# Page 99



## Stephen Palmer (Feb 17, 2011)

Over the last few months I’ve had page 99 of three of my novels up at Page99Test.com | Find & rate short book excerpts - _Urbis Morpheos, Muezzinland _and _Hallucinating_.

The results have been interesting. Below I’ve edited out the comments where people actually said something (most were “no comment”). The thing that struck me most was how many people couldn’t cope with SF and fantasy names. In my case this felt particularly weird for _Muezzinland,_ where all the names follow real African cultural norms.

Authors unafraid to be slagged off by SF-hating readers should try it out…

*Urbis Morpheos:*

lost me with the words.
Although I'm intrigued, nothing brings me out of a story like unpronouncable names. If I have to stop to figure it out, I loose [sic] the thread.
really interesting!
For dialogue you can just use "she said" or "Psolilai said." The sentence should be full of active verbs.
Colour me intrigued - would go back to the beginning and get context for all the words before making a final decision.
I am turning this page because the word 'dirigible' appears in it. Unless the word appears in every page of the book, I will not buy it.
Reads as if both characters and sentences were shaken out of another story and cobbled back together to make this story.
I don't thing [sic] I could pronounce any of the names right if I tried...
I like the opening line. It has intriguing elements, but the names keep me at a distance - excessively complex sci-fi names make it feel too much like a club. It would be more accessible with more accessible (or even just quirkier) names.

*Hallucinating:*

lost me
An inconsistent tone. He might be chilled to the bone, but the nonchalant tone of the first 3 paragraphs don't let me believe it.
No interest in Sci–Fi, but this caught my attention nonetheless.
Personal preference, but I can't abide present tense.
Its' own World is just fascinating. i'd like to read another page.
Not sure about the names, but I want to read further just to find out what he does once discovered.
Mmm. Between the clunky names and odd narrative position, I'm not feeling this so much.
Swings from past tense to present tense. Might be better written in 3rd person omniscient. Doesn't read well.

*Muezzinland:*

looks like some kind of fantasy. don't ream em [sic]
I'm curious to know more about the virtual people
I don't like this genre, but the writing flowed well.
The writing is pretty nice! Except good god but those names are clunky.
Yes not too bad at all, though not my favourite genre it has a nice "feel" to it
The names are impossible pronounce.
Excellent landscape description, very real.
The names with no vowels at the front are hard to pronounce in my head... Gmoulaye, Mnada. Is that necessary to the story? Needs rewriting. Stilted dialogue.
Funny-name overload. Even with a 98-page run-up, this is still an awful lot of made-up words crammed onto one page. Other than that, the writing seems good enough, but (as with much sci-fi) the urge to include as many foreign or alien names as possible in a short space is off-putting.
sounds interesting
I hate fantasy
Kind of a toss up. Want to know more, but I don't think I would waste my time.
I didn't even finish this page. It lost me halfway through.


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## chopper (Feb 17, 2011)

hmmm. does this say more about your writing or the people who are reviewing it?


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## mosaix (Feb 17, 2011)

I don't mind 'strange' names but unpronounceable names I find very disconcerting. For me, they interrupt the flow of the story.


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## The Judge (Feb 17, 2011)

Just goes to show, Stephen.  Stick with us here and don't go trolloping your weird SFF names around other sites!


NB the "dirigible" comment -- I can't work out if he wanted dirigiibles or not!


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## Stephen Palmer (Feb 17, 2011)

I know, weird isn't it. The ones that got me were the ones who admitted to hating SF but still slagged me off anyway.


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## Stephen Palmer (Feb 17, 2011)

chopper said:


> hmmm. does this say more about your writing or the people who are reviewing it?


 
More about them, I think.


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## Ursa major (Feb 17, 2011)

The Judge said:


> NB the "dirigible" comment -- I can't work out if he wanted dirigiibles or not!


I think he (let's call him Colonel Blimp) may have wanted the word, dirigible, to appear on every page, TJ. Trouble is, the task of implementing this request would likely balloon out of control....


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## J Riff (Feb 17, 2011)

Just full of hot air.


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## Stephen Palmer (Feb 18, 2011)

A flurry of activity overnight...

*Hallucinating*
Seems okay... Not much to say, but I'm no writer.

*Urbis Morpheos*
I'm not keen on the present tense. The excerpt is hard to follow, although at the end of the page my interest rose.
The story didn't catch me.

*Muezzinland*
Why do fantasy novels have hard–to–read names? Tolkien gave us a glossary, but "Gandolph" [sic] and Strider were memorable and easy names. Here, the plot – taking over the world –– isn't enough to make me care about this particular world. Maybe if I'd been hooked from page one....
Nicely told tail [sic] and interesting names. I was a little lost, but that was because it was the middle of the book.


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## Stephen Palmer (Mar 1, 2011)

Curiouser and curiouser...

*Hallucinating:*
*Maybe this is just an awkward page to come into a story on or maybe I'm just tired. I don't think I understood any of what's happening. So now I'm curious. Gah!
*I'm not really sure what's going on here. I don't even really get a sense of the setting in terms of what time period we're in. I get it's in England, but that's about it. This does a lot of telling, and not a lot of showing. I don't see anything really. You use words like 'old' and 'independent' which effectively, in a novel, have very little meaning at all. We are just supposed to nod and agree with you. He can't stand the feeling of being outwitted? Can anyone? He is his own man? Okay, we'll trust you. Go back and really describe things. Use strong, vivid imagery.
*Urbis Morpheos:*
*Good heavens. J.R.R. Tolkien meets Dr. Phil and has love child Dan Brown!
*Interesting... the first half is in present tense, because it's a dream? That's a clever device. Overall this looks well written, and it looks like it's so deeply in the middle of things that it's hard to tell what the context is like (not your fault).
*I have no idea what's going on here, but it is interesting. The writing style is fascinating I think, and so are the names (although I could see the names becoming a bit off–putting for some). However, it is an interesting page. Well done.
*Muezzinland:*
*I found the fantasy names a tad off–putting and the page somewhat naive in writing style. I would guess this is unpublished and unfortunately would not entice me to read on.
*I found it hard to read, mostly because of the unusual names. I expect if I'd started at the beginning and got to know these characters, that wouldn't be so much of a problem.


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## J Riff (Mar 1, 2011)

Those kind of_ independent_ reviews get _old _fast.
Some nice compliments hidden in there, though.


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## Stephen Palmer (Mar 2, 2011)

I've learned a lot from this, more than I thought I would.

Here's another classic, from last night:

'One unpronounceable name per book, please. Names like these (and so many!) make me run the other way. Sorry.'


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## RJM Corbet (Mar 29, 2011)

I'm going straight there. Thanks


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