The hook

[Erin99]

It's okay. I need to know. And if anyone else wants to be honest and say it read the same, I'd appreciate it muchly.

Then I can... I dunno. I've had this start (in all its iterations) since before 2007, IIRC. Hmmm. I'll have to have a think.

 

[HoopyFrood]

...I may have thought similar. But no, it's not the writing, more, as said, character who's only going to last the prologue, and probably the setting too -- snow, woods, weirdness. But GRRM doesn't own any of these things and certainly not the character who only lasts a little while trope.

EDIT: Oops, no snow. I think my mind saw things like icy and sledge and all that and just added the snow of its own accord!

 

[Colbey Frost]

Either Maslin was getting old, or bodies were getting heavier. He sighed as he hauled his sledge. ‘Bloody age is jumping out at me again.'
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At least his mud-stained pelts kept out the icy wind, unlike the tattered patches in his hat. He knew he should afford new head fur, but it was Fetah’s fault. If she wasn’t so bloody expensive and tempting with her curves and come-to-bed pout…! A man couldn’t skimp on boots, though, not for all the pouts in the world, not when a good pair could last you through yanith – and that was needed on this miserable route, when his legs sank into snow and he tripped on hidden tree roots.

A noise made him start: screeching blurs of brown and cream
​

I stopped reading here. I like the content, but it's hard to read. If only it was tighter, I'd of kept reading because your world interests me, and I like the first lines, but I had to re-read the next paragraph. In the end 'screeching blurs of brown' killed it for me.

 

[Erin99]

Actually, Hoops, there IS snow. Lots and lots. I may have lost that description over the latest load of rewrites, but it's mentioned further on, anyway.

But - but - there's not much I can do about the weather. It's only ever snowing, storming, or spring-y there, cos we're in the east and the easterlies are blowing it all across to the mountains. And I liked the idea of having it winter initially, cos it's a contrast to what my protag expects when she opens her eyes to discover herself in the snow...

Oh, and thanks, Christian! Shows I shouldn't take part in this until I actually have something finished and polished rather than something that's still being written and changed.




Edit: Okay, please discount mine, people. I shall actually finish the darn thing before worrying about the hook (again).

 

[Colbey Frost]

Oh, and thanks, Christian! Shows I shouldn't take part in this until I actually have something finished and polished rather than something that's still being written and changed.

I get excited too

 

[Erin99]

Oh, I wish I could say excitement. I'm more at the end of my wits with this thing. I think I've written, rewritten, and added/removed so much to the start over the years (and tried various starts before that, and various second-scene-after-this-ones after that), that I am completely lost and don't know what hooks any more or what doesn't fit with what's around it or is too jarring. Which is why I thought testing the "hook" would be a good thing.

I'm gonna make a few changes to it asap, then just carry on writing the rest until I've finished and can look at sorting plot/character/pacing issues, and THEN I can finally hack some of my description, since I'm like a description robot that doesn't know how to turn off when I'm writing!



Blimey, Leish, you can't stop posting today.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

I think there is a real danger of things getting a little stale when we work at them for a long time. I found it with my first book, and only writing stuff that wasn't in that world made me see how I could improve it and make it hookier. I wouldn't have believed it at the time, though.

 

[Erin99]

It's not like I haven't written other things - when an idea takes me, I roll with it, and these days it seems to be horror stories! - but this project has dragged on too long and I need to finish it (for the second time, heh) so I can actually have it completed and can work on making it even stronger, if it's (hopefully) strong enough this time. The start might be stale, yes, but at least the parts I'm writing from mid-point onwards are fresh and, for me, exciting to write.

But I think the way to go is to not look at the start until months later, once I've finished draft one, and then I can be slightly more objective with it.

Urgh. My writing is struggling, so I better go properly rest for a while. I've got my head in knots with this today!

Don't you wish there was an amnesia button whilst reading your writing?