Discussion -- 300 Word Challenge #4

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Congratulations, Teresa! An excellent story, and a well-deserved win!

And commiserations to mosaix, who is probably worn out from running so hard.
 
Thank you all. And especially thanks to everyone who voted for me, and to all those who mentioned my story!

I must say, that was really nerve-wracking. Right up until the end I thought mosiax could get a last minute flurry of votes and go ahead of me -- his was such an excellent story.
 
Many congratulations, Teresa! Your story brought tears to my eyes.

(and commiserations, mosaix -- yours gave me goose bumps!)
 
Congratulations Teresa, a worthy winner (with a worthy runner-up in Mosaix).

By my count, we had five more voters than entrants, which is great, and the reverse of what often seems to happen with the seventy-five word challenge.
 
Well done TE, a great victory and a thrilling race for the title. This prolonged voting period really keeps the tension up (when it is this close anyway)

Hard luck Mosaix, a valiant effort, but pipped at the post.
 
Congratulations, Teresa, on a cracking story and a hard earned win. Hard luck to mosaix too.

And I see Cul has 5,999 posts. Hmmm....
 
Congratulations, Teresa! Commiserations, mosaix -- you put up an excellent fight with a great story.


PS Just seen I had another vote late last night. Thanks, Cul.
 
Vertigo said:
Brilliant Mosaix, I loved it. Though I'm not sure someone with such a condition would've been alllowed on the crew but that's only a very minor niggle.
Click to expand...

Yes, that was a weakness that I should have put right before posting. Also, I should have made the story more ambiguous, along the lines of is Fernando paranoid or is something really happening?

Maybe I'll post something in the 'Improving our stories' thread in a day or two.
In the rush at the end there were one or two people I didn't thank for votes - thanks TJ and Cul and anyone else I missed.
 
mosaix said:
Yes, that was a weakness that I should have put right before posting. Also, I should have made the story more ambiguous, along the lines of is Fernando paranoid or is something really happening?
Click to expand...

There's always something that could have been polished. I would have removed the "Public Office for Planetary Environments" (which I wasn't really comfortable with) and replaced it with some sort of reference to their boss JC. Also at the end of the story I would have put in full names - Baal and Mephistopheles - after all I'm no longer trying to hide stuff at the end. I really must discipline myself not to post entries too quickly :eek:
 
I wondered if I should have made the reference to Simonov's poem ('Zhdi Menya') more obvious... I couldn't decide, and in the end I didn't.

In 1941 the Nazis broke the Nazi-Soviet Pact and invaded the Soviet Union. They got a long way in and wiped out most of the air force on the ground. Stalin collapsed because he reckoned the USSR was doomed.

And Simonov wrote this wonderful poem about how by waiting really hard for someone you could bring them back from war and death and fire.


Wait for me and I'll come back,
But wait with might and main,
Wait throughout the gloom and rack
Of autumn's yellow rain.
Wait when snowstorms fill the way,
Wait in summer's heat,
Wait when, false to yesterday,
Others do not wait.

Wait though from that far off place
No letters come to you.
Wait when all the others cease
To wait, who waited too.
Wait from me and I'll come back.
Do not lightly let
Those who know so well the knack
Teach you to forget.

Let my mother and my son
Believe that I have died;
Let my friends, their waiting done,
At the fireside,
Lift the wine of grief and clink
To my departed soul.
Wait, and make no haste to drink
Alone amongst them all.

Wait for me and I'll come back,
Defying death. When he
Who could not wait shall call it luck
Only, let it be.
They cannot know, who did not wait,
How in the midst of fire
Your waiting saved me from my fate.
Your waiting and desire.
Why I still am living, we
Shall know, just I and you:
You knew how to wait for me
As no other knew
 
Vertigo said:
There's always something that could have been polished. I would have removed the "Public Office for Planetary Environments" (which I wasn't really comfortable with) and replaced it with some sort of reference to their boss JC. Also at the end of the story I would have put in full names - Baal and Mephistopheles - after all I'm no longer trying to hide stuff at the end. I really must discipline myself not to post entries too quickly :eek:
Click to expand...

I did get the POPE reference and the names, Vertigo but still couldn't get the story to hang together somehow. :eek: Put me out of my misery and give a bit of an explanation?
 
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