that old devil of mine; pov changes?

[Jo Zebedee]

Myah-ha-ha-ha and all that there.

There's a reason there's only one scene from her POV, I'm most certainly not evil enough. Not yet....

 

[HareBrain]

I'm not sure; why would it? Whether I identify him by name or by designator it's still the same start to the paragraph.

Actually, I think Gumboot is right. Using "He" suggests it's the same "he" in the previous paragraph, seen in the same way (ie from the Empress's POV); i.e. nothing's changed since the previous paragraph. Using his name -- especially his full name -- at the start of the new paragraph is, to me at least, suggestive of a switch. But it's pretty subtle, and might work differently from reader to reader (as we have just shown).

 

[Jo Zebedee]

So, I think I'm now up there with Hex for longest thread devoted to one small problem and it still ain't resolved. Sitting in the corner confused now.....

 

[HareBrain]

Do what I said. That's usually best.

 

[Hex]

The trick is to switch the topic of the thread to something outrageous half way through. That always makes the discussion excitingly long.

Might I suggest something involving commas? or you could start a debate about the benefits of being an evil empress determined to take over the world -- good thing? bad thing? (it would also help to get into her head (*))

(*) not literally.

 

[HareBrain]

One benefit of being an evil empress is that you could make up your own rules about comma usage, and force everyone else to obey them. A-mua, a-haa, et ceteraah.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

All very tempting options.... I think the diversionary tactics work best, maybe.

Introduction of character names; what's the optimum time? During their own POV or from someone elses....


no need to answer, anyone....

 

[Warren_Paul]

If its their point of view I use their name in the very first sentence, maybe even the first word.

If its from someone else's point of view there are two tactics I use.

#1 Find a way for PoV character to mention person's name in dialogue.

#2 If PoV knows the character, they have a history together etc, I make a reference somewhere in the narrative that the PoV knows the character and just start using their name afterwards.

EDIT: No matter what way, I try to get the name introduced asap without it sounding forced. Sometimes I use descriptions as names, i.e. scar face. (how the PoV character sees them) until the PoV learns their name.

no need to answer, anyone....

Yes, I bite.

Thread hijack started!

 

[mosaix]

Do what I said. That's usually best.

Or, alternatively, what I said.

 

[Ursa major]

Introduction of character names; what's the optimum time? During their own POV or from someone elses....

Do it in the first line, as dialogue:

"The name's Splice, Comma Splice...."
​

 

[Warren_Paul]

Do it in the first line, as dialogue:

"The name's Splice, Comma Splice...."
​

Winning spoof on James bond there, would make a great comedy short story or something.

 

[David Evil Overlord]

Don't let her eyes follow his, though. If they both stare at the crystal, then both of their minds are trapped in the future, and your plot comes to a sudden and anti-climactic end.

 

[Ursa major]

Winning spoof on James bond there, would make a great comedy short story or something.

I'd prefer it if a stop - a full one - was put to it....

 

[David Evil Overlord]

Curse that "Page not found" error for making me post twice.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

Don't worry she aint a seer trust the writer*


*to possibly not know what on earth she's doing

By pussy made-up-a-lore

 

[Ursa major]

Would that be Gal lore, or would it apply to us men as well?

 

[David Evil Overlord]

Ursa Major is The Man With The Golden Pun.

 

[Interference]

This seems to me the offending sentence.

Its clear form twisted, catching the light from a small window and sent rainbows through the room, keeping his mind imprisoned in the future.

Of course, time has moved on and I'm sure someone else already pointed it.

Ah, if only I could somehow see the previous pages of this thread to know for sure....

 

[Culhwch]

Ealyn Varnon slowly moved his eyes and stopped to focus on a prism suspended from the ceiling.

I'm coming late to this party (hope it's not invitation only) but for mine it's the phrasing that makes it seem like there is a wee bit of head-hopping going on. The way this sentence is constructed feels like it's from Varnon's perspective. How about a subtle change to something more direct:

Ealyn Varnon's eyes moved to focus on a prism suspended from the ceiling.

I'm still not entirely sure of the word 'focus' in this, but can't think of an alternate. I might be entirely wrong, but I think this construction doesn't lead the reader into thinking the POV has changed as much as the first version.

 

[Ursa major]

As an aside, a question.

Is there any reason that Ealyn's gaze moves in this way (and in that direction, i.e. towards the prism). He doesn't seem to be searching for the prism and neither does he seem to be resisting looking at it. And yet his gaze is slowly moving directly towards the prism.

If, however, the prism was "demanding" that he gaze at it - something the Empress might know about - and he was resisting (which might be represented as strain appearing on his face), you would not have the (same) problem with head hopping AND the action wouldn't remain completely unexplained.