# Life Rules



## eccles_1960 (Mar 11, 2005)

Sibeling said:
			
		

> But I meant it as quite a serious wish - if some people were more like me the world would be a better place. I don't say I'm perfect, but:
> - I don't drop litter on the street
> - I am polite
> - I would never think of breaking any law (no stealing, killing, cheating with taxes).
> ...


 
Reading Sibelings comments in the Two Wishes thread got me thinking.
I was raised in a strict but fair household. My late father had a straight forward view on life and how you should deal with it and people, and a rigid view on work. My late mother was hard working and a fantastic cook.
Anyhoo, I was raised to respect the law, work hard and go the extra mile if it was needed, respect your elders, never leave an argument unresolved, and never ever raise a fist in anger (extra especially to a woman).

This has definately rubbed of on me and as I get older I really do see that most of his ideal were right.
I like to think that it has made me a decent person and a rasonably good husband and father.
(Typing this also makes me realise how much I miss them)(sniff).

So my question to you great folks, how have your parents shaped the ways you look at life and living?


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## Winters_Sorrow (Mar 11, 2005)

eccles_1960 said:
			
		

> So my question to you great folks, how have your parents shaped the ways you look at life and living?


 
I think you can't helped being influenced by your parents for good or bad.
They're the people you spend much of your formative years with and what you think the world is until you understand the world around you enough to spot the discrepancies.

However, at least from a personal viewpoint - my parents made a lot of mistakes which I was in a prime position to witness as I was growing up so I would have to say that my morals/outlook on life was more influenced by my best friend.
The friends you first make can really shape how you go in life I think - I've known some nice people with horrible parents and visa versa

my $2 anyway (my thoughts are worth more!  )


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## rune (Mar 11, 2005)

I have been influenced by my upbringing and unfortuantely not always in a good way.  However, I seem to recognise some of my parents worse mistakes and not made them myself


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## Tsujigiri (Mar 11, 2005)

My folks raised me across 2 hemispheres, my mother was very gentle and dedicated, she taught me to read before I was four. My father was in the colonial SAS when I was young, he taught me how to fight for what I believed in.
Their value are very old world and so are their tastes, when I was younger I rebelled against this, in fact I was a complete tearaway....I even got involved in prizefighting & etc.
However as I've grown older I've developed similar tastes and attitudes to theirs, and since I've had kids I've begun to understand where they were coming from all those years ago.

Your parents shape who you are whether they are good or bad parents, and it never leaves you.
I was lucky enough to have good parents, even if I was too busy being an angry young man so see it at the time.


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## Chimeco (Mar 11, 2005)

My dad and step-mom spent little time in my upbringing. As long as I was out of there way, and didn't cause enough trouble to get them involved, they left me to my devices. 
I've found through the course of my childhood that I've had to patch together my own moral stitchwork from what I observed in those people that influenced me. Mainly peers that I looked up to, and an occasional close teacher or coach. But also books I've read (mainly high fantasy during my childhood which predisposes me toward some very noble, yet niave principles growing up--that have complicated my adult expectations of life).
I think it's made me somewhat unstable at times, yet colorful and much more accepting of peoples different natures. I've found others who are like me also, and express this view in similar terms. 
I'm a patchwork kid at heart.


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## general grievieous (Mar 12, 2005)

{tasteless comment removed}


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## Foxbat (Mar 12, 2005)

Funnily enough, my father had a voracious appetite for Fantasy - and yet my leanings are towards SF. We had some wonderful times before he passed away - sure, we had the good old father/son arguments but that's what coloured our relationship. My mother was the steady hand on the tiller guiding us through our storms. They were ordinary working class folk just trying to do their best.

In a nutshell, I was lucky. I had a happy childhood, encouraged to do my best at whatever I chose to do and taught to respect others. 
I have no complaints


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## aurelio (Mar 12, 2005)

It's interesting, because I think we get the good and the bad.  My folks gave me a good moral base, but they were both passive/aggressive types, and I've had to work very hard to undo that patterning in my own behavior.

I think a corollary question would be how much of our behavior is nature and how much is nurture?  And, whether nature or nurture, is it possible to change?

I found that I could, but it took a lot of work and a good therapist.


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## Circus Cranium (Mar 13, 2005)

The nurture aspect can definitely be changed. It took my siblings and I YEARS to shake off the psychological damage my parents did to us. But we did. Now everyone's happy and successful. But had to disconnect with our past. Ultimately, everyone is born their own person, and can take that back, no matter what the upbringing. My parents weren't ALL bad, they taught basic morals and class etc. But they generally did not like their children, and that does a number on a kid, and carries on through adulthood until you become experienced enough to develop your own confidence.


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## aurelio (Mar 13, 2005)

> My parents weren't ALL bad


This seems obvious, but it was hard for me to get to the point of realizing that my parents really are just people too, and as such, CAN'T do everything right.  As a kid, I was led to believe they had all the answers, so when I didn't agree or thought something they did was lame, I figured I was wrong and they were right.

Then, I got to the point of pre-adulthood when I went, "Hey, wait a sec..." and then the phase of "geez, my parents are idiots, jerks, lamebrains, (insert all-encompassing negative label here)" set in.

Eventually, I got some perspective - mainly when I started to hear some of my father's "lame" words come out of my own mouth!       -----Noooo!!!!

I think my primary life rule now is to look past my feelings to my actual habits and behaviors to discover if I am being the person I want to be.  This has helped me undo or redo a lot of things in my life, because habits and behaviors are easier to change than feelings and often the feelings won't change until the habits have.


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## Jayaprakash Satyamurthy (Mar 15, 2005)

Simple things like saying 'thank you', 'please', 'may I' and 'excuse me'. Simple social courtesies that oddly seem exotic and even outdated to many. It doesn't hurt to say them, and it doesn't waste significant time, so why not. 

The ability to think for myself, and never reiterate recieved opinion and belief without reasoning it out independentally. 

Most of all, never to be afraid of being different, if that's what it takes to be myself. 

A lifelong reading habit, and a love for The Beatles and Bob Dylan. 

Yep, I think they got a thing or two right, in the parenting gig.


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