Quick Fire Questions (A Place to Ask and Answer)

[Hex]

He looked younger than his seventeen years, but she knew this was partly deliberate, to lull people into a sense of- not trust - but comfort.

I'm thinking, maybe, -

a sense of - not trust, but comfort.

I like the broken feeling of the language here -- the second, I agree, reads as a little different from the first. I'd read it as a break in thought, a sort of small interruption to the flow.

I read it as:

'... to lull people into a sense of -- not trust [there's a silent 'exactly' for me about here], but comfort.'

 

[The Judge]

Bugger. Damn machine just dumped my post. Grrr.

Try again.

springs, how about using an ellipsis, or even two? That would then give the impression of the narrator searching for the correct word(s):

"... into a sense of... not trust... but comfort."

I agree with Hex about the possibility of italicising "trust" and/or adding an "exactly". I wouldn't do any further tinkering with the sentence, though -- it's fine as it is.

As for long dashes, they serve two functions (at least they do when I use them...). The first is in place of a colon or semi-colon where a following subclause is so closely linked to the preceding clause that you don't want a complete sentence break with a full stop, but a comma isn't enough eg as in the final sentence in the paragraph above. The other is to act as parentheses -- the posh term for brackets ie ( ) -- inside which is an explanatory or qualifying clause.

I think people can be relied on to understand which is which, from the rhythm of the writing. But don't be tempted (as I've done too often...) to have both types of long dash in the same sentence, as it does get a little complicated at that point.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

okay, very helpful. I don't want to change the sentence itself, I like it, and it suits the character. I like the trust highlighted, and think that implies the exactly idea, which is the sense of what I wanted to get across.

And double types of dashes, in one sentence. Crikey. I'm not anywhere near that, your honour. At least another half million words to go, first.

 

[Venusian Broon]

Hey springs,

After a nights sleep (it was late when I posted the last one) and thinking about this a little bit this morning, I assume you want to use trust & comfort because I guess 'lulling someone into a false sense of security' is one of those screaming cliches that practically all writing books/courses/tutors paint in large red letters 'WARNING: On no account ever use'.

Thus I can see your angle of attack better now. TJ's suggestion, if that was the intent, seems a bit cleaner to my eyes.

But if that's the case I suppose there is some sort of slight jarring with the tenses at that bit. In that she knew that he was manipulating people to do something, but then what she knew requires her to think for the correct term in the present would seem a bit odd.

Would 'she could see that this was partly deliberate...' or 'she sensed this was partly deliberate...' be better?

And here's another variant that's popped into my mind!

'...she knew this was partly deliberate, to lull people into a sense of...well, not trust as many thought...but comfort.'

---

I'm still struggling to connect why looking younger = endearing trust/comfort in people, but that might be explained in the passage around about it.

 

[Ursa major]

The problem I saw was that the verb, lull, immediately suggests (at least to me**) the words, false security, which means that it may be jarring when the word, trust, appears in their place.

This further suggests, again to me, that one ought to either go on with the cliché and get it out of the way, or use a different verb. (There are a number that might serve: inculcate being one:

He looked younger than his seventeen years, but she knew this was partly deliberate, to inculcate a sense of - not trust - but comfort in people.

and imbue being another:

He looked younger than his seventeen years, but she knew this was partly deliberate, to imbue people with a sense of - not trust - but comfort.

and instil*** yet another:

He looked younger than his seventeen years, but she knew this was partly deliberate, to instil a sense of - not trust - but comfort in people.

EDIT: the verb, lull, also has negative connotations, which further jars with the words comfort and trust.


PS. I'm in two minds as to whether I should be "...imbuing people with a" or "...imbuing in people a..."



** - In this context: I don't necessarily think of false security when a lull in a storm is mentioned.

*** - Beware different spellings (instil/instill) either side of the Pond.

.

 

[Venusian Broon]

Good calls Ursa,

You had me rushing to the dictionary with Inculcate, great word!

It's seems a bit aggressive for this doe eyed boy though, so the other two softer options convey his actions a bit better.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Oh he's no doe eyed boy - he just wants you to think he is

 

[Venusian Broon]

Oh he's no doe eyed boy - he just wants you to think he is

You see, he fooled me

 

[Ursa major]

Is he good harted, though, or only out for a buck?

 

[HareBrain]

Maybe he just wants people to fawn over him.

 

[Venusian Broon]

But at some dramatic point he will be revealed to not be a little deer at all.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Oh, dear, the thread has gone down hill....

That's sort of why I used lull in the first place, because it's what he does, lulls people into a sense of he is what he isn't. The reader very quickly learns that he's actually not in the least innocent, nor naive, nor stupid. And why I wanted the emphasis slightly on trust - he can be trusted, at least - but not comfort. so if the lull knocks it out a little, I'm thinking that mightn't be a bad thing.

 

[Warren_Paul]

Quick medical question here.

What would be the symptoms of a linear skull fracture?

I've got a character that has suffered trauma to the head from a blunt object, and thought I'd have it resulting in a minor linear skull fracture, since I should be able to get away with the character not absolutely requiring hospitalization. Correct?

I know there is of course the effects of concussion. Also that bleeding can happen from the eyes, nose and ears, and headaches, but I'm not sure what degree of fracture it has to be to get what.


Well that's actually two questions, but I think we will live.

 

[Pyan]

I'm still struggling to connect why looking younger = endearing trust/comfort in people, but that might be explained in the passage around about it.

It's actually a researched scientific theory, with interesting conclusions:

Want Your Enemies to Trust You? Put On Your Baby Face

 

[Gumboot]

Quick medical question here.

What would be the symptoms of a linear skull fracture?

I've got a character that has suffered trauma to the head from a blunt object, and thought I'd have it resulting in a minor linear skull fracture, since I should be able to get away with the character not absolutely requiring hospitalization. Correct?

I know there is of course the effects of concussion. Also that bleeding can happen from the eyes, nose and ears, and headaches, but I'm not sure what degree of fracture it has to be to get what.


Well that's actually two questions, but I think we will live.

A minor linear skull fracture is liable to be of no clinical significance, requiring no treatment. It may not even cause concussion. A headache is likely from any head trauma, although it may be minor.

A more significant blow may cause concussion, although you may not lose consciousness.

Really serious blows may cause an epidural hematoma, which can be fatal.

If the blow damages the venous sinus it may result in CVST stroke, while a blow across one of the joints between the skull's eight cranial bones may result in suture diastasis (separation of the joint).

The bleeding from the ears and nose is a symptom of a Basilar skull fracture which is a linear fracture to the base of the skull. These are very rare and dangerous as the base of the skull requires much more force to fracture than other parts of the skull.

Symptoms of a basilar skull fracture include bleeding from the ears and nose, "racoon eyes" (caused by pooling of blood in the optical cavity), blood in the sinuses, and leaking of cerebrospinal fluid from the ears or nose (it may drip into the back of the throat resulting in a salty taste).

 

[Warren_Paul]

Ok, thanks Gumboot. A bit to think there.

I think I need to find something in the middle. I don't want it to be so serious that without medical care its fatal. But I also want it to be a bad enough that it keeps the character bed ridden for a couple days, in and out of consciousness, etc.

There is no actual bleeding from the fracture itself, right?

 

[David Evil Overlord]

I'm still struggling to connect why looking younger = endearing trust/comfort in people, but that might be explained in the passage around about it.

Might be that people think "He's younger than me, less experienced, surely he couldn't fool me if he tried".

The bleeding from the ears and nose is a symptom of a Basilar skull fracture which is a linear fracture to the base of the skull. These are very rare and dangerous as the base of the skull requires much more force to fracture than other parts of the skull.

Symptoms of a basilar skull fracture include bleeding from the ears and nose, "racoon eyes" (caused by pooling of blood in the optical cavity), blood in the sinuses, and leaking of cerebrospinal fluid from the ears or nose (it may drip into the back of the throat resulting in a salty taste).

Ok, thanks Gumboot. A bit to think there.

A bit for me to think about, too. I have a character I've given some of those symptoms. I don't want her injuries to be too severe...or do I?

 

[Vertigo]

A quick question about use of foot and feet in measurement. It seems obvious at first but then not so.

It is clearly correct and normal to say the building is one hundred feet high. 100 is plural and so the plural of feet is used.

However it would certainly be normal to say the one hundred foot building. Is this also correct? Grammatically it would appear to me to be incorrect and yet it is certainly how most people would say it. Is this an example of common but incorrect usage and which should be used in prose?

 

[Aaron Stone]

When talking about a person's height it is often said "Five-foot eight". Though it is perfectly correct to say "Five feet, eight inches". I think when just using the phrase "___________(object)", "foot" is correct, but when adding words or explanation/description, "feet" is used. Basically, feet is used when additional information is being imparted, rather than just "blank foot table".

 

[Ursa major]

It depends:

• Narration:
  • In third person omniscient and most third person close, I'd expect to see feet.
  • In third person conversational**, the choice as to whether to use feet or foot would be that of the PoV character.
  • In first person, the choice would be that of the PoV character.
• Dialogue:
  • The choice would be that of the speaker, and would depend on the context.

** - By which I mean that the narration is so close to the PoV character that it's similar in feel to first person (apart from the tense) and the narration is much like the PoV character's dialogue.