Discussion -- 300 Word Challenge #4

[Perpetual Man]

Well, the start of this quarters comments for the 300 word challenge, and the announcement that these will probably be the last for a challenge or two. I still hope to take part in the challenges themselves, but I get the sneaky suspicion that finding the time to do the comments is going to vanish in a blast of bottles, formula and nappies...

Springs – The opening story this time round and straight off the mark it catches me unawares, I’m not sure why, but I just did not expect a script format. But a good solid opener, with a very strong emotional heart. It is as much a story of paternal love/a child’s love for a parent, as it is about a space flight. The nature of the expedition does not matter, it is just seeing Jessica achieve what she wants, not just for herself but for her father also. The fact that she misses his funeral in order to achieve their dream is a beautiful twist in the story, summing up the relationship more than any eulogy. Herbert may well have died, but his spirit must have been soaring.

reiver33 – The second story of the month, and another superb tale. There is a lot going on, an isolated outpost, things going wrong, as I read it I felt both elements of 2001 and The Thing (an unusual blending), but it was not really the story that brought those to mind, rather the setting. There are some tremendous ideas here that caught my attention, the neural networking and the Core using it to kill the humans. The double sense of isolation, an isolated outpost on an isolated world, and finally the warm deceptive hint of a threat at the end. Wonderful.

AMB – I had a vague idea (dropped immediately) about a SF story with strong fantasy elements, but I’m so glad I dropped it as AMB shows how it should be done. The fact that it is just flesh being added to the bare bones of the story just makes it all the more exceptional. Simply we have a space aimed project without a pilot, and the way the controlling artificial aspect of the device tricks a man into becoming that human element. But the colour given to the story by the perfectly melded fantasy and science is remarkable. There are some wonderful blending that I just loved, the use of Forges, technomancers and the Star Horse itself. A third really great entry this month.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Perp, you're very kind. i haven't written a script for years and wanted to have a go, but with the best will in the world it ain't easy in 75 words (not if you want them to have a stage direction, that is), so thought I'd have a go for the 300 worder. I'm thinking between now and the end of the month of writing the alternative prose version and stick it up on discussion after the challenge, see which was better.

 

[Abernovo]

Love the script, Springs. Poetry, yes, but a play had never occurred to me. And what a play.

Reiver, those last words are just petrifying. Stuck in a frozen wasteland with a homicidal AI who wants to be your friend.

AMB, I like it. The joys of being volunteered.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Aber, yours was very good; I thought that someone might do a brave new world scene; this is a lovely one.

 

[AMB]

Generation ships are fun. Nice one, Abernovo. And thanks.

Thanks also to Perp for your kind words.

 

[TacticalLoco]

Yes, come on! Some of us need ideas to steal.

Oh, ain't that the truth.

 

[Abernovo]

Thank you Springs, AMB.

 

[Phoenixthewriter]

The biggest shock though, was for the first time doing this 300 thing I've got a first draft at well under 300 words!!!

I had this exact thing happen. I think my first draft for the posted story was at 215 words. I expanded upon it, got a little more descriptive, brought in a few more pieces I felt would sell my idea, and brought it up to 295.

This is the first time I've posted a story below the requirement though. I had another story I almost posted at 380 words that I cut down to 300 exactly. Didn't end up liking it though in the end. I'm glad I gave myself a few days to think it over before crafting up the piece of work I just submitted.

 

[Abernovo]

Well, you were obviously right to do so, Phoenix, because it works. I like the sudden, revealing change of perspective at the end. That brings it together.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

*deep breath* First time I've done this one, and I'm not sure it's technically sci-fi or fantasy. However Wilf and Doris wouldn't get out of my mind when I saw the picture.

They are all great so far: love Springs script and Abernovo your generation ship story is fantastic.

 

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

As I said in the other discussion thread...I'm not going to go with this one.

 

[Abernovo]

Thanks Anya. I liked yours too. Looked a little green, indeed!!

Hex, such a well told tale of a screwed up relationship.

Karn, I hope you feel better in your sleep and yourself soon.

 

[Hex]

Thanks, Abernovo. This time I was aiming to avoid messed-up teenager. One out of two is better than I hoped for. Next time: jolly tale about pensioners... I'm sure no one's done that befo-- Oh. Wait.

I like your story -- it's so hopeful. All the stories are great, but I must admit to particularly liking AMB's and reiver's.

Karn -- hope you feel like getting back into the challenges soon.

 

[AnyaKimlin]

lol and groans why can I never write 300 words and leave it alone. Halfway through a sit-com script I now have a new idea.

Karn good luck with having a chilled month - look forward to the next story we see

 

[Aun Doorback]

AnyaKimlin Liked yours. Loved the start of it. Thought the characters were real and it was a refreshing stance.

 

[Perpetual Man]

Two versions done now, and still not 100% happy with either, the second was back to normal and happily sailed past the 300 word mark, but only just. (A lot better than last months 800 word nightmare.)

 

[stormcrow]

Still working on my first 300 word effort.

Aun Doorback - I love the 'rocket as tower card' imagery. Springs71 - a beautiful poignant script - made me want to cry. Phoenix - the snow-globe reveal is delicious & quite unexpected.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

A quick touch base, thanks Anya and Stormcrow for the kind words. Anya; I loved Wilf and Doris, Hex had a good smile at yours.

Karn, hang in there, January's a rough month, thinking of you.

 

[Christopher Lee]

Man, this wasn't easy for my first 300 worder. It's hard getting an idea melted down into only 300 words. You guys are awesome for being able to do this every month.

 

[Perpetual Man]

Already from the entries this month we have a degree of diversity that is extraordinary – the only consistency the uniform excellence that runs through them.

Abernovo – I’m not sure where to begin with this entry, other than to say it is a beautiful creation, perhaps showing the way the world should be. There is an intrinsic righteousness in the story itself, allowing the rich and wealthy, those with privileged lives to carry on living in the manner they so love, while those who probably need the change and are of more use to a new society prove themselves by giving up everything. It makes one wonder how all those left behind are going to cope in the new society? Some lovely descriptions as well, a novel in 300 words.

Starbeast – I was chuckling from the moment I saw the title. A fith outing for the Lethal Weapon boys that throws them into their biggest, most impossible case yet. Just from this excerpt you get the feeling that there is so much going on that it would be just crazy. A machine that controls the weather – causing global warming. A New World order. Huge conspiracies that involve the highest and the high. And two aging cops, whose most notable feature is that they do what’s right are the ones in a position to bring it all down. Pure fun, just like the later Lethal Weapon movies were, and just how it should be. Apart from the fact Roger did not use his greatest catch phrase an entertaining and excellent entry.

Hex – This is one of those stories that I’ve interpreted my way but I might be wrong, but as always the stories that open themselves to different interpretations are works of genius, because it deepens them in so many ways. A man and his mistress, always going to her when his wife/partner is not available, and she is unable to turn her back on him, always giving in when she knows she should walk away. But there is more to the story than that, there are the details that give it the depth it needs. The hints of a troubled future for the Earth, chances of extending life, and happenstance and how it can affect the mind. Very thought provoking.

Phoenixthewriter – Uhhh wow. There is some wonderful descriptive work in this one, breathing life into a mundane object like a snow globe. It really made me think, could all that is going on before the globe is shaken be real? Are these little creatures life forms trapped in a snow globe trapped in the capricious hands of a child; or is it simply a toy running through a preset pattern, keeping those that watch entertained; or is it just the boys imagination making stunning adventures from the frozen scene? So many possibilities, well presented and truly entertaining. Another really strong entry.

AnyaKimlin – A wonderful little tale that is more about the mundane and whimsy than the story in the background. A lovely little character piece that clearly draws the picture of the old couple; Wilf and Doris so that I can almost see them in my mind’s eye. This is importantly a story about them, about the world around them, and not about any of the other things that might be going on around them. They live things through as though they are approaching the end of their days, which they probably are, with the ease and simplicity of a truly contented couple. There a few pieces on information, but it is just colour. This is about Wilf and Doris, and there is nothing more wonderful than that.

Aun Doorback – What caught me more than anything else with this little story was the way it flowed. In many ways it was not the ending that made it for me, rather than the journey reaching that point. There was a genuine atmosphere to the description, of the world and the tarot reading. The feeling of something building, while remaining almost mundane at the same time. There was a brevity of information, just giving all we need, that were footsteps leading to the payoff. Very well constructed, and with a smile educing end, well not for the tarot reader perhaps, but another thoroughly enjoyable story.