Thanks, Tywin. 
Discussion -- 300 Word Challenge #10
- Thread starter Ursa major
- Start date
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2006
- Messages
- 6,381
Victoria – A beautiful, haunting and touching tale that was only made better by the fact that as a reader, I did not know where it was going to go. Who would have guessed that a tale about two inmates playing chess at the end of the day would unfold into a beautifully rendered story about loss and reincarnation. It also has to be said that it was a clever bit of word play in the 'Rook takes Bishop' sentence. Something that started in a manner that I thought I would not enjoy, ended by winning me over. What more needs to be said than that?
Karn – A story of loss and destruction, in some ways a warning to what man is capable of with his ongoing need to mess with things. Perhaps it is an attempt to try and understand the world around him, but in seeking cures there are also those things that get amplified, changed. And all it takes is one dropped test tube at the wrong time and the world could crumble. Here we get to see just how fast that could happen, and just like that the world ends. It is a nice touch having one apparent survivor, where the touch of the virus gave longevity rather than death... but the payoff at the end that this man is the cause of it all is the thing that successfully brings the story to a satisfying conclusion.
Tywin – A wonderful melding of ideas that works to perfection. What seems quite serious has a nice smirk inducing conclusion and that is always a good thing. It seems fitting that the plan would have been an unused Nazi 'device', equally with some of the stories that are told that it would be something of a more mythical nature. But what really made the story for me was the misdirection. I was never in any doubt that the machine was going to work, once Bill constructed it, but felt that Raven was more a messenger than Odin himself. It worked perfectly that way though, the last line was just the perfect conclusion to all that had gone before.
Mine is written, but I think I'll sit on it for a few days. It is already similar to one already up so I might see if a separate idea wings itself to me! (Even though I really like it)
Karn – A story of loss and destruction, in some ways a warning to what man is capable of with his ongoing need to mess with things. Perhaps it is an attempt to try and understand the world around him, but in seeking cures there are also those things that get amplified, changed. And all it takes is one dropped test tube at the wrong time and the world could crumble. Here we get to see just how fast that could happen, and just like that the world ends. It is a nice touch having one apparent survivor, where the touch of the virus gave longevity rather than death... but the payoff at the end that this man is the cause of it all is the thing that successfully brings the story to a satisfying conclusion.
Tywin – A wonderful melding of ideas that works to perfection. What seems quite serious has a nice smirk inducing conclusion and that is always a good thing. It seems fitting that the plan would have been an unused Nazi 'device', equally with some of the stories that are told that it would be something of a more mythical nature. But what really made the story for me was the misdirection. I was never in any doubt that the machine was going to work, once Bill constructed it, but felt that Raven was more a messenger than Odin himself. It worked perfectly that way though, the last line was just the perfect conclusion to all that had gone before.
Mine is written, but I think I'll sit on it for a few days. It is already similar to one already up so I might see if a separate idea wings itself to me! (Even though I really like it)
Thank you for the review, Tywin. And, Luiglin don't worry, your plot works very well - a tug on the heart strings.
Glen and mouse both took a turn at it from the bird's perspective.
Glen - I liked the take on their impression of humans. We just mimic after all.
Mouse - The lyrical/rhyming voice for the bird gave it personality. Reminded me of the crows from the old movie Dumbo.
Glen - I liked the take on their impression of humans. We just mimic after all.
Mouse - The lyrical/rhyming voice for the bird gave it personality. Reminded me of the crows from the old movie Dumbo.
Victoria Silverwolf
Vegetarian Werewolf
Karn Maeshalanadae -- A mysterious, possibly allegorical vision of the apocalypse, which creates an image of the Wanderer and his Companion which cries out to be painted in muted oil colors.
Tywin -- Manages the difficult trick of using the limited insight of the protagonist to convey much more to the reader than one might suspect at first glance.
springs -- A wistful exploration of the miraculous within the mundane, told with words carved from the warm, golden light of autumn.
Luiglin -- A bittersweet memory which enables the reader to journey back into her own childhood, when the wondreful hid behind the ordinary.
[Interesting that we have two stories in a row which remind me, in different ways, of Bradbury.]
Bowler1 -- A grim tale of survival in a realistically depicted nightmare, relieved by the gallows humor of those brave enough to endure.
Glen -- A delightful post-modern burlesque, with playful, scholarly wit which suggests Jorge Luis Borges in a particularly sunny mood.
Mouse -- Takes us into the mind of a non-human creature by the use of a technique which, like dancing or ice skating, only looks easy and graceful because it is so difficult.
ratsy -- Creates a new myth for a modern world, with an open-ended conclusion; will humanity repeat the same mistakes, or find new ones?
Tywin -- Manages the difficult trick of using the limited insight of the protagonist to convey much more to the reader than one might suspect at first glance.
springs -- A wistful exploration of the miraculous within the mundane, told with words carved from the warm, golden light of autumn.
Luiglin -- A bittersweet memory which enables the reader to journey back into her own childhood, when the wondreful hid behind the ordinary.
[Interesting that we have two stories in a row which remind me, in different ways, of Bradbury.]
Bowler1 -- A grim tale of survival in a realistically depicted nightmare, relieved by the gallows humor of those brave enough to endure.
Glen -- A delightful post-modern burlesque, with playful, scholarly wit which suggests Jorge Luis Borges in a particularly sunny mood.
Mouse -- Takes us into the mind of a non-human creature by the use of a technique which, like dancing or ice skating, only looks easy and graceful because it is so difficult.
ratsy -- Creates a new myth for a modern world, with an open-ended conclusion; will humanity repeat the same mistakes, or find new ones?
HoopyFrood
It's me! Hurrah!
Welp, I don't think I've entered any challenge since March last year, but an idea popped up (I know the rhyme is about other types of birds )
I wrote the 'left hand' story, then actually looked up the rhyme and found the second version which was eerily and very weirdly spot on...
)I wrote the 'left hand' story, then actually looked up the rhyme and found the second version which was eerily and very weirdly spot on...
David Evil Overlord
Censored Member
okay...the sequence is...write...post...done...
...edit? D'oh! Knew I forgot something...
...edit? D'oh! Knew I forgot something...
Last edited:
Karn Maeshalanadae
I'm a pineapple
That's kind of the thing, though...it's not a virus that wiped out the world, it's a messed with strain of MRSA. In other words, Staphylococcus. A bacteria.
I suppose I can't say much more than that at this point.
Welcome to the dark side.
Was it something I said? I am very pleased you chose to go ahead. It is good to have my story next to such a top-notch piece. I love the prose-poetry voice of the bird. Wow.
Luiglin
Getting worse one day at a time
Thanks for the review Victoria.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2006
- Messages
- 6,381
Springs – A truly wondrous tale of magic, that is as touching as it is enchanting. It is always these little shops that have the real wonders hidden away from the world and the ones that make the greatest stories. There is so much to notice in this story that it is hard to know where to start, from the name of the bird, to the care that is taken in putting it together again; to the bond between father and child; to the care that must be taken with the bird, and most importantly the spot on ending, that transference: as one life ends another begins, a just reward, perfectly executed.
Luiglin – I'm not sure what it is about the stories this month but they seem to be able to hit home like an emotional bullet to the heart, Here we have yet another powerful tale that delivers on the emotional front. Perfectly paced to give the best from the end it is a wonderful indictment of the love between father and child, especially those grieving for a loss, capturing the innocence of youth and the understanding of adulthood. What child that has lost a parent would not want that one last chance to talk to them again, especially when they see the surviving one grieving so? The idea of something not working is impossible; and what good father would not hide their own pain in order to alleviate that of his child? And of course how do we know he did not hear his wife?
Bowler1 – A snap shot from a future world, that captures the new way of life in an easy fashion, while not skimping on the details. It is a clever telling allowing us to know so much about the new world without over complicating it. The struggle to survive against the undead, and the inventiveness in being able to fight back, but perhaps more interestingly is the insight into the way things can change, how popular myths can arise due to changes in circumstances. The way the Carrion Crow is viewed is so perfect for a zombified world, and the way it is integrated into the story is so spot on, it's like bringing a genre back from the dead.
Glen – There often cases mentioned of lost novels, or unfinished works so I guess it is not hard to assume that there may well be, hidden away in the most obscure of places early drafts of works that might be known by different names and in different forms than we know them. It seems that this may well be the case here, a perfectly presented story that shows us what happens when something just is not working. A world where humans appear to be little more than animals, where the world is ruled by birds seems rather strange, but then this is a tale of what might have been, and it seems the writer knows it is not working. But just change the species and things work. What makes the story even better is the feeling that this could be real, that it has been lifted from a reference book, and Boulle started something totally different. Imagine if he had tried to publish, it's have made a monkey out of him.
Mouse - ….
How can I comment on this? A tale of temptation and the need to steal, Put together with talent and zeal. Who on Earth would be so bold, to so make their story unfold? It is a wonderful piece about Magpie, that is the truth I cannot lie. Line after line blew me away, what level of clever I cannot say. Touched not only by the hand of rhyme but also with a proper story sublime. If it were me who attempted such a feat, I'd start forcing the lines to make them meet. That they flow so well and true is a tribute to you know who. (Nah can't keep that up!)
A really simple but well thought out story, told in a manner that flows well and does not seem forced at all, rather tells itself in a way that seems to fit the magpie perfectly, somehow really conveying the need to take the pretty things. It is almost a prayer to justification for the things that the bird does, but almost pitch perfect is the end – that one line that does not rhyme – the abrupt break as the bird takes to the sky, with the perfect reason, almost as if the cat is enough to break the intoxicating magic of its words.
Luiglin – I'm not sure what it is about the stories this month but they seem to be able to hit home like an emotional bullet to the heart, Here we have yet another powerful tale that delivers on the emotional front. Perfectly paced to give the best from the end it is a wonderful indictment of the love between father and child, especially those grieving for a loss, capturing the innocence of youth and the understanding of adulthood. What child that has lost a parent would not want that one last chance to talk to them again, especially when they see the surviving one grieving so? The idea of something not working is impossible; and what good father would not hide their own pain in order to alleviate that of his child? And of course how do we know he did not hear his wife?
Bowler1 – A snap shot from a future world, that captures the new way of life in an easy fashion, while not skimping on the details. It is a clever telling allowing us to know so much about the new world without over complicating it. The struggle to survive against the undead, and the inventiveness in being able to fight back, but perhaps more interestingly is the insight into the way things can change, how popular myths can arise due to changes in circumstances. The way the Carrion Crow is viewed is so perfect for a zombified world, and the way it is integrated into the story is so spot on, it's like bringing a genre back from the dead.
Glen – There often cases mentioned of lost novels, or unfinished works so I guess it is not hard to assume that there may well be, hidden away in the most obscure of places early drafts of works that might be known by different names and in different forms than we know them. It seems that this may well be the case here, a perfectly presented story that shows us what happens when something just is not working. A world where humans appear to be little more than animals, where the world is ruled by birds seems rather strange, but then this is a tale of what might have been, and it seems the writer knows it is not working. But just change the species and things work. What makes the story even better is the feeling that this could be real, that it has been lifted from a reference book, and Boulle started something totally different. Imagine if he had tried to publish, it's have made a monkey out of him.
Mouse - ….
How can I comment on this? A tale of temptation and the need to steal, Put together with talent and zeal. Who on Earth would be so bold, to so make their story unfold? It is a wonderful piece about Magpie, that is the truth I cannot lie. Line after line blew me away, what level of clever I cannot say. Touched not only by the hand of rhyme but also with a proper story sublime. If it were me who attempted such a feat, I'd start forcing the lines to make them meet. That they flow so well and true is a tribute to you know who. (Nah can't keep that up!)
A really simple but well thought out story, told in a manner that flows well and does not seem forced at all, rather tells itself in a way that seems to fit the magpie perfectly, somehow really conveying the need to take the pretty things. It is almost a prayer to justification for the things that the bird does, but almost pitch perfect is the end – that one line that does not rhyme – the abrupt break as the bird takes to the sky, with the perfect reason, almost as if the cat is enough to break the intoxicating magic of its words.
Thanks, Perp and Victoria.
Thanks, Victoria and Perp (just to be different from Springs).
Similar threads
-
November / December 100 word Anonymous Challenge 2024 Discussion- Started by elvet
- Replies: 6
-
DISCUSSION THREAD -- November 2024 -- 75 Word Writing Challenge- Started by The Judge
- Replies: 59
-
DISCUSSION THREAD -- October 2024 -- 75 Word Writing Challenge- Started by Daysman
- Replies: 161
-
DISCUSSION THREAD -- 300 Word Writing Challenge #55 (October 2024)
- Started by The Judge
- Replies: 135
-
DISCUSSION THREAD -- September 2024 -- 75 Word Writing Challenge
- Started by The Judge
- Replies: 118