a 'craven instrument of evil' (tm) probably meant he was packing enough firepower.

Minas Tirith gets laid waste and Gandalf goes down fighting - maybe even taking the Black Dude with him. Regardless, the attack on the city fails as per the original narrative but without Gandalf to goad them on there is no subsequent attack on Mordor. Without this distraction Sauron spots Sam and Frodo, who are toast.


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## Toby Frost (Jan 23, 2010)

*The Road*

As the Man and the Boy didst go on down the road, they did see a car by the side of the road. Twas a matt black Jensen V8 Interceptor, mysteriously abandoned by its former owner.

Can we use the car? asked the Boy.
Yes, said the Man. This is the sort of car the good guys drive. Lets rock.

And then they did rock, and the road got somewhat more fun.


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## Justin_B (Jan 24, 2010)

Armaggedon:
Comet misses earth completely - NASA used feet not metres


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## J-WO (Jan 24, 2010)

*Mad Max*
Max returns to his Interceptor to find its been stolen. Discovers he has son.  Long walk ahead.


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## Pyan (Jan 24, 2010)

*Battlefield Earth*

On the first day of shooting, everyone who's read the script finds urgent business elsewhere...


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## Ökuþórr (Feb 8, 2010)

*300*
Xerces followers find out he's been claiming over the top face jewellery on his expenses and demand he pays the money back. This leaves him unable to fund his campaign against the Spartans, so he decides to take out a loan. But his bank "Eastern Rock" has gone under, so he's forced to go home and find some way of making his subjects pay for the loss of their own money and forget his expenses claims.

The Spartans meanwhile, decide to take a break in Corfu.


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## Toby Frost (Feb 8, 2010)

*Night of the Living Dead*

As the survivors barricade themselves in, a scripting misprint results in hordes of the ravenous dad breaking in. The survivors are overwhelmed with a barrage of manly banter, and the film ends with the army of dads feasting on tea and biscuits whilst listening to Eric Clapton and using DIY to repair the door they just broke down.


*The Book of Eli*

The mysterious book turns out to be the last surviving copy of _Atlas Shrugged_ by Ayn Rand. Eli shares it with nobody, because altruism is the root of all evil. Nobody greatly minds.


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## Dave (Feb 8, 2010)

*Total Recall*

Haunted by his dreams of Mars, Douglas Quaid goes to Rekall, Inc., who accidently give him false memories of Venus in error when the memory implantation machine malfunctions. In these memories, he meets Colonel Daniel McGregor Dare and fights the super-intelligent Mekon. Afterwards, Quaid returns to his contruction worker job, and Vilos Cohaagen defeats the rebels on Mars. No one ever discovers the ancient alien Oxygen manufacturing reactor.


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## dustinzgirl (Feb 8, 2010)

The "New" BattleStar Galactica:

Starbuck really was a nutjob, and the entire fleet flew into a supernova, saving Earth from never ending endings.

LOTR:

Frodo and Samgee confess their love for each other, take the ring, get married in Canada, and move to Avalon, destroying the continuity timeline and altering the universe forever. But then Dr. Who comes in and fixes everything right, and the Earth is none the wiser, but still suffers from another terrible never ending ending.


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## Toby Frost (Feb 8, 2010)

*The Neverending Story*

It never ends.


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