My advice there is to pick on weaker game. Alliances end and gravelkind can cripple a large power. Bide your time and strike when they're vulnerable
Plus, even when you win them, large wars arerarely worth the cost (unless you have a cassus belli on the whole kingdom.
It's okay, I know what I'm doing
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King of Alba follows Tanistry; always try to avoid Gavelkind! At least at first. For a challange at somepoint in the future will go Gavelkind with no parachute. ("You went full Gavelkind. Never go full Gavelkind.")
I think some of my lesser counties may be handed out to my sons via Gavelkind, but at least I have a chance of picking the next king to have a good demense.
The problem above was that he was going to attack no matter what at some point in time and he was far too powerful to launch a <cough> preemtive 'defensive' attack before he was ready (Although my stupid brother really wanted to. Idiot.). Wasn't even really enough time to set up any intrigue against him - he was just keen on taking over the whole of the British Isles at a fast canter.
Going for scraps of land can be counterproductive. In this case I found it generally weakens your position against such powerful neighbour and you really don't have time to integrate anything, especially if they are different culture or religion, to make a difference. (Possibly if you get some good rolls, but it's not something to rely on - it's going to tie up your council and may generate unrest etc.) Remember the big guy is eyeing your lands and is moving fast. There aren't that many juicy targets on the British Isle - and I assume that the Nordic/Viking cultures get pretty wide and deep casus belli to take over whole regions in Britain. I may be wrong, but looking at what they did in my game so far seems to suggest this!
[How many times when I was learning CK2 when I mis-clicked the 'disband armies' button when my troops were not on my territory, to find that half just dissappeared, to then have a powerful neighbour or vassel instantly declare war/independence because he now outnumbered me!
Answer: Too many.]
Although I admit in the above game I couldn't resist a bit of a 'nibble' for some fame and glory.
Thankfully I had an alliance with West Franconia through marriage, and although their armies were pretty bad, they were plentiful so we could chew through his special troops* that somehow he had been awarded at the start. Made the war, he started, a long slog...and then the tough old ******* died halfway through.
Managed then to white peace out as his sons didn't have the alliances, nor the money for mercenaries, nor much of an army. Yet still tough to beat.
I have time now to build up, conspire and plot revenge. Hopefully he'll go off and waste his resources on another war as I'm doing this.
Loving the stress meter and how it interacts with the characteristics. So for example, my King is unfortuantely painfully shy, so practically every decision has the possibility of raising stress. Great mechanic for role-playing.
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* he and his ally had 10,000 specials in total, whereas my army was reaching only just over 2000 in total. If he'd turned on me day one I won't have survived. Thankfully he went for the much weaker kingdom of Northumbria.