# The Great Bull of Greece - Extract chapt5



## arclore (Feb 5, 2007)

Hey there, this is my second post here and it looks like an amazing forum! I posted this in the writing critique forum but I think it may be of interest here aswell. I've been working on a novel on and off for about a year and a half now and I'm thinking I should show someone before I continue. I've completed about 45,000 words so far and I still haven't shown anybody. 

I'm a Graphic Designer by trade and by no means an author of any kind. My level of English is average and I have no degree or any high level of literature. What I do have, in my mind, is an amazing story that I think warrents being told and unfortunately, the only way for that to happen is for myself to write it. It is a totally fiction based historical novel, but is on the verge of fantasy as historical knowledge of the main character only came in in the form of an inscription on a wall of Pompeii. 

The current extract is based in 47ad in Greece. The premise of the story is - A boy that grows up to perform at the Olympics in the sport of Pankrateon(combination of boxing and wrestling), only to find himself in the ampitheatre of Pompeii as a gladiator, fighting for his life and glory. A very dark and savage tale full of Passion, Violence and Philosophy. 

I am not an Author and have no desire to be one, so when critiquing, I know there will be spelling and grammar errors. What I would like to know is if the story is intriguing enough? or if flows properly? Other than that, I hope someone enjoys it. These are the first eyes that willl read it.

Thanks!

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The Great Bull of Greece - Extract from chapt5.

Just on day break they reached the port and and met with the commander of a large fish trading vessel called the Itopia which had supplied Myrina for some time. Xano, knowing the harbour master, had inquired about a route to Athens and had already organised the voyage. The captain, a stalwart beared old man, was issuing orders to his deckhands as they prepared to set off. 

"Ah. So you must be the three that are bound for the Olympics!" said the captain as he turned in greeting. 

"That would be correct my fellow" replied Xano, shaking the captain's hand.

"And this must be the _Megatoppa_" he said turning to Efstathios. 

"It is an honour to have you on board young man."

"Not so much as it is to have you on board 'Captain' " Replied Efstathios as laughter rang out all round. 

"I see your wit is as sharp as your physique. I wish you the best of luck!" Replied the captain before motioning to the boarding plank in a good hearted gesture. It wasn't long until they were all fast asleep in their quarters aboard the small fishing boat.

The wind had been favoursome to the Itopia for the first week and they had struck west towards the coast of the mainland, ready to follow it down to Athens. The air was crisp, the night sky shining on the water, mirrored like a black void dotted with flickering stars as Xano and Efstathios stood leaning on the rail at the rear of the vessel. Efstathios was overcoming sea sickness and was strongly agitated and ill at ease.

"Midas will likely be the favourite again this year. He won the last Olympics. There are stories of him crushing head sized stones to dust beneath his bare feet. I don't want you to feel nervous about this event, though, you just must know what you're going to be up against." confirmed Xano. 

Efstathios snorted. 

"Good to see you are confident but the Olympics are a lot different when you're really there. Believe me." 

"Believe me Xano, after I'm done with Midas and whoever else wants to fall, I will go to great Zeus in the hall of Olympia and demand that she be returned to me! And if she does not appear, I will climb to the top of that legendary bronze statue and piss on its head." 

In an instant Xano stepped forward and grabbed the middle of Efstathios's leather jerkin and slammed the younger man backwards, breaking through some weathered wooden walls of a storage room. Efstathios immediately grabbed Xanos hand and pulled out of his grip, before jumping out of the broken hole in the wall, shellshocked. 

"You stupid little fool. The gods are not to be spoken about with such insolence. Your ignorance will be the death of you. And don't you forget who trained you either!" Xano roared as he stormed off to his quarters. 

Myrkis, witnessing the whole thing from the stairs, silently returned below and Efstathios was left alone on deck. As he slowly walked along the railing back to his quarters heeding Xano's words, a lone bird crashed into the water near the boat and floated to the surface. Efstathios stopped and regaurded the lifeless creature in the bright moonlight and wondered what he had done. 

The sun had just cracked the surface when a shout was released. 

"Vessel oncoming!" 

The wind had died during the night and had not picked up since, making the Captain furious.

"Gets your filthy asses up the front and find out who it is!" he shouted to the nearest deckhands.

"A black sail is up and there are a good row of oars, could be Macedonian pirates" one hollered back to the captain in disgust. 

"On this route? Which one of you upset the gods?" the captain gestured to everyone within earshot and grinned.

Efstathios looked over to Xano and could see his cold hard stare causing him to lower his gaze. 

"Ahwell, they're upon us now, they will realise we're a fishing vessel and move on hopefully." the Captain said in a doubtful tone.

Dead in the sea, the Itopia bobbed up and down waiting for the inevitable to finally arrive. 

The pirate vessel almost double in size, reined in oars and pulled up alongside of the Itopia, grappling her all over. There was a loud screech and a massive metal plank with a large tooth-like spike underneath, smashed down to bite into the trading vessel's wooden deck. Holding onto the side, riding the metal boarding plank down was the Pirate captain, landing with a thud, in front of the Itopian Captain and his men. The others watched in silence from amidst the stock.

"In need of a hand are you? I'm sure I could lighten the load!" snarled the marred, jackel like Macedonian as the mounted rows of archers on either side of him drew up string. 

There was tension all round and the local deckhands shook visibly.

"Feel free Captain. I hope you like fish." replied the Itopia Captain, trying his hardest to stand firm.

The deepset eyes of the pirate lord scanned the deck for a short moment, before whistling quietly and nodding his head. Instantly a small group of men jumped aboard the Itopia and went below the deck while some checked the storage rooms near by. Returning within a moment, they all reported back that it was indeed a fish trading vessel with little to offer bar the small amount of gold coin they had received back in Myrina. 

"Well Captain, fortune favours you and not me on this occasion. Luckily we strung a large haul a few nights ago and have little need for fish!" the Macedonian captain spat out with a wide eyed, broken toothed grin. 

Untieing a bottle from his belt, he took a long large gulp of the dark liquid contained within and then turned to walk back up the metal gangplank to his own vessel. 

"I thank you for your hospitality" the Itopian Captain said sounding relieved, but sincere. 

The pirate lord stopped dead in his tracks halfway up the gangplank and about faced slowely. Shaking his head with a loud shrilling laugh, he said,

"Noone thanks me on these waters!" and held out an open palm towards 
the aghast Captain.

It must have been a signal as the two nearest archers either side of the pirate lord loosed their arrows. The distance between them was so short that the arrows seemed to suddenly appeared in the chest of the Itopian captain. The first one piecing his heart and the second thudding home at the base of his neck knocking him back off his feet a split second later, he died before his body came to a short sliding stop on the deck. The deckhands heads dropped in woe. Efstathios, now coming to terms with the fact that his only chance at reaching the mainland in time for the Olympics was leaving before his very eyes, began to step forward instinctively in an attempt to quell the situation. 

"Now is not the time for heroics." Xano whispered and placed a firm grip on the Efstathios' shoulder. 

Understanding the wisdom contained within Xano, the young olympian stood where he was.

"Looks like you are all coming with me. You over there with the pretty pictures" pointing to Efstathios, "Shall fetch me some good coin on the mainland". The Macedonian captain took another swill from his bottle and walked back to his vessel. The rows of mounted archers had their sights set on the Itopian crew and companions. 

"Well get a move on!" one of the pirate lords offsiders spat. 

In single file, the deckhands began to clamber helplessly towards the boarding plank while Myrkis, Xano and Efstathios formed in behind them to board the pirate ship. In what seemed to be a futile last effort by three of the Itopian deckhands, they made flight for the rail at the rear of the trading boat to hurl themselves into the ocean. The archers were certainly worth their mark. Two fell flat forward not five steps from where they originally made their move from, arrows petruding from their backs. The third making it all the way to the rear of the boat and over the rail only to be struck directly in the head and topple into the ocean.

"Anyone else? ... Didn't think so" grunted the pirate foreman. 

The trio and the remaining two deckhands made it across the boarding plank under heavy guard to have their clothes removed and their hands bound with thick rope. Led across to the other side of the pirate vessel they were motioned to get into one of the many metal cages fastened to the outer side of the ship above the oars, . The five prisoners climbed down into a cage from a hatch opening at the top and with not much room to spare between themselves, sat on a rattling grill composing the base of the cage. The ocean could be seen underneath and they wondered when fate would deliever it out from beneath them. After a few orders, the air began cutting with fire arrows and the Itopia was driftwood.

The day moved on and they sat fast in the cage with the two deckhands losing their sanity, crying and pleading for the most of it. Over the course, some water and dried fish was lowered into the cage, to which they meagerly devoured. When the nights reached their prime and the winds were up, the pirates had drunken themselves into a chaotic stupor. The tentants of the cage copping the brunt as the drunkin' cut-throats would regularly stand above the cage and urinate and excrete faeces through the top of it. 

"Efstathios! I think Zeus has his eye on you" roared Xano with laughter. 

Efstathios punched the cage making it shake visably. Myrkis spat some dung from of his mouth and smiled grimly at his friend.
For days and nights they endured the biting winds and scorching sun while under constant torment from the pirates. The bottom of the cage being released so they could drop into the ocean and wash themselves of the filth occasionly and then climb back up a rope ladder to re-enter the metal prison. On the third day, the two deckhands tried to make a swim from the ship when they found themselves in the ocean. They didn't get far, the arrows striking fast and true. 

"They must have welcomed it." Myrkis said dryly.

The trio were all that remained in the cage and the harsh days in that environment were eventually taking their toll. Symptons of illness became apparent, strikingly Xano with his old age. The chosen plan between the three was that they would wait until they reach the slave ring on the mainland and then devise a way to escape. Now, things were deteriorating swiftly and on the sixth day, realising their eventual downfall something needed to be done. Efstathios pondered the options and knew there wasn't any, and in his weak state, came up with only one conclusion. 

"Can I please speak with the captain" he projected in a fading voice through the top of the cage to a nearby mercenary.

Laugher boomed out solidly for a good moment before the man collected himself and relayed the message to the captain whom was close by the rigging. 

"Lord Breme! Sorry to disturb you but one of the slaves wants to _'please' _speak with you." He spat out with continued laughter. The mad pirate lord joined him in humour. 

"Why, thats so damn stupid I should take him up on the offer!" 
The captain took a titanic gulp from his bottle and staggered over to the rail in hysterics. Climbing upon the top of the cage he noticed Efstathios looking up at him.

"Ah, my friend with the pretty pictures. May I be of service?" Lord Breme asked in a mock sincere fashion. 

"Yes, you could as I am bound for the Olympics. This is my _Thaskalos(_trainer) and my friend. All I ask is, if you could set us free at the closest point of the mainland from here so we may continue our journey before time escapes us." replied Efstathios in a stern fashion, indicating he was indeed truthful in his request. 
Lord Breme spat out some of his vile liquid and looked upon Efstathios for a good moment.

"And in which event would you compete? The contest of beauty?" Jested the drunkin' pirate lord to his comrades laughter. 

"Pankrateon." Efstathios said firmly.

Lord Breme eventually grunted to himself and nodded. 

"Interesting. Well then, I think we should be in for a little entertainment. For you must prove yourself right now, if you want any chance of that happening." he said.

Efstathios saw his only way out.

"Of course." 

The pirate captain nodded respectfully and jumped back over the rail to the deck. The leaver was hit and the hatch on the cover of the cage was opened. Part of the crew stopped what they were doing and formed about, including a few archers.

Efstathios pulled himself from the cage with great effort. Dehydrated and underfed, the days in the hold had drained him to a point that alarmed him, never had he felt so weak in general. He slumped over the rail and dropped down to the deck, eventually raising himself to one knee. 

"Have you been feeding these god forsaken men? They are for trading you dungbuckets." Lord Breme scoulded his crew, noticing the poor condition his slave was in.

Efstathios started to have self-doubt regarding his strength to win any confrontation, but any fear dissolved as the sensation of adrenaline began to flow. 

"Who wishes to stand before this man in a duel of the kato pankratium?" announced the pirate captain with a hint of mock in his voice, wondering if it is going to be worth the contest. 

"I think I can find a sick rat in the gallows that should match nicely." one said, as the whole crew burst into laughter. 

"Go and get Mubo then!" another said and this time the laughter was rawkus. 

The captain smiled and nodded and his offsider went below to the oar banks. Not long after, arising from the gallow stairs was a nubian giant, mottled with facial scars, his arms the size a regular tree. Removing the war medals threaded to his bare chest, he got a cheer from the crowd and handed them to an onlooker. Finally reaching the deck, he looked across at 
Efstathios and then up at the captain puzzled. 

The young Olympian had been trained by one of the best. By the time the hulking oarsman reached a standstill, Efstathios had analysed every strength and weakness, even prioritising them, by the movement of his opponents body over a period of several steps. Judging his own fitness, he realised that he would not last long in trying to win by grapple or submission with Mubo, as the black giant stood at least two heads taller and his upper body strength looked fearsome. It had to be done quick with absolute minimal movement, before he would find himself relying on his reserved energy for survival. The inner arts of pankration were passed to Efstathios by a Spartan Grandmaster, who understood the strongest line of disciplines in _Pneuma_ (Air, breath and spirit or the art of converting oxygen to energy through controlled breathing) and _Agres_ (Agression transfer or the art of controlling stored adrenaline). Mastering either of these elements could yield superior physical results. Mastering both to combine was purely devastating. It was very rare, but this is where his student had excelled. Often, had he dispatched opponents with disabling blows and submission holds, fatal on occasions, by harnessing adrenaline to use at precise times in conjunction with bursts of raw strength. The problem he faced now, is that in his weakened state of mind and body, he could only maintain composure for a very short amount of time. Efstathios, still on one knee, eyed a large heavy scar that ran down over the right knee of his opponent. While it didn't appear to hinder his movement, Efstathios knew from the size of the scar it had run deep and created a breach. It was the first priority.

The Olympian stood up groggily but his eyes eventually sharpened. 

"You'd want to hope you are bound for the Olympics my friend, Mubo takes no prisoners." Lord Breme put in chastily as the crew formed a circle around the combatants.

Efstathios had fought many life threatening matches in this brutal sport but knew that without a doubt, if he didn't maintain his wit, this would be his last one. He thought of failure to his trainer, friend and most of all his son and it gave him some renewed vitality. He nodded solemnly to the captain. 

There was a huge cheer and Mubo didn't waste any time. He lives for the oars and keen to get this incident over with and return to his position, his towering frame made towards Efstathios ready to grapple him. The gap closed fast between them and judging the right distance, Efstathios dropped to his haunches out to the left of his opponent, and all in the same motion, swung back to land a perfect solid strike with his fist on the outer side of his opponents scarred right knee. It was precisely timed so most of the Nubians body weight was planted on it. Years of punching stone blocks under Xanobiades tuition had made his fists just as hard and the leg joint snapped clean. Before he knew it, the giant had toppled forward to the ground with a high pitched wince of pain that was heard all around. The Olympian stood and gauged half of his adreneline remained while catching glimpse of Mubo placing a giant arm down to gather support off the ground. Efstathios swooped. Having his supporting arm kicked out from underneath him, the black titan began to fall face first to the deck. It happened swiftly and in one motion Efstathios landed another solid strike with his fist to the back of Mubo's head for extra momentum. The speed at which it hit the deck was phenomonal, bouncing to the tune of flesh and bone collapsing. All was over in a quick succession leaving the deck silent. Efstathios dropped to the ground exhausted trying to keep a grip on consciousness.

The young Olympian came to moments later with the feeling of not having slept for eternity. In a delirium now, Efstathios got up in an attempt to return to Xano and staggered blindly about grasping at things for balance. Clapping from the captain was the first sound that broke the silence. Lord Breme walked up to Efstathios to shake his hand but got half way there and hesitantly took backwards steps. 

"This man dines with me tonite! and get his friends some food or you'll be looking prettier than Mubo!" Lord Breme let out with great might.


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## Spartan27 (Mar 7, 2007)

arclore said:


> Hey there, this is my second post here and it looks like an amazing forum! I posted this in the writing critique forum but I think it may be of interest here aswell. I've been working on a novel on and off for about a year and a half now and I'm thinking I should show someone before I continue. I've completed about 45,000 words so far and I still haven't shown anybody.
> 
> I'm a Graphic Designer by trade and by no means an author of any kind. My level of English is average and I have no degree or any high level of literature. What I do have, in my mind, is an amazing story that I think warrents being told and unfortunately, the only way for that to happen is for myself to write it. It is a totally fiction based historical novel, but is on the verge of fantasy as historical knowledge of the main character only came in in the form of an inscription on a wall of Pompeii.
> 
> ...


 
Nice job......


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