April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE -- VICTORY TO HAREBRAIN

[Parson]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

The Legend of Tom

Tom’s ad read:
“Got rats? No trouble.
I’ll be there
On the double.”

His claws were sharp.
His eyes were quick.
When Tom showed up
Rats went sick.

They knew Tom
Big Bad Tom.

Eighty-four pounds
Was King Rat Zeke.
Sixty kittens dead
Without a squeak.

Tom’s fur flew.
Rat teeth gnashed.
Everyone knew
He’d breathed his last.

But not Tom,
Big Bad Tom.

Now don’t waste your pity.
Tom’s one bad, bad, kitty.
​

 

[TacticalLoco]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Before the days of the gods of men, the Earth was ruled by Titans. Chronus was king of the Titans. He had a cat whose favorite toy was a large yellow ball, which she would bat about. After several millennia of such play the ball was worn and pock marked. Then during one rough game the cat smacked the ball high into the air, where it remains to this day.

We call it the moon.

 

[AJB]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Story Time

Gather round grandkittens; I have a tale you should know."

"I'm still trying to catch mine!" Meowed Tilly.

"Not that kind of tail," chuckled Grandpa Tom. "The kind of tale that could make you jump about, arch your back or make your whiskers wet."

"Like a dream," Molly purred with eyes closed.

"Yes, however, this tale is real... There's a land of giant creatures that stride on two gangly legs, and keep kittens for playthings..."

 

[johnnyjet]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Mother Hilton's Mental Kittens

Mother Hilton cheerily described her exclusive hotel's amenities. One guest asked about the kittens.

"Farworld is a dangerous place. My bio-engineered 'mental kittens' guarantee your safety.

"They prowl the corridors and grounds, rubbing our guests and purring contentedly. At the first sign of danger, their backs arch, their purrs deepen and the perpetrator – whether man, beast or machine – drops in its tracks.

"Be nice to my kittens."

A guest accidentally kicked one. The kitten hissed.

 

[David Evil Overlord]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

The Invasion Of The Sex Kittens

She stared at the catgirl in the mirror. "Why?"

"Latest craze," he said. "Turning gold diggers into sex kittens."

"Change me back!"

"The process is irreversible."

She locked him in ReForm chamber six. Then she turned the staff into catboys and catgirls, blaming him.

They watched her turn him into a rat.

Soon, all the self-made men were unmade by their catlike servants.

And the sex kittens took over the world.

 

[chrispenycate]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Rewards of virtue
​

"Fluffy? Unless you could see her tail, you wouldn't know which way she was facing.

And adorable? She never once extruded pitons to lap climb, nor yowled for food. She'd just rub herself against your ankle until you were ready to give her attention."

"And what happened to this paragon? Kitnapped, squashed?"

"Oh no." Pointing towards a battered fur heap sprawled over the computer, claws extended to discourage interference.

"That rascal ate my pussy."

 

[Lenny]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Not Feline Too Good


"Hello! Are your Mummy and Daddy around?"

Charlie pointed across the corridor. "Mummy's having kittens."

"Kittens?" the nurse asked, confused.

"Daddy said! I bet some witch wiv big warts an' green skin came on her broomstick, an' made a potion wiv newts an' stuff in a massive cauldron, an' made Mummy drink it, an' it turned my baby brother into kittens."

At the sound of screaming, the nurse ran into Mummy’s hospital room.

"Oh my…"

 

[Glen]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

The Kitten

“It jumps onto the kitchen counter. Yes! Even while we’re preparing food. It does! It tries to eat everything! Yes! It scratches the furniture, and it destroys expensive rugs! Yes! We can’t get any sleep! We can’t! It wakes us at five demanding to be let in. I don’t know! I think it is hypnotising us. Yes! I can’t think of any other explanation! Yes, thanks, I will take another pint!”

 

[J Riff]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Fur Flies On Friday

Puffy, Fluffkin and Pooky scampered into the bar and sat on cushions near the mouse pit. A waiter took their orders.
"Milk"
"Milk."
"Milk."
Shortly, the floor show began. Fluffkin kept drinking, saucer after saucer until he threw up.
Pooky and Puffy swapped insults with a Schnauzer until a huge catfight with the dogs started. German Shepherds arrived and everyone had to flea the scene.
Then they all went home and slept for fourteen hours.

 

[Bowler1]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Hello Kitty


At first sight they look cute and cuddly;

Soft fluffy fur and large teasing eyes made me laugh.

A fun bundle of joy.

But don’t be fooled.

They’ll stalk you with their night vision;

Play with you before they kill you;

Hunt you down with little powered legs;

Use diamond sharp claws that are poison tipped;

And motorised steel fangs to chew on you.

The latest fad;

The must have toy;

The newest Little Kitty….

 

[Perpetual Man]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

The Legend of Missy
​

She was only a kitten when she caught the pigeon. Twice her size it was, but she attacked as though she were full grown, and it little more than a sparrow. She leapt and caught it in her jaws, the other in her claws and the whole flock fell before her; hundreds of seagulls....

You said one pigeon....

No, no there were thousands, and they were eagles....

And so a legend grows.

 

[BetaWolf]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Nyx

I have a dark, pretty kitty named Nyx. Her one eye is milky and white.

Want to pet her? Be careful. She scratches and bites.

You see, her fur is the night sky, and when she hisses, you start to see stars. Her one eye is the moon, and sometimes it is open and sometimes it’s just a little closed.

But every now and then, she goes all to sleep. Good night, sweet kitty cat.

 

[Hex]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Doom of the world (only, not)

From the dark woods came the Dread Ones, white as bone and starlight. Long fingers reached through bedroom windows, stretched down chimneys. Morning broke and the houses were empty.

And then there was Flopsie.

Claws flying, teeth biting, she chased them down, patted them and turned them over, let them run a bit and... pounced.

She saved the village. She saved the whole world.

And then.

Then she had a nap.

 

[HareBrain]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

The Mewling


‘They calls it … The Mewling,’ whispered Portentous Pete, hunched over his ale.

‘We could have guessed that,’ said Alan. ‘Tis the title.’

‘Redundancy, that,’ said Bert. ‘Waste of words.’

‘Well, how many we got left then?’ said Pete.

‘Thirty two,’ said Alan.

‘Twenty eight, now,’ said Bert.

‘Be quiet, you two!’ said Pete. ‘Or I’ll not have room to tell of the terrible things that result when a kitten is taken over by … The Mewling.’

 

[Glisterspeck]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Snowball, the Chimney Sweep's Kitten

Old Porter ‘ad no use fer climbin’ boys. A kitten, he ‘ad, with a queer trait, white once a week, all other days black, yet, that weren’t what endeared ‘im to Old Porter. Skeered of mice, Snowball was, but neither was that the beloved trait. Twas this: put behind a fireplace grate and shown a mouse, Snowball’s back would bend high and the chimney be swept, fer Snowball ‘ad the bushiest, tallest tail in Boston.

 

[EloiseA]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Return of the Baron

My black kitten squirmed on the examining table. The vet frowned.


'Extraordinary,' Dr Malleson said. 'A pet owner with Munchhausen's by Proxy. You're in here every week.'


'He tied himself to the weathervane on the roof,' I said.


Dr Malleson sighed. 'Just superficial abrasions. Last week, it was food poisoning from stolen oysters. The week before, he rode bareback on the neighbours' Rottweiler. What am I to believe?'


The Baron gave me a conspiratorial wink.

 

[Moonbat]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Flaking Out​

In an effort to break the claustrophobic silence I asked Paul “What is this week's theme.”

“Kittens” he purred.

Em turned white and, pushing her partially eaten chocolate sundae away from her, squeaked “I've lost my appetite.”

Everyone gasped; we all know how she feels about ice-cream (as opposed to carrots).

Tim's hand crept towards the now lonely dessert.

“Are you sure you don't fancy it Mouse?”

 

[jastius]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

A Very Tiny Bargain (or, Don’t Look a Tooth Fairy’s Gift in the Mouth)

Sam puts thimble sized cat carrier down.
Red smirks, “Your knocked out tooth fixed?”
"Nah, traded it…whiskey and some cream,"
"Cream?" Red rejoinders.
Sam indicates bottle cap. “For my kitten,"
Sam smiles, "World’s smallest."
Red pours." Guaranteed?"
Sam pulls out confetti. “By Tooth Fairy… Bargain.”
Red’s doubtful. ”Get a refund. “
“Maybe you're right. Really wanted one that plays Mozart on the fiddle.
This one only plays Beethoven.”
Strains of Fur Elise issue from cage.

 

[mosaix]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

Beware of The…

“Anyways, ol’ Dan was goin’ on ’bout how they might be small but they were ferocious and them burglars didn’t stand no chance.

Heh, he was so busy eyein’ his empty tankard he didn’t notice nudges and winks around’t bar.

But, I tell yer, ’twas only me saw in’t dark under his corner seat a couple o’ pairs o’ gleamin’ eyes and heard purrin’, gnawin’ and crunchin’ o’ bone.

Mine? Pint o’ landlord’s finest, thanks.”

 

[kromanjon]

Re: April 2013 -- SEVENTY-FIVE WORD WRITING CHALLENGE

The Kitten Said What?

”Mjau,” said the cat.

”Oh that’s bull,” said I.

“Mjau,” he repeated.

“No way. It couldn’t have happened that way. There’s just no way.” Or was it?

I looked ponderously at the feline, his determined stare never wavering, his tail calmly swishing.

“I need more than just your word you know.”

He turned, giving me a last glance before swaggering off.

“Mjau,”he said before disappearing, and I believed it.