Prologue to my 'finished' novel (currently being proof read... again)

[Pentagathus]

I thought that was great. I won't bother trying to pick up on grammar or spelling since I know others around here are better at that.
My only problem was the first paragraph, there seemed to be too many descriptions, and I never like a story to start with The + description (thats probably just me though.) Mabye if it started with the second scentence of the paragraph, and the merchant buyer was the portly merchant buyer.
But I haven't got a clue as to what type of writing other people like to read, or what you like to read.
Edit:
Teresa, I'm not an expert on this but I assume your husband meant that other nations generally used crossbows at sea becuase most other nations didn't train archers like the english did. It takes a very long time to develope the strength and skill required to use a proper longbow, and (in western europe at least) it was only realy in england and wales that the longbow was a popular sport. As far as I know crossbow's had the same problems with wet strings as bows, and were actualy worse since it's harder to replace a crossbow's string.
I guess that the effectiveness of bows at sea was largely reliant on the weather, much like on land.

 

[Fal]

Thanks Pentagathus

I think Teresa did mean that about the crossbows etc... It's all very intriguing though, regarding archery at sea. I'm glad my prologue has started a hot debate hehe...

I will definately be looking into it more, as, like Teresa said, the more I research for the important Prologue now, the better + I will no doubt be using more sea warfare in the future, so the more knowledge the better! Plus it's just plain interesting!

SO... Teresa, should your husband have any info on archery at sea, I would be most appreciative!

Thanks again all,
Jon

 

[Fal]

I have been looking into maybe sending my work to a book doctor/editing company (after some more work from myself) with regards to my novel. Wondered if anyone else has used them on here/thinks they are worth the money? Or do you end up spending money on something a publisher would do in the end anyway? (Sorry if this is a stupid question, I just trust your judgement folks, it's done me well so far).
I certainly think/hope my story would be worth the money, and understand there would still be a LOT of hard work once a 'report' came back from them, I'm just a little worried about whether it is really that helpful/trustworthy?
If it is anything like the advice/help I have been given here though, I think it would be worth it.

Cheers,
Jon

 

[Gary Compton]

I've used John Jarrold three times now. Expect alot of constructive criticism but it's worth it.

At least with John you know your getting a very successful agent looking at your work. Spending time reading and re-reading your story and giving you advice on how to improve it ready for publishing.

Try him here

 

[Fal]

Ahh... yes! I had looked at his site after seeing him on here and was very impressed. He was one of the two I had narrowed it down too. He has very impressive testamonials on there, but it's always best to check further still I say.

Thanks for the imput. Am I right in thinking that it's not the whole manuscript he works on with you, but the first three chapters, or something like that? Or have I read that somewhere else perhaps?

Thanks again,
Jon

 

[Gary Compton]

First time I sent him 60,000 words, 2nd time after a complete re-write it was 90,000 and the last time it was 97,000 almost all of my 120,000 word novel which I've lost count how many times I've re-written it!!.

On his site he has a charge for the full novel but he's a good guy email him with what you want and he'll give you a price.

The three chapters thing is with submissions so dont mix them up.

Cheers

 

[Fal]

Cool, thanks Gary.

I had seen a site that seemed to do a short edit too, of the three chapters (perhaps because that's what you submit to agents etc...), but that all sounds good!

I've re-written mine a few times too, and after another go through, I definately want to contact him to bring on his expert criticism.

Cheers again,

Jon

 

[Gary Compton]

I had seen a site that seemed to do a short edit too, of the three chapters

I wouldnt waste my money on a site that you dont know who your dealing with. In fairness I could set up a site and flog you my expertise with false reccomendations.

'Gary made a huge difference to my book. It was worth every penny.'

W.Anker from Leeds

Problem is, I havent got any. So Anyway its not just the first three chapters that need to be good its the whole lot. I'd go with John, he may even sign you up!!

 

[Fal]

No, I totally agree, I had looked at this site and John's for a while, but after looking more on here, and your comments, it's certainly John I want to use, and I totally agree with the 'whole book' comment, that's why I wanted to ask, because I didn't like the thought of getting help with just part of my book, I wanted the help and advice on all of it.

So thank you again,

Jon

 

[Gary Compton]

No, I totally agree, I had looked at this site and John's for a while, but after looking more on here, and your comments, it's certainly John I want to use, and I totally agree with the 'whole book' comment, that's why I wanted to ask, because I didn't like the thought of getting help with just part of my book, I wanted the help and advice on all of it.

So thank you again,

Jon

I'm not sure how old you are. The reason I ask is that resilliance comes with age. The comments I got from John the first time, bearing in mind I thought my writing was marvellous would normally kill off most peoples drive to succeed.

But I'm as hard as a hippos arse cheeks, that's why I kept going. All I'm saying is unless your work is marvellously perfect you will get a hell of a lot of criticism from John but that's what any writer wants.

I hate critiquers who say, 'Well I didnt like it.' But don't go into detail. I prefer them pulling it to bits, and I've had me fair share of that but I tell you what for a man whose dislexic and got unclasssified in my English GCE my story is a 100 times better than what it was cos I gett off on criticism and have never took any offence to anyone's opinion.

You got some good comment here.

I'd say go for Fal, live the dream

 

[Gary Compton]

Whoooo Heyy!!!!

It's my birthday!! 51 though, was Tutankhamun alive when I was born.

Just cracked open a can of Stella Artois, a real man's drink!!

 

[reiver33]

Congrats Gary! I'm not 51 until January, but you're obviously a bit senile as it was Cleopatra on the throne when we were born (the Big Tut, I ask you!).

That Mark Anthony was a nice boy, though...

 

[Gary Compton]

Congrats Gary! I'm not 51 until January, but you're obviously a bit senile as it was Cleopatra on the throne when we were born (the Big Tut, I ask you!).

That Mark Anthony was a nice boy, though...

Really, damn!!

Must have been getting mixed up with the Geordie taxi driver, Toot and come oot!!

Bum Bum!!!

I know 51 what an age to be, my son was 21 on Friday gone and he's chasing young women and having a great life.

My life is so exciting I'm wondering where me next bacon sandwich is coming from.

 

[reiver33]

Anyway, to get vaguely back on-topic...

Whereabouts on the Raw-Polished scale should your work be when considering employing the services of a professional reader? (Assuming you've filtered out the spelling and obvious gramatical errors)

 

[TheEndIsNigh]

Really, damn!!

Must have been getting mixed up with the Geordie taxi driver, Toot and come oot!!

Bum Bum!!!

I know 51 what an age to be, my son was 21 on Friday gone and he's chasing young women and having a great life.

My life is so exciting I'm wondering where me next bacon sandwich is coming from.

Well although not a birthday thread it would be churlish not to wish you a happy birthday Gary.

So... Happy Birthday Gary

However, listen not to he of the 33 Reivers. That Mark Antony was a bad un and so was his father before him.

On the subject of Johns assistance though - Does he give any idea of whether he thinks that the work would be publishable, with or without his help?

Oh, and as to the next bacon sandwich - Keep an eye on your left and right hand.

 

[Fal]

Happy Birthday Gary! I'm a fair way from such a wise age myself, i'm 28.

I'm sure you are right about age bringing resilliance, however, I've put my prologue up for critique on here, had it criticised (which stung the first time), but now realise, after taking said comments on board, that my work is much better for listening to the people who have been so good as to criticise it for me. So, I have realised that the stronger the criticism the better, and that criticism is my friend, and helps me and my novel progress.

I like Reiver and TEiN's questions regarding John: How far gone should your work be before you submit it, and does he give you an idea of whether, with his help, you'd be able to get published (although I do understand he could never guarantee it).

Cheers again and hope you have a great Birthday!

Jon

 

[Gary Compton]

Cheers guys but back on topic for Fal's sake.

I dont think it matters, I sent my first draft at the very early stage when I was full of arrogance of how good I was. So it was a hell of a shock to get hammered.

Looking back I think that was good, draft two was alot better and prob a year later. I'd put chapters here for critique and I'd learned alot.

But I still got alot of criticism, not just the nuts and bolts of writing but on how the story developed.

Draft three saw a slight improvement so he says 6 out of 10. So I'm positive I've changed the main character alot to accomodate Johns suggestions and am currently doing draft 4.

Never at any stage has he said this is publishable because in its present form it's not.

But I make a promise...IT WILL BE PUBLISHED!