Terry Goodkind

Felt bored so I employed the SoT novel-creator that I linked to earlier:
Dick and Klan are walking around in their travelling pants discussing representational designs involving lethality. Suddenly a war breaks out. 42 members of the Imperial Order are preparing to attack them. Richard's thing rises and he kills them all with the Sword of Truth. Kahlan is kidnapped and almost-raped by some guy we've never heard of before... who's another brother of Richard but is saved at the last moment by confessorizing someone to fight the rapist. While searching for his True Love, Richard finds a village full of people who are bigger than most men, but not quite as big as Richard. Richard makes a speech that goes on for 20 pages and the villagers all abandon their individuality commie pinko ways to help him find Kahlan. Richard finds the evil villain who attacks him with a spell on Kahlan. When it looks like Richard is about to lose Zedd shows up and shows why he's the Wind of Death. Richard and Kahlan go off and disappear into the woods and avoid their people while the war continues to be ignored. Next volume: Richard is stolen away by a deus ex machina.
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oh wow. brilliant :) i think that's actually better than what goodkind would have written, (same ideas i know, but a better style :) ) certainly shorter!

traveling pants is a great phrase.
 
I haven't read all of this thread, so can I just ask: Have you talked about the Evil Chicken yet?
 
my turn....
Dick and Klan are walking around in their world which is clearly not a fantasy world, otherwise the story would be about the world rather than the people and the important human themes, brewing antidotes to poisons based on the taste. Suddenly a war breaks out. 967,532,092,531,231 members of the Imperial Order are preparing to attack them. Richard's thing rises and Kahlan sluts it up and distracts them. Kahlan is kidnapped and almost-raped by some guy we've never heard of before... who's another brother of Richard but is saved at the last moment by an inconvenient deus ex machina. While searching for his True Love, Richard finds a village full of people who are all stupendously good blademasters... but not as good as Richard. Richard makes a speech that goes on for 20 pages and the villagers all abandon their individuality commie pinko ways to help him find Kahlan. Richard finds the evil villain who attacks him with peasants. When it looks like Richard is about to lose Richard talks the villain out of villainy. Richard and Kahlan go off and explain why Richard is always justified no matter what he does while the war continues to be ignored. Next volume: Kahlan is stolen away by a deus ex machina.
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attacks him with peasants? a long peasant in one hand, a shorter stabbing-peasant in the other?
disturbingly, i think i've seen low-budget fantasy series on cable channels that sound exactly like this. Goodkind should sue such uncreative leeches! :D
 
ah but if goodkind packs up writing you won't have such an easy target to bash :)
 
a good joke remains good no matter how old it is, i guess. been bashing this man for years and its still fun
maybe i need a life . . .
*shrug*
 
Gave up on Confessor :eek: after a whole chapter dedicated to explaining a very small part of the magic of Orden and lots of pacing up and down by Zedd and Nikki with Cara supplying infrequent and lame attempts at wit I decided enough was enough. I've moved on to Sword from Red Ice and was struck by how unentertaining and ungripping Confessor was in comparison :confused:
 
Goodkind is a born storyteller - he would undoubtedly agree with me. His works are staggeringly well-told, and each resounds strongly with pure, undiluted Truth. He has a message to convey to the reader - most writers, in fact, do not. I only hope that one of you is willing to confess his delight and admiration, for the sophisticated Mr Godkind.
 
AHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA

A very good joke you have told, oh Glittering Riddle. Perhaps I would admire his work if his work were something for which he had talent, which is patently not writing.
 
Werthead said:
That's okay, as long as Robert Newcombe keeps writing we'll still be in business!
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LOL. By the Gods! The Fifth Sorcerous, even thinking about it cracks me up :D. Thats just got to be the most ridiculous thing...

Cheers, DeepThought
 
Werthead said:
girls younger than her did get married and did have children in the Middle Ages
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In Romeo and Juliet, Lady Capulet says she understands the 14-year old Juliet's feelings, because she had similar feelings at the same age. Which was when she became pregnant with Juliet.

So Shakespeare's audience found a 14-year old wife so unobjectionable that he put two of them in his play. And they were rich people who didn't have to marry off their daughters to feed them.
 
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