Brian's Alternative Endings
- Thread starter Brian G Turner
- Start date
Nice extension of the idea, Parson!
Lord of the Rings:
Gandalf whistles up Gwaihir the Eagle, Frodo takes the Ring, is flown straight to Orodruin, where he drops it into the Cracks of Doom: Job Done!
Lord of the Rings:
Gandalf whistles up Gwaihir the Eagle, Frodo takes the Ring, is flown straight to Orodruin, where he drops it into the Cracks of Doom: Job Done!
The Ace
Scottish Roman.
LOTR;
Tolkein dies at the end of Book I (the arrival at Rivendell) and GRRM takes over. The party is wiped out in Moria, but Sauron bends his will to summon the Balrog (now Ring-Bearer) to Mordor. Its attempt to escape oversea ends at Rivendell where it kills Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen.
Denethor, Galadriel, Dain and Theoden are so busy trying to obliterate each other, they don't notice the Nazgul and hordes of orcs until it's way too late.
The returning Balrog recognises Sauron as its master and the victorious horde advances on the Grey Havens, (now the Gray Havens) pausing only for an orgy of slaughter in the Shire, which takes up an entire volume.
Sauron swats Tom Bombadil like an irritating fly before doing unmentionable things to Goldberry over six chapters.
Sauron invades and takes the Undying Lands, turning them into Hell.
Tolkein dies at the end of Book I (the arrival at Rivendell) and GRRM takes over. The party is wiped out in Moria, but Sauron bends his will to summon the Balrog (now Ring-Bearer) to Mordor. Its attempt to escape oversea ends at Rivendell where it kills Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen.
Denethor, Galadriel, Dain and Theoden are so busy trying to obliterate each other, they don't notice the Nazgul and hordes of orcs until it's way too late.
The returning Balrog recognises Sauron as its master and the victorious horde advances on the Grey Havens, (now the Gray Havens) pausing only for an orgy of slaughter in the Shire, which takes up an entire volume.
Sauron swats Tom Bombadil like an irritating fly before doing unmentionable things to Goldberry over six chapters.
Sauron invades and takes the Undying Lands, turning them into Hell.
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Highlander II
There can be only one!!
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- Jun 6, 2001
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- 8,608
I too, am amused by this thread. Do continue.
LOVE the Titanic one. Despite the fact that I refuse to see the movie.
LOVE the Titanic one. Despite the fact that I refuse to see the movie.
Mentioning Titanic reminded me of the current craze of 'Sweding' films. If you have seen Be Kind, Rewind they come up with the idea of 'Sweding' films - remaking them in 20 minutes, low budget-style, not always faithful to the original. Son of Rambo was also about two boys making their own version of First Blood.
There is nothing new in 'Sweding'. Little boys who had access to a cine-camera have always done it, but video cameras are dirt cheap now. There are loads on You Tube - just Google 'Sweding'. Empire magazine even had a competition. A 60-second version of Speed was the runner up, but first prize went to a version of Titanic.
There is nothing new in 'Sweding'. Little boys who had access to a cine-camera have always done it, but video cameras are dirt cheap now. There are loads on You Tube - just Google 'Sweding'. Empire magazine even had a competition. A 60-second version of Speed was the runner up, but first prize went to a version of Titanic.
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I've spent the whole evening with my son watching Sweded versions of movies on You Tube because of this.
The Empire magazine shortlist is here:
The Sony Ericsson Empire Awards 2008
We don't think Titanic should have won. Speed and Alien are much better. That version of Speed is also on You Tube here:
[YouTube]G7RVzBo4D6M[/YouTube]
We also particularly like this Jurassic Park
[YouTube]OFZBz3ZiQbk[/YouTube]
and this one of many Star Wars
[YouTube]_qEWhrjYg_o[/YouTube]
and especially Terminator 2
[YouTube]01iAqB-cqZw[/YouTube]
The Empire magazine shortlist is here:
The Sony Ericsson Empire Awards 2008
We don't think Titanic should have won. Speed and Alien are much better. That version of Speed is also on You Tube here:
[YouTube]G7RVzBo4D6M[/YouTube]
We also particularly like this Jurassic Park
[YouTube]OFZBz3ZiQbk[/YouTube]
and this one of many Star Wars
[YouTube]_qEWhrjYg_o[/YouTube]
and especially Terminator 2
[YouTube]01iAqB-cqZw[/YouTube]
Highlander II
There can be only one!!
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2001
- Messages
- 8,608
I love the cardboard dino's!
These actually remind me of Cleo Linda's Movies in 15 Minutes over on LJ. She's got some brilliant ones!
These actually remind me of Cleo Linda's Movies in 15 Minutes over on LJ. She's got some brilliant ones!
HoopyFrood
It's me! Hurrah!
It's what students do best in their large amounts of free time, it seems. My friends and I created our own horror film trailer last year about "The Gouger" (with me as the title role ). Look out, she'll gouge out your eyes with her ice cream scoop!
Carrie: Carrie finds she has a fine sense of humour and can laugh off whatever amount of pigs' blood people pour over her (teenagers will play these silly pranks); seeing this, everyone realises she's quite a nice girl after all, she becomes incredibly popular, joins the cheer leading team, shows her mother the error of her crazy, overbearing ways and only ever uses her telekinesis to float the remote control over to her when she can't be bothered to get up out of her seat.
). Look out, she'll gouge out your eyes with her ice cream scoop!Carrie: Carrie finds she has a fine sense of humour and can laugh off whatever amount of pigs' blood people pour over her (teenagers will play these silly pranks); seeing this, everyone realises she's quite a nice girl after all, she becomes incredibly popular, joins the cheer leading team, shows her mother the error of her crazy, overbearing ways and only ever uses her telekinesis to float the remote control over to her when she can't be bothered to get up out of her seat.
jojajihisc
vast and cool
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2008
- Messages
- 745
Gremlins
The hostile titular creatures are eradicated and it gradually becomes apparent that the "mogwai" are a parasitic scout species meant to fertilize planet with their human, keratin-based excrement.
I, Robot
After a thorough investigation of the robot factory Detective Spooner closes the case with "scientist jumped out of building and no foul play suspected" written in the margin of the report. He then heads to the YMCA for a pick-up game of basketball. His teams wins.
The hostile titular creatures are eradicated and it gradually becomes apparent that the "mogwai" are a parasitic scout species meant to fertilize planet with their human, keratin-based excrement.
I, Robot
After a thorough investigation of the robot factory Detective Spooner closes the case with "scientist jumped out of building and no foul play suspected" written in the margin of the report. He then heads to the YMCA for a pick-up game of basketball. His teams wins.
thepaladin
Holy Knight
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2009
- Messages
- 530
Star Trek The Motion Picture (1979): Voyger 6 is struck by a small tumbling astral body not far out of the solar system and Earth is spared a long pretentious movie.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: Someone bothers to keep trak of the unautherized coloney Kirk has planted sparing Khan, his people and thousands of movie goers untold misery.
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock: They don't find him.
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home: The whales arrive in the future and communicate with their friends from a distant star system. Relating to the the fate of all Earths other whales the Giant ship/prob intensifies it's signal, wiping out all humans on the planet.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: Someone bothers to keep trak of the unautherized coloney Kirk has planted sparing Khan, his people and thousands of movie goers untold misery.
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock: They don't find him.
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home: The whales arrive in the future and communicate with their friends from a distant star system. Relating to the the fate of all Earths other whales the Giant ship/prob intensifies it's signal, wiping out all humans on the planet.
Window Bar
"We Read for Light"
The Hobbit:
When Bilbo makes it back to the Shire and retrieves the barrow treasure, he finds that all of the treasure's value (which was to have been his pension) was backed by subprime mortgages.
Off he goes on a new quest: this time to the land Tubigtu-Faile, where he sneaks down a tunnel into a bank vault and begins a game of riddles with Ban-Qur, who is lying atop a pile of junk bonds.
"What," asks Bilbo, "is heavier than stone, lighter than a feather, as ephemeral as a maiden's beauty yet as deadly as a viper?"
"My promise to you ..." began the ban-qur (and this, of course, was the correct answer, but he hadn't the wit to shut up)... "My promise to you is that according to the signatories of the second party of the sub-agreement's fourth clause of amendments in reference to that person, persons or entity being either able or unable to redeem the debentures is that you may depend upon me to discover a mutually beneficial compromise from which an annuity shall accrue to the first party ..."
Bilbo had heard enough and cut off his ************** his tongue.
When Bilbo makes it back to the Shire and retrieves the barrow treasure, he finds that all of the treasure's value (which was to have been his pension) was backed by subprime mortgages.
Off he goes on a new quest: this time to the land Tubigtu-Faile, where he sneaks down a tunnel into a bank vault and begins a game of riddles with Ban-Qur, who is lying atop a pile of junk bonds.
"What," asks Bilbo, "is heavier than stone, lighter than a feather, as ephemeral as a maiden's beauty yet as deadly as a viper?"
"My promise to you ..." began the ban-qur (and this, of course, was the correct answer, but he hadn't the wit to shut up)... "My promise to you is that according to the signatories of the second party of the sub-agreement's fourth clause of amendments in reference to that person, persons or entity being either able or unable to redeem the debentures is that you may depend upon me to discover a mutually beneficial compromise from which an annuity shall accrue to the first party ..."
Bilbo had heard enough and cut off his ************** his tongue.
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jojajihisc
vast and cool
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2008
- Messages
- 745
^Awesome.
J-WO
Author of 'Pennyblade' and 'Feral Space'
ARMAGEDDON- ends exactly as it does in the film, but camera then zooms back to the edge of solar system. Giant alien starship there.
Alien Warlord- 'Hmm, seems they can handle big rocks. Lets try the flesh-necrotizing laser...'
Alien Warlord- 'Hmm, seems they can handle big rocks. Lets try the flesh-necrotizing laser...'
Boneman
Well-Known Member
Family Man Nicholas Cage gets to the airport, Tea leoni asks him if he needs closure, says it's okay, goes back in line. He racks his brain to think of something to make her stay, finally comes up with: "We have a house in Jersey...two kids..."
Alt ending 1: Security arrest him and she leaves the country.
Alt ending 2: A man in the nearest queue lays him out, bored with his inane stupidity.
Alt ending 3: She is now convinced he's a mental case and flees through pasport control as fast as possible, changes her name, gets a new identity.
Alt ending 4: He sees Tea again, compares her with the babe he left at his apartment, says "Who am I kidding?" and goes back to the babe....
Alt ending 1: Security arrest him and she leaves the country.
Alt ending 2: A man in the nearest queue lays him out, bored with his inane stupidity.
Alt ending 3: She is now convinced he's a mental case and flees through pasport control as fast as possible, changes her name, gets a new identity.
Alt ending 4: He sees Tea again, compares her with the babe he left at his apartment, says "Who am I kidding?" and goes back to the babe....
Event Horizon
No one goes anywhere alone, so nothing bad happens. They power up the ship, set the auto-pilot for a flight back to Earth, and scarper.
Pitch Black
Riddick leaves the survivors to die.
Return Of The Jedi
On selecting Endor as their base of operations, the Empire exterminates the Ewoks. The rebel attack fails but the Emperor is killed, leaving Luke and a patched-up Vader to rule the galaxy as father and son.
Close Encounters
The US Airforce shoots down the mothership when it appears. It pancakes onto the landing area, killing everyone on the ground.
No one goes anywhere alone, so nothing bad happens. They power up the ship, set the auto-pilot for a flight back to Earth, and scarper.
Pitch Black
Riddick leaves the survivors to die.
Return Of The Jedi
On selecting Endor as their base of operations, the Empire exterminates the Ewoks. The rebel attack fails but the Emperor is killed, leaving Luke and a patched-up Vader to rule the galaxy as father and son.
Close Encounters
The US Airforce shoots down the mothership when it appears. It pancakes onto the landing area, killing everyone on the ground.
Dune
Paul slips during his first attempt to ride Shai-Hulud, and is eaten by the Worm. The Fremen resistance ends, and the Harkonnen go on to rule the galaxy.
The Hobbit (alternative)
Bilbo takes so long with the washing up on the morning of the Unexpected Party that the Dwarves go off without him. They're all eaten by Smaug, Sauron finds Gollum and retrieves the Ring, and that's about it for Middle-earth...
The Lord of the Rings
Sam is actually an agent of Mordor, steals the Ring from Frodo on the first night out from Bag End, gives it to a Nazgûl and that's about it for Middle-earth (again)...
Paul slips during his first attempt to ride Shai-Hulud, and is eaten by the Worm. The Fremen resistance ends, and the Harkonnen go on to rule the galaxy.
The Hobbit (alternative)
Bilbo takes so long with the washing up on the morning of the Unexpected Party that the Dwarves go off without him. They're all eaten by Smaug, Sauron finds Gollum and retrieves the Ring, and that's about it for Middle-earth...
The Lord of the Rings
Sam is actually an agent of Mordor, steals the Ring from Frodo on the first night out from Bag End, gives it to a Nazgûl and that's about it for Middle-earth (again)...
The Hobbit
Bilbo doesn't go with the dwarves (see Pyan, above), who nick some trinkets from Smaug and scarper. Gollum can't find the ring but keeps killing the orcs/gobblins wandering by who might have picked it up instead. Sauron enlists the help of Smaug, points out the gap in his jewel-encrusted belly, and the dragon goes on to torch, well, everywhere. The Mordor relief effort is then welcomed with open arms by those blackened survivors who haven't fled to the Grey Havens or are hiding deep underground. Smaug then turns the Barad-Dur into a pile of rubble, roasts Sauron and returns to his lair.
The Lord Of The Rings (Return Of The King)
Having broken down the gate the Lord of the Nazgul (that's the Witch-King of Angmar to us plebs), rides in to Minas Tirith and confronts Gandalf the White. Rather than being distracted by the situation outside he and Big G 'get it on' - the Witch-King showed no hesitation and even seemed to relish the prospect of a fight, which as a 'craven instrument of evil' (tm) probably meant he was packing enough firepower.
Minas Tirith gets laid waste and Gandalf goes down fighting - maybe even taking the Black Dude with him. Regardless, the attack on the city fails as per the original narrative but without Gandalf to goad them on there is no subsequent attack on Mordor. Without this distraction Sauron spots Sam and Frodo, who are toast.
Bilbo doesn't go with the dwarves (see Pyan, above), who nick some trinkets from Smaug and scarper. Gollum can't find the ring but keeps killing the orcs/gobblins wandering by who might have picked it up instead. Sauron enlists the help of Smaug, points out the gap in his jewel-encrusted belly, and the dragon goes on to torch, well, everywhere. The Mordor relief effort is then welcomed with open arms by those blackened survivors who haven't fled to the Grey Havens or are hiding deep underground. Smaug then turns the Barad-Dur into a pile of rubble, roasts Sauron and returns to his lair.
The Lord Of The Rings (Return Of The King)
Having broken down the gate the Lord of the Nazgul (that's the Witch-King of Angmar to us plebs), rides in to Minas Tirith and confronts Gandalf the White. Rather than being distracted by the situation outside he and Big G 'get it on' - the Witch-King showed no hesitation and even seemed to relish the prospect of a fight, which as a 'craven instrument of evil' (tm) probably meant he was packing enough firepower.
Minas Tirith gets laid waste and Gandalf goes down fighting - maybe even taking the Black Dude with him. Regardless, the attack on the city fails as per the original narrative but without Gandalf to goad them on there is no subsequent attack on Mordor. Without this distraction Sauron spots Sam and Frodo, who are toast.
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