Sapheron
Making no sense.
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2006
- Messages
- 850
The first entry of one of my story's characters. I'm interested exactly what impression you get of her. Any other comments or critisisms are also welcome, though I wouldn't bother with grammar or spelling too much; I reckon I can get them myself on the redraft.
Talya wrapped her hand around the guard’s throat, digging her thumb into his windpipe. Her knife flashed in the dark. A spray of blood, a gurgle.
The body thudded into the wet soil. Talya flicked a few crimson droplets from her knife, and slotted it back into the sheath on her thigh. She brushed a wet patch on her cheek with one hand, and then grimaced at the crimson smear left on her fingers.
“Tal, you done?” asked Sean, his voice issuing directly into her ear.
“All finished. How long till that storm kicks in? It’s getting close.”
“Ignore it. Get round by the gate side. Package will arrive in ten.”
“Easy to say when the crap isn’t hitting your fan.”
“You could have chosen a desk job too.”
A flash of lightning illuminated everything. Talya glanced through the mesh fence beside her at the concrete brick of a building inside. Didn’t look like anyone had noticed her yet. A gust of wind followed right behind, snatching at her fringe. It had a burnt, chemical smell to it.
With a sigh, Talya pulled her visor down over her face. There was an all too familiar moment of discomfort as the rubber seals around it sucked onto her skin, before the air she was breathing took on a slightly soupy flavour. She coughed into the mask, producing a noise the crew liked to call ‘being sick backwards’. With much fewer problems, a pair of gloves followed, and she pulled their ties tight around her forearms. Finally, her hood came up.
A moment later, she heard a few drops of rain tapping on top of her helmet. At least she’d sealed herself up soon enough. She wouldn’t need to get in the hazard shower now.
Trying to stare ahead through rain, darkness, and dirty lenses, she began to make her way along the chain link fence. Each step she took sunk a little further into the mud. Her lenses had half steamed up as well. Damn Earth; forsaken, polluted, useless, acidic, stinking pile of crap. Nothing grew here, you couldn’t buy a single drink that tasted nice, the rain melted your skin, most of the locals shot at you, and there wasn’t even one place where you could buy a cigarette.
Another flash of lightning gave a moment of clear vision. Thunder rolled on, directly above. Talya looked up. Matt black again, with a few flickering dots in front of her eyes.
Ahead though, some dull lights were half visible through the rain. Nearly at the gate then. There was a shelter there.
“Sean? Storms bad. Can you let me inside for a minute?”
“Cameras are down. Go ahead.”
“Give me a code?”
“Try please.”
“Screw you.”
“You know, the storm really isn’t too much of a problem up here in orbit.”
“Please.”
“Good girl. Try seven, three, three, eight, zero.”
The gate, really, was just another piece of wire fence that could swing outwards. On either side a floodlight and a camera was attached to the fence posts. As she went past, Talya gave one of the cameras a middle finger.
“And I helped you out,” said Sean. He was enjoying himself.
On the other side of the gate, a small hut went through the wall. Besides the main gate, it had a small door into it. Talya tramped over to this, standing in the shelter of a small overhang. She pressed the code into the keypad clumsily with her gloved finger, while her other hand pulled out her knife.
Hauling the door open, she stepped into the small hut and squinted against the light. A guard looked over his shoulder lazily.
“Thought you’d be back,” he said. Then he saw her. Wide eyes, a moment of panic. He rose out of his chair as Talya closed the two steps between them. The weighted door slammed shut again.
“Who the-”
Talya twisted her knife and wrenched it out. A fountain of blood coated her legs, and a half drawn pistol clattered against the floor. She pushed back her visor, and blew her fringe out of her face. The man on the floor grabbed her ankle, trying to pull himself up again. He looked up at her, and she grinned down, raising her other foot.
“Talya Belaque. Nothing personal.”
She stamped down. His neck snapped under her heel. That done, she stepped over the body, and flopped down in the guard’s chair.
“Cold. Package is two minutes off. Have a sit down. I’ll stop looping the cameras.”
Talya looked up at the two monitors in front of her. They flickered for a second, and then returned to showing the same rain, mud and darkness as before.
There was a radio sitting on the side. Talya turned it on and twisted the dial experimentally. Might be able to get some music or something from Mars. A few moments fiddling suggested otherwise. She glanced at the monitors again. Three pairs of headlights shone out of the storm. About time.
Talya pulled out a machine pistol holstered at her waist, along with a detonator. She’d done more over the last half hour than kill the six perimeter guards.
The three vehicles pulled up outside. The first and third were armoured cars, with heavy duty machine guns on top. The second was a truck. No points for guessing which one was carrying the stuff.
A man got out of the lead car, and came up to the gate. He looked up at the camera though a mask not unlike her own, waving his arms. Talya licked her lips. She pulled her mask back down over her face. The man walked off the screen to one side.
Talya stood up, walking over to the door. The metal clanged as someone pounded a fist against it.
“No one’s in,” Talya coughed into her mask. Her machine pistol rattled, punching half a dozen neat holes in the metal of the door. At the same time, her thumb crushed the detonator in her other hand.
The small hut shook. Dust fell from the roof. Talya threw the detonator aside, opening the door casually. She stood in the doorway, taking a look over the scene outside. The burning wreck of the rear car illuminated the scene nicely. The truck tried to turn round and went nose first into the ditch.
The turret gun of the front car swung around. Foolish. She was too close for that.
Talya run straight at it. Her pistol rattled on. The side window stopped the first few, and then shattered into a thousand tiny cubes as the two men in the front died. The back doors swung open, but she was already there, and she crashed her shoulder into the one facing her just as the man inside got a foot to the sodden earth. He screamed as it snapped his shin.
The turret gunner was drawing his pistol, so she put a trio of bullets into his chest. She dropped to the ground, saw feet, and opened fire. A tyre burst, sparks flew from the axle and engine, and then a bullet went through an ankle, and the rest of the man fell into view. More mask-muted screaming.
Talya rolled over and stood up.
The clip of her pistol slid free and splashed in a puddle. She slotted a new one in, and stepped round the end of the car to look down at the truck. One man was out already, the other just following, a briefcase in his hand. The rattling started again.
The wing mirror exploded. The two men flinched. The one already out dropped instantly, rolling himself into the ditch to get out the way. The one behind was just leaping out of the cab. He landed face down as the bullets found him.
Talya sprinted across to the back of the truck. Footsteps were coming from round the other side. She leant round the corner, and sprayed the source. The man emptied his rifle into the air as he fell backwards. The machine pistol clicked empty again, and she dropped it without a second thought.
Talya ran the length of the vehicle, and vaulted the bonnet. She landed in the ditch beside her opponent, and sank up to her ankles in the ooze. He swung the stock of his rifle at her, but she threw her head back out of way, pulling her knife from her thigh. She slashed out, digging the blade into the bone of his arm. She stabbed again, impaling his shoulder. He gave a muffled groan. She punched him in the throat. That shut him up again. Letting go of the knife, she grabbed his mask with both hands. A single savage twist, a dull crunch, and it was over.
Her feet squelched as she pulled them free, just like her knife, and she was forced into an undignified scrabble to get back out of the ditch that left her coated in mud. She picked up the briefcase from where it lay beside the cab.
“I’ve got it.”
“Sounded messy. Bodycount?”
“Nine I’ve seen. Two bastards still alive.” She glanced down into the ditch on the other side as she retrieved her pistol. The man who’d come out of the back car didn’t seem to be moving much. “Maybe three.”
“Who cares? Get out of there. You remember where we are?”
“Yeah.”
“See you later then. Good work.”
Talya glanced back towards the gates. More lights were coming on. Footsteps were splashing inside the compound. Definitely time to leave. It was a good couple of miles to her ride. A run through the mud and the rain, across two streams, and through a wood.
Talya set off at a jog as sirens began to sound behind her.
“f*ck Earth.”
Talya wrapped her hand around the guard’s throat, digging her thumb into his windpipe. Her knife flashed in the dark. A spray of blood, a gurgle.
The body thudded into the wet soil. Talya flicked a few crimson droplets from her knife, and slotted it back into the sheath on her thigh. She brushed a wet patch on her cheek with one hand, and then grimaced at the crimson smear left on her fingers.
“Tal, you done?” asked Sean, his voice issuing directly into her ear.
“All finished. How long till that storm kicks in? It’s getting close.”
“Ignore it. Get round by the gate side. Package will arrive in ten.”
“Easy to say when the crap isn’t hitting your fan.”
“You could have chosen a desk job too.”
A flash of lightning illuminated everything. Talya glanced through the mesh fence beside her at the concrete brick of a building inside. Didn’t look like anyone had noticed her yet. A gust of wind followed right behind, snatching at her fringe. It had a burnt, chemical smell to it.
With a sigh, Talya pulled her visor down over her face. There was an all too familiar moment of discomfort as the rubber seals around it sucked onto her skin, before the air she was breathing took on a slightly soupy flavour. She coughed into the mask, producing a noise the crew liked to call ‘being sick backwards’. With much fewer problems, a pair of gloves followed, and she pulled their ties tight around her forearms. Finally, her hood came up.
A moment later, she heard a few drops of rain tapping on top of her helmet. At least she’d sealed herself up soon enough. She wouldn’t need to get in the hazard shower now.
Trying to stare ahead through rain, darkness, and dirty lenses, she began to make her way along the chain link fence. Each step she took sunk a little further into the mud. Her lenses had half steamed up as well. Damn Earth; forsaken, polluted, useless, acidic, stinking pile of crap. Nothing grew here, you couldn’t buy a single drink that tasted nice, the rain melted your skin, most of the locals shot at you, and there wasn’t even one place where you could buy a cigarette.
Another flash of lightning gave a moment of clear vision. Thunder rolled on, directly above. Talya looked up. Matt black again, with a few flickering dots in front of her eyes.
Ahead though, some dull lights were half visible through the rain. Nearly at the gate then. There was a shelter there.
“Sean? Storms bad. Can you let me inside for a minute?”
“Cameras are down. Go ahead.”
“Give me a code?”
“Try please.”
“Screw you.”
“You know, the storm really isn’t too much of a problem up here in orbit.”
“Please.”
“Good girl. Try seven, three, three, eight, zero.”
The gate, really, was just another piece of wire fence that could swing outwards. On either side a floodlight and a camera was attached to the fence posts. As she went past, Talya gave one of the cameras a middle finger.
“And I helped you out,” said Sean. He was enjoying himself.
On the other side of the gate, a small hut went through the wall. Besides the main gate, it had a small door into it. Talya tramped over to this, standing in the shelter of a small overhang. She pressed the code into the keypad clumsily with her gloved finger, while her other hand pulled out her knife.
Hauling the door open, she stepped into the small hut and squinted against the light. A guard looked over his shoulder lazily.
“Thought you’d be back,” he said. Then he saw her. Wide eyes, a moment of panic. He rose out of his chair as Talya closed the two steps between them. The weighted door slammed shut again.
“Who the-”
Talya twisted her knife and wrenched it out. A fountain of blood coated her legs, and a half drawn pistol clattered against the floor. She pushed back her visor, and blew her fringe out of her face. The man on the floor grabbed her ankle, trying to pull himself up again. He looked up at her, and she grinned down, raising her other foot.
“Talya Belaque. Nothing personal.”
She stamped down. His neck snapped under her heel. That done, she stepped over the body, and flopped down in the guard’s chair.
“Cold. Package is two minutes off. Have a sit down. I’ll stop looping the cameras.”
Talya looked up at the two monitors in front of her. They flickered for a second, and then returned to showing the same rain, mud and darkness as before.
There was a radio sitting on the side. Talya turned it on and twisted the dial experimentally. Might be able to get some music or something from Mars. A few moments fiddling suggested otherwise. She glanced at the monitors again. Three pairs of headlights shone out of the storm. About time.
Talya pulled out a machine pistol holstered at her waist, along with a detonator. She’d done more over the last half hour than kill the six perimeter guards.
The three vehicles pulled up outside. The first and third were armoured cars, with heavy duty machine guns on top. The second was a truck. No points for guessing which one was carrying the stuff.
A man got out of the lead car, and came up to the gate. He looked up at the camera though a mask not unlike her own, waving his arms. Talya licked her lips. She pulled her mask back down over her face. The man walked off the screen to one side.
Talya stood up, walking over to the door. The metal clanged as someone pounded a fist against it.
“No one’s in,” Talya coughed into her mask. Her machine pistol rattled, punching half a dozen neat holes in the metal of the door. At the same time, her thumb crushed the detonator in her other hand.
The small hut shook. Dust fell from the roof. Talya threw the detonator aside, opening the door casually. She stood in the doorway, taking a look over the scene outside. The burning wreck of the rear car illuminated the scene nicely. The truck tried to turn round and went nose first into the ditch.
The turret gun of the front car swung around. Foolish. She was too close for that.
Talya run straight at it. Her pistol rattled on. The side window stopped the first few, and then shattered into a thousand tiny cubes as the two men in the front died. The back doors swung open, but she was already there, and she crashed her shoulder into the one facing her just as the man inside got a foot to the sodden earth. He screamed as it snapped his shin.
The turret gunner was drawing his pistol, so she put a trio of bullets into his chest. She dropped to the ground, saw feet, and opened fire. A tyre burst, sparks flew from the axle and engine, and then a bullet went through an ankle, and the rest of the man fell into view. More mask-muted screaming.
Talya rolled over and stood up.
The clip of her pistol slid free and splashed in a puddle. She slotted a new one in, and stepped round the end of the car to look down at the truck. One man was out already, the other just following, a briefcase in his hand. The rattling started again.
The wing mirror exploded. The two men flinched. The one already out dropped instantly, rolling himself into the ditch to get out the way. The one behind was just leaping out of the cab. He landed face down as the bullets found him.
Talya sprinted across to the back of the truck. Footsteps were coming from round the other side. She leant round the corner, and sprayed the source. The man emptied his rifle into the air as he fell backwards. The machine pistol clicked empty again, and she dropped it without a second thought.
Talya ran the length of the vehicle, and vaulted the bonnet. She landed in the ditch beside her opponent, and sank up to her ankles in the ooze. He swung the stock of his rifle at her, but she threw her head back out of way, pulling her knife from her thigh. She slashed out, digging the blade into the bone of his arm. She stabbed again, impaling his shoulder. He gave a muffled groan. She punched him in the throat. That shut him up again. Letting go of the knife, she grabbed his mask with both hands. A single savage twist, a dull crunch, and it was over.
Her feet squelched as she pulled them free, just like her knife, and she was forced into an undignified scrabble to get back out of the ditch that left her coated in mud. She picked up the briefcase from where it lay beside the cab.
“I’ve got it.”
“Sounded messy. Bodycount?”
“Nine I’ve seen. Two bastards still alive.” She glanced down into the ditch on the other side as she retrieved her pistol. The man who’d come out of the back car didn’t seem to be moving much. “Maybe three.”
“Who cares? Get out of there. You remember where we are?”
“Yeah.”
“See you later then. Good work.”
Talya glanced back towards the gates. More lights were coming on. Footsteps were splashing inside the compound. Definitely time to leave. It was a good couple of miles to her ride. A run through the mud and the rain, across two streams, and through a wood.
Talya set off at a jog as sirens began to sound behind her.
“f*ck Earth.”
