New Poetry Thread

[Precise Calibre]

Poor, tired Candleman
Down in the dirt

Poor, tired Candleman
Tending his graves

Poor, tired Candleman
Speaks with the dead

Poor, tired Candleman
His night never ends.
​

 

[J Riff]

Love is magic
Rhymes with tragic
can make you blind..
oh never mind

 

[daisybee]

Lying

We
fall
down

shedding all disguises;

you
rise
up

and my heart despises

you.

Lips
trade
words

lost amongst the madness;

lies
stay
sold

to subdue the sadness

here.

Strange
men's
hands

smooth away all trace,

but
eyes
stay

closed lest they see your face


again.

 

[Interference]

Wow ....

We, you, lips, lies, strange but ... again.
Fall, rise, trade, stay, men's eyes ... again
Down, up, words sold, hands stay ... again

This is so beautifully crafted and in all possible ways resonates brilliantly.

I like

except "lest", don't like "lest"

 

[Hilarious Joke]

I really like it as well. Very nice.

 

[daisybee]

Wow ....

We, you, lips, lies, strange but ... again.
Fall, rise, trade, stay, men's eyes ... again
Down, up, words sold, hands stay ... again

This is so beautifully crafted and in all possible ways resonates brilliantly.

I like

except "lest", don't like "lest"

Aw thanks Stat!!

Got bit by the poetry thing again lately, I'll post a few bits later. Glad you liked it. Lest-I did wonder if I made that word up Alternates welcome!!

Thanks HJ, I appreciate the feedback. Considering its tone, I'm pleasantly surprised.

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

No, actually you didn't, DB. It's a word that's not actually used that much, but I have come across it from time to time-even used it myself.

 

[Interference]

Lest you think I was just nit-picking, it only jarred because of the contemporary tone of the rest of the pome. You use it accurately, of course, cos you're no dummy, just in my view out-of-place with the rest.

Suggestions? I can never resist a challenge

closed protection from your face (defensive)

OR

closed and hiding your face (agressive)

OR

closed to avoid your face (passive)


I think have a preference, but it might change in a minute so I'm not saying

 

[daisybee]

Cheers Karn, guess I read it once and it sounded right.

Stat, I will chew on the alternates some more. Useless at going back and editing poems, but I really should try. Everything can benefit from a polish right?

Skin Burn

We can't.

Dark wax eyed candles flicker,

Secret gatherers that think perhaps...

We can.

But we won't.

Butter soft lips whisper that we have...

More than once, where it matters,

Where it breathes and roars and lives

The life it can not; beyond these mouths

And eyes, and hands and hearts...

But we won't.

Because its more than we could survive.

This skin burn,

This selfish skin burn,

That would break hearts weaker than ours,

Most definitely.

So we won't.

We'll just let the skin sizzle,

And the wax melt, and admit,

That we've already gone too far...

As it is.

 

[Interference]

Your style is haunting and that appeals to me very much indeed. I love the imagery of this. Wish I could find something about it I didn't like so I wouldn't come across as a fanboy or something ... I'll get back to you

 

[paranoid marvin]

Ok , here goes with a poem off the top of my head , probably terrible , but how many first attempts are?

Remembrance

The flower of youth
Would bloom no more
The sap of men
Run dry

The meadows green
Now turned to mud
By mothers tears
They cry

For here their boys
Would fight no more
Now silent the
Battle cry

Here poppies bloom
lest we forget
In Flanders Field
They fought and died

 

[daisybee]

What a moving tribute. Very effective.

(Yay, lest strikes again!)

 

[Interference]

I guess lest is more

(How did I get to say that before Ursa )

 

[paranoid marvin]

Pilate

Hands washed...
Scrubbed..
Think they may be bleeding
(no blood ,not again!)
They're clean now ,
Clean I tell you
Of that dread decision
(out damn spot - ha!)
Conscience clear
Adams sin removed
Once more
(but not the Apple)
Had I tasted that forbidden fruit
From the Tree of Knowledge
Would I lie here still
(tossing and turning?)
Who am I to judge?
What right have I
To judge Man from God
(or God from Man)

Don't answer that
Please don't answer....

 

[reiver33]

Pressing The Flesh

I have a knife, and the will to use it.

All I need is you.

I have a gun, and the will to use it.

All I need it you.

I have a grenade, and the will to use it.

All I need is you.

History will judge us differently, as victim and villain.

But I make you complete.

Joined forever by this final act.

Never alone again.

The crowd swirls.

Just look my way...

 

[daisybee]

Liked Pilate Paranoid (or should it be Marvin? Now I feel like I'm insulting you!!), cool topic and a nice slant on it, quite heart wrenching really.

Pressing the Flesh has a great rhythm Reiver, and a neat twist too-All I need is you, very cool. Made me think of that film-Unbreakable or something? Clever.
Stone


I swallow the sound
Of your passing;
As this moment stings my eyes,
Yesterday tumbling down my cheeks;
Rivers of lava
That still to stone
Upon my skin
In the wake of your kiss.

 

[Hilarious Joke]

I think you did well in that one daisybee, to have the quasi-rhyme of 'cheeks' and 'kiss'. Left a lingering achey feel.

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

It was a good piece, DB, don't get me wrong. But I would have to disagree on HJ's thought on it being a quasi-rhyme. It actually isn't. "Cheeks" and "kiss" simply do not sound similar enough to be considered a quasi-rhyme. Words like "time" and "line" together can, but not that.

 

[paranoid marvin]

This popped into my head , only took me 15 mins so please be gentle!
Not 100% happy about the last line. Most of the time writing spent deliberating on whether to write 'I' or 'king'. As I wanted the last line of every every stanza to finish with the word king , that what I chose. Any advice welcome


Hail To The King

The Ruler of the known world
A wreath upon My crown
Leader of a growing city
King about the town

Scourge of all the barbrous nations
Lord of all before Me
Victorious monarch in My prime
King of all I see

Fast arrives My finest hour
The coming of the Spring
Heed not I the foolish soothsayer
Which of us is King?

Here's where My story darkens
A time when I grow mute
As coldness fills My punctured body
King says 'Et tu , Brute'?

 

[paranoid marvin]

Looking For Love

Too old , too OLD
For a fine son of mine to bear
Don't mean to be cruel
I need a male heir
When I'm gone to rule

CHOP

Again , AGAIN
Another female bearing bitch
Uh , I mean wife
Away with the witch!
Who will end my strife?

CHOP

A son! A son!
At last I have a rightful heir!
To hand to my crown
Saw my wife expire
Wont sleep on my own

CHOP

Alas, Alas!
Beauty is in the eye of the
Beholder I'm told?
There's no beauty here
Wheres Cromwell to scold?
Make her disappear

CHOP

So young! So young!
A regal playmate for my youth
Alas a bedmate
For my courtiers too
Isnt that just great?

CHOP

Too old , Too old!
A female companion to heed
No more pretty faces
In hour of my need
Just gentle embraces