Lord of the Limericks

[Boaz]

Sam said, "Son, long ago in a tower,
I saved Frodo from the Dark power.
I left Strider's kingdom
to come home to your mom...
and she made me take a cold shower.

 

[Graymalkin]

i wonder what Sam would have named his son...

 

[Boaz]

Graymalkin, here's a suggestion
to solve any Tolkien question
regarding Shire genetics.
Open "Return's" appendix,
it might just give you indigestion.

Son of Sam? Hmmmm... moving on...

The seven sons of Sam were named...

Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Hamfast, Bilbo, Robin, and Tolman (Tom).

And his two sons in-law...

Fastred and Faramir.

 

[Graymalkin]

'ere lies a rumbled indi-vid-yul
Strainin' the old brain residual
S'too early in't' morn
to recall who was born
To the surgeon I leave appendictuals

I'll say, while I'm here (if it pleases)
Indegestion is due to rich cheeses
And while not germain
you have passed once again
my test re: bambino Gamgeeses.

Seven? That alone explains the cold shower...

 

[Boaz]

Rose said, "Go and bathe with the otters.
Don't touch me, come hell or high waters!
Time to rest my poor buns,
I've birthed seven sons.
And don't forget our six daughters!"

 

[Boaz]

Aragorn a.k.a. Envinyatar,
The Elfstone, Elessar Telcontar,
Wingfoot, Longshanks, Estel,
Isildur's heir as well,
Thorongil, Dunadan, and... Strider.

And I'm still chuckling over Gamgeeses.

 

[Boaz]

Shadowfax was the greatest of horses,
He's the only one Gandalf endorses.
Upon him, you can sit
Without bridle or bit,
You just need to withstand the g-forces.

 

[Boaz]

They fled from a farmer's small dog,
And later from the dreaded Balrog.
Yet the one Pippin named,
Was the honored and famed,
Wizard... Gandalf the White... the ball hog.

 

[Graymalkin]

It's said that around the Grey Haven
Galadriel was seen clean shaven
She thought it most scenic,
Celeborn, hygenic,
using Anduril, lord she's a brave'n.

 

[Graymalkin]

Old Bilbo's and Frodo's birthdays,
set the rumor mill buzzing apace.
Now the story goes...
"Bilbo said uno, dos,
and then vanished without a tres."

i really like that...even though I just got the ending...ahem...

 

[Boaz]

@Graymalkin I stole it from this old joke...

Did you hear about the Mexican magician? He said, "Uno... Dos..." and then vanished without a tres.

 

[Boaz]

@Graymalkin I just reread Gamgeeses.... It gets me every time!

 

[Graymalkin]

Always worth recycling quality jokes. People have made careers from less. I can never remember them.

 

[Graymalkin]

@Graymalkin I just reread Gamgeeses.... It gets me every time!

Speaking of stealing jokes it was the excellent @farntfar limerick about orcses and their gravies that gave me that. Which I imagine came from gollum and so on it goes. Mint!

 

[paranoid marvin]

The night that the Riders flew over
The Fellowship ducked down for cover
Said Gandalf "Oh damn"
Then pulled out his SAM
And blew them all back home to Mordor

 

[Boaz]

There was a hobbit named Joe Bob,
who was sick of getting the snowjob.
"I don't mean to press,
I've had one, yes,
but what about second.......?"

 

[Boaz]

It's been two years since I have posted
regarding Tolkien's heroes roasted.
Not Stri's nobility
nor Gand's senility
But of Sam's virility boasted.