Your personal bodyguard- reposted and revised

[Boaz]

If I lived in Westeros, I'd be so awesome with a rapier I wouldn't need a bodyguard.

Well...I like to think so...

Yup. We'd all like to think that.

Of course, I'd probably be Lazy Leo Tyrell.

 

[the smiling weirwood]

Because he's lazy or because he's kind of evil?

 

[Boaz]

Lazy... I mean, except towards conspicuously poor spellers, do I come across as evil?

 

[viZion]

Someone should start a thread about which character we all think we would be in the book.

 

[Boaz]

viZ, I was thinking along those lines, but alas I am too lazy to start that thread.

I recall there being threads linking questionaires that tell you which character you most closely resemble, but I don't recall a thread about who we think we'd be.

 

[TK-421]

Weasel Soup wouldn't be a bad choice either. Add her to my list.

 

[Rognavald]

Anyone thought of Victarion Greyjoy?

 

[Hilarious Joke]

I can't imagine Victarion being anybody's bodyguard. I think BFS would be the best.

 

[Rognavald]

BFS has been lord commander of the kingsguard for two kings that have been murdered. He may be a great and wonderful knight, but the people he guards seem to die and that would make me hesitant to choose him.

 

[TK-421]

And now he is advising/guarding a queen...does not bode well if there is indeed a pattern.

 

[Boaz]

BFS also single handedly ended the Defiance of Duskendale.

 

[Cerenna]

My bodyguard? Why, how can you ask such a thing...you know the answer...

Ser Jaime Lannister. Oh, I'd trust him in a dark alley, in a sword fight and in a castle siege...

Guess what I meant by that XDDDDD . Hehe.

 

[Bayou Boy]

BFS has been lord commander of the kingsguard for two kings that have been murdered. He may be a great and wonderful knight, but the people he guards seem to die and that would make me hesitant to choose him.

1. When Aerys II died, Barristan was nowhere in the vicinity. He'd been wounded on the Trident. He also wasn't the Lord Commander at that point. (Ser Gerold Hightower was actually Aerys II's Lord Commander.)

2. Barristan was on the scene when Robert kicked the bucket, but Robert, dead drunk, ordered everyone to stand aside while he killed the boar. To paraphrase Ned Stark, it's tough to save a king from himself.

 

[Hilarious Joke]

3. Cookies.

 

[dooley]

Off the list, Drogon. Apparently he's taken to eating people.

Nobody's showing love to one of my favorite characters, Strong Belwas. It's easy to see that he's a great fighter, and Barristan became his squire. That's got to say something for the big guy.

 

[JDP]

I'd also pick dragons or a direwolf (not that they've been particularly useful, eh?) but assuming that the question demands human bodyguards, I'd pick the following (on criteria of fitness for purpose and how annoying they'd be to have around 24/7):

1) Syrio Forel - Great fighter, loyal to the quick. Slightly annoying Braavos speech patterns, but would be worth putting up with for what would be undoubtably top-notch bodyguarding.

2) Howland Reed - I don't really need to say much, eh? Slaying Kingsguard seems to come naturally to this guy (I'm convinced of his eminent Value). Missed out on the top spot by being a little too enigmatic - may have countless bad habits we don't know about.

3) xxxxx - the lovechild of Jaime and Brienne. We all know it's coming, eh? Brienne's brute strength and loyalty and Jaime's speed, skill and calculation. I'm happy taking care of myself for twenty years whilst this one learns the family trade.

okay, okay, I'm not allowed people who haven't been invented yet... jeez... In which case, I'd pick:

3) Ned Stark - Fiercely loyal, good man in a fight. Bit dull though.



Reasons for dismissing the others:

Ser Gregor Clegane - too nuts, too evil
Sandor Clegane - too nuts, too hideously disfigured
Ser Barristan Selmy - too old, too rubbish at keeping the bodies he's supposed to be guarding alive (don't give me excuses, look at the figures)
Strong Belwas - too eccentric, too annoying
Ser Jaime Lannister (pre-injury) - too arrogant, too untrustworthy
Ser Jaime Lannister (post-injury) - too few hands, too unlucky
Brienne of Tarth - too hideously disfigured, too unlucky
Ser Jorah Mormont - too untrustworthy, too boring
Jaqan H'Ghar - too nuts, too evil, way too scary
Khal Drogo - too arrogant
Ser Bronn - too untrustworthy
Oberon Martel - too arrogant, too annoying
Areo Hotah - too forgettable
Ser Arthur Dayne - too shiny
Qhorin Halfhand - too few hands
Jon Snow (Ghost allowed to assist) - too annoying (Ghost almost swings it, but not quite)

 

[Aegon the Unworthy]

Ser Barristan Selmy - too old, too rubbish at keeping the bodies he's supposed to be guarding alive (don't give me excuses, look at the figures)

Lets look at the numbers shall we?

King Aerys died to the "loyal" Jaime Lannister while BFS was on the Trident....so thats a mark against him.

He had left Joffreys service by the time Joff died. So thats neither here nor there....

He protected Dany against the Titans ******* with a stick against a trained swordsman after defeating another plot to have Dany poisoned by a snake. Both of those were significant it showed both his martial ability and his willingness to die before his charge did.

Seriously he's the only one who has proven his ability, zeal and willingness to defend his liege from harm. No one else has proven anything.

 

[JDP]

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not into bashing Selmy; he's a good guy, no question. However, as a bodyguard? If I had to pick one character? Here's Selmy's scorecard as I see it:

Liege: King Aerys, slain by the Kingslayer, a member of Kingsguard under Selmy's leadership (?). Aerys's family also slain (well, most of them).
Excuse: Selmy not present to defend his liege

Alive: 0 Dead: 1


Selmy switches jerseys to become member of Robert Baratheon's Kingsguard

Liege: Robert Baratheon, slain by boar after being encouraged to get drunk and reckless
Excuse: ordered to stand back. Unaware of plotting against his liege (?)

Alive: 0 Dead: 2


Selmy switches jerseys again, deciding that after all, he is loyal to the Targs... which means he was protecting the wrong people on the wrong continent to save the Targaryen heir.

Liege: Viserys Targaryen, crowned by white hot metal
Excuse: on wrong continent

Alive: 0 Dead: 3


Finally catches up with where he should have been.

Liege: Daenerys Targaryen, alive in particular thanks to Selmy saving her from the stinger in the box
Excuse: none necessary

Alive: 1 Dead: 3


Now, assuming that Dany and Selmy survive to the end of the series, that makes 1 living liege surviving to 3 who have died (that's if we ignore all the other members of House Targ who should have been under the protection of the Kingsguard). Even if you discount Viserys it's still longer odds than I'd like to risk my life on.

For sheer volume of dead patrons, I couldn't employ this guy, let alone the fact that he has already switched sides twice. Good guy, great fighter and loyal too, but has a nasty habit of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe he's just unlucky. I'd go into battle shoulder-to-shoulder with the guy on any occasion, but have him as my bodyguard? no.

 

[Bayou Boy]

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not into bashing Selmy; he's a good guy, no question. However, as a bodyguard? If I had to pick one character? Here's Selmy's scorecard as I see it:

Okay.

Liege: King Aerys, slain by the Kingslayer, a member of Kingsguard under Selmy's leadership (?). Aerys's family also slain (well, most of them).
Excuse: Selmy not present to defend his liege

This didn't happen under Selmy's leadership. Ser Gerold Hightower was Lord Commander of the Kingsguard under Aerys II.

Selmy wasn't present to defend his liege because he was wounded while performing acts of badassedry at the Battle of the Trident . . . at the command of the heir to the throne.

Selmy switches jerseys to become member of Robert Baratheon's Kingsguard

Liege: Robert Baratheon, slain by boar after being encouraged to get drunk and reckless
Excuse: ordered to stand back. Unaware of plotting against his liege (?)

Here's what Ned Stark had to say on that subject:

"Even the truest knight cannot protect a king against himself," Ned said. "Robert loved to hunt boar. I have seen him take a thousand of them." He would stand his ground without flinching, his legs braced, the great spear in his hands, and as often as not he would curse the boar as it charged, and wait until the last possible second, until it was almost on him, before he killed it with a single sure and savage thrust. "No one could know this one would be his death."

The only person who publicly blamed Selmy for Robert's death was Joffrey. Maybe it's just me, but I think it weakens the argument when the only character who supports that point of view is a sociopathic adolescent who may or may not have even believed it himself.

Selmy switches jerseys again,

Is it still switching jerseys when the team you used to play not only fired you but also sent men to kill you?

deciding that after all, he is loyal to the Targs... which means he was protecting the wrong people on the wrong continent to save the Targaryen heir.

I can see where it's fair to consider Selmy a hypocrite on this one. Still doesn't make him a bad bodyguard. Quite the opposite, he's so devoted to the profession he literally can't think of anything else to do with his time.

I also can't see how you can add Viserys to the category of kings Selmy "failed" to protect.

 

[soulsinging]

Ser Arthur Dayne - too shiny

That made me laugh

My pick is easily Sandor Clegane. I like his attitude. People are afraid of him and he trusts no one. His cynicism would fit well with my own too.