[Workshop] Engage me quickly!

[notveryalice]

The great frame resides on the top floor of the city gaol—that's the only place it will stand upright, save the roof. Executioners sing the chorus: decapitate, defenestrate, decapitate, defenestrate—until the pile of heads on the sidewalk is too large, and has to be swept away.

 

[SciFrac]

Thoughts on the following?
-------

Our plan failed within eight seconds. My window tripped an alarm, and guards shot spotlights into our cell. I'm such an idiot!
A security team formed outside the door, but that much we'd anticipated. Our trap sprung, probably killing two. No turning back now. We jumped as the guards entered.

 

[Grinnel]

If you put these two together you can see why escape is so important.

The great frame resides on the top floor of the city gaol—that's the only place it will stand upright, save the roof. Executioners sing the chorus: decapitate, defenestrate, decapitate, defenestrate—until the pile of heads on the sidewalk is too large, and has to be swept away.

^ This gives me a sort of gruesome Alice in Wonderland vibe. 'Off with their heads' and singing at the same time, with exicutioners using the word defensterate. This is the prison where the victims of the Queen of Hearts await their fate.

Our plan failed within eight seconds. My window tripped an alarm, and guards shot spotlights into our cell. I'm such an idiot!
A security team formed outside the door, but that much we'd anticipated. Our trap sprung, probably killing two. No turning back now. We jumped as the guards entered.

Idiot geniuses. Clever enough to make a lethal trap out of nothing but not to anticipate an obvious alarm. Perhaps if you'd had more words they'd have anticipated the alarm but screwed up disarming it at the last second?

 

[BigJ]

Been poking my nose around here enough I figure I may as well engage in some practice. Fifty words isn't much (and I thought the monthly challenge was incredibly brief at 75), but I gave it a shot.

He gently pushed the door open with his scattergun. Thermal goggles pierced the darkness; it didn’t take the clarity of bare eyes to see that what was left of the people inside was nigh unrecognizable. He shuddered, whispered a prayer for their souls and edged back out into the hallway.

 

[SciFrac]

Idiot geniuses. Clever enough to make a lethal trap out of nothing but not to anticipate an obvious alarm. Perhaps if you'd had more words they'd have anticipated the alarm but screwed up disarming it at the last second?

Yeah, this is the drivel I write when I rush the editing process. I see obvious problems too, but eh... not a book I'm gonna write. Thanks for calling me on the carpet. Clearly deserved.

 

[Hermit the frog]

Just found this thread and it looked like fun.
Here we go.





“Come in, come in.”
His arm sweeps theatrically towards a chair.
“I’m so glad you could make it.”
Smiling, he returns to his desk and sits.
“So, we get to meet at last.”
My two minders push me into the chair, buckle the straps.
The smile disappears.

 

[SciFrac]

Hermit, I like it. Took me a while to figure out what "minders" were, but I like what you did!

 

[Hermit the frog]

Thanks Sci. Trying for the understated menace thing.

 

[Anne Martin]

“May I help you?” The stranger brushed his hand the length of my coat, hanging by the door. I loved that coat, even with the bullet holes. Teri had given it to me.

“No, but I can help you,” he replied, staring back at me with my own face.

 

[Juliana]

Face scrunched up against tears, the kid stood in the long hallway, hand on the doorknob. Ten years old and almost as many cities. Each time a new classroom, a new challenge.

He pushed the door open suddenly, stepping into the room to face the sudden wave of curiosity.

 

[erisiamk]

The door slid open to reveal the empty corridor, sparking curiosity in the one person looking in its general direction. The diffraction-suit was working as expected. Nathan moved slowly into the room, unsheathing his weapon without sound. The door closed behind him. The person turned back to his work.

 

[Danny McG]

Old thread but some of these are great at creating tension in a few sentences. Some good reading here, several I really wanted to see the full stories

 

[Cathbad]

He lifts the pistol, the third time putting the muzzle against his temple. He wills his finger to depress the trigger.

His tears flow. He prays. Please!

The faces of his wife and daughter fill his mind. Smiling, they beckon him. He smiles warmly back.

Third time's the charm!

 

[Danny McG]

The door slammed open and he strutted in, head cocked arrogantly as we hurriedly stood up.

He scowled around as we stared nervously back at him, inwardly praying.

His lip curled up in a sneer as he pointed around, “You, and you, and - I think - yes, you at the back...”

 

[2ndchance]

Most lose their ability to see, blinded by adulthood. Rebecca though, can see beyond the obvious, and knows what you are...​