# Trapped by Monsters!



## Mark Robson (Jan 21, 2009)

THE WORLD of children’s books is reeling with shock over the news that eight top authors have been ambushed, kidnapped and trapped – by monsters!

*Tommy Donbavand*, *Andy Briggs*, *Joe Craig*, *Ali Sparkes*, *Sam Enthoven*, *Baz Hutchison*, *Mark Robson* and *David Melling* were traveling to a remote luxury hideaway together in an olde worlde shiny black coach pulled by four horses when the monsters struck.

*Farty Smells*

‘It all happened so fast, they came out of nowhere!’ said coach driver Arthur Click. ‘It was just a blur of fur and teeth and farty smells.’
The authors, who had been planning to pool their combined genius to create the ultimate anthology of monster stories, were hauled from the comfort of the coach just as they were all laughing uproariously at their own jokes.

‘It was ‘orrible,’ said Mr Click. ‘They were dragged kicking and screaming out onto the road – there was nothing I could to do stop it. We were in the middle of nowhere and one of the monsters had his fangs at my throat.

‘And then this orange cement mixer lorry backed up out of a farm track. It was full of gooey stuff – and the authors all got thrown in.
‘Then the monsters drove the truck away with all them authors going round and round in the mixer. It was like author porridge… They were screaming out things – terrible things I’ll never forget. Like ‘Phone my agent!’ and ‘I bet there won’t be any publicity set up about this!’  I felt sick.’
*Telephone Message*

A police spokesman later said a telephone message had been received from the kidnappers. It made absolutely no sense and seemed to be a series of grunts, squeaks, rattles, farts and snorts.

But international Monsterese interpreter, Professor Anthony Squadge, was rushed in to Scotland Yard to hear the phone messages and delivered this translation:

_‘WE, the AFFRONTED MONSTER’S POPULAR FRONT, have captured these authors as a protest against their ongoing anti-monster plotlines. We have them trapped in a cave. We will feed them. Probably. But they have to write for their grub – a series of entertaining posts to a new blog for book lovers. If they don’t co-operate we’ll probably eat them. Although authors usually give us heartburn.’_
*Naturally Devastated*

The authors’ friends and family are, naturally, devastated.

‘Well, it’s a bit of a turn up for the books,’ said Andy Brigg’s mother.

‘It’s a shame, isn’t it?’ said Mark Robson’s aunt.

‘As she’s the only female they probably think she’ll keep things tidy,’ chuckled Ali’s husband, shaking his head. ‘Oh, that’s funny…’

‘Joe? Trapped by monsters?’ said Joe’s mate from school. ‘Oh. Right.  Blimey. Ah – that’s my bus.’

‘In a cave?!’ said Tommy’s wife. ‘Does it have broadband?  He won’t like it there one bit if it doesn’t.’

‘Oh poor Sammy,’ said Sam’s mum. ‘I suppose I’ll have to take someone else to see Mamma Mia with me, then.’

‘It was only ever a matter of time, I suppose,’ said Baz’s dad. ‘It’s what happens when you offend monsters. Look what happened to Beatrix Potter. Beaten up by insulted puddle ducks.’

‘David. Will I ever see you again?’ wailed David’s accountant.

The search for the authors continues…  see more at www.trappedbymonsters.com


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## BookStop (Jan 21, 2009)

I can't wait for Caleb to get home from school and read this. It's appalling to think one of his favorite authors might be in trouble!


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## Michael01 (Jan 22, 2009)

This is very funny and the site looks good.  I love it.


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## Ian Whates (Jan 22, 2009)

Funnily enough, I've been wondering lately where you'd got to, Mark...

Now we all know!

Great concept.


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## Mark Robson (Jan 22, 2009)

Ian Whates said:


> Funnily enough, I've been wondering lately where you'd got to, Mark...
> 
> Now we all know!
> 
> Great concept.


 
The monsters have been kind enough to allow us the occasional visitor, who will be adding items to the blog while they're with us. I understand they've already authorised Eoin Colfer (author of the Artemis Fowl series) to come.  He's just become my hero.  We've been asking around to see if anyone else will brave the cave - it's pretty grim - all warts and snot and dribble ... and that's just the authors! 

At least they have been driving me to write. I've nearly finished Aurora now. Less than two weeks and I should have the draft complete.


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## Michael01 (Jan 22, 2009)

Hmm.  Maybe I should be kidnapped by monsters too...


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