# Has reading ruined your relationship(s)?



## chartreuse (Jan 13, 2005)

Years ago, pre-divorce, my soon to be ex told me that I read too much; that it made me boring to be around. Of course, there were other things that led to the divorce, but this (he claimed) was one of the biggies.

I have several questions for everyone:
1.  Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
2.  How many hours a day do you spend reading?
3.  Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
4.  Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?
5.  Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?

Don't misconstrue what I'm asking.  There is no bigger reader than I am, at least not in my social circle.  I defend reading and readers to all who scoff or say it's a waste of time.  The worst thing that could happen to me would be to lose my ability to read.  Do you feel this way too?


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## The Master™ (Jan 13, 2005)

I found that reading isn't a problem with my wife...

I read on the bus to and from work, and whenever my wife watches some crap on the TV that I'm not interested in...

Never lost friends, etc...

About 3+ hours a day (amateur)

I never care what other people think of me... I do what makes me happy first and foremost...

I started reading some of my books to my 2 year old son... He just gets bored and falls asleep!!!

Think you need to find someone who is willing to give you your own time to do your reading...


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## Lacedaemonian (Jan 13, 2005)

I get wrong for reading at inappropriate times.  My friends ask me why I bring books to social meetings.  I always say that when conversation dies on its arse I will have something to do.


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## The Master™ (Jan 13, 2005)

HAHAH... I usually have a couple of books in my bag, so it would be useful for pub visits... Unless the lights go down...


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## Lacedaemonian (Jan 13, 2005)

Books always come in handy for those toilet skives.


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## The Master™ (Jan 13, 2005)

I usually have a couple of books in the bathroom at home...


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## hodor (Jan 13, 2005)

I have a book in my bag I take with me to work, two in the car, and a few on the nightstand. They are great at ALL social events here as to many ppl talking french gives me a headache (and here they all speak french). I read during my hour and a half lunch our at the restaurant. I read the entire time I spend at my in-laws every saturday and hence it helps my relationship with my wife because I have no bad things to say about her parents.


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## Brian G Turner (Jan 13, 2005)

> Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?


 That sounds like using reading as a shield/an excuse to avoid social situations.


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## Seedorn (Jan 13, 2005)

Hello Everyone 
 Books belong to me like..my nose.I have always a book in my bag.
 1. I nearly lost a ...friend of mine... because of my reading.It´s a very strange story and I must confess I was very rude to him.
 2. At least 2-3 Hours. Sometimes more,sometimes less
 3. Absolutely NO!
 4. Yes, sometimes a book is more interesting than real life
 5. Hey, you can talk with others about the books, which you have read.


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## littlemissattitude (Jan 13, 2005)

*1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?*

Not that I know of.  However, I've probably put some people off getting to know me because I've always got a book in my hand.  On the other hand, I've also met people I wouldn't have met otherwise _because_ I've had a book in my hand.  So I suppose it goes both ways.  Also, I have to say that I don't usually form close bonds with people who don't read, so it doesn't become so much of an issue because those I'm really close to understand my habit.  My habit...sort of makes it sound like drugs, doesn't it?  

*2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?*

Depends on the day.  At least two or three, usually (but that includes reading on the Internet, as well).  Some days, it's probably closer to six or seven, especially if I'm reading a good book or researching something I'm interested in.

*3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?*

I don't, but some other people seem to.  I know I've been told from time to time that I need to quit reading and get a life.

*4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?*

Oh, heck no.  I just take my book with me to social gatherings.  Starts some interesting conversations, like the time I went with my mother to her high school reunion but had to study for my Ancient Greek History and Culture midterm, so I just studied there.  Except so many people found that interesting that I hardly got any actual studying done for telling people what I was doing and having conversations around school in general and around the subject matter I was reading.

*5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*

Only if you don't share what you learn from your reading, or if you don't share good books you've read with your friends.  That is one of the things I love most about this forum - everyone shares.


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## Teresa Edgerton (Jan 13, 2005)

Most of my significant relationships (husband, friends, colleagues, some of my relatives) are with people who not only love reading as much as I do, but largely read the same kind of books.  No temptation to read when I am around these people, because much of the conversation centers around books.

When I'm among people who don't love books and want to talk about them endlessly (mostly relatives) I do very quickly get bored, and they probably find me boring as well, but we struggle on together anyway and try to make polite conversation.  (That is, I don't bring a book with me so I won't be tempted, and they seldom have anything worth looking at in their houses anyway, to lead me astray.)  Sometimes, when I am feeling very grumpy and depressed to begin with, I do avoid socializing with these relatives, when it is possible to avoid the event.

My husband does tend to take a book with him wherever he goes, and he can get quite absorbed in a book in places like restaurants or while visiting people in hospital rooms, which can get rather annoying at times. 

How much time I spend each day reading is somewhat dependent on how much time I spend writing, as well as how successful I've been in recent forays to bookstores and libraries.  Could be anywhere between one hour and twelve.  The spouse's rate is more steady since his retirement, and is probably somewhere around five or six hours, sitting in his father's old recliner with the smaller of our two dogs in his lap.


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## Neil040 (Jan 13, 2005)

chartreuse said:
			
		

> Years ago, pre-divorce, my soon to be ex told me that I read too much; that it made me boring to be around. Of course, there were other things that led to the divorce, but this (he claimed) was one of the biggies.


A good question chartreuse...  my wife loves reading too altho we dont really share all the same tastes.. she wont touch a sci fi book for instance... but I will read some of her more general interest novels fine.. so we get on fine like that.  I tend to devour books and read at high speed but she is much slower.. reckons I cant possibly retain all I read at that speed!  lol   Anyway, its nice and companionable to read together and she can cope with reading whilst the telly is on which I often like doing... nuts I know but I often read whilst watching a movie..   

Now.. not so the above with my first wife.. not at all!  She barely had even ever read a book!     Damned if I know now why the hell I married her in the first place we had so little in common!   It used to annoy her that I liked reading.. same thing as you report above... and it used to annoy me that she was annoyed...      So... plenty of other things to choose from but that was one of many elements in our disaster of a marriage..


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## erickad71 (Jan 13, 2005)

Sounds like a good thing that you are no longer with your ex, chartreuse. My husband doesn't read very much, but thank goodness he has no problem with my reading habits. 

*1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?*
Not that I am aware of..but if I have that's their loss.


*2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?*
Probably at least two hours, it just depends on what I have planned for the day.


*3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?*
I don't think so, but I do know people who think it is...once again, their loss.


*4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?*
No, but I have been known to avoid household duties.


*5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*
I don't think so, unless you are reading to the extent that you ignore everything else.


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## Leto (Jan 13, 2005)

chartreuse said:
			
		

> Years ago, pre-divorce, my soon to be ex told me that I read too much; that it made me boring to be around. Of course, there were other things that led to the divorce, but this (he claimed) was one of the biggies.
> 
> I have several questions for everyone:
> 1.  Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
> ...



1 - Nope, my family is full of readers
2 - On works day, for my leisure at least 3 hours. On days off, can go up to 18. It's difficult, because I always have a book on hand, even when playing some videogames (as waiting for the turn to end in Civilization, or when my Sims sleep) or when walking on the street. 
3 - No, except if i want to be rude. 
4 - Yes, but not with friends. 
5 - No, this boards is a good proof, most of us are readers and we're all talking about the books we've read and the ones we'll read.

IMO, your reading habits were just a sad excuse for your spouse. And yes, not being able to read anymore would be the worst for me.


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## dwndrgn (Jan 13, 2005)

*1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
*Nope.  However, my husband doesn't read a lot and if he gets bored and I happen to be reading, he gets a little annoyed.  Just jealous that I have something to do I suppose.  Usually though if I seem to be bored his first reaction is, 'Ah honey, don't you have any books?' and immediately make me go get one if possible.  He supports my habit  

*2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?*
Depends.  My work schedule these days is so weird that I have to fit it in when I can.  On my days off I can spend anywhere from an hour to the whole day reading depending on what else I need to get done.  But back when I had a nine-to-five, I'd read during lunch, breaks, and when I got home until dinner and during dinner and then after...so all in all about 7 hours.  Plus being broke limits the number of books available to me, so that limits my reading time too.  If I could read for a living I'd die happy.  Blind, but happy  

*3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?*
Only to boring people    I used to get laughed at for bringing crosswords and books to bars.  However, I know many people now that do the same thing  

*4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?*
I don't really avoid them, I'd just prefer to read.

*5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*
Nah, this website is proof that it isn't.


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## LadyFel (Jan 13, 2005)

1. Yes, but in the sense that I dumped THEM  ...I had situations when someone who I though was great would mention after a week of seeing him that reading is a waste of time, that he reads only if he has to...I'd immediately start figuring out an escape route...The only person I didn't do that with was my first b/f, that lasted a year. Reading has always been a major interest in my life, and if I can't share that with someone I can't be with that person. My friends the same way...I've noticed that I see less of those people in my life who don't share the interest, even if it isn't in the same genre...Luckily, my husband is almost as nutty about books as I am - we literally met over our paperbacks at Uni (mine was a Warcraft novel, his was Feist's Magician  ).

2. Used to be about 6/7h at least, more if the book was interesting - I read the first two SOIAF books in a week, the third in 36h...Now it's about 3/4h a day because I have to work around my son'a daily routine and housework .

3. No. It depends on the person who's judging, of course, but as much on the character of the reader. I'm as happy to go out on a drinking spree or to the theatre, or to talk about kids and clothes as I am to read and talk about books. On the other hand, I've known people who are incapable of talking about anything other than books, or cars or football - I'd put them all in the same category of dull as s**t  The subject doesn't matter if there's more than one, it's when people get way too into the whole thing and can't talk about anything else that I freak out...

4. It depends on how I feel at the time - if the 'event' sounds good I'll go, if not, I'll stay home but not neccessarily to read...There have been moments when I couldn't tear myself away from a chapter and was late as a result  

5. It would be selfish if we shut ourselves away from the world and didn't see or think of anything else, it's not selfish if we share what we find out and enjoy with those who are interested, and keep in touch with other stuff going on around us...


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## Arwynn (Jan 14, 2005)

i always have at least one book with me at all times... i find it very helpfull to have my nose in a book when someone i dont want to talk to is around.. and yes that is avoiding, but why shouldnt i? i read on average 1- 3 hours a day. usually while im nursing my son, or when he is asleep..usually the house is too noisy for me to concentrate. i love reading but only when there arent too many things going on..otherwise i end up reading the same line over and over and still not remembering what i just read.. anyways as for the question.. i dont think that it has ruined my relationship but i know that some nights my partner would rather i be doing certain other things than reading my book, thats for sure!


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## rune (Jan 14, 2005)

I have gotten into arguments with family whilst on holiday with them because I spend so much of my time reading.  But hey, that's a holiday to me


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## The Master™ (Jan 14, 2005)

I figure if people can't deal with my love of books, then they can pack their bags and go... 

No skin off my nose...


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## Rane Longfox (Jan 14, 2005)

1. But seing as I've only been in one serious relationship, that not saying much. And she read as much as me. Though I did deride her taste (you've never _seen_ so many Mercedes Lackey books in one house), so maybe it did contribute to us breaking up. But only in a very indirect way.

2. Hmm, I have about one and a half hours total on the bus too and from school every day, which I read all the time, and then anything from half an hour to two hours at night, before I go to sleep... not as much as a lot of you

3. Pfft. It makesme look clever and intellecually superior. So yes

4. Agg. The rare oportunities I get to participate in a "social situation", I take them. My problem being that I live 40 minutes away by car from where most of my friends live. But thats nothing to do with the books...

5. How can it be selfish? Antisocial at times maybe. But if they need you at their beck and call all the time you should... get married... (I guess for those that have, this is obvious. Urm... )


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## zorcarepublic (Jan 14, 2005)

1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?: Nope, thankfully, because most of my friends read as well.
2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?: Depends on the day Im having. If I am in a medium mood, I'll spend up to four hours reading. If Im at the peak of my creative cycle, I hardly read at all.
3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?: Unfortunately, yes. Even my mum, who is a reader as well, says I read slightly too much  But 
4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?: Hell yeah. Reading can sometimes be my only refuge from the world, mainly when Im supposed to be watching TV and I want to do something else...
5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?: Nope. Its good to talk to other people about what you've just read. As far as Im concerned, reading is not selfish.

To sum up, I like reading except when Im on the peak of my creative cycle, and it helps me calm down in difficult situations.


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## Silk (Jan 14, 2005)

I go through phases where I will read absolutly all the time (sometimes from waking up to going to bed again) to hardly reading at all.  I've never lost anykind of relationship because of reading but my boyfriend somethimes does get a bit frustrated when I'm in a reading all the time phases because I just stop hearing him when he speaks to me!

I absolutly have to carry a book with me everywhere I go because the times I don't are the times I really wish i had like when I have to defrost the car in the morning, or I'm early for lectures and I don't have anything to do for 15 minutes.

I've never missed a social occassion because of reading but I have missed a couple of things like doctors appointments etc which is never good.


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## Sirathiel (Jan 14, 2005)

1.  Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?

Nope, but my boyfriend's just as book crazy as I am. And part of our likes in books coincide (we both love fantasy, he's also very strong into sci-fi unlike, but I also devour historical novels, which he doesn't like). But I used to have very few friends during my school days. Might have been because I had my nose in a book all of the time. That's why I avoid to read at places where I'm with people I know. No trouble with reading in the bus, train etc.

2.  How many hours a day do you spend reading?

Depends on the day. But generally, I try to get in as much reading as possible.

3.  Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?

Nope. But maybe preoccupied and not interested in the things going on around the reader?

4.  Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?

Nope. But that's because I see my friends not enough as it is. *shrugs* But still, the book will still be there after the event. But the event will be over... So, I usually chose event over book.

5.  Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?

Nope again. I love discussing a book with other people who've read it. And I'm always happy if someone can recommend me a book, and if I know the other person has similar taste like I, I don't hesitat to ask: Have you read that book? No? You absolutely have to! It's fabulous!

Well, that's my take on things anyways.


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## LadyFel (Jan 14, 2005)

Sirathiel said:
			
		

> Nope, but my boyfriend's just as book crazy as I am. And part of our likes in books coincide (we both love fantasy, he's also very strong into sci-fi unlike, but I also devour historical novels, which he doesn't like).


This is exactly like me and my husband...probably the only historical novels he's read are the North and South series...


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## Jayaprakash Satyamurthy (Jan 15, 2005)

Certainly not. And I've stopped entering into relationships so that they can't ruin my reading.  

I manage to read for about 4 hours on an average day, more on a holiday, or sometimes, less on a holiday because I have people to meet and things to do. My reading hasn't alienated anyone who matters to me.

Perhaps reading is selfish in the same sense that breathing or eating food is selfish - how can you consume all that oxygen and nutrition without sharing? Because the body needs them that's why. And I read because my mind happens to need it - it actually is sustenance.


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## Esioul (Jan 15, 2005)

It has annoyed people before, but my good friends respect it, and some of them like reading too. I've got into trouble on holiday for it, heh. My boyfriend doesn't read much himself but he is taking it up now so he doesn't object.


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## Ashen Shugar (Jan 16, 2005)

Reading is part of my life. Luckily for me the wife also reads - not as much as I do, but when she gets into a book, we don't see her until she's finished. I read only about an hour a day maximum on average - unless I find something that blows me away. The last author to do that was GRRM. And then I read until the eyelids collapse. I have decided not to attend a social function because I was caught up in a book. When a book grabs me, can'r imagine the social function could beat it. Those that don't understand / like my love of reading don't rate a moments thought from me. If those close to me didn't like it, they would certainly have a problem, wouldn't they! Don't care if it's selfish - if I don't tend to me, who will?


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## elveneagle (Feb 4, 2005)

*1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
*Yes, I have lost a few good friends over my addiction to books.


*2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?*
4-5 on an avrage, though I've been known to spend an entier day, and far into the night lost in a good book


*3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?*
Only to to people who don't read, but only sometimes.


*4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?*
Yes, I will be so caught up in a book that I'll completely forget, or ditch something else, though it's usully something worth ditching! 


*5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*
Of corse not. Not when you share what you're read with others and at least not completely cut yourself off from society!


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## Drachir (Feb 5, 2005)

*I find the question rather surprising.  It is hard for me to imagine anyone losing a friend or aquaintance because they read.  Both my wife and I read together, she with her mysteries and I with my fantasy.   It is actually a very companionable activity.  

**Reading seems to me to be an intellectual activity of the highest order.  If that makes me dull, then so be it.  I am not prepared to sink to the level of a knuckle-dragging moron who can barely read the writing on his remote control.  *

*As for avoiding social situations I am a bit of a recluse in any case.  I doubt that reading has the slightest impact on my relationships.  *

*Finally, reading can hardly be called selfish.  Provided it is not confined to tabloids, reading is a mind-broadening experience.  During my lifetime I have read hundreds of works of fiction and non-fiction.  It is part of who I am.  Above all reading works of fantasy indicates to me that I at least have a mind that is willing to accept new and fantastic situations.   
*


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## Dortal (Feb 8, 2005)

*1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
*No. But I have a bigger problem: My wife reads much more than me. I'd like she spend less time in the toilet with her books or comics because I NEED (sometimes, yes, really) TO GO TO THE TOILET and it's not a reading urge  

*2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?*

I read most of the time when I go to work (or back), say 2h00 by day. I'm not in the mood after dinner, I prefer to play videogames ("Medal of Honor" or "Homeworld" these days) or surf on the internet.

*3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?*
Well, in my case it's OK because we're both to read and we share a common taste for sci-fi... so we read and we talk about that. It's interesting. Sometimes 
And it's so peaceful, silent in the appartment when she reads (if the cat doesn't go crazy of course) in the kitchen when we eat (I can watch the channel I like on TV ), in the living room (huh, same ), or in the bathroom  (huh same again , and it works for video games too)

*4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?*
When I was a teenager, I think I could say YES. Today,  I'd say  NO. 

*5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*
I don't think so. First, I'm here and it seems to me that I'm not alone  and secondly, I don't care about what think non-readers, specially about me 



Dortal
_
When a book fell in the water..._


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## laznlor (Feb 12, 2005)

1. Not ever, my reading habits actually brought me some of the best relationships of my  life.
2. Depends what I'm reading.  I've been known to call off of work to read for 16 hours.
3. Only those people I don't want to talk to.
4.Only sometimes.
5. Completely. And whats wrong with that?


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## stencyl (Feb 14, 2005)

When I was a teen, I stole a copy of Catcher in the Rye and skipped out to read it....so nerdy, but so nice.

It didn't impress the ladies, but I didn't care.

<--------nerd


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## Tsujigiri (Feb 17, 2005)

1.  Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?

One or two 'friends' have drifted away, but I think that's because they struggled with the big words... 

 2.  How many hours a day do you spend reading?

Not as many as I used to, when I was in my teens I could devour up to 7 novels in a day, notably when I had nothing else to do. Now I try and make them last.

 3.  Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?

It depends on the social circle really. I find that people who watch 'Eastenders' fill me with a complete lack of understanding, I have maneged never to watch any of this programme.

 4.  Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?

Sometimes...others I take a book along...depends if I'm required to actually do anything or not.

 5.  Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?

Of course not. I have kids who love the same stories I loved as a child and the eldest could read before she went to school, just as I could thanks to my parents. 
I think reading creates a great divide in society, on one side you have the great unwashed...on the other we sit armed with Chaucer and firehoses.


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## Winters_Sorrow (Feb 17, 2005)

1) No, I don't really see how it could? "_*Reading*_ again??!!" That's it! I want a divorce! 

2) Well, I suppose technically all the time! Reading road signs, work etc.
But in the spirit of the question, probably about an hour a day if I can - more at weekends & holidays!

3) Yes I suppose. Certainly you don't have many conversations when you're actually reading. But if some-else has similar interests or shares a joy of reading then no, they'll be glad you're as well read as them!

4) Not very often. The nice thing with a book (especially one you own!) is that it's always there when you need it. Thankfully the few occasions where a book has engrossed me so much that I didn't even eat, I have had to cancel a social engagement! 

5) No of course not. Reading anything can cause you to look at the whole in a new way, expand your vocabulary and open your mind to new ideas.


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## GrownUp (Mar 30, 2005)

chartreuse said:
			
		

> I have several questions for everyone:
> 1.  Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
> 2.  How many hours a day do you spend reading?
> 3.  Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
> ...



1) No. But I could wangle it that way. "That Sandra and Phillip are becoming increasingly boastful and nosy. I don't like them any more. I shall read at them remorselessly. That'll see 'em off." Hmmn. Useful.
2) Ah hour sometimes, sometimes none, sometimes all day. Erm, average an hour perhaps. Apart from when that darned Sandra and Phillip make an appearance.   
3) Eh? That's a daft way to start an argument. It's like saying, do you think that having brown hair makes you more likely to be unfaithful in a long-term relationship? It would be more appropriate to say 'I'm worried you don't find me attractive any more' or 'I'm worried you don't find me interesting any more'. But starting with 'you're boring 'cos you like books' is just awful. I'll have to remember it. Again, might come in useful, should arguments get thin on the ground.
4) Nope. I take a book with me. Reading is gorgeously attractive. In fact, it's the only reason I do it.  
5)  No. A selfish pursuit is the pursuit of all the sweets in the packet to the neglect of all others. That is a selfish pursuit. Obviously. And the capital of Egypt is... no wait, that is Trivial Pursuit.

But on the other side, how many friends have been gained through reading (and film) and discussing books (and film)? Plenty! Lots! Hurrah!


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## Chimeco (Mar 30, 2005)

1.  Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
 2.  How many hours a day do you spend reading?
 3.  Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
 4.  Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?
 5.  Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?


1.  Surely not.  Although it certainly doesn't impress women.  The last girl I dated had trouble reading _E-mail_ (I should post one of her replies sometime). She used to stare at my jacket covers and tell me they looked like interesting reading. Ah well, she was a sexy devilish red head...

2. Typically 2-3, and sometimes longer when I'm at home with no plans. That's only when I pick up the book though. I try not to when I have plans or other projects that demand my time. 

3.  Yes and No.  I think _heavy_ readers are typed as introverted, and sometimes skittish or unconfident.  The typical Librarian _stereotype_ for example.  Withdrawn from the world.  Not boring, just complicated.  

4. Almost definitely. I have no qualms about dismissing a social event in place of a quiet night, just reading. People need levels of attention and social comraderie depending on who they are. I'm no different, but I recognize my need as a little less than others (unless that need is a tall red-head with green eyes and a naughty, feminine way to her... *cough*). 

5. I've actually never heard it expressed as such. Not that I'm doubting you. Most people, if they know you read consistantly, will claim to have read a book recently and ask you about it. I think it's a respected habit, although the "cool, social elite" definitely look down on it as a waste of time. As if drinking and socializing isn't (although this has it's place in everyone's life too). Personally, I drink and read at the same time. It's hard, I know. Maybe that's why I'm cross-eyed and keep smacking my head on the doorframe on my way to the bathroom.  That's why I posted only one eye as my avatar, because I couldn't find the other one.


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## GOLLUM (Mar 30, 2005)

*1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?*
Not really. Some of the people whose company I most enjoy are professional book sellers, book detectives, editors etc.. who can also turn out to be friends but I can just as easily talk with people who have little intrest in books. I'm also a member of some scfi fi/fantasy book clubs that have regular social functions.   

*2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?*
This varies but as I work all day, reading is usually say 1-2 hrs/night and more on weekends. I always have at least 1 fantasy book in my bag that I read to and from work on the train and my bedroom and study are pile high in books. HMMM.. right now I have half a dozen fantasy books stashed away in various drawers at work. I guess I'm a bit of an Bookaholic   

*3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?*
I'd say the opposite was the case. Usually people who are big readers are also quite knowledgable, which means they can make interesting and intelligent conversation at parties etc..  

*4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?*
Yes, have to admit sometimes I do this or else I may take a book with me to read. Depends on what the social event is really.  

*5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*
No, I think reading is a great way to open up one's mind to different ideas and let's face it, wanting to learn and understand things better and the power of imagination is a basic human need in my book HE HE.. Actually, sometimes reading can be more satisfying than that "other" great human need


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## GrownUp (Mar 30, 2005)

GOLLUM said:
			
		

> Actually, sometimes reading can be more satisfying than that "other" great human need


More satisfying than the eating of chocolate cake? I don't believe you.


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## Andyhug (Apr 1, 2005)

1. I'm a bit of a youngin' compared to most of you so I have never been in a relation serious enough for reading to damage and until I read this post the idea had never crossed my mind!

2. 1 on average

3. That depends...to identify someone as a reader you'd more than likely have to see them reading in public, a novel would give this impression more than a mag. SO.. someone who reads novels in public? Yeah they may appear slightly boring!

4. Yeah I am guilty. If someone invited themselves into my room for example (A cousin or friend etc) and started talking about stuff that I really couldnt care less about I'd sometimes pick up whatever book I am reading at the time and sort of ignore them, and when they repeat something they have said a few times because I didnt respond, I'd say "Oh sorry I was reading, didn't hear you". They soon leave!

5. I have never heard anyone claim this and it baffles me why anyone would 0.o oh well I am still young and have things to learn!

I don't know many readers so reading is something I usually do in my own time and I don't share it with many people, mainly because it wouldn't interest them. I do know one or two people that enjoy reading the same type of book's that I do but I just can't connect with them.


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## GOLLUM (Apr 7, 2005)

GrownUp said:
			
		

> More satisfying than the eating of chocolate cake? I don't believe you.


 
HE HE... nice one grown up.


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## Stormflame (Apr 9, 2005)

Reading has never gotten me into this hole...

What did get me in trouble early in my marriage, was a game called, Elder Scrolls of Morrowind.  I was so ensnared in the game, that it was all I did besides work.  I thought that because I was home all the time, under my wifes nose, I was doing a good thing.  I had to realize this, and balance it to a better degree.  On reading too much, I have found that it helps me out.  My wife thinks I am smarter for it, and she tells this to other people, that I am a world of knowledge....


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## alexhurry (Jun 22, 2005)

1)I have lost 1 girlfirend but that's about it.
2)I spend about 7 hours a day reading.
3)Reading makes me looks boring to others that don't like reading. But to be honest, i really don't care!
4)Yes on many occasions (only the boring ones)
5)It is not selfish it is simply a way of losing yourself in another world and enjoying it.


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## stirdgit (Jun 23, 2005)

I would say that reading has strengthened my relationship with my wife; it was one of the things that brought us together back in the beginning of our life together.  We have read many of the same books and have been known to discuss a recent read for hours, even days.

As far as I know, I have never lost a friend because of reading.  If I did, it wasn't because of reading.  It was because the person was not a true friend to begin with.

Selfishness? I have very different beliefs on that subject.  Probably best I don't get into them right now.


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## kaneda (Jun 23, 2005)

*1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?*
Not directly, but people have complained it, and I have had a few arguments with people when they complained about it. It was actually me ex's lack of a reading habit that caused us to break up, because he doesnt read at all (even newspapers) and refused to try and understand why I love reading.
*2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?*
It varies. At the moment I'm finding it really hard to relax, so I'm only reading for about an hour a day. Normally i read for anything between 2-4 hours a day and on a good day when i have nothing to do and have a crackign book to hand I read all day.
*3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?*
It has been suggested by a few people, but those are people who don't read at all. I think theres a stereotype of what a 'typical' reader is, especially a fantasy reader. My lovely ex told me when we met that he found it hard to believe that i read fantasy because I'm fun to be around  
*4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?*
I have done. But only with social events that i really don't want to go too. I like my own company, and for me sometimes the best way for me to spend a night is to jus chill reading a book. 
*5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*
I think it depends. If you're the type of person who reads and then doesnt like to share what you;ve read then of course thats going to be selfish. But then there are circumstances when people do not want to know about what you have been reading.


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## FelineEyes (Jun 24, 2005)

*1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?*
No, but it never made me any either.
*2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?*
Donno, but 200 pages of a novel thick enough to crack teeth in a day on is good, but I've managed 600 pages of the same in roughly 2/3 of a day. Slowpoke in comparason to my dad. 
*3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?*
You bet. It also makes you invisible. And it makes other people jelous.
*4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?*
I have in the past.
*5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*Honestly, I don't really care.


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## ajdecon (Jun 24, 2005)

chartreuse said:
			
		

> 1.  Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
> 2.  How many hours a day do you spend reading?
> 3.  Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
> 4.  Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?
> 5.  Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?



1. It hasn't made me lose any relationships... however, I've probably missed out on a few potential friendships because of it. See #3

2. Probably 2-4, depending on other stuff.  A lot less while taking classes. 

3. Not so much boring, as just not there. People see you reading, and they either don't notice you at all, or figure you're antisocial or have your head in the clouds.

4.  Ummm...yeah.

5. No!  Not when you know other readers, recommend books to each other, discuss them...


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## kaneda (Jun 24, 2005)

FelineEyes said:
			
		

> *5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*Honestly, I don't really care.


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## Calis (Jun 24, 2005)

chartreuse said:
			
		

> I have several questions for everyone:
> 1.  Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
> 2.  How many hours a day do you spend reading?
> 3.  Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
> ...



1. No, but that is a fairly poor reason to loose someone. You got 24 hours in a day, 8 - 10 is sleeping, you got 16 - 18 hours to do other things, surely you can fit in reading/friends/relationship into it. Plus you dont see them every day.

2. Depends on the book and how into it i am

3. No. I'm cool. Reader's are cool. Chicks who read are a plus.

4. pfft

5. non-readers dont know what a totally selfish pursuit means. They are more like '...derrr your a nerd *drool* *scratch* *fart*'


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## FelineEyes (Jun 27, 2005)

Calis said:
			
		

> Chicks who read are a plus.


 
So are hot guys who read, but I haven't met any yet.



			
				Calis said:
			
		

> non-readers dont know what a totally selfish pursuit means. They are more like '...derrr your a nerd *drool* *scratch* *fart*'


 
Around here they either look at you with a glazed smile and nod or they say "Whatcha gone and doin' that for?  Shouldn't you be out pleasen' cher boyfriend or somin'?"


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## Taltos (Jun 27, 2005)

*1.  Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
*Nope, but probably I've missed some possibilities along the way. 
*
 2.  How many hours a day do you spend reading?
*Currently about half hour a day, but it used to be about 2-3 hours. Internet connection at home is baaaaaad for reading. 
*
 3.  Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
*On one side, certainly, if you are travellig and have your nose in the book constantly  On the other side, if you get into conversation you might find a lot to talk about
*
 4.  Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?
*Used to, but got away from this habit
*
 5.  Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?*
 Somewhat yes, and somewhat no, if you share you findings with others, then it's not totally selfish.


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## Calis (Jun 28, 2005)

FelineEyes said:
			
		

> So are hot guys who read, but I haven't met any yet.



Your reading about one, just ask Kaneda. 

Author's note - I am a firm believer of people being down to earth, but i live on the moon obviously.


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## kaneda (Jun 28, 2005)

Calis said:
			
		

> Your reading about one, just ask Kaneda. .


 
<Swoons>


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## Calis (Jun 28, 2005)

I told ya. hehe


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## Estelthea (Jun 29, 2005)

chartreuse said:
			
		

> 1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
> 2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?
> 3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
> 4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?
> ...


 
1. Nope but I've made friends and strengthened friendships through a shared interest in reading, writing and books. My ex-boyfriend liked reading too and we swapped books and sometimes talked about reading.

2. It depends but I usually read for an hour before going to bed (I'm a poor single girl!).

3. Nope, I have other interests apart from reading and most people are curious to know which books I like or if I've read their favourite authors when they know I like reading. I know very few people who don't like reading and who talk about what they like.

4. Only if I'm on public transport / in the park and someone tries to talk to me who I don't want to talk to. I'd never turn down a night at the pub with friends for a book!

5. Nope and even if it was I don't really care. I enjoy reading and other people enjoy doing other things that could also be called selfish - but not by me becuase people should be left to enjoy whatever it is they enjoy. My only selfish act is that I don't like lending some of my books out, I have various first editions and signed books that I want to try and keep in good condition!

I'd happily sacrifice my reading ability for some thing more vital (like breathing or chocolate!). I've never encountered someone that against reading and readers, compared to most persuits it's pretty harmless


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## Rane Longfox (Jun 29, 2005)

Reading ruined the time shortly after my relationship. She had all my good books at her house


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## Taltos (Jun 30, 2005)

caladanbrood said:
			
		

> Reading ruined the time shortly after my relationship. She had all my good books at her house



This remainded of my friends complaint: Whenever a certain girl came to visit him, she went right to his bookshelf and spent all the time reading  - this is certainly one possible way to ruin a relationship


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## kyektulu (Aug 11, 2005)

I spend at least two hours a day reading!
I dont really avoid social situations to read, I dont have that much social occasions anyway!
If I appear boring to others because or my reading that is thier problem! 

I have never lost any lovers or friends over my hobby.
Mainly I read when im alone or my b f is reading beside me


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## Rosemary (Aug 12, 2005)

Ex Husband, ex lovers or friends - my reading did not affect these relationships.

I don't read as much now, especially while I am ONLINE so much.  Before it might have been about 6 hours.

I think reading increases your knowledge (even through Fantasy or SciFi), so I can't see how someone would think I was boring.  Unless it was just talking about those particular books to a non-Fantasy book reader.

Has not effected by social life - what social life????


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## Stormflame (Aug 13, 2005)

My wife has been really getting onto me lately about the internet.  SHE HATES IT!  She has become quite liberal lately in saying that either I quit being it on so much and spending time on it with strangers and not her, that she was going to do something drastic.  It has caused arguements.  I see it as a hobby.  Everyone has a hobby.  I also am an avid outdoorsman, however, in the hot season, and her being seven months pregnant, it has hindered that.  Therefore,  I am left with the internet, which is like a form of reading.  
I have had to keep off the computer so much lately.  That is why I have not been around the Chronies so much.  My marriage, lol, depends on it!!!
Anyway...


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