Brian's Alternative Endings

[Toby Frost]

The Road

As the Man and the Boy didst go on down the road, they did see a car by the side of the road. Twas a matt black Jensen V8 Interceptor, mysteriously abandoned by its former owner.

Can we use the car? asked the Boy.
Yes, said the Man. This is the sort of car the good guys drive. Lets rock.

And then they did rock, and the road got somewhat more fun.

 

[Justin_B]

Armaggedon:
Comet misses earth completely - NASA used feet not metres

 

[J-WO]

Mad Max
Max returns to his Interceptor to find its been stolen. Discovers he has son. Long walk ahead.

 

[Pyan]

Battlefield Earth

On the first day of shooting, everyone who's read the script finds urgent business elsewhere...

 

[Ökuþórr]

300
Xerces followers find out he's been claiming over the top face jewellery on his expenses and demand he pays the money back. This leaves him unable to fund his campaign against the Spartans, so he decides to take out a loan. But his bank "Eastern Rock" has gone under, so he's forced to go home and find some way of making his subjects pay for the loss of their own money and forget his expenses claims.

The Spartans meanwhile, decide to take a break in Corfu.

 

[Toby Frost]

Night of the Living Dead

As the survivors barricade themselves in, a scripting misprint results in hordes of the ravenous dad breaking in. The survivors are overwhelmed with a barrage of manly banter, and the film ends with the army of dads feasting on tea and biscuits whilst listening to Eric Clapton and using DIY to repair the door they just broke down.


The Book of Eli

The mysterious book turns out to be the last surviving copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Eli shares it with nobody, because altruism is the root of all evil. Nobody greatly minds.

 

[Dave]

Total Recall

Haunted by his dreams of Mars, Douglas Quaid goes to Rekall, Inc., who accidently give him false memories of Venus in error when the memory implantation machine malfunctions. In these memories, he meets Colonel Daniel McGregor Dare and fights the super-intelligent Mekon. Afterwards, Quaid returns to his contruction worker job, and Vilos Cohaagen defeats the rebels on Mars. No one ever discovers the ancient alien Oxygen manufacturing reactor.

 

[dustinzgirl]

The "New" BattleStar Galactica:

Starbuck really was a nutjob, and the entire fleet flew into a supernova, saving Earth from never ending endings.

LOTR:

Frodo and Samgee confess their love for each other, take the ring, get married in Canada, and move to Avalon, destroying the continuity timeline and altering the universe forever. But then Dr. Who comes in and fixes everything right, and the Earth is none the wiser, but still suffers from another terrible never ending ending.

 

[Toby Frost]

The Neverending Story

It never ends.