# Humor In Fantasy Thread/Bring It If You Got It!!!



## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 17, 2008)

This ain't no place for Hagar or Wizard Of Id!!! 

Bring your jokes and pictures here 



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One should not meddle in the affairs of Dragons for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup!!!


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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 17, 2008)




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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 17, 2008)




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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 19, 2008)




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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 20, 2008)




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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 20, 2008)




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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 21, 2008)

*BORG JOKES*

 #1 on the BORG Hit Parade: We all sleep in a single subroutine. 
 #2 on the Borg Hit Parade: Borg in the USA. All a Borg!
Assimilate me tender - Elvis of Borg.
Blonde Borgs have the same fun.
Borg Mail Reader v2.1a. Tagline theft is futile.
Borg Mail Reader v2.1a. Taglines are irrelevant.
Borg Moderator - Your topic is irrelevant.
Borg Starter Kit: some assimilation required.
Borg saying: We came. We absorbed. We left.
Borg spreadsheet program: Locutus 1-2-3.
Borg virus detected. (A)ssimilate? (Y/y)
My other computer is a Borg.
GOTO, GOING TO, GONE TO - Borg subroutines.
Gates of Borg: OEMs will be assimilated.
McBorgers: Over 50 million assimilated.
Borg-Cola: Not the choice of The Next Generation.
Borg-again Christian. Resistance to my sermon is futile.
Borg Sticker. "Don't like our driving? Call 1-800-IRRELEVANT." 
BorgBurgers. We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
BorgDOS: Irrelevant command or filename.
Borgasm: The ecstasy of being assimilated.
Borg, James Borg. Vodka martini, gin is irrelevant.
Clinton Borg - The economy is irrelevant.
Ernest BORGnine... you be the judge.
Geraldo of Borg: Next brothers who assimilate sisters.
Groucho Borg: That's the silliest thing I ever assimilated.
HersheyBORG: Wrappers are futile. Chocolate will be assimilated. 
Hillary of Borg: Choice is irrelevant.
I am Al of Borg. Aww, Peg, I assimilated you last year.
I am Barney of Borg. Being assimilated is fun.
I am Bart of Borg - who the hell are you?
I am Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up, Collective?
I am Caffeine of Borg. Sleep is irrelevant.
I am Clinton of Borg. Hillary says resistance is futile!
I am CopyCat of Borg. Your tagline will be assimilated.
I am Dangerfield of Borg. Respect is irrelevant.
I am Descartes of Borg: I assimilate therefore I am.
I am Drunk of Borg. Resistance is floor tile.
I am Elmer Fudd of Borg. Pwepawe to be aswimiwated.
I am Flatulus of Borg. Prepare to pull my finger.
I am Fudd of Borg! Pwepawe to be assimiwated!
I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is usewess!
I am Garfield of Borg - Hairballs are irrelevant.
I am Ginsu of Borg. You will be assimilated - but WAIT! There's MORE!
I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be... ooooohh, doughnuts!
I am Hugh of Borg. We want to assimilate Troi. Geordi is our friend. He can watch.
I am Jordan of Borg. Gravity is irrelevant.
I am Madonna of Borg. Gender is irrelevant.
I am Madonna of Borg: Justify my assimilation!
I am NBC of Borg. You will be Affiliated 
I am OS/2 of Borg. DOS will be assimilated.
I am Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated 
I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated.
I am Popeye of Borg. You will be askimilgrated.
I am Porky of Borg. You will be as-s-sim, as-s-sim, oh forget it. 
I am Sajak of Borg. R_sist_nc_ is futil_.
I am Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be, assimilated.
I am Trebek of Borg. For $200, it starts with "R" and is futile. 
I am Tweety of Borg. I _tawt_ I attimiwated a puddy tat!
I am Yoda of Borg: Irrelevant the Force is.
I am Zsa Zsa of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated dahling.
We are Tribbles of Borg. Prepare to be replicated.
Yoda of Borg am I. Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, I will. 
P-Porky P-Pig of Borg: You will be assim-assim... absorbed.
Pythagoras of Borg - Distance is irrelevant.
Quayle of Borg - Inhaling is irrelevant.
Uhura of Borg: Assimilation frequencies open, sir.
We are Borg. <ESC> is futile <CTRL> is inevitable. 
We are Daleks of Borg. ASSIMILATE! ASSI-MIL-ATE!!!!!!!
Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant! - Daffy Duck of Borg.
Tennis is irrelevant - Bjorn Borg.
The Borg are coming! Quick, try and look useless.
The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this lousy T-shirt! 
The Borg: Calm, Cool and Collective.
The Swedish Chef has been assimilated. Borg borg borg!
U2 will become one with the Borg. We like Bono.
We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday.
Welcome to Borg Burger. No pickles. Pickles are irrelevant
Borg Answering Machine Message:
WE ARE BORG.
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
But we're not home right now.
So leave a message at the tone
and we'll assimilate you later.
when the Borg get carried away...
RESISTANCE IS IRELAVENT.EATING IS IRELAVENT.WE ARE IRELAVENT.BARNEY IS IREVENT(TRUE TRUE)...
...Oh and "This Borg?s for you.
 **************************************************************************************************************** 
What's Locutus's favorite beer?
Carlsborg.
What do the Borg use as a spreadsheet?
Locutus 1-2-3


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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 21, 2008)

I Will Destroy You Thread Killer!!!


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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 22, 2008)




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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 22, 2008)




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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 23, 2008)

*The Top Ten April Fool's Jokes on the Enterprise *

  10) Everybody act like Riker is the captain
  9) Pretend you've been taken over by an alien being
  8) Program the replicator in Troi's room so that it won't make chocolate
  7) Replay file tape of Borg ship on main viewer
  6) Tell Data that Starfleet has decided to dismantle him
  5) Put a small speaker in Dr. Crusher's bedroom to play garbled voices
  4) Lock Picard in the children's schoolroom with several children and no adults
  3) Substitute some of Dr. Crusher's moss with moss showing 24 hours more growth
  2) Put a sign on Worf's back that says "Kick Me!"
  1) Yell into your communicator "Captain, the antimatter containment fields are collapsing"


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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 24, 2008)

Watch it has two parts


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## RodneyMcKay (Feb 24, 2008)

I have to ask now...

How did you know my secret identity (AKA Threadkiller)

If you were refering to someone or something else...

(WAVES HAND IN JEDI MIND CONTROL WAY)
Imperial credits will do fine... and you never read this post.


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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 24, 2008)

This is the one I mean for you to see you dolt. (as if those Jedi mind tricks are gonna work on me.)


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## RodneyMcKay (Feb 25, 2008)

I dunno... it could do
Wanna hear the sad news... Rodney nearly died... I was watching old stargate episodes...

Hmmm...
(Shifty eyes)
I have an...idea
(Uses intense karate move)


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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 25, 2008)




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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 27, 2008)




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## RodneyMcKay (Feb 28, 2008)

None of the bloody pictures show up on my browser!


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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 28, 2008)

i've been using firefox and they work in there.


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## RodneyMcKay (Feb 28, 2008)

Are you using an image hosting service? I use firefox too but it don't work, it might be my filtering.


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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 29, 2008)

Most of what I put up here are from my file account where I keep the files to my web pages. I'm not given an option to upload from the pc.

Never mind I just discovered the little paper clip where I create a post


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## Sire Of Dragons (Feb 29, 2008)

*Your Starship Captain might be a Redneck if... *

...your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
...he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
...you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
...he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
...he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
...he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and    aluminum foil
...he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer    section
...he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open    hailing frequencies"
...he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
...he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
...he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack    above it
...he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
...he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
...he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
...he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
...he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip    greens
...he paints the starship John Deere green
...he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
...he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
...his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
...he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
...his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
...he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
...his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a    meal of beans and weenies


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## Montero (Feb 29, 2008)

First saw this one in I think it was Ottakers magazine a lot of years ago - they'd culled it from the web then.
The principle is to replace key words in famous lines in Star Wars, with the words pants.

(And a quick bit of transatlantic translation - in the US pants is trousers, in the UK it is underwear - so its definitely funnier in UK English )

We’ve got to be able to get some reading on those *****, up or down. 
The ***** may not look like much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts. 
I find your lack of ***** disturbing. 
These ***** contain the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it. 
Han will have those ***** down. We’ve got to give him more time! 
General Veers, prepare your ***** for a surface assault. 
I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my ***** back home. 
TK-421 . . . Why aren’t you in your *****? 
Lock the door. And hope they don’t have *****. 
You are unwise to lower your *****. 
She must have hidden the plans in her *****. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally, Commander. 
Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul ***** when I was brought on board. 
You look strong enough to pull the ***** off of a Gundark. 
Luke . . . Help me take . . . these ***** off. 
Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your *****. 
That blast came from those *****. That thing’s operational! 
A tremor in the *****. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master. 
Don’t worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of ***** more heavily guarded than this.
Maybe you’d like it back in your *****, your Highness. 
Your ***** betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one . . . Your sister! 
Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop their ***** at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser. 
Yeah, well, short ***** is better than no ***** at all, Chewie. 
I cannot teach him. The boy has no *****. 
Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my *****, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
You came in those *****? You’re braver than I thought. 
Yesssss. The hate is swelling in your *****.


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## Montero (Feb 29, 2008)

And while looking for the Pants in Star Wars came across another nice thing on what if Star Wars was set in Glasgow.  (You might need to read out loud to get the meaning for some of the dialogue )

IF STAR WARS WAS SET IN GLASGOW
-------------------------------

Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport a Rangers top.

Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would addess him as Wanky- Nobby.

Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of stress 'That Dome-Heided Basturd'

R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or piss on him.  He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire.

Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said.  He would regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie'.

The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record I Love Scotland sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.

Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps. And you've been a heavy smoker since you were 6.

The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be - alter its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of kafflicks, or  - leave it unattended in Easterhouse.

Lines from the film as they would be
uttered in the vernacular:-

Han Solo
"I've got a real bad feeling about this"
	"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"

"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
	"Come right ahead then c**ts! Fight the f**ing lot o ye!"

"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
	"The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!"

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
	"Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. 	Get yersel' a decent shooter"

Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker:
"The Force is strong in this one"
	"Stop shooglin' ya wee b*stad!"

Princess Leia:
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
	"Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis?"

"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
	"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' sh*te"

Admiral Motti:
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
	"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart 	ae you!"

Obi Wan:
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
	"F*** me! whit wiz aw that?"

Luke to the Emperor:
"Your overconfidence is your weakness."
	"Oh ye bloody think so?, i'll make you feel the f***ing force pal!!"

--
Vectored by Moose Mansions (Moose Mansions)


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## Who's Wee Dug (Mar 1, 2008)

That's the short version, still good though,might go over some people's heids who don't understand Glaswegian dialect .


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