Improving our 75 Word Stories -- READ FIRST POST
- Thread starter The Judge
- Start date
Karn Maeshalanadae
I'm a pineapple
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
It depends on the truth, Parson.
It's like the episode of the Simpsons where Marge got into the real estate agency business.
"There's the 'truth'" *Shaking head no with determined shush look*
"And the 'truth!'" *Nodding head yes with big grin*
"This kitchen seems awfully small."
"Some would say it's awfully....cozy."
It depends on the truth, Parson.
It's like the episode of the Simpsons where Marge got into the real estate agency business."There's the 'truth'" *Shaking head no with determined shush look*
"And the 'truth!'" *Nodding head yes with big grin*
"This kitchen seems awfully small."
"Some would say it's awfully....cozy."
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
Its more likely the unintelligible quality of my writing which left you bemused...
(braces for it, not the face i'm too pretty)
Its more likely the unintelligible quality of my writing which left you bemused...
(braces for it, not the face i'm too pretty)
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
Brev, I thought I was only partially lost on yours, but now I see that it was total. I had come to a conclusion that it was his own mother, but I couldn't make that fit with the verse and with the "I was second" part. Eve makes more sense with all of that!
TJ and TE, I have to admit, although I know it will disturb you both, that I have a rather sadistic couple of characters in my head that come out and do things like this in stories. They have reared their ugly heads before, as in the story where they were testing lawyer jokes. They have no compunctions whatsoever, I'm afraid, and for them the end totally justifies the means. I think for this story they were inspired by Heinlein's Committee for Aesthetic Deletions. So yes, there was indeed glee in that exclamation point, and a bright-eyed grin as well. Those two self-appointed revenge-masters were bent on saving innocent children, and they had no problem with placing a monster in an endless circle between prison and torture to do it. I mean, sure, they could undoubtedly find something more ...surgically precise... that would do as well to prevent the crime (oh dear, I think they just volunteered to perform an operation and that's not what I meant at all) but that wouldn't be their style. I have a feeling they are a small, rogue operation, anyway, so maybe they are limited as to their means. As for the contract, well, that statement wasn't exactly a lie, as such, because everyone is important to the timeline -- it just let him believe what he wanted. The paper he signed stated everything correctly, I must assume, and his eagerness to get out of prison kept him from reading it. One should always read before signing, after all.
Brev, I thought I was only partially lost on yours, but now I see that it was total. I had come to a conclusion that it was his own mother, but I couldn't make that fit with the verse and with the "I was second" part. Eve makes more sense with all of that!
TJ and TE, I have to admit, although I know it will disturb you both, that I have a rather sadistic couple of characters in my head that come out and do things like this in stories. They have reared their ugly heads before, as in the story where they were testing lawyer jokes. They have no compunctions whatsoever, I'm afraid, and for them the end totally justifies the means. I think for this story they were inspired by Heinlein's Committee for Aesthetic Deletions. So yes, there was indeed glee in that exclamation point, and a bright-eyed grin as well. Those two self-appointed revenge-masters were bent on saving innocent children, and they had no problem with placing a monster in an endless circle between prison and torture to do it. I mean, sure, they could undoubtedly find something more ...surgically precise... that would do as well to prevent the crime (oh dear, I think they just volunteered to perform an operation and that's not what I meant at all) but that wouldn't be their style. I have a feeling they are a small, rogue operation, anyway, so maybe they are limited as to their means. As for the contract, well, that statement wasn't exactly a lie, as such, because everyone is important to the timeline -- it just let him believe what he wanted. The paper he signed stated everything correctly, I must assume, and his eagerness to get out of prison kept him from reading it. One should always read before signing, after all.
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
Slap!!
And let that be a lesson to you.
In 75 words, the stories are often ... obscure. Frequently, it comes down to how a story makes readers feel.
Slap!!
And let that be a lesson to you.
In 75 words, the stories are often ... obscure. Frequently, it comes down to how a story makes readers feel.
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
) written in the worried/complaining/exaggerating conversational style of C3P0.
My challenge style seems to have developed into half-deceiving the reader until the last line of a story then finishing with a slight twist. With this alternate history story I was hoping to surprise the reader with denouement that C3P0 had been turned to the dark side. But, of course, that depends on the reader understanding in the first place that it was C3P0 who was talking...
This story was (in my mind anyway
) written in the worried/complaining/exaggerating conversational style of C3P0. My challenge style seems to have developed into half-deceiving the reader until the last line of a story then finishing with a slight twist. With this alternate history story I was hoping to surprise the reader with denouement that C3P0 had been turned to the dark side. But, of course, that depends on the reader understanding in the first place that it was C3P0 who was talking...
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
I got C3PO, but I thought the friend was R2D2! No wonder I couldn't get it to make sense.
For me, it might have been clearer if you'd used "sinister" instead of "odd". On the other hand, it might only have been the clue to R2D2 that convinced me it was C3PO in the first place. Tricky ...
(Also, "Vader" instead of "Darth" might have been clearer, and prevented possible confusion with characters from the prequels. And isn't "Darth" a kind of title?)
I got C3PO, but I thought the friend was R2D2! No wonder I couldn't get it to make sense.
For me, it might have been clearer if you'd used "sinister" instead of "odd". On the other hand, it might only have been the clue to R2D2 that convinced me it was C3PO in the first place. Tricky ...
(Also, "Vader" instead of "Darth" might have been clearer, and prevented possible confusion with characters from the prequels. And isn't "Darth" a kind of title?)
GreenKidx
Well-Known Member
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
I actually got the C3PO vibe but I didn't realize it was intentional...
I actually got the C3PO vibe but I didn't realize it was intentional...
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
I thought it was about C3PO, although wasn't certain. Also, this line...
Should it be "Anyway, Darth took me to one side…"?
The original gave me all sorts of connotations.
I thought it was about C3PO, although wasn't certain. Also, this line...
Should it be "Anyway, Darth took me to one side…"?
The original gave me all sorts of connotations.
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
I hadn't realised that the narrator was C3PO, but now I know, it seems so obvious (what with the "bits of me scattered" comment).
To be fair, it's very hard to know how to pitch these things. If one gives every clue but the name, it can seem heavy-handed** (and can lead to the comment, "Why didn't you just say who it was?"); this is would be particularly pointed given the few words one has to tell the whole tale and the reader thinks you've wasted many if not most of them. On the other hand, say too little and no-one but the author knows what it's about.
** - Or suggesting that the readers are ignoramuses (which is not the ideal way to garner votes).
I hadn't realised that the narrator was C3PO, but now I know, it seems so obvious (what with the "bits of me scattered" comment).
To be fair, it's very hard to know how to pitch these things. If one gives every clue but the name, it can seem heavy-handed** (and can lead to the comment, "Why didn't you just say who it was?"); this is would be particularly pointed given the few words one has to tell the whole tale and the reader thinks you've wasted many if not most of them. On the other hand, say too little and no-one but the author knows what it's about.
** - Or suggesting that the readers are ignoramuses (which is not the ideal way to garner votes).
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
You know, Alchemist, about three days after I posted the thing the very same thing occurred to me. But it was far too late by then.
You know, Alchemist, about three days after I posted the thing the very same thing occurred to me. But it was far too late by then.
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
This is, of course, the problem UM. It's sooooo obvious to the author that he/she can't see the wood for the trees.
Still, that's what the challenge is all about - learning from your mistakes and improving your writing.
Thanks, everyone, for your comments.
This is, of course, the problem UM. It's sooooo obvious to the author that he/she can't see the wood for the trees.
Still, that's what the challenge is all about - learning from your mistakes and improving your writing.
Thanks, everyone, for your comments.
MstrTal
Valeyard
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2011
- Messages
- 622
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
I know I screwed up the last line grammatically but I am curious seeing as I have never written anything in this format before what people think. I mean I had fun with it and all but was it improperly formatted for a script, was it distracting to read, was it amusing, so on and so forth. It was based off of the original Voltron carton. (Go Lions Go if your an Otaku )
I know I screwed up the last line grammatically but I am curious seeing as I have never written anything in this format before what people think. I mean I had fun with it and all but was it improperly formatted for a script, was it distracting to read, was it amusing, so on and so forth. It was based off of the original Voltron carton. (Go Lions Go if your an Otaku
)Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
I think those were the last things on my mind, MstrTal. First and foremost I just didn't understand it. Honestly, I tried and even now that you've explained that was based on a cartoon I still don't think I understand it.
And even if I did, does it fit one of the fundamental rules of the Challenge - that it should tell a story?
I think those were the last things on my mind, MstrTal. First and foremost I just didn't understand it.
Honestly, I tried and even now that you've explained that was based on a cartoon I still don't think I understand it. And even if I did, does it fit one of the fundamental rules of the Challenge - that it should tell a story?
Culhwch
Lost Boy
Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST
I got the Voltron reference, but I have to side with mosaix on this one - I couldn't really pin down a narrative point. Was there a significance to the foe being a teddy bear? An inside joke forgotten in the years since I last saw a Voltron cartoon? I actually thought it may have been a reference to Ursa - references to the Chrons and its inhabitants being a somewhat recurring theme in these challenges - but still couldn't make sense of it...
When you only have seventy-five words to play with, I don't think you can afford to worry if it is improperly formatted for a script. It was close enough that it was fairly unmistakable. The bigger issue for me was the aforementioned story element, and the grammatical errors that you have already noted. It was an interesting way to approach the challenge, but was let down in the execution.
I got the Voltron reference, but I have to side with mosaix on this one - I couldn't really pin down a narrative point. Was there a significance to the foe being a teddy bear? An inside joke forgotten in the years since I last saw a Voltron cartoon? I actually thought it may have been a reference to Ursa - references to the Chrons and its inhabitants being a somewhat recurring theme in these challenges - but still couldn't make sense of it...
When you only have seventy-five words to play with, I don't think you can afford to worry if it is improperly formatted for a script. It was close enough that it was fairly unmistakable. The bigger issue for me was the aforementioned story element, and the grammatical errors that you have already noted. It was an interesting way to approach the challenge, but was let down in the execution.
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