Fave Quotes (Terry Pratchett)

[Lyrebird]

The Johnny Trilogy is a favourite of mine. Esp. the final: JatB

A couple of excerpts from JatB:

"I wouldn't mind joining the police if they were the time police. You'd go back and say, 'Hey, are you Adolf Hitler?' and when he said 'Achtung, that's me, ja' ... Kablooeee! With the pump-action shotgun. End of problem."

When an early ape had cautiously got down out of its tree and wobbled awkwardly along the ground, trying out this new "standing upright" idea all the younger apes were talking about, this was exactly the kind of snarl it hated to hear.
It said to every muscle in the body: run away and climb something. And possibly throw down some coconuts, too.

 

[bitteroldhag]

One, two, many, lots.

 

[Joel007]

"If you can count to two you can count to anything!" (think binary )

 

[Lyrebird]

Another of my favourite books: "The Sea And Little Fishes"

Trouble began, and not for the first time, with an apple.

'But they start off knowing they're not going to win.'
'So do I.'
'Oh, no, you surely -'
'I meant that I start off knowing they're not goin' to win too,' said Granny witheringly.

 

[Lyrebird]

If you thought hard enough, he’d always considered, you could work out everything. The wind, for example. It had always puzzled him until the day he’d realized that it was caused by all the trees waving about.

This struck a chord with me like no other, as this was identical to my own reasoning as a child! I was shocked stiff, as you might imagine, because I read the book as an adult, and by the time I'd forgotten all about my early theory! Very unexpected, and a revelation. After all, it's easier to imagine that trees are alive than to believe the wind is. Obvious when you think about it, right?

Of course, I might have thought as the ancient Greeks, had I come from such a background...
Boreas or Aquilo, the north wind,
Zephyrus or Favonius, the west,
Notus or Auster, the south,
and Eurus, the east.
Or as the early Hindus: Rudra - The god of storm and wind.
etc. etc.

 

[Joel007]

I love the sea and little fishes! especially the ending... Wizards aren't the only ones who can throw fireballs

 

[Lyrebird]

I wonder how many of you can place this one...

YOUNG MAN, I AM THE FACT.

 

[Fahim]

I thought it might be "Mort" but a Google search reveals that it's from "Theatre of Cruelty" You know, I keep forgetting that there are short stories by PTerry out there! I must find them ... must ... must

 

[Lyrebird]

I guess "Theatre of Cruelty" was a bit of a gimmick to get Death (spoiler)ed by (spoiler). Those who've read it will know what I mean! Nothing much otherwise.

This, on the other hand...

In weather like this right-thinking people were indoors, in front of the fire. Telling stories about heroes.

...is a proper little gem (the story, I mean). Then again, perhaps I just loved it because I read it in season, and was in the right mood... (Troll Bridge)

 

[markyc]

There was one I can't remember which book that said something along the lines of 'in Ankh Morpork curiosity didn't just kill the cat, it stuffed it in a bag tied with bricks and chucked it in the river'.

Well, something like that anyway.

 

[Joel007]

It may have been the Colour of Magic, since there he's introducing the city, and it also has more silly comments than the others.

 

[markyc]

From Soul Music
"I sort of got some leopard skin trousers, and a leopard skin shirt"
"You bought a leopard didn't you?"

(Or something like that)

Heh heh.

Me likey.

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

 

[High Eight]

From Soul Music
"I sort of got some leopard skin trousers, and a leopard skin shirt"
"You bought a leopard didn't you?"

(Or something like that)

Which leads to the ever-so subtle:

'Sort of leopardy, yes.'
'Oh, good grief-'
'But sort of a real steal for twenty dollars,' said Scum. 'Nothing
important wrong with it, the man said.'
'Why'd he get rid of it, then?' Crash demanded.
'It's sort of deaf. Can't hear the lion tamer, he said.'

Yes, Crash bought a deaf leopard...........

The band having a roadie called Asphalt is the sort of godawful pun you can't help grinning at, too.

 

[The Upright Man]

PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'.
-- (Death, The Last Continent)

 

[The Upright Man]

They say the heat and the flies here can drive a man insane. But you don't have to believe that, and nor does that bright mauve elephant that just cycled past.
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent)

 

[The Upright Man]

and last but not least (as you can guess as i'm reading the book now)

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent)

 

[zorcarepublic]

Ah, The Last Continent:

The scene: Rincewind is running away from a kangaroo that can speak. Nothing new there, then, but:

"Stop you? When you're going in the right direction?"

 

[HoopyFrood]

The fact is that camels are far more intelligent than dolphins*

* Never trust a species that grins all the time. It's up to something.

-- Pyramids

 

[BloodNguts]

I think the first time I laughed one of these books is when rincewind appeared in the purple or blue or whatever hat that had "WIZZARD" or somesuch written upon it with glitter.

 

[High Eight]

"Shoot the dictator and prevent the war ? But the dictator is merely the tip
of whole festering boil of social pus from which dictators emerge; shoot
one, and there'll be another along in a minute. Shoot him, too ? Why not
shoot everyone and invade Poland ?" - Lords and Ladies