# How to write for Channel Four - Utopian stupidity -



## Boneman (Jan 30, 2013)

Is anyone else watching Channel 4's Utopia? It's a wonderful fantasy... it has to be, because otherwise it's the most moronic piece of rubbish I've seen in a very long time. 

Confusing premise to hook you, more gratuitous violence that Stanley Kubrick/Sam Peckinpah could handle (every week), characters who sleep-walk their way through their lines, and the dumbest police force in existence. When the uber-bad guy finally got close to the manuscript last night, the uber-good girl was hiding in the bathroom, armed, and did nothing while the bad guy killed an unidentified woman (may have been a police woman or a social worker) and then the mother of a girl who'd been given the manuscript (Aled Jones' daughter, incidentally). The uber-good girl has already shown a ruthless streak in strangling an old tramp who knew too much and whacking a CIA agent unconscious, and torturing her, and the uber-bad guy has been offing everyone in his way,(I think he's killed about 35 so far, but I may have missed one or two) in his search for her. She could have shot the bad guy but (apparently) that would probably remove the chance for more gratuitous killings next week. Yeah, just in case we didn't get it by their actions - they both appear to be sleep-walking most of the time - we're told that the uber-characters are 'different'.... WTF??? 

Oh yeah, after the bad guy shoots 22 children and two teachers in a school, he apparently (because it happens off screen) just walks out and later cctv identifies someone who wasn't there along with a fingerprint (just to set up a 12 year old kid). Apparently, the real police force in this country are all on holiday... Oh yeah, right at the beginning of episode one, the bad guy's partner whacks a character with an iron bar, and we see the obligatory pool of blood, and they then use a canister to gas everyone in the shop. Pool of blood? Dead Bodies? Investigation? Nah, (apparently) it was just a gas leak one character tells another. 

I'm not even going to get into the Russian flu (apparently) outbreak in the scottish Island, and the civil servant who (apparently) gets a russian prostitute pregnant for the sole purpose of being blackmailed. Oh yeah, she gets set up for the murder of a journalist who (apparently) knew too much. 

It's truly unbelievable ****. And I'm not watching any more because it's just so utterly stupid, stupid, stupid. I think I'd rather read 50 shades of Grey, that at least has a plot. How do writer's get away with this kind of drivel? It has more holes it than a dam made out of swiss cheese (Eion Colfer) and whilst I may not be its target audience, it should be given the audience it deserves - say 3am in the morning, for insomniacs. 

If you have a hankering to write for TV, and want a series accepted by Channel 4, load it with the worst kind of stupidity you can think of, violence of the worst kind (did I mention the removal of an eye with a spoon after rubbing chilli pepper, sand and bleach into both eyes?) and an air of mystery that, when it's finally explained, everyone is bound to go - "Gosh. Didn't. See. That. Coming" because it's so utterly banal I laughed out loud. Thank God it wasn't made with the licence-payer's money!! 

Please don't tell me how it ends. I'd rather not know, because that would vindicate (in the smallest way possible) the show itself, and the 'writer's' ability to produce such a pathetically inept series... It'll probably win awards at the next 'back-slapping-isn't-British-Television-wonderful' ceremony, hosted by Jonathan Ross.


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## Mouse (Jan 30, 2013)

Oooooh. Controversial. 

I keep seeing it advertised and keep thinking it looks right up my street, then someone at work today asked if I'd seen it and then told me that it was, and I quote, "_really_ good." So, I'll watch it and let you know if I agree with thee or she!


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## HareBrain (Jan 31, 2013)

I watched the first two, thought they were pretty good -- visually striking -- but got the growing impression that it would all turn out to be a load of nonsense, so I'm going to record the rest and maybe watch them if the ending sounds good.

I agree with Boneman that the omnipotence of the bad guys and the complete absence of police investigating any of the carnage seems ridiculous. The carnage itself I found pretty unpleasant and was almost enough to put me off.


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## Ursa major (Jan 31, 2013)

I expect it's set in some sort of virtual reality, or is a dream...









... or someone is taking a shower.


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## Boneman (Jan 31, 2013)

Ursa major said:


> I expect it's set in some sort of virtual reality, or is a dream...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
Nah, that would be better writing... more original, more exciting, and more satisfying. A bit like a shower really. Terry Thomas's famous expression springs to mind here, though!


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## Lenny (Jan 31, 2013)

So the obvious question: how does it compare to the BBC's SF effort, *Outcasts*?


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## HareBrain (Jan 31, 2013)

Lenny said:


> So the obvious question: how does it compare to the BBC's SF effort, *Outcasts*?



Assuming that was a serious question, in my opinion, on the evidence so far, it's much, much better than that, as evinced by the fact that I watched two episodes without tearing out my own eyeballs (or rubbing chillies and sand in them: little in-joke there). Unlike Boneman, I think the dialogue and acting are generally very good, and the acidic colour palette strikingly well-done. I'm just not convinced about the suspension-of-disbelief element.

(BTW it's not strictly speaking SFF, or at least nothing so far has revealed it to be so.)


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## Lenny (Jan 31, 2013)

I kind of enjoyed *Outcasts*.

Utopia isn't actually SFF? Huh... I guess I made a wrong assumption reading Boneman's original post at some point - I mean, something like this doesn't sound like it can really _just _be a drama.


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## Ursa major (Jan 31, 2013)

Your secret may be safe with us, Lenny.

The problem with _Outcasts_ - well one of them  - was that its explanations often didn't hold water, and were falling apart as one or other character was explaining them, slowly. It also lacked the sense pace/wit/glitz/depth to the characters that stop you thinking, "This is rubbish!" during successful programmes with similarly problematic relationships to reality: there was simply too much time to consider _Outcasts_'s faults in real time, and not enough successful distractions.

So while _Spooks_ and _Hustle_ - and some of the US crime shows we get in the UK -  wouldn't stand up to a detailed analysis, they mostly carry the bulk of their audiences to the end credits before the "did they really claim to be able to do _that_?" comments kick in, assuming one can still recall those slips. It also didn't help that, as science fiction, its script didn't seem to take much if any consideration to science, even though it should have been at the heart of the show. Who cares if one of the many varieties alphabet soup US crime shows know their science; they're cop (or near enough) shows.

I haven't seen _Utopia_, but it sounds glitzy enough to head off some of the criticism. (You only have to look at the comments of some of those who enjoy it: they're not enthusing about the realism.)


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## Lenny (Mar 7, 2013)

So how did this turn out? I assume that the first series has ended, but there haven't been any posts about the last episodes.

Did it get better, or did people just stop watching?


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## Ursa major (Mar 7, 2013)

The Grauniad ran an episode by episode blog about it; below the ATL comments for each episode there were a lot of comments.

Expect lots of spoilers.


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## markpud (Aug 25, 2014)

Anyone watching S2? I'm only half-way through but will hopefully finish the remaining episodes this week


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## Lenny (Oct 6, 2014)

Watched the first series this evening, and I rather enjoyed it!

Totally daft, with a plot that falls apart if you give it any actual thought, and great fun. Reminds me of *Orphan Black*.

Think I'll watch the second series tomorrow evening.


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## markpud (Oct 9, 2014)

I love the cinematography of this show, primary colours everywhere, visually stunning!

Season 2 was fun, the conspiracy does seem more tenuous the more you find out about it though.

Hearing that an American re-make is in the plans, which is a shame!!


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## ctg (Oct 10, 2014)

They have seen your complaint @Boneman and acted upon it. 



> Channel 4's dark conspiracy thriller _Utopia_ was one of the most exciting new series coming out of the UK lately - but it won't be coming back. The broadcaster has confirmed that the show is not being picked up for a third series.


 http://www.denofgeek.com/tv/utopia/32432/exclusive-c4-s-utopia-won-t-return-for-series-3


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## Boneman (Oct 10, 2014)

Yeah!!! Power to the people!!!


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## thaddeus6th (Oct 10, 2014)

Ha, that made me think of Rik from The Young Ones.


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## Ursa major (Oct 10, 2014)

I'm thinking Wolfie Smith must have retired to, or nearby, the south coast.


* Wonders if Boneman still believes that we should be free to toot.... *


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## markpud (Oct 12, 2014)

Well I'm sorry to see this one go, there's nothing else quite like it. Arby the wheezing assassin was a fantastic character. Oh well, no doubt the US version will run 14 seasons!!


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## Fried Egg (Oct 23, 2014)

I'm slowly making my way through series 2 at the moment and I have to say it's one of the best British dramas for a while. It is incredibly dark, grim and violent so I can see why it is not going to be liked by many but it still very good. 

I don't know how its going to end but, as long as it doesn't finish on a cliff hanger, I don't mind there not being any more series. Sometimes its best to leave the audience wanting more...


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