Will This Night Never End

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Just a couple of things as this is my nighttime...

He ran because, seasoned PI or not, he just freaked. I guess everyone is allowed a moment of blind panic now and again and he was already unsettled by the previous killing. He is a bit unstable at times, once reason he can't get a firearms licence.

Sally wouldn't have run. Sally doesn't give a damn the delivery girl is dead. Sally is a REAL hard case.

Regarding the safety deposit box - they're kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop...

PS Obviously the Imp found it harder to catch a cab...
 
PS Obviously the Imp found it harder to catch a cab...

What - no transmogrification/transmutation/transportation by devilry?

And I guess by freaking and running, he's landing himself in it even deeper, because onlookers will put 2 & 2 together, ramps up the tension even more. Great stuff.
 
More good stuff!

Some nit-picks from Part 2:

Given their relative ages it’s unlikely, but not impossible -- wasn't sure about this. It's hard to judge the age of an adolescent at the best of times, and since the cop is looking at a corpse with part at least of its face missing, I'm not sure he'd have been so apparently precise (unless Helath is meant to be younger than 30?)

So it was I came up the side steps to street level -- this also caught me the first time and I had to read it twice. I think it's the fact it's the start of a separate para which causes a little hiatus. Perhaps just a simple "That's why I came up..."?

A classy dame, in calf-length raincoat and hat -- for a second I wondered if the hat was also calf-length...

She was carrying a clutch bag
-- "purse" I'd have thought, even if it is of some size, since it's a handbag not a shopping kind of bag (though I'm not sure where the exact dividing line is for Americans)

and keeping her right inside -- I think you need "inside it" to make it clear

and so I started to sidle towards the alleyway -- I think I'd drop the "and", replacing it with a comma. Would he say "alleyway" not just "alley"?

You’re scared of some broad who carries a lot of makeup about? -- why wasn't the Imp scared as soon as he sees her? And I think it should be "make-up", hyphenated

and started down the sidewalk towards her -- close repetition of "started": she "started walking" in the same para which comes hard on the heels of "started to sidle"

Something that may aid in your investigation -- I think either "aid your" or "aid you in your"

but up-close -- no hyphen, two words

I suggest you go to the police -- close repetition of "I suggest"

She stepped backwards off the sidewalk -- I wondered if she had deliberately walked under the truck - but the stepping backwards seemed to go against this, so I assumed the truck was driven by the forces of evil


And some that the others have missed in Part 3:

Any order would so -- typo - "would do"

he thinks it gives the joint a ‘Continental’ feel -- er... would an American say "Continental" (?wasn't it a kind of car?) as opposed to "European"? Can any passing Americans help with this one? I don't think you need the inverted commas, anyway.

including waitress service
-- wasn't sure about this sitting out there on its own. Is it part of the Continental feel? If so, then "Lorenzo thinks that and the waitress service...". If not, I'm not sure what to suggest

all three of us had keys
-- I got a bit confused. At first I assumed the third person was Harry, but I thought he was dead, not least from their reactions, so "had" is wrong in that case. (NB If he is dead, might it be an idea to spell this out at some point soon?) Then I remembered Helath has a partner, Jimmy, who keeps the Luger under his desk, whereupon it occurred to me to wonder why Helath hasn't called him. No doubt you have it all under control, however

I was on my second double Espresso -- in the 1950s? The first Gaggia was invented in 1946 I know, but did it hit the US so quickly even among italian immigrants?

The police what to know who -- typo - "want to know"

doesn’t really cut it -- I've always understood the use of "really" as an emphasiser in this way is very much a British thing, not American. And I registered the "terribly wrong" earlier which is to my ears a Britism. But again, perhaps we need a voice of US authority to help us here


I have to say I had a bit of a difficulty with Helath's conversation with Sally, as he seemed to change character from the laconic snappy-one-liner merchant we'd heard before. Was this deliberate? I can't say it did him any favours. Overall, I think the whole conversation with her needs to be tightened up a little -- it wasn't of your usual quality somehow. By the way, would Sally call him "Luke" not Helath when she abuses him in that way on the phone?

Will you be following up the City Hall Records angle at all? Because frankly I don't think it's even a long shot -- he's got no way of knowing if the kid was even born in the city, let alone when, and presumably there's no guarantee the mother would have put his name down as father even if he was responsible. Unless it is meant to come to something, I think I'd suggest dropping it since it doesn't add anything here and it's needlessly elongating the scene.

I'm with Boneman about the Imp -- I think it would have been good to have heard him sooner in Part 3. And would he call Helath "boss" and not "dickhead" or worse??

Overall the third scene seemed to drag a little to my mind, but I suppose that's only in comparison to the first two which whizzed along so quickly. But still good stuff -- and we're waiting for the denouement...
 
I'm not overly happy with the way this scene came out either. I can see it clearly but can't seem to capture it the way I want. It kept getting longer and longer so I started snipping away at bits - if its quiet tonight I may redo this as there are a couple of lines I liked which didn't make this version.

Over all I think this segment suffered by writing too much at one time - I also came up with another piece of 'Not Here, Not Now' on the same shift. Sometimes I know I'm tired? jaded? not quite sharp enough? but can't stop writing....anyone have a way round that?

PS I'm surprised its taken this long for someone to ask about Jimmy Astor.
 
Right then, a bit of a reworking....

Three (Redux)

The squeal of brakes, the scream of an onlooker, the wet thud of a body hit by several tons of moving metal.

I stood and stared for a moment, holding that damn envelope. Not overly shocked, as in my line of work I’ve witnessed a few suicides along the way, but never anything so casual.

Then I turned and ran, as with two violent deaths in as many hours and yours truly the main eye witness? It would be a quick trip downtown and Wolff himself using the rubber hose. Maybe running wasn’t the smart move in the long run but I didn’t need the extra grief just at that moment.

I ran until my lings gave out and I had to stop and rest, wheezing like a shot carburettor.

“You got that whole fleeing the crime scene thing down pat, I must admit. Maybe the guilty-as-sin look needs a bit of work though.”

The Imp sat on a mailbox, swinging his legs. I lit a cigarette, trying to appear normal, trying to appear in control – but conscious of just how badly the flame shook as I raised the match. I flicked the dead match at him but missed, and he just laughed.

“I give it maybe an hour before the flatfoots realise you was the last person talking to that bitch, so make the most of it.”

I coughed and wiped my face.

“Who was she anyway? You seemed to recognise her.”

He grimaced, although given how his face normally looks it was kind of hard to tell.

“I know her type, that’s all. Just a messenger, and nothing they have to say is ever good news. I’d ditch that envelope if I was you, maybe even leave town as well.”

I made a grab for him but he slid into the mail chute and disappeared, although I could hear the sniggering echo from within. Eventually the smoke calmed me a little, enough to take stock of my situation as I loitered on the street corner. I needed a change of clothes, a drink, a gun and some help. Any order would do. A Yellow Cab appeared and I remembered to button my jacket over the blood-stained shirt before flagging it down.

After hitting my apartment for everything it had to offer I hot-footed it over to Lorenzo’s Diner. This was a gathering place for the real night owls and only came alive between dusk and dawn. It attracted a rowdy bunch at the best of times and the new Seeburg Jukebox merely added to the background hubbub. Lorenzo drags these wrought iron tables and chairs out under the awning each evening as he thinks it gives the joint a European cafe feel. It means you can sit and talk with a fair chance of being heard, but not overheard.

I called Sally Saks, our so-called receptionist, from the payphone across the street.

“Hello?”

“Sally, its Luke. Don’t give me any excuses, just get down to Lorenzo’s straight away.

The irritation in her voice was obvious.

“You don’t pay me enough for this out-of-hours BS, OK? So if you’re looking for some floozy to set up a mark then you can think again, got that?”

“Sally, this is serious, deadly serious. We’re talking safety deposit box serious if I can’t get out from under by morning.”

There was a pause, a long pause, so long I started to think she had left the handset dangling and was heading for the hills. There was five grand of high-quality counterfeit bills plus a .38 revolver in a safety deposit box at First National, and it needed two keys.

“I’ll be there.”

Dial tone.

Relief washed over me and I felt almost light-headed, but had the sense to settle for coffee instead of booze while waiting for her. The Imp showed up on the table next to me, pushing a saucer to the side so that when the cup was put down both would overbalance and hit the sidewalk. I ignored him.

I was on my third black coffee by the time she showed; a skinny brunette in slacks and sweater with her unfashionably straight hair in a simple ponytail. She slid into the seat opposite and gave me the once-over.

“Fresh shirt, your other suit, a tie you haven’t mangled yet – you’ve made quite the effort. I’d feel flattered if any of it was for my benefit.”

I wisely keep my mouth shut for the moment and offered her a cigarette. She lit up, blew the first mouthful upwards, and sat back in her chair.

“This had better be important, Luke. I’m not going to throw everything away and take off into the wide blue yonder without a really, really good reason.”

My reassuring smile was as false as her eyelashes.

“Well, sweetheart, some kid showed up at the office and promptly got shot by an unknown assailant, as the saying goes. The police want to know who, what, where, when and why, and my constant refrain of ‘I don’t know’ isn’t cutting any ice. If I can’t fill in some of the blanks in the next few hours then I can see things getting mighty unpleasant. You know we can’t stand them taking a real close look at the business, so it’s in your own best interest to help me out.”

Sally frowned and leaned forward, her voice low.

“So, just between us, what did happen?”

I spread my hands.

“Darling, off the record, on the QT and very hush-hush - I haven’t a damn clue who the kid was. Except that he looked enough like me to be a relative. A close relative, if you catch my drift. A teenager, maybe fifteen or so.”

She arched an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? Is this your misspent youth coming back to bite you in the ass? And you’re not sure? Men!”

I tapped the star-shaped bullet scar between my left eye and ear.

“I’m maybe not the most reliable source when it comes to my past, yeah? Hell, I’m not even that good at remembering things that happened recently.”

She glared at me, knowing full well I meant her recent abortion and my part in arranging it.

“Not funny!...So you’ve got the police on your back, what’s the beef? You’re a big boy, Luke, you’ve had them sweat you before. If you’re clean, like you say, just keep up the innocent bystander line and it’ll all blow over.”

I shifted uncomfortably in my metal chair.

“Yeah, well, unfortunately my evening kept up the weirdness theme when a broad handed me this…” I slid the envelope across the table, “…before stepping into traffic and ending up as a hood ornament.”

Sally paused in the act of reaching for it and her eyes narrowed.

“This woman, she’s dead? Suicide? And let me guess, you didn’t know her either?”

That’s what I like about our Sally, about as sympathetic as a hammer. I shrugged and lit another cigarette.

“It sure looked deliberate from where I was standing, but I didn’t hang around to hear the official pronouncement. And yeah, she was a complete stranger.”

Sally frowned and fished out the contents. I’d checked it out back at my apartment and was keen to see her reaction; a glossy black-and-white photograph, good quality but blurry round the edges indicating the use of a long lens. It was a picture of a middle-aged man and woman, Mr and Mrs Average, arguing in front of a building. And behind them, clearly visible through the glass doors….

Sally drew in a sharp breath, her eyes flicking from the picture to me and back again.

“Jeez, Luke! This kid in the background, I see what you mean about the family resemblance. I take it you don’t know who this couple are, or where this was taken?”

“The couple, no, but there’s an address on the back.”

She turned it over.

“Yukon Hotel? Is this all you have to go on?”

I shrugged and sipped my coffee. There was no reason to mention the five hundred that had also been in the envelope.

“It’s a flea-pit on Hunterwasser, but that’s all I know about it. The woman who delivered it also had a message for me, regards from Harry Furie.”

Sally crushed out her cigarette and glared at me, the full twenty-thousand volt special she keeps in reserve for my really spectacular foul-ups .

“Again, not funny.”

“You see me laughing, Sally?”

I felt a tugging at my ankle and glanced down to see the Imp grinning up at me.

“If you thought you were in trouble before, numbnuts, take a look behind you…”
 
Definitely better. You missed the 'lings' he was coughing up, though. And now we understand Sally better, maybe this line just sounds unreal:

“This woman, she’s dead? Suicide? And let me guess, you didn’t know her either?”


It's the first four words. Would it be more in keeping with her hardness if she said summat like "So the broad's dead? etc"

But the imp is great! Remind me of a series of short stories I used to read way back when, about an Italian Priest and there were great illustrations of a devil/imp perched on his shoulder giving him bad advice and an angel on the other, giving him good advice.
 
I agree with Boneman, this version is much better: tauter, snappier. Well done on the rewrite. Helath's first two paras of dialogue when they're sitting down both worry me a little, though I can't put my finger on exactly what it is. Perhaps because he's more verbose than normal. Those aside -- and the points Boneman mentioned -- I didn't see any problems, not even nit picks.

But now the line about the keys has changed, I'm really getting curious about Jimmy Astor -- presumably not one of the Astors. (I'm also trying to see if there's some kind of bad pun in the name coming up.)
 
Bad pun from 'Jimmy Astor?' Nope, got me there...

And no, he's not one of the Astors. In fact he's nobody.
 
Not much of the Imp in this section - sorry!

Four

Abruptly Sally turned away, breaking the tension. Harry had been her fiancée and I could never quite work out how badly his death had affected her. Wearing his ring hadn’t stopped her sleeping with me while he was overseas, but his name always set her on edge – so who am I to judge? I waited while she placed an order with the lacklustre waitress and then cleared my throat.

“Ah, Sally? Is there anyone behind me who looks like the cops?”

She stiffened and her eyes flickered over the customers nearest the entrance. The Imp started whistling ‘Jailbird’ by Zoot Williams, which didn’t help any, and for a moment I though Sally was going to make tracks. Then she relaxed, a thin smile on her lips.

“Not the cops, no. But you’ve got Mutt and Jeff over there not even trying to…they’re coming over.”

She sat back, her face carefully blank, and I half turned in my chair to see what bad news was blowing in. Two guys, little and large. The big guy was a real poster boy for white trash boxing; six-two, three hundred easy, flat nose, ridges of scar tissue covering his brows and knuckles. The other was a dapper little Latino with a Clark Gable moustache and suit so sharp you could cut leather with it. I expected Ratty to be the mouthpiece but instead it was Slugger who spoke up – a soft, educated voice that threw me for a moment.

“Mr Helath? Our employer would appreciate a few moments of your time, at your earliest convenience. I would strongly suggest you find it convenient right about now.”

Ratty removed a toothpick and gave us a brilliant smile.

“This here is Luther ‘The Professor’ Epstein. P-H-D and everything. Eighty-two straight victories, either in the ring or the parking lot afterwards, get me? It’s just you we want so the skirt can vanish.”

I stood slowly, lifting my fedora but leaving the envelope in front of Sally. She was the very picture of indifference and if I didn’t know better she seemed genuinely glad to get shot of me. Even the Imp had clammed up, retreating behind the furthest table leg. I smiled.

“Well boys, looks like you’re lucky and I have a gap in my diary. I hope we won’t be gone too long? I have friends who might become concerned at my absence, seeing how I’m the life and soul of the party.”

The Professor cracked knuckles the size of walnuts.

“Like I said, Mr Helath, just a few words in private. Our employer is waiting in a car just round the corner. If you’re smart then no-one gets hurt. By no-one I mean you.”

I glanced towards Sally.

“Concerning that earlier matter, check it out, will you? Leave a message with Fast Eddie and I’ll pick it up when I’m done here.”

I half expected some smart-ass reply despite the situation, as she’s got a real mouth on her, but Sally just nodded and folded her arms. I followed Ratty around the corner to where a late model sedan filled the alley. The Professor brought up the rear, his looming bulk making the hairs on my neck rise. They held the rear door open for me and I ducked inside, half expecting to get a sap on the head. Inside was dark, the dome light being switched off, and I sensed rather than saw the other occupant.

“My name is Conrad Gramchi. I trust I need no introduction?”

My gut twisted as I settled into the plush interior. Gramchi was a prominent member of the local Italian-American ‘business community’. Not one of the real heavy-hitters but still someone to be placated if possible.

“Yeah, and I know enough to play nice when asked. What can I do for you?”

Leather creaked as his weight shifted.

“Dorothea Ulm. You met her earlier this evening.”

“Blonde, five-three, maybe one-ten, likes to play in traffic? Nope, sorry, doesn’t ring any bells.”

There was the suggestion of a smile in his voice.

“She passed you an envelope. You give it to me and forget you ever saw her. It’s as simple as that.”

I winched.

“Sorry chum, no-can-do. The item in question is no longer in my possession – that should be obvious.”

There was a moment’s silence and I feared my smart attitude was about to pay dividends.

“RAUL!”

The door opened and Ratty stuck his head in.

“Yes, Mr Gramchi?”

“Raul, did you leave anything behind on Mr Helath’s table?”

I could almost hear the wheels click-click-clicking in Raul’s head.

“Ah, you said you wanted a photograph, boss, a snapshot, and there was nothing that small. Want me to frisk him?”

There was the sound of fingernails on leather.

“But there was something on the table, wasn’t there, Raul?”

“Ah, an envelope. But a big envelope Mr Gramchi, honest. Anyway the dame had it, not him.”

Gramchi cleared his throat and I had to admire his self-control.

“Return to where he was sitting and fetch it…” Raul vanished, leaving the door open. “…if it’s still there. It won’t be, of course, that would be far too straightforward. This woman, I assume she’s your associate and not just some date?”

“Fraid so, and she’ll be long gone by now. Look, you can have the print as soon as I can arrange it, just give me a number to call.”

He sighed.

“It’s not quite that simple. I assume this woman has also touched it?”

Touched it? I felt confused, instinctively rubbing my fingers to check for any residue.

“A gun would be a great item to have right now, you know? Oh, wait, I forgot – you’re such a headcase they won’t let you carry one. My mistake.”

The Imp, outside on the kerb. I expected him to jump on board but he seemed content to stand there, urinating in the gutter.

Gramchi took my silence as confirmation and continued.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to serve in a more direct role than I intended, Mr Helath. For all our sakes. Father?”

I was about to risk a pair of concrete overshoes and decline his offer when the front seat shadows moved. I realised there had been another person there all along and as he turned I caught the flash of white at his throat. The priest held out a large rosary of glossy black beads, but instead of a crucifix there was a small dangling figure. It was an image I recognised from my aunt’s Tarot deck – the Hanged Man.

The priest spoke to me in a rich, throaty voice, full of sympathy.

“Take this my son, I’m afraid you’re going to need it.”
 
And another good one -- the plot doesn't so much thicken as become positively glutinous (but in a good way...)

Some nit-picks just to keep my eye and hand in but, as ever, mostly very minor things:

Harry had been her fiancée - fiance (with an accent, but I can't do them here), he was male, so no double "ee"

I could never quite work out how badly his death had affected her - this sounds like you talking rather than Helath

so who am I to judge?
- this confused me. As a phrase it implies a question of morality, ie he's slept with her so he can't be her judge, but in the context of the sentence that isn't what is needed; a "so what do I know?" seems more appropriate

I waited while she placed an order - the time scale seems wrong if he does that, the goons would be on top of him before he can get the question out, surely? (From how far away did the Imp see them?)

Ah, Sally?
- OK on its own, but you have Raul with the same verbal tic when he speaks to Mr Gramchi

the customers nearest the entrance - but they were sitting outside (thanks to the Imp, the crockery was falling onto the sidewalk) and you only talk of an awning, not a separate enclosed area, so what entrance?

was going to make tracks. Then she relaxed
- the tracks/relaxed rhyme is a little intrusive so close

Well boys, looks like you’re lucky - a comma after the "well" as he's addressing them. The same for Sorry chum and Take this my son later

seeing how I’m the life and soul of the party - not sure if this should be "seeing as how"

brought up the rear... the rear door open
- close repetition of "rear"

a sap on the head - had to look that one up! I wonder whether "blackjack" might sound better in the line, though

the dome light being switched off - I think it would read better if "being" was lost

‘business community’ - I'm not sure they were using "community" in that sense in the 1950s, but anyway, you don't need the inverted commas

I winched - I imagine this is a typo for "winced", but why would he?

no-can-do - no need for hyphens

There was a moment’s silence - OK on its own (though as I mentioned, I'm trying to wean myself off them), but only a few sentences later we get There was the sound of fingernails on leather followed immediately by But there was something on the table

about to pay dividends
- I'm torn about this. I like the smart-alecness of it, but dividends are good things, and what he's expecting isn't...

A gun would be a great item to have right now, you know? - I found this and the rest of this line of dialogue confusing as I thought it was Mr Gramchi speaking! You need to identify the Imp as the speaker much, much sooner; here after "you know" if not at the very beginning of the line.

when the front seat shadows moved - this reads a little clunkily compared to your usual smoothness. Perhaps "the shadows of the front seats moved"?


As I said, all very minor things, and save for the needed to ID the Imp as the speaker sooner, none of them distracted me from the story which is as involving and written as well as ever.
 
Thanks as always for the feedback! I was busy last night and didn't start writing until the early hours, hence the late posting time, so I was probably a bit fuzzy round the edges (sorry).
 
Work got in the way before I had the chance to address a few of the points made above...

The goons were sitting at a table, outside, near the door. Luke and Sally were sitting further along opposite the windows. The two men only stood and approached while she was looking at them.

Sorry about the poor scene setting! Some details were trimmed due to length.

This next piece is quite short and is the continuation of the above.

Four (Continued)

I took the proffered rosary and ran a few beads between my fingers. The soft click-click brought back memories of my aunt Julie, a babysitter from the Lizzie Borden school of childcare. The substitute crucifix was a puzzle though.

“Nice little trinket. Cute. Look Father, no offense, but the whole church-going thing isn’t really my bag.”

Gramchi leaned forward into the light and I got a better look at him; heavy set, thinning hair swept back, expensive suit, face like pockmarked concrete.

“Understand this, gumshoe, I’m treating you with kid gloves at the personal request of Holy Mother Church. If I had my way you’d be in the trunk on a one-way trip to pier nine. Sorry Father.”

The Priest sounded faintly amused.

“We’ll have a little chat about penitence later, Conrad. Suffice it to say, Mr Helath, that you would be well advised to keep that ‘little trinket’ about your person at all times. Especially if you have any face-to-face dealings with-“

“There’s no need to mention her.”

Gramchi cut in, sounding almost nervous. The Priest paused for a moment and there was the suggestion of a shrug in the darkness.

“Indeed. As I was saying, Mr Helath, there are others involved in this matter for whom the rosary remains a potent symbol in the struggle between good and evil.”

I opened my mouth, ready with a smart-ass comment about how Old Testament that sounded, but Raul reappeared at the open door.

“Sorry boss but that dame has split. You want us to ask the shamus here where she went?”

Gramchi shook his head and passed me a business card from his breast pocket.

“No, it’s too late. We’re done here, Helath. We want you to find who killed that kid in your office, but remember to tell us before the cops. Got that?”

I crammed both rosary and card in my jacket, realising there wasn’t going to be any rough stuff with the Father present.

“Hey, we’re just all concerned citizens working for the public good. I don’t have any problem keeping you up to speed, although I usually charge a small fee when working as a news vendor.”

The big man growled.

“Don’t push your luck, Helath, just get out there and find that bitch before dawn.”

I slid out of the car and tipped my hat while the other two got in; Raul in back and not looking like he relished the prospect. The sedan backed off down the alley and I returned to my table, but it had been cleared. I lit a smoke while the Imp sucked on a fallen sugar cube.

“So, bud, you got a next move or just relying on Sally to do all the legwork?”

I flicked the dead match at him but missed, again.

“At least I know the killer was a woman. Gramchi let that slip which means they already know who, but not where she is. For some reason they think naming her will put me off. Makes no sense.”

He shrugged.

“Obviously someone you know. I’d say ‘care about’ but that would reduce the short list to zero. If you don’t need to know who the killer is that means they’ll be coming after you now, and soon. Just try not to act too surprised when it happens.”

I drew deeply and exhaled. A couple sat down at the table and the Imp sidled over to ladder the woman’s stocking. While his back was turned I grabbed a passing cab and headed across town to the Blue Cat Bar & Grill.
 
Bit of a filler piece this time, just setting things up...

Five

My personal map of Los Angeles is pretty much a series of bars and diners, with the odd house of ill repute thrown in for good measure. Having said that the Blue Cat Bar & Grill was definitely not my kind of joint. It attracted those trying to sober up on the way home and had a restrained, almost funeral parlour air, as hangovers tend to prefer peace and quiet.

I went there to find Fast Eddie Frazer, a so-so pool hustler with a side line in illicit firearms. There are times I have need of a clean piece that won’t get traced back to me and Eddie can get you pretty much anything you want. It was near midnight by the time I got there, paying off the cab and standing for a moment to check for any tail. Traffic was light and I was fairly sure everything was kosher, but the way my evening had turned out so far I wanted to avoid any complications if possible.

Eddie was perched on the end bar stool, chalking his cue in a suggestive manner and chatting to Connie, the big Latino waitress. She was giggling and kept covering her mouth with a hand, but I knew that was more to hide her broken teeth than any girlish modesty. There were less than half a dozen patrons scattered throughout the place and no-one paid me any attention as I sauntered in. Eddie slid from his stool and propped the pool cue against the bar.

“Mr H, always a pleasure. Care to shoot a few frames or is this business?”

I really wasn’t in the mood for small-talk.

“Business, Eddie. When is it ever anything else?”

He winked at Connie and gestured towards the end booth.

“Two beers, Connie, when you’re ready. Now, Mr H, if you’d just care to step into my office…”

We sat on the cracked leather benches, facing each other in silence. Connie brought us two schooners and an ashtray of peanuts. At least the ashtray was clean. The plastic-covered menu suddenly toppled forward, the flap as it hit the table wafting froth from Eddie’s glass into his lap. I saw the Imp grinning from behind the ketchup as Eddie swore and tried to wipe away the suds before they stained his suit. His elbow caught the glass and it slopped over, beer soaking into the napkins. The Imp pulled himself up onto the napkin rack and dangled his feet in the glass, winking at me. I ignored him. Instead I took a pull while Eddie tried to compose himself and smoothed down his tie. He cleared his throat and smiled, although close-up his eyes looked worried.

“So, something wrong with that last piece I supplied? You looking for another twenty-two, maybe a twenty-five?”

I didn’t pick up fully on what he said, or things would have gone down a lot differently. So sue me.

“No Eddie, it was fine. It’s just I need some heavy artillery this time, something to put a scare into Mr and Mrs Average if need be and stop them acting up.”

He frowned, tapping his bitten nails on the glass.

“So what’s wrong with a shotgun? I can get you a twenty-eight gauge pump-action Winchester no problem. Ex-military, with the short barrel and pistol grip.”

“Still way too big, Eddie, but nice try. I don’t want to wear a coat in this weather so it needs to be something I can wear under a jacket.”

He chewed his bottom lip, waving away Connie who was hovering with a menu.

“I think you best visit my warehouse. Follow me.”

We went out back to the alley. It was narrow and claustrophobic, with only light from open doors by way of illumination. The air was heavy with cooking smells from the kitchen and I felt my stomach grumble. Eddie’s warehouse turned out to be the trunk of a beat-up Plymouth with white-wall tyres and missing hubcaps. He passed me a flashlight and, while I beat the batteries into life, started rummaging under a tartan travel rug.

All I could glimpse was the dull gleam of gunmetal in the uncertain torch light as Eddie muttered to himself.

“Thirty-eight, naw, snub-nose. Forty-five, maybe, maybe. Ah!”

I heard the soft schlick of metal on leather and Eddie handed me a revolver. I shifted the flashlight to my left hand and took the weapon, surprised at the weight. I could tell my supplier was grinning as I hefted the gun up to take a closer look.

“Jeez Eddie, the damn thing must be near a foot long! Does the National Guard know they’re missing a cannon?”

He laughed.

“That there, Mr H, is a gen-u-ine English Webley revolver. Bit of a museum piece but still in perfect working order. Won it off some rancher from Abilene betting on two pair against an inside straight.”

I moved the revolver around, conscious of the twinge it produced in my wrist.

“What is it, a forty-five?”

“Close enough, but I’ll throw in half a box of shells as you won’t get them no place round here. Hell, you can even have the shoulder holster as well. It should sit under your jacket fine as long as you don’t button it.”

He was being way more generous than usual and this made me suspicious.

“Is there a problem with this piece, Eddie? Something you’re not telling me?”

There was the suggestion of a shrug in the darkness.

“Well, most of my other customers don’t want to use anything so, ah, distinctive. But I was thinking, given how you require firearms for particular purposes, that wouldn’t be a problem.”

It was definitely an imposing weapon, even in the fading torch light, with real presence. I scratched my cheek with the front sight, striking a pose for my own benefit – my gun is long.

So I paid up and struggled into the shoulder rig, which had obviously been designed for a far larger man. Eddie let my jacket trail against the exhaust as he held it for me, but I let it go as the Imp was busy jamming a nail into the front off-side tyre and I figured that about made us even.

I flexed my shoulders and tried not to lean away from the added weight beneath my left armpit. Eddie held open the back door to the Blue Cat for some light, the torch having finally died, and gave me the once-over.

“Very sharp Mr H, real cool. Just don’t button your jacket, like I said, and you should be fine. Remember to hold it closed when you get up and sit down as well, to be on the safe side. Anything else?”

“No, Eddie, that’s fine. Be seeing you.”

I strode away down the alley, conscious of the half-dozen bullets jiggling in my right jacket pocket – the most I could carry without being too obvious. The Imp jogged along beside me.

“Nice exit, boss, but you forgot to ask if Sally had rung in with a message.”

I stopped suddenly, cursing.

A bullet split the brickwork, right where my head would have been if I’d kept walking.
 
I can't really comment on the structure or grammar since it's so informal and written from a strong point of view. As far as the story goes, I'm enjoying it and I've been following it since you first posted, though I didn't comment initially. I look forward to each one of your new entries.

Connie brought us two schooners and an ashtray of peanuts

Someone from the west coast (Los Angeles specifically) should probably comment, but I don't think we use the term "schooner" for a glass on this side of the pond.
 
I only picked up on the usage from an old episode of 'Quantum Leap'...
 
My dictionary has "schooner" as a Britism for a large sherry glass, but also N American and Antipodean for a tall beer glass. I think I know which was wanted here, but I have to confess to reading it and initially thinking they were having Harvey's Bristol Cream...

Yep, fun as always, and I'm glad the Imp is getting Helath's retaliation in first. Some missing commas and the like, and I gritted my teeth at "less than half a dozen" (it's fewer, Helath, fewer) but not a lot of revising needed. Good work.
 
Well there you go, not being a sherry drinker I'd assumed it was an American term as I hadn't come across it elsewhere. And grit away, Judge, grit away, as 'fewer' may be correct but 'less' is more commonplace...
 
Just to move things on a little...

Six

Brick fragments stung my cheek and I jumped back out of the light. A second shot struck sparks off the wall and a third went winging straight down the alley. The shooter was diagonally across from me, just where the alley joined Jefferson.

I went for my new piece, but the ill-fitting shoulder harness kept riding up and I had to fumble and grab the holster with my left hand before the gun would pull free. It came out with an unintended flourish, heavy in my hand, twisting in my grip. Fear hit me in the gut as I had visions of throwing the damn thing at the feet of my attacker and I clenched my hand round the butt. The Webley roared in the confined space and I saw a face straight in front of me, briefly illuminated by the muzzle flash.

It all went black and I lurched back, blinded, eyes wide open, straining to recapture any degree of night vision. Gun smoke wound round me like a shroud.

There was a throaty chuckle from ankle height.

“Well, boss, five gets you ten the law will say you executed this poor schmuk, for reasons unknown. I can’t see where his piece went, and without that a self-defence plea won’t fly. I’d start running, if I was you. Mexico, maybe.”

I could make out a body lying on its back and knelt down to take a look-see. Bullet hole in the forehead, dead centre, with gun shot residue round the wound. The guy must have been right on top of me, running up for a kill-shot, when my revolver went off in his face. From the mush in the dirt it had been a through-and-through round, taking off the back of his head and landing me in a whole heap of trouble.

I put the revolver on the ground and fished out a book of matches, striking one at the second attempt. Although the gun shots were bound to attract someone’s attention, even in this neighbourhood, I had to see who’d ambushed me.

Bingo.

Even in just the flare and fade I recognised the face from the picture; Mr Average, arguing with a woman outside the Yukon Hotel with my younger self in the background.

His eyes opened.

I choked on a curse and scrabbled for the Webley, kicking myself away from the not-corpse. I ended up on my ass in the dirt, gun in both hands, teeth clenched to stop myself screaming. I’ve seen a lot of bad things in my time, and caused quite a few of them, but this was way out of my league.

The body sat up and looked at me with pale blue eyes, no whites, like two slivers of stained glass lit from behind. It smiled.

“Harry Furie sends his regards.”

I fired, straight to the heart, the gun kicking even in a two-handed grip. The body flopped back in the dirt and was still. I remembered to breathe.

The Imp crawled out of an old coffee can and gave the scene a once-over.

“Well, that’s not something you see every day, for sure. I wouldn’t mention this to anyone though, not unless you fancy a one-way trip to the funny-farm. Not that you don’t deserve to be there in the first place. We staying here or what? Only when you start running I’d forget Mexico and try Canada. Limey food and all that, but loads of wide open spaces a man can lose himself in.”

I shivered and got to my feet, some part of me registering the not-too-distant wail of a siren. With an effort I leant down over the body and fumbled inside the blood-splattered jacket, holding my gun left-handed against his neck. I pulled out a wallet and stood back, conscious of the sweat-soaked shirt sticking to my back. The Imp grinned.

“Robbery and murder? Always a favourite combo with the law and a nice tidy package for the DA. Don’t worry though, I’ll come visit you on Death Row.”

“Can it, small fry. You sure you didn’t see where his piece ended up?”

The Imp spread his hands.

“Like I should care. Now, are we making tracks or is this gonna’ end in a hail of bullets?”

The siren was getting closer so I stashed the walled in my rear pants pocket and holstered the still smoking Webley. The quickest way out of the alley was towards Jefferson, but I didn’t fancy being anywhere visible when the Police got here. Back to the Blue Cat was out as well, even if I could have afforded an alibi. My attacker had obviously followed me there, unnoticed, and run round to ambush me in the alley when Fast Eddie came back in alone. That meant the shooter had left in a hurry, and that meant someone might remember him.

I noticed the Imp sidling towards an inviting drainpipe and decided it was time to split. Simply running off down the alley would just see me caught in the searchlight from a police cruiser so it was a case of up, up and away. I was at the back of Henderson’s depository, a big four storey building. The pull-down ladder at the bottom of the fire escape was already grounded, so I shimmied up to the first landing which some wino was using as a bedroom. He wasn’t home so I kept on going, even though me and heights tend to have a live and let live arrangement, until I reached the roof.

Thankfully it had a brick parapet so that I didn’t feel too exposed. I made my way round to the west wall, where – as I’d hoped – there was a short ladder down to the roof of the adjacent apartment block. The door to the stairwell wasn’t even locked so it was just a case of easing down to the ground floor while taking care to avoid any residents. This put me back on the same street as the Blue Cat, but I didn’t feel like going back to finish my drink.

So I took a walk.
 
A bit of backstory in this segment...

Seven

I walked.

I walked with my left hand in my jacket pocket, so as not to expose my gun.

I walked, pausing only to light another cigarette.

I walked until my half-pack of smokes was done.

I stopped.

The city, my city, felt like an alien, hostile environment. The streets loomed over me, buildings bending in. Background noises jarred my senses; a dog barking, a car backfiring – everything had my nerves on edge. I shivered despite the warm night and wiped sweat from my brow.

“You planning to walk to Mexico, chief? Only I’d take bigger steps if I was you, what with the police, the mob and a stone killer on your tail.”

It was the Imp, standing on a first-floor windowsill, pushing a potted plant back against the glass. When the sash was raised it would catch and send the pot toppling into the street. Suddenly I found his petty, vindictive antics infuriating and drew my gun, wondering if it was worthwhile firing. I’d tried nailing the little runt several times, more so when he first appeared, but always seemed to miss. He ducked behind the plant, sniggering, and I felt so, so tired.

The bundle of rags in the doorway beside me moved, becoming a curled-up wino. His voice was reedy, a wavering whisper of fear.

“Don’t shoot, mister, please! I ‘ain’t got nothing, but you’re welcome to it.”

I let my gun arm fall to my side and felt my shoulders sag.

“Don’t sweat it, grandpa, I’m just jumpy. Its been a long day and far from finished.”

“You look like you need a drink, mister. Sell you a nip for a dollar.”

He held out a paper-wrapped bottle in a quivering hand and I felt a powerful urge to try some, but I wasn’t quite that desperate. I had to admire his gall though, and laughed. I holstered the gun and fished out a dollar bill, flicking it towards him.

“Take the money but keep the booze, grandpa. Maybe even buy some breakfast that isn’t liquid, OK?”

“Thanks, mister. You take care now.”

Now that I’d had time to work out where I was I realised I was near The Bolthole, Anton Slavik’s bar. He hadn’t paid the right person the right kickback and lost his liquor licence, but rather than sell up he and his regulars were drinking their way through his stock. We weren’t exactly what you’d call close, but I knew it was a place I could get a drink without a hepatitis chaser. I set off diagonally across the street, my mouth dry at the prospect of a decent bourbon, and the wino called after me.

“Hey, mister!”

I glanced over my shoulder but didn’t stop.

“Harry Furie sends his regards.”

I spun on my heel and ran back, but there was nothing but shadows.

Harry Furie was dead, he had to be.

As his next of kin Sally got a letter from the Marines telling her he hadn’t made it back from Chosin Reservoir, someplace in North Korea. Just down as Missing In Action but realistically don’t hold your breath. At least that’s what she said, and if it had all been an been an act then she was missing out on a career in Hollywood. I didn’t see what she had to gain by lying and her reaction to his name obviously meant I’d touched a nerve, even after all these months.

Harry and I had grown up together, bad boys – and didn’t we know it. In an attempt to keep us out of trouble our moms would send us off to his aunt and uncle, who owned an orange grove out in the Valley. They were a really unlikely couple – uncle Solly was a dumb-ass hick from the Sierra’s and real big on hunting. Aunt Maybelline came from Baton Rouge and was into some weird ****. She was way younger than her husband and her and Harry were real close, in their way.

One night Harry and I got ****-faced on Chivas Regal and did the whole Indian blood-brother thing. We cut our left palms using his uncle’s big hunting knife and gripped hands while the blood oozed out. We hollered and cried and swore eternal brotherhood or some crap like that. Then we stashed the knife in a tin box and buried it at a dirt-track crossroads under the full moon. Uncle Solly beat Harry half to death when he said he’d lost that knife, and made him work alongside his illegal Mex workers until he’d paid for a new one.

Harry got caught stealing car parts from old man Haskin’s junk yard. I pretended to fall off the wall into the street, rather than wait and pull Harry up to safety.

Harry Furie kept his mouth shut. Harry Furie got sent to Juvie - two years for a persistent offender. Harry Furie wouldn’t see me while he was inside. Harry Furie came out and joined the Marines. Harry Furie went through Hell in the Pacific and came back without a scratch.

I got conscripted and spent the war in Europe, driving trucks for the transport corps. One night in December they rounded us up, issued rifles and three days cold rations, dumped us someplace in Belgium. Someplace with lots of trees. I got shot in the head and damn near died. After hospital I came home to California with Jimmy Astor in tow. He came from Utah and had nothing to go back to. We ran into Harry Furie in a bar and he punched me out.

We let bygones be bygones.

Harry, Jimmy and I set ourselves up as bail bondsmen. I had the not unreasonable idea that there were a lot of newly discharged servicemen about, getting into trouble. After a couple of years we got bored hauling drunks out of Tijuana whorehouses and set ourselves up as private detectives. I had the not unreasonable idea that there were a lot of wartime marriages which were now in trouble. We got a bigger office and hired Sally Saks straight out of secretarial college – she and Harry started dating right away. I guess he looked like better husband material than either me or Jimmy. They got engaged, they talked weddings, they talked honeymoon in Niagara Falls.

Korea had different ideas.

Harry Furie was in the reserves. Harry Furie got called up. Harry Furie shipped out. Harry Furie didn’t come back.

Harry Furie was dead, he had to be.
 
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