Improving our 75 Word Stories -- READ FIRST POST

[Provincial]

@VRlass, I will never speak or write Polish as well as you can write British English, with or without the aid of proofreader software. All Hail King VRlass!

Cocoa is just about one of the most idiosyncratic spellings (of short words) ever in BE, and correct spelling is one of the main stumbling blocks in learning it. As for pronouncing anything based on similar looking words, there’s a hollow reed if ever I saw one! Try pronouncing ‘ough’ the same way with these words:

rough (ruff)
tough (tuff) (how nice, that one is the same! But not for long…)
trough (troff)
through (threw)
thorough (thuh-ruh)

I volunteered for a couple of years at a place helping immigrants and refugees learn English, so I’ve seen my language from the other side. It’s a nightmare! I will never forget how angry one student got when I told her that “yacht” is pronounced “yot”. She seemed to blame me personally!

 

[Hugh]

It would be epic metastory if I became a writer upon leaving this place

The best of luck!

And
You wrote:
Isn't it a holiday in the name of Sol Invictus? I am pretty sure Sol Invictus was a god in the Roman Empire and there was a cool story of intrigues and betrayals and how it became the main theme.

I just checked Sol Invictus on wikipedia: Sol Invictus (Unconquered Sun) was the official sun god of the late Roman Empire. The Emperor Aurelian revived his cult in 274AD and promoted him to chief god of the Empire. His main festival "The Birthday of the Invincible Sun" was celebrated on 25th December. So, you're probably right about all kind of intrigues going on in the background in (i) his cult being revived and (ii) him becoming chief god.
However, his days were numbered as the Emperor Constantine converted to Christianity @312AD or soon after

 

[Graconis]

Hey everybody. This is my first attempt at writing anything on this page. Was wondering if anybody had any advice on making it more impactful. Never tried a 75 word challenge so it was wicked hard to condense my brain down. The other writers on this page just blew my mind on what can be done with so little.

He flexed what few muscles were left on his right arm. The dehydrated and desiccated tissue cracked and split as he lifted the ornate mace. He hefted his other arm, shield weighing heavily. To defend her. His dark empress.

Standing next to him, her pale skin in contrast to the dark resplendence of dried blood and hugging silk. Her undead beauty compelling him forward. And he would serve her, forever in undeath. His vampiric love.

 

[THX1138]

Hello @Graconis! I had the same problem when I first entered, and still do depending on the genera. I look at the 75 worder as more of a challenge for myself, and the fun of reading/studying the different interpretations of the genera and theme by the other writers.

Reading your entry from last month, you have a lot of physical detail/descriptions in your story that may not be needed at all. The key to the 75 worded is in the emotional impact of the story. Let the readers imagination fill in the rest.

Her undead beauty compelling him forward. And he would serve her, forever in undeath. His vampiric love.

Looking at the one you have here from the February challenge, I would focus on this part and build the story from here. What about her undead beauty is compelling him forward and why? Why is his devotion to her so strong other than the vampire aspect.

Great job! Looking forward to reading more from you.

 

[Parson]

@Graconis -- You are right the 75 word challenge is wicked hard! But I guess that's why we call it a challenge. I think getting a good coherent story down in 75 words is win in and of itself.

As to the story:

There seemed to be a lot of description and not much action. But even with that I wouldn't have guessed that the main character was a vampire until the very end of the story. I wasn't exactly sure what vampiric love was. Could it be similar to human love? Could it be a need for blood? Could it be an eternal love? But the idea that "he would serve her forever" made me wonder if I hadn't missed something and that she was the vampire. I guess the short answer is that I found your story drew a picture but didn't tell me what happened very clearly.

 

[Graconis]

@Parson So I spent too much wordage showing, not telling, and in short form, the ability to tell is paramount?

 

[Christine Wheelwright]

@Parson So I spent too much wordage showing, not telling, and in short form, the ability to tell is paramount?

No, I always rate showing above telling. But I think the most successful 75 word entries have something of a beginning, middle and end structure, along with a layer of context. Each month there are several entries that are descriptions of scenes and, while they can be well presented, they don't tend to do as well.

 

[Parson]

@Parson So I spent too much wordage showing, not telling, and in short form, the ability to tell is paramount?

I'm not sure what you mean by this. I was saying (and this might be what you meant) that there were too many words used on description and too few on the story. Like @Christine Wheelwright says (and she's really good at this!) the real trick is to tell a story. In 75 words you've really got to be spare in your descriptions. I often find dialogue is useful in getting the most bang for each word in a story.

**But do not think that there is some "magic" formula to winning. Over the years just about every conceivable style has won at one time or the other. I do think that endings are the most important line(s) in your story.

***And like I said above, the real winning is getting a story down that you're happy with and/or helping you grow as a writer.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Hey everybody. This is my first attempt at writing anything on this page. Was wondering if anybody had any advice on making it more impactful. Never tried a 75 word challenge so it was wicked hard to condense my brain down. The other writers on this page just blew my mind on what can be done with so little.

He flexed what few muscles were left on his right arm. The dehydrated and desiccated tissue cracked and split as he lifted the ornate mace. He hefted his other arm, shield weighing heavily. To defend her. His dark empress.

Standing next to him, her pale skin in contrast to the dark resplendence of dried blood and hugging silk. Her undead beauty compelling him forward. And he would serve her, forever in undeath. His vampiric love.

Hi Graconis,

I shortlisted your story (quite a feat as I'm not a fan of vampires) and think it's not bad for the first attempt you said it was.

Without getting into the usual so-called golden rules of writing, I'd say focus on your style more than content and rules. I personally believe in 75 words you can get far more over to a reader with a feeling than 'didactic' (expository) words. Remember you've only 75 words so full stories are harder, but we often see entries with no A to B to C, but simply a vignette of description. I'd say try to 1) introduce a question, 2) enhance it, and 3) a last line/para that reframes 1 & 2. Applying this to your story could go the way of making the reader think the love is a regular human until we find out it's a vampire, for example.

Also bear in mind people's biases and prejudices when it comes to style and genre. My prejudice is comedy (I think the only comedy I've voted for were from An Roinn Ultra and Starbeast) but there are routinely funny entries which get lots of votes or mentions. I'm also a stickler for spelling and grammar -- it's only 75 words and if the writer hasn't done their due diligence I won't (well, very rarely) vote for 'em; they may get mentions, but not my vote, and I know there are others here who do the same. Similarly I appreciate poetry but not doggerel/song-type entries.

I joined in 2011. On Thursday night I had a look at the entries I'd made back then compared to how my writing is now, and I cringed with embarrassment. It's a long journey (or I'm a slow learner) but a great one and the challenges have probably been the most influential tool in my learning to become a writer. I'm a teacher with a horrible internal judge so I'm only really interested in how I can improve than my successes.

Finally don't forget, many people are entering for fun and will vote accordingly.

Hope this helps.

 

[paranoid marvin]

Hi Graconis. There is a fine line between a story and descriptive text in the 75 Word Challenge, and I did think that you entry fell into the latter category.

It's worth asking yourself, after writing your entry, 'what happened in my story'? How would it play out if you had filmed it in your mind?

It's not easy to write a coherent, entertaining story inside of 75 words, but that is why the Challenge is so aptly named.

 

[Swank]

Burnt Flowers

There’s a glow above the horizon - dawn highlighting the pass. I point the nose there and arm a Sidewinder, one eye squeezed shut.

Sunrise explodes at 1200 knots. I roll inverted between the peaks and look ‘up’ at the valley, switching eyes. Awash in color, the gray Sukhois silhouette against meadow bloom. I snap the stick and fire on One, diving after Two.


The missile dazzles, tracers spiral. The fabled ace paints two more kills.



Thank you for your comments.

 

[Astro Pen]

Sorry I posted on the wrong thread

 

[Phyrebrat]

@Swank I had this on my shortlist for: originality, authenticity, and imagery. (Which reminds me I have to post my thanks and shortlist on the 75 thread itself.)

I don’t think the prose itself needs work as it’s sharp but I felt I’d missed the use of myth and/or legend beyond use of the term ‘fabled’. I’d have allowed for it if the theme had been myth/legend but not the genre which to my thinking should be more strictly limited.

It was so different from the rest it would have otherwise been my potential vote which is no surprise as I often shortlist or vote for your work.

 

[Swank]

Thanks, @Phyrebrat. I didn't know that myth or legend was a modern genre, but it made me think of the Red Baron, so that's the kind of story I wrote.

 

[Phyrebrat]

Thanks, @Phyrebrat. I didn't know that myth or legend was a modern genre, but it made me think of the Red Baron, so that's the kind of story I wrote.

Oooh. Good point. I didn’t think of that. Yes modern day myths and so on would be fine by me -/ but then it’s down to me being savvy enough to get that. I was moderately obsessed with the red baron’s aeroplane as a kid so I’m slightly ashamed now

 

[paranoid marvin]

Personally I would say that whilst the theme is flexible, the genre is less so. So that a genre 'myth or legend' would (at least to me) suggest a story set in a fictional world and/or with fictional characters.

I also struggled to see the the theme of 'spring'. Although now I think it may be that the pilot has 'sprung' a trap or it is the phrase 'meadow bloom'?

I agree with Phyrebat that it was different to most other entries, offering an imaginitive take on the Challenge. But if the reader struggles to see either the theme or genre present in your entry, it will significantly hamper your chance of votes or shortlistings.

 

[Swank]

I'm not going to argue myself into any votes, but your description, Marvin, just sounds like fantasy. And most entries were pretty much fantasy or fable. Myth or legend are social ideas about how a story embeds and is promulgated in a culture, and few stories actually dealt with cultural beliefs or how they start. The ones that stuck to the genre referenced existing myths, like King Arthur. Otherwise, stories were written in the language of legend, as if we are hearing the myth from a tribal elder - though that's never explicit.

My story references spring in two ways - the actual spring flowers, and the progression from placid, wintery pre-dawn darkness to bright blooming sun and frenetic action.

 

[Paul J. Menzies]

I can see your point @Swank. I do think to some degree you got nicked on preconceived notions slash stereotypes. That's happened to me too on the basis of genre. But despite that, I'm not sure if I had been voting last month whether I would have caught that on the strength of one word.

Although, if genre is bothering me, I tend to scour the piece to find some indication the genre has at least been given a nod. And I think too, the main points of these challenges (at least to me) is to write from a prompt, and tell a story within the word limit. I understand that genre is part of the prompt, but is it more important than theme or topic? So likely I give more leeway than most in this regard.

I will add though that having the genre reference placed as an adjective---and only one at that---might be some of the reason it may have been missed. Would it have had more traction if it had been a noun or a verb (hard to do)? "Fabled" can easily be written off as metaphorical or abstracted description by our subconscious, I think.

Maybe something like "His legend grew" would have registered more distinctly. Longer by two more valuable words though...

 

[Swank]

I suppose I take it for granted that people are attempting to meet the strictures of the challenge, and readers would look for them in good faith.

 

[Paul J. Menzies]

I suppose I take it for granted that people are attempting to meet the strictures of the challenge, and readers would look for them in good faith.

Well, pedantic, dogmatic, whatever... is a scale from not-at-all to full-on grammar nazi. Not everyone will be at the same place on the scale and probably people will occupy different places depending on the issue. I'm with you when it comes to genre and the challenges, but I think it's probably a little unlike life to expect everyone else to think the same. And if we're writing to sell or get votes, we're all at the mercy of the king... the audience.

That's one of the other great learning tools from the challenges, IMO... audience feedback. I've missed several months, I've been going back over the challenges I've missed and to read through and look at the votes and think hard about why the votes fell the way they did.

If one's writing for one's self, this is of course, completely unnecessary masochism...