Character Creation Chain

[J Riff]

Paula Fletcher

Normal, hard-working office girl from Schickburgh, near Pittsburgh, Paula is an honest well-meaning nobody from a very small town who no-one ever gives a second thought to.
Paula reads very many romance novels and has recently diverged into absorbing the odd adult/fantasy/historical fiction book, and she often visualizes herself as a character in an exciting, ongoing online scifi/romance crossover novel, in which she most often portrays the helpless maiden saved from the aliens by a strong handsome and gentle SpaceCaptain, with blond hair.
Paula plans on being a writer when she retires, and her copy of How To Write a Romance and Get it Published is among the more well-thumbed volumes in her bookcase.

Bertrice Biggs

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Bertrice Biggs is a short, stout, middle-aged woman who works as Director of Human Resources for a large corporation. Ms. Biggs has been married for more than twenty years and has two children in college. What her family doesn't realize is that she is also an industrial spy for a Chinese corporation, using her people skills to pick up handy bits of information during casual conversation. Her husband just thinks she very good at managing the household budget.

Cornwall Jenkins.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Cornwall Jenkins

What ho! Here to bring cream scones to the galaxy, and none of that Devon cream tosh. Big trousers - best checked - kipper ties and a moustache called Derek, it's Cornwall, scone maker to the stars!

Humbold Flower

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Humbold Flower, chief casket salesman for Peaceful Hills Memory Gardens, faced a dilemma. The elderly couple seated at the other side of his desk were obviously wealthy enough to afford the finest. The Eternal Slumber model, for example. Imported teak, surrounded with titanium steel for extra security, lined with silk for perfect comfort. Yes, that would be perfect. Yet it might seem coldly mercenary of him to suggest it. Better to start with the Serenity model, with its budget-friendly oak and cotton. No doubt the grieving family of the departed would take it upon themselves to upgrade to a more luxurious model. After all, Miss Fluffy Buttons had been a very fine cockapoo.

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Hillary Sherman.

 

[Mith]

Hillary Sherman, wife, mother, daughter, sister. Wearer of odd socks, lover of fine cheeses and sipper of pink wines. Roundly hailed as the best cupcake maker in the county (her almond sponges are to die for). She supplements the crumbs of her income by running the largest and most notorious criminal empire in the north west of England.

***

Amelia Champion

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Amelia Champion sipped her port. All the suspects were gathered together at last. With a few carefully posed questions, she would be able to construct a flawless chain of logic which would reveal the murderer. Was it Lady Blakely, serene in her armor of pearls and lace? Doctor Beddowes, so gaunt and gray? Jack Spencer, the grinning young adventurer with a thousand tall tales? Even faithful Jenkins was not free from suspicion. She glanced at Jocasta, the exotic Eurasian dancer whose last name was even deeper a mystery than the demise of Reverend Whately. "None of you had motive, means, or opportunity to commit this senseless crime," she said. She raised her glass to Inspector Stubbs, scowling as usual. "Therefore one of you is not who he or she seems to be."

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Claude Becker

 

[abraves247]

Claude Becker was an out of work, college drop out waiting for his next big break. He spent many nights at the race tracks wasting what little money he has left in the hope of striking it rich. After losing this months rent, betting on a horse named Slippery Pete, he cursed and ripped up his ticked and threw it to the ground.
He slumped in his seat and waited for the bleachers to clear, wondering what he was going to do, when he met a beautiful girl named Clarice, who was looking for an adventure.


Chad Stone

 

[ratsy]

Chad was dead. Not "in the ground" dead, but dead nonetheless. He scratched at a spot on his cheek and pulled away a small piece of flesh. This was not the most disturbing thing he had seen in the past few hours so it didn't phase him. He walked the streets, day or night - it didn't matter. All that mattered was food and there was very little of that to be found these days. There were lingering red spots in the sky and a sulfer smell to the air, but again, that didn't matter anymore.

Chad walked for days, eating anything smelling rotten that he could get his grey hands on; then he hit the jackpot. He had stumbled into a factory and on the shelves, cans were lined to the ceiling. He ripped one open, and in a world where flesh was almost impossible to find, he found something very close. Spam.

Clarence Potterspieth

 

[J Riff]

Clarence Potterspieth
Third-in-command in the back room at Potterspieth Bakery, Clarence is the layabout lazyboy of the family. Known to have deliberately knocked pies onto the floor, spilled hot Guava juice on an infant, burnt cookies to the point of fire department intervention, and eaten all the creampies in the shop himself - Clarence is a hard worker nonetheless, and should be forgiven, says his mother, even by injured customers, who know better than to say anything negatory that may reach the ears of the massive Maybellette Potterspieth, Clarence's felonious berserk grandmother, who we feature next, as The World's Most Dangerous Nutbars continues on FOX.

Scrapper McDoghamme

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

"Scrapper" McDoghamme, famed zeroball player, began his career with the minor league Phobos Flyers. His ability to throw a dozen balls at once towards the opponents' goals, while simultaneously maintaining his position in the center of the null-g arena, earned him a five-year contract with the Bradburyville Blazers. He led the Martian League in Goals Scored Per Bounce during the 2156-57 season. An unfortunate knee injury, sustained during a disagreement with a umpbot which earned him his nickname, led to his early retirement. He now travels the inner system as a spokesperson for Nu-Kolor Skin Dyes.

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Li Kai Yun

 

[BenSt]

Oo, this looks fun.

Li Kai Yun:

A general in the Azure Emperor's first army. Of a noble background, Yun's first introduction with death came at a young age when his father, a retired army captain, handed him a small knife and told Yun to go into a field and slaughter a lamb. Yun learned the value of life and death in that moment a lesson he used well in his many adventures in the army. When war broke out between two frontier territories, Yun established himself a capable commander. Campaign after campaign earned him promotions until his talents came to the attention of the Emperor's right hand, Kul Jo Wan. Wan took the young officer under his wing and groomed Yun to become his successor. Now, Yun commands a combined force of over 6000 fighting men and women.
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Hetty Mudship

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Hetty Mudship's me name, and don't ye be mockin' it noway neither. Blow me if it ain't been a dog's life, hawkin' these rags and trash to scum from places not even God's seen afore. Minds me of the night me old man flopped in, stewed like a rabbit, full of yarns of hants and goblins. Figured he'd spent all his gilt on drinks for slatterns. Falls dead asleep on the floor he does, so I picks through the pockets of his breeches to see if there's a penny left for a soup bone. Blast if me fingers don't come out covered with gold dust, enough to buy and sell me old man a dozen times or more. Gleeful as a princess I was, 'til the sun creeps into me window and the gold melts into nothing at all. Well, back to work I go, no more time to be gabbin', more's the pity. Thanks much for the friendly ear, m'dear.

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Harmon Grath

 

[J Riff]

HARMON GRATH

Aye, I be he, the Harmon Grath ye be seekin'. Many have sought me out here under the docks wi' the rats and the leeches, where I choose to dwell. I shuns the city and the streets and I lives on bits of mackerel and what other flotsam the sea gives me. Ye've heard about my power, and have come for a miracle, but t'will cost ye dearly - an unopened package of Doritos, large size, original flavor. Only then will I cast the magic stones and turn ye into a fish, as I have many before ye.

ZOILO ALMONTE

 

[BenSt]

Zoilo Almonte, famed whore of the south side. Operated a fairly successful brothel catering to foreign diplomats until she came under the patronage of Lius di Verguz di Patrono, Duke of Charmanga. di Patrono and Almonte became quite a couple, and Almonte moved from being a simple madame to the world of being a courtesan. It was even remarked by His Holiness Pope Pax Veritas II that of all the flowers in Christendom, none shined so brightly as Zoilo Almonte. During the ten years war, di Patrono was killed fighting Byzantine mercenaries in Poland, and Almonte was left to raise their two illegitimate children. A sizeable fortune was left to her and she retired to a country to villa to live her life in peace.

 

[J Riff]

Benst Forgetteson

Leader of an online jihad of frustrated scifi hack-writers, the dreaded word magnate Forgetteson routinely posts inflammatory and derisive jibes, primarily aimed at what he calls 'the dreadful excuse for writers' that he perceives have taken over the publishing industry. A major force in cyberspace, world domination is not beyond Bensts's grasp, if, that is, he can remember his password.

Tuffy Gosewich

 

[BenSt]

... lmao. (my appologies, I didn't even realize I did that so thankyou!)

Tuffy Gosewich was a simple girl, with long straight hair and long straight legs. Tuffy often would play with her pet spiders in the garden when Mother and Father was busy on the farm. One day Tuffy came across a flower that she had never seen, growing near the hedge row. So beautiful was it, that Tuffy dared not pick it, and every morning would wander down to the hedge to gaze at it. One morning, she came down eager to see her beautiful flower, but when she came she could not find it anywhere. Her Father watched her wander up and down the back hedge, and asked what she was doing, inwhich she replied she was looking for her flower. "That old weed? I dug it up and fed it to the hogs, we don't want that sort of stuff in the garden Tuffy." Such was the life of Tuffy Gosewich.

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Sir Nevamisus a Beet

 

[jastius]

Sir Nevamisus a Beet, Superintendant of Scotland Yard, Year 2245..
as a superior genome detective, and omni communications forensics expert, Sir Nevamisus a Beet has solved countless impossible cases supposedly due to his superior understanding of technology, but in actual fact due to the the tiny invisible fairy that sits on his shoulder most times when spickle is not off ferreting out the dark little secrets of others. as Sir Nevamisus a Beet has been known to comment, "its easy to find out the truth when you already know what it is."
A tiny man, his temper often preceded him. He distinguished himself with a great curling mustache and a penchant for tailored waistcoats over an uncollared shirt topped off by a black denim sport jacket. and always upon his head was a ocher colored homburg.

Lady Priscella DeWatier

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

Lady Priscella DeWatier gazed across the pond that separated her estate from the commons. Swans glided through the water, their feathers cleverly engineered to cast rainbows as they swam. In the distance, mammoths clumped through the high grass, herded by hissing drones to their pens. She sighed. What a drab and dreary world it was. She yearned for the romance of years gone by, when knights in shining armor did battle with kamikazis, and Christopher Columbus sailed Enola Gay around the world in eighty days. Life on Europa was so boring.

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Lucretia Magglioli

 

[BenSt]

Lucretia Magglioli immigrated from the Puglia region of Italy at the age of 19 with her husband, the dashing young Paolo. They landed on Staten Island in New York and moved to the Bronx. Lucretia's neighbours assumed the pretty young woman was just another housewife, while her husband Paolo worked as a mechanic in a local autoshop. However, Lucretia, had a secret. She was one of a long line of demon hunters, charged to fighting manifestations of demons. She was sent to America by the Holy Mother Church to fight the forces of evil manifesting in the slums of New York city. After a career fighting, her time to retire came and the torch passed to her daughter, Kloe. Lucretia finally retired to Knoxville, Long Island with her husband Paolo.

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Norbert Humblegunk

 

[Alex The G and T]

Gather 'round while I tell you the story of "Notorious" Norbert Humblegunk. In his own mind he was notorious; but the townsfolk hardly knew him. The fishmonger remembered him for his foul odor. The Tavern keepers knew him as "Get the hell out of here; are you joking?"

He came from a long line of Humblegunks, heir to the dynasty of soppers of the city sump.

His father was humble. Norbert was just gunky. It was a fair enough life clearing the goop. A greasy pence handy from the filter and a filthy farthing always at the ready. There was never a shortage of scrod on the table. But 'twer a lonely life. There was ne'er a wench what could hold her nose well enough to stay intimate with him.

****

Hamstead the Magnificent