# What the movies have taught me



## The_Warrior (Sep 12, 2007)

Here's a list of all the things (**Coughcliches**Cough**) the movies tuaght me.



When you run away from a creppy killer with somthing on his face, you will trip and fall to make it more 'scary'.


When there is some big monster or tidle wave behind you, you can still look in back of you long enough for it to get you, but still get away safly.



Usallly when people call the phone; they don't say hello, and don't say good bye.


When some one is running, there is usally a camra on a dolly and some one pushing it.



THIS LIST CAN GO ON IF OTHERS WILL CONTINUE WITH IT.


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## Foxbat (Sep 12, 2007)

I've always wanted to make a film where the hero hears a sound in the attic and decides to investigate but - at the last minute - has second thoughts, gets in his car and drives away -never to return...The End. 

It would be as pretty short film but far more realistic than a lot of the cliched tripe we are served on a regular basis


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## Locksmith (Sep 12, 2007)

With apologies to Eddie Izzard for stealing his idea: 

James Bond will always have just the right gadgets for the tricky situations he gets into. You never see him at the end saying "Q, there was a lot of stuff I didn't use..."


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## Maxwell Jennison (Sep 12, 2007)

When someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!

But if they ask you if you're Sarah Connor, say no.


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## tangaloomababe (Sep 13, 2007)

Originally posted by Maxwell Jennison



> But if they ask you if you're Sarah Connor, say no.





LOL!!!

I have decided that I must be using the wrong makeup, particuarly mascarra.  In the movies it never runs or smudges, even when its raining and how come my hair never looks that good when I first wake up?


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## Winters_Sorrow (Sep 13, 2007)

The movies have taught me the following:

All [y] tasks can be completed in a single day, assuming a cheesy 80s tune can be played on a ghetto-blaster and you have [x] number of wacky friends, outcast by the rest of society, to help you. Despite none of you having any actual skill or experience in carpentry, plastering, electronics etc.

* Where [y] is a house, [x] must equal 3 or more

Computer whizzkids can hack into any computer system, no matter how heavily encrypted, in a few minutes, hours at most.

If it's a million to one shot, it's bound to work 99% of the time

When being pursued by a killer, the police station is less safe than a closet in your bedroom.

Oh, and if you have sex you die. But graphic violence is a-ok.


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## Overread (Sep 13, 2007)

That if you ever want to survive the scream films really do contain all the rules of horror films


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## roddglenn (Sep 13, 2007)

If you're called John MacLane you really are in the wrong place at the wrong time EVERY TIME.

Sophisticated robots sent back in time from the future tend to prefer leathers and like to ride Harleys.

Archeologists carry guns and whips and never lose their hats.


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## HoopyFrood (Sep 13, 2007)

If you say "I'll be right back" you're going to die.
If you say "Everything's fine" you're going to die.
If you say "Look, perfectly safe" you're going to die.

The first one to venture into the scary forest/graveyard/building/etc if going to be the first one to die.

People always run upstairs when pursued by the evil killer person/thing...where they inevitably lock themselves into a room and get cornered.

Whenever something sad happens, or there's a funeral, it starts to rain (good old pathetic fallacy).

The good guy/gal can dodge a thousand bullets, but can take out an entire room of nondescript henchpersons with about six bullets.

The bad guy is _never_ dead the first time round...he'll always grab your leg or pop back up for one final showdown.


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## Locksmith (Sep 13, 2007)

If you're a soldier, never express how much you're looking forward to getting back to see your wife and kids. You wont.


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## dustinzgirl (Sep 13, 2007)

Women must be super intelligent, super hot, and super cold to be super heroes.

Men just have to have a gun and make smart ass comments.


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## Majimaune (Sep 14, 2007)

Thats all pretty true.

Say "Die bitch" while killing something and it will die in a dramatic way.

You will always run out of bullets and find more in the most unlikely places.

Main character, generally a loser.


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## Soggyfox (Sep 14, 2007)

all motor vehicles are equal, you can't out run an articulated lorry with a motor bike and no matter how 'suped' up your ferrari is, you can't outrun a police car.

guns don't have limited ammunition, you just keep firing away, no problems.

never wear red in a star trek movie.


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## Majimaune (Sep 14, 2007)

Never seen Star Trek so I'm good.

Good friend often dies.


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## Connavar (Sep 14, 2007)

dustinzgirl said:


> Women must be super intelligent, super hot, and super cold to be super heroes.
> 
> Men just have to have a gun and make smart ass comments.




Hehe soo true !


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## Stone (Sep 14, 2007)

never to cross the streams and never walk into the light.  However, always stay on the path, follow the white rabbit and put down the bunny when told to


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## Majimaune (Sep 14, 2007)

I thought so too I just didn't say it.


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## The_Warrior (Sep 14, 2007)

Dosen't Hitcock always has those ackward introdutctions at the begining of his movies?


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## Soggyfox (Sep 14, 2007)

it doesn't matter how big your galaxy spanning empire is, you will be bought down by a bunch of teddy bears.


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## Majimaune (Sep 15, 2007)

Yep a bunch of teddy bear look-a-likes at least.


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## The_Warrior (Sep 15, 2007)

You know Willow,The Lepurcaun, that robot thing, and the Drof  in CON was the little baby looking one in that.


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## The Ace (Sep 15, 2007)

Laser beams can be any colour, but both parties must agree which to use beforehand so the audience can tell friend from foe.

(Anyone believing laser beams are invisible has obviously spent too long at school.)

Only baddies suffer 'Friendly fire.'


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## Pyan (Sep 15, 2007)

If you're the Hero, and you're captured by the Arch-Villain, don't worry. He won't kill you at once, but leave you strapped in some sort of automated killing-machine, while he goes off to do something vital. This will give you ample time to escape...


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## Talysia (Sep 15, 2007)

Soggyfox said:


> never wear red in a star trek movie.


 
Seemingly so true!


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## Majimaune (Sep 16, 2007)

pyan said:


> If you're the Hero, and you're captured by the Arch-Villain, don't worry. He won't kill you at once, but leave you strapped in some sort of automated killing-machine, while he goes off to do something vital. This will give you ample time to escape...


That or there is always a vital flaw in the Arch-villain's way to kill you so you can somehow escape that way.


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## Talysia (Sep 16, 2007)

Not to mention they almost always divulge their dastardly plan just before they leave...


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## Majimaune (Sep 16, 2007)

Mmm I forgot that the villain tells the hero everything. So stupid if you ask me. Why can't there be a smart villain for once?


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## Pyan (Sep 16, 2007)

I think it's been posted before, but for those that haven't seen it....

Peter's Evil Overlord List


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## Majimaune (Sep 16, 2007)

Haven't seen that before and like it.


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## Talysia (Sep 16, 2007)

Ah, I'd completely forgotten about that list.  Some absolute gems on it.


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## Majimaune (Sep 17, 2007)

Yeah I agree. Love the last one.


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## Quokka (Sep 18, 2007)

If you need to find someone, particuarly someone you don't know and even more so if it's someone you don't even know that you need to know, then head off in any random direction confident in the fact that you will bump into them with minutes to spare.


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## tangaloomababe (Sep 18, 2007)

If your a female and you happen to meet James Bond 007, DON'T FIGHT IT!!! he always gets his woman!


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## Majimaune (Sep 18, 2007)

Mmmm thats true Tanga. Sometimes I wish I was James Bond...


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## Aerandir (Sep 18, 2007)

If your a cop and it is your last day before retirement you will end up in at least one high speed chase, one shooting, and it will usually be because of some young punk cop who breaks all the rules.

If you tell the main character too much about yourself to get the audience to feel for you, you will die before the end of the movie. 

If your on the Star ship enterprise and have been chosen to accompany the main characters on a mission and you wearing red....your dead.

Quit while your ahead. If you tell a funny joke and get a laugh don't wear it into the dirt. It was only funny the first two times you said it.

Die Hard
Indian Jones
Rocky
Friday the 13th
Nightmare on Elmstreet


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## Talysia (Sep 18, 2007)

One thing I have noticed from growing up watching old black and white war films (Mum used to watch lots of them) is that if you're a fresh-faced young pilot/soldier, talking about how you're going to marry your sweetheart and live in a beautiful house, in a beautiful part of the country and grow old together, then you probably won't come back from the war at all.  I've seen that one quite a few times.


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## bruno-1012 (Sep 18, 2007)

All bombs are made with the same colour of wires every time - 'cut the red one!'


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## dustinzgirl (Sep 19, 2007)

If you think there is someone in the house there always is. Get out. Don't stop running. Or you will DIE!

Hiding never works. That idiot blond with the fake boobs will be sniveling and crying or the stoner idiot kid will have to cough, or the nerd will sneeze. You will all DIE!

If a child kills his pets, doesn't give hugs, doesn't talk, goes through nanny's like I change my undergarments, and can disappear and reappear at will or just generally creeps you out, it is the son of Satan. Drop him (or her, in the case of The Bad Seed) off at the local circus and wash your hands of the devil child, or you will DIE!

Just because someone talks the talk doesn't mean they can walk the walk. Don't hang out with the loud, rude, jock/bully/stoner or you will DIE!

Do not, under any circumstances, ever, ever, go camping with teenagers. Or you will DIE! (this is true whether or not its a horror flick, have any of you been camping with teenagers? its freaking insane.)

Your car will not work. Then engine has been melted, the bad guy has the keys, the tires slashed, or you will be to freaked out to remember how to start the dang thing. Don't go to your car or you will DIE!

The rare female killer is overly nice, sweet, innocent and nobody knows her past. She will also be highly intelligent and sexy. She will not have a boyfriend. You will want to be her boyfriend. Do not date her or you will DIE!


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## tangaloomababe (Sep 19, 2007)

Gees Dusty I didn't realize just how dangerous movies can be. There is alot of dying, its probably best to relocate to a remote uninhabited forest, but then again a hairy guy with a grizzly bear will probably just annoy you


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## dustinzgirl (Sep 19, 2007)

tangaloomababe said:


> Gees Dusty I didn't realize just how dangerous movies can be. There is alot of dying, its probably best to relocate to a remote uninhabited forest, but then again a hairy guy with a grizzly bear will probably just annoy you



Speaking of, if you happen to be in a deserted forest area or other desert area or city area that has no people, or the people you are with are disappearing, do not assume they are all just goofing around or out making babies. Get away as fast as you can. Or you will DIE!

If you happen to come across an animal or human remains that looks as though it died horribly, for instance big boils, peeling fur and skin, blisters, weapon marks, do not hang around or touch the dead thing. Or you will DIE!


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## Quokka (Sep 19, 2007)

Talysia said:


> One thing I have noticed from growing up watching old black and white war films (Mum used to watch lots of them) is that if you're a fresh-faced young pilot/soldier, talking about how you're going to marry your sweetheart and live in a beautiful house, in a beautiful part of the country and grow old together, then you probably won't come back from the war at all. I've seen that one quite a few times.


 

I like this one and never, ever, under any circumstances write a letter home to a loved one 'just in case'. In real life this would be prudent in the movies you appear to be outright daring god to wipe you out!

If possible dont even have a family going to war, go out commit a few crimes, nothing that actually hurts other people but in the movies being an orphan with a 'checkered history' is better than wearing a flak jacket.


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## Majimaune (Sep 19, 2007)

Thats true Quokka.

Never go into a forest at midnight. You will effectively die.


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## Majimaune (Oct 17, 2007)

Yep.

You should never get lost.


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## Soggyfox (Oct 17, 2007)

you can drink all the alcohol you like, all night long and just hop into your car to drive home.


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## Majimaune (Oct 17, 2007)

Hey thats true. Lets not try that one sometime.


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## Soggyfox (Oct 17, 2007)

Majimaune said:


> Hey thats true. Lets not try that one sometime.


 
be nice if Hollywoodland took a lead and for once a charcter said " no i've drunk too much and i'll get a Taxi"


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## Majimaune (Oct 17, 2007)

Yeah, it would help drink driving deaths go down a bit.


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