In a Quandry! Advice/Help needed

[Perpetual Man]

Six foot six, looked like she was carved from concrete and wore PVC?

 

[Gary Compton]

That's her.

Maybe GC Junior has a look of you. I'll have to check.

Damn! Off to speak to my lawyer. I've got a get out clause from, 'Dad can you lend me twenty quid.'

Only joking, I love them really

 

[Perpetual Man]

Well unless GC junior looks like a crushed hobbit, I think I'll be alright

 

[Mouse]

I was just wandering (nostalgically - there is a reason for this that will become apparent in the next few weeks, I hope) through my old threads...

What, what, why? Are you leaving? You can't leave, I will wail. Waaaaaaail!

 

[Gary Compton]

It's better than looking like a bulldog licking pi*s of a thistle - ME

I've enjoyed your crack tonight PM

 

[Perpetual Man]

Don't panic Mouse I'm not going anywhere.

Well, I'm not here next week (although thanks to modern technology I'll look in from time to time), off on holiday

GC - thanks (I think)

 

[Mouse]

Phew! Have an awesome holiday.

 

[Perpetual Man]

I'll try.

It's going to be very... uh different. Should be around for the next few days though.

 

[Gary Compton]

Don't panic Mouse I'm not going anywhere.

Well, I'm not here next week (although thanks to modern technology I'll look in from time to time), off on holiday

GC - thanks (I think)

Yes PM enjoy your holiday, wife and sproglet. The memories are worth their weight in gold.

 

[Gary Compton]

That's a better offer than the last Geordie I kissed: she refused to shave.

I was just reading this again and it reminded me of when I was at the British Open at Royal Lytham in 1979. Me and my mates were watching the likes of Sevi Ballesteros, Player and Nicklas playing their game on the golf course.

I was a wee boy, and looking for love. Well not that wee in a physical sense but mentally I was tiny. After watching Sevi rip the opposition apart, me and my gang went on the drink the night before the last day. Blackpool was a fun place to be.

Well the more we had, the more attractive the ladies got. I looked across the room, staring through an alchoholic haze; and saw the woman of my dreams Our eyes locked in an animal attraction. I was in love and wanted her to bear my children.

After some light communication and interpretation from her friends and mine, she turned out to be from Glasgow. Well the drink flowed and I got drunker and drunker. Is that proper English by the way?

Doesn't matter I'm not in Critiques!

Anyway at the end of the night she walked me to the taxi which was about 100yds away. We were so pi*sed that it took us 300yds to get there.

She pulled me towards her and we kissed, it was my first time and I felt an electrifying pulse rush though my body. This is it, I thought - LOVE. I want this forever.

So we arranged to meet the next day at the tented village, I was smitten and couldn't wait.

Anyway, next day after fond dreams. I waited by the beer tent, nervously looking at my watch. Then suddenly I heard, 'All reet you big Geordie b*stard,' come from someone in the crowd that flowed passed me.

I was excited and scanned the crowd to find my beloved. I looked, and I looked and then I nearly had a heart attack. My eyes widened and I suddenly turned gay.

Her father must've been an Irn Brew drinking Scottish shot putter. She had more chins than the Chinese telephone directory and bigger muscles than me.

'Come 'ere and give me a kiss,' she screamed with her lips puckered and she gestured for me to hug her.

Well! I took one look and I made a run for it. To be honest I moved quicker than Lynford Christie with an Exocet missile up his ass.

After putting some distance between me and her I promised never to drink again and I never went out for a month.

Phew!! Close encounter. I'm sure she is a lovely person, not like me, but I was too young for her

Anyway, sorry to bore you Seve won anyway so God bless his soul.

 

[Perpetual Man]

Completely out of the blue Gary, but a really great romantic story. Just the thing needed to warm the heart after a long day.

You have a real talent for telling a great yarn, really entertained Mrs Perp and myself.

 

[Gary Compton]

I swear to God, this was a true story. I laugh about it now.

3 years later, I met the ball and chain and we've been happily married for 14 of our 30 year marriage

Only joking Dear.