# write your own epic fantasy novel



## Crymic (Aug 14, 2006)

http://members.ozemail.com.au/~imcfadyen/notthenet/fantasy.htm
a friend of mine posted this on another forum.. thought it was pretty funny.


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## Rosemary (Aug 14, 2006)

Oh...a chance for me at last to write the Best Selling Fantasy Book of the Year... 

Very funny Crymic


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## Brian G Turner (Aug 15, 2006)

I liked it.


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## Paige Turner (Aug 15, 2006)

Bah. Shows what that guy knows. MY skinny characters are dumb, too.


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## Crisspin (Aug 15, 2006)

That was neat.


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## KSeriphyn (Aug 17, 2006)

I wonder if the guy who wrote this sold million copies of his epic novels.  Very funny read.


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## Thunderchild (Aug 19, 2006)

ahhh so thats what Iv'e been doing wrong


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## dustinzgirl (Aug 19, 2006)

Personally, I have never gotten into the loser turned hero guy. I mean, I like my hero's to have some wrongness to them, but I like a real, true blue hero. One who isnt a wimp. I can't stand wimps.


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## Culhwch (Aug 19, 2006)

Man, this guy read some really bad fantasy. Poor bugger is scarred for life, I think...


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## Winters_Sorrow (Aug 19, 2006)

Well if I turn my gaze back to some of the books I read (and enjoyed!) as a child then it's pretty accurate.

Two series which leap to mind straight away are The Belgariad & the original Dragonlance trilogy


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## Hiro Protagonist (Aug 21, 2006)

Funny!!!


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## epicfantasy7 (Aug 29, 2006)

That article is a riot! It just shows how cliched the genre of epic fantasy can be. This would be the perfect formula for doing the exact opposite if you wanted to be fresh and new.


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## Brys (Aug 30, 2006)

Not bad, but I still prefer the Fantasy novelists exam. It'll be another useful resource when I get around to doing my parody novel.


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## The DeadMan (Aug 31, 2006)

*That was GREAT! LMAO!*


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## Eoghann (Sep 1, 2006)

Is it bad that I would probably enjoy that book?


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## Aes (Sep 1, 2006)

I am proud to say that none of my four story projects really follow anything close to those "guidelines."  Funny stuff, but also sad because that does indeed describe what many fantasy stories seem to feel like.

I suspect it stems from D&D, where the motley bunch, the inexplicably-fanatic followers of the evil archnemesis, the long journey, the caves, etc are all staples.  The omnipotent and wise old wizard who rarely uses his power because the party needs to suffer instead could almost be compared to the DM


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## Eoghann (Sep 2, 2006)

Aes said:
			
		

> I am proud to say that none of my four story projects really follow anything close to those "guidelines."  Funny stuff, but also sad because that does indeed describe what many fantasy stories seem to feel like.
> 
> I suspect it stems from D&D, where the motley bunch, the inexplicably-fanatic followers of the evil archnemesis, the long journey, the caves, etc are all staples.  The omnipotent and wise old wizard who rarely uses his power because the party needs to suffer instead could almost be compared to the DM



Oh I'd say you could trace pretty much every element there back to Tolkien. Or to be more specific Tolkien as re-written by someone with less skill.

I'd still probably enjoy it though.


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## valeriefrankel (Sep 14, 2006)

This and evil overlord dot com should get together!


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## Wishful (Sep 15, 2006)

LOL, that was a great read.  

Especially the bits about the Arch Enemy wanting to destroy his own world for no apparent reason and about not using magic even if you're the greatest wizard alive seem to be very true for much fantasy.


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## Patrick Mahon (Oct 13, 2006)

Brys said:
			
		

> Not bad, but I still prefer the Fantasy novelists exam.


 
Not heard of that before - got a link?


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## SpaceShip (Oct 27, 2006)

Wonder if he's going to do a sequel!


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## Mouse (Oct 27, 2006)

Very good. What's wrong with the name 'Ermine Dayglo?' I think it's pretty good!!


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## Sharukem (Nov 7, 2006)

can someone please tell how this is for a rough copy? in the next post..... or more if needed


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## Sharukem (Nov 7, 2006)

The Final Battle (Part 1)​

There was a group of 3 demons and 1 dragon all of their names are: Shadow, Rem, Aaron, and Myuk. Shadow and Aaron are brothers that were once together but due to them seeing different views on how their father’s domain was to be controlled they separated. But now the lot of them are sitting in their forest at the spot where they are usually training for the up coming battles. While they were talking Myuk said something about a brawl pit being put in. So since everyone is talking so then Aaron decides to have his input.
"Well from what I have heard as Myuk said there will be a brawl pit put in the town soon. But what I heard further on from that is there will be a demonic dragon by the name of Sharukem there. That is the name of our demonic dragon. Do you think that it is possible that when we had blood taken out of us that this battle in the pit will be against our clones?"
"Aaron, it might very well be against our clones. Shadow you were not here for this conversation between Aaron and I but...."
“I know Rem, remember I had it done to me too but I overheard what the doctors said because I became conscious earlier than what they thought I would."
And as Shadow finished saying that everyone looks at him with an expression of surprise. Then Shadow says
"What, you never thought you'd live to see the day I remember something other than those I wanna kill?"
They all answer but Shadow
"Yeah, surprised? That is an understatement, the word is more like scared to death"
So after that they just talked about how their day went instead of the brawl pit. Then a couple of weeks have passed. Shadow blurts out
"You think we should start training against each other again? That way if this clone of us is really there we would be able to take him no problem"
"Yeah but Shadow, you figure the stronger we get the stronger it will get"
"True say Rem, but if we don't get stronger it will, don't forget"
"Well Shadow if we train they get twice as strong as they would be if we didn't train."
So after a couple hours of arguing they came to an agreement.
"Fine Shadow we will train, all four of us since if we do train as a group we will be stronger, I finally saw what you were trying to say"
"Thank you Rem, now when shall we start?"
"We shall start at sunrise tomorrow morning"
So after the discussion both Shadow and Rem went off and told the other two about what was going on.
So after a couple months of training they finally put in the brawl pit and almost everyone had signed up. They had to participate in teams of four, and Shadow, Rem, Aaron, and Myuk were all separated at first but after the first 15 matches they wound up as a team for the remainder of the fights. The next couple of days were just where the contestants would be able to relax and train of they wish. So Shadow and them went to their house so they could shower and just relax in their own beds. A couple hours after they got home they were all passed out on the floor in front of the television watching the movie Stay Alive. Then in the middle of the night one of the teams drugged the group so they wouldn't be able to participate in the up coming battle the next day. So then they try to drug Myuk but before they could get one of his scales up so they could put the drug in he woke up.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"
The rest of the group wakes up to the sound of Myuk bellowing at the intruder, but before they said anything they realized that they were being sabotaged. So naturally they look around to find the intruders and then when they spotted them trying top run out the front door. But before the intruders got even close to the door they found themselves on the ground. After they stood up they looked around to see what tripped them but they couldn't find anything, so they turn to go out the door and Shadow, Aaron, and Rem are in their way. 
“Get out of our way before we hurt you so bad that you would wish we didn't hurt you so bad"
Shadow blurts out in anger
“What have you done to me and my friends? If you don't tell us you will be unable to get out of the hospital wing for a good year or two."
“We ain't telling you nothing because you will never be able to defeat us with what we did to you and your friends, but if you wanna try lets go right now out back"
Everyone blurted out.
"You’re on"
So the eight of them go outback for the fight but the intruders had no idea who they were going to fight against. So when they got outside the intruders turned ghostly white, so Rem asked.
"What's wrong, it looks like you've seen a ghost or something?"
"Besides I thought you wanted to fight us, do you?" asked Aaron.
"W-w-we do wanna fight you, so let’s get this thing started. We will fight by the pit rules, discuss the strategy and everything else after that is fair game ok?"
"Fine by us"
So they eight of them split into their teams and discussed their strategies. The other team's strategy is to go full out offensive and little defensive, Shadow's team is to play around with them and let them think that they are winning then go into their demonic dragon Sharukem.


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## SpaceShip (Nov 9, 2006)

Done it!
*sits back and waits for the royalties to pour in!*


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## Loner (Nov 10, 2006)

Brys said:


> Not bad, but I still prefer the Fantasy novelists exam. It'll be another useful resource when I get around to doing my parody novel.


Here's the link: 
The Fantasy Novelist's Exam

(I just read a novel that contained many of the points in the exam, including number 69!)


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## Sketti (Nov 15, 2006)

well, the one I am sorta writing every now and then has some of them things on the exam but I comfort myself in that mostly I don't do any of those things >.< I guess I won't be a best seller but at least I make myself happy


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## Sharukem (Dec 8, 2006)

is my little story thing really that bad?


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## jackokent (Dec 8, 2006)

Eoghann said:


> Is it bad that I would probably enjoy that book?


 
Oh my God! that _*is*_ my book !


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## Patrick Mahon (Dec 20, 2006)

Loner said:


> Here's the link:
> The Fantasy Novelist's Exam
> 
> (I just read a novel that contained many of the points in the exam, including number 69!)


 
Thanks, Loner - I laughed myself stupid (not hard for me  ) over this. Now I can finally write a terrible and derivative fantasy novel!


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## Faceless Woman (Dec 20, 2006)

Erm... no to all questions...


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## Kitera (Dec 21, 2006)

Heh, I like the site.


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