Discussion Thread -- 300 Word Challenge #13

Congrats to Springs.

And thank you to chrispenycate for the mention, and to TDZ for the vote.
 
congratulations springs

and commiserations to joandrake, joining me in the voteless corner :(

edit: by the way, is there an "improving your 300 stories" thread like there is for the 75 challenge? interested in find out why my story was so unpopular.
 
If it's any consolation, Mr O, yours was in the running (coming fourth when I look at my scoring).
 
Mr Orange said:
congratulations springs

and commiserations to joandrake, joining me in the voteless corner :(

edit: by the way, is there an "improving your 300 stories" thread like there is for the 75 challenge? interested in find out why my story was so unpopular.
Click to expand...

Thank you!

Yes, there's one in the thread - I think Chrispy posted it in it this morning so it should be near the top.

For me, Mr Orange, the punctuation in the first paragraph ruled it out: a capital after a semi-colon, a semi-colon at the head of the list, instead of a colon, and the sheer number of semis. (And I'm a serial overuser myself.) I know that sounds harsh, but with the stories this good (and I liked your story) there has to be some means of whittling them down. :eek:
 
Poor Mr Orange, I know the feeling well. You have had mentions this month (one from me) but not cracked that vote. For me, you were in the running, so don't feel too down and I thought is was a strong opening to the competition.


Dust yourself off and try again.
 
thanks ursa. fourth ain't too bad

springs, i take your point about the capital after the semi - missed that in editing and i know you cross off grammatical errors like that straight away. the overuse of semi-colons was meant to show the fragmented thoughts of a delusional and slightly insane killer. guess that didn't work

saw that chrispy posted in the improving thread so off there now
 
Congratulations Springs. I thought I was closing the gap at one point there, but you just nicked in with the slimmest of 14 votes ;)

Congratulations
 
Well done all, and thanks for the votes and mentions. Three represents a great improvement for me so I'm delighted.

I judge on 'feel', if it reads smooth and it engages me then its in with a shot!
 
Ursa, thank you very much for the Runner up listing!

Congrats Springs...you will need a new bookshelf if you keep winning :)
 
Boneman said:
Way to go Springs!! Thoroughly deserved, and I expect a novella out of it while you're twiddling your thumbs, looking for something to do...:eek:;)
Click to expand...

If I ever get to the twiddling thumb stage I might. :D

ratsy said:
Ursa, thank you very much for the Runner up listing!

Congrats Springs...you will need a new bookshelf if you keep winning :)
Click to expand...

Hee. Last time I won one book then bought the other eight or so in the series.... :eek:
 
This wouldn't have beaten Springs wonderful tale, but as promised, here's my story that didn't make it.

I edited it after I posted it, resulting in 300+ words, and the word counter I used let me down indicating it was at 300. It appears that I have misplaced the pre-edit version. Manual count your stories, kids. :)
------------------------------------------

There are tales among the metal men of the creatures in the east. Stories that speak of the vile things the beasts did that kept the children from straying too far from the farms. But, it was those stories that gave young Kristofer Steel pause. It was those tales that sparked his curiosity of what lay beyond the horizon.

Kris wanted nothing more than to be free. After all, no one he knew had ever seen these beings of flesh of whom the old bots, gleaming from their dark corners, spoke about. None had dared stray beyond the confines of the Fusion Farms in ages. The last had been bright-eyed Ottofer Alloy, and he had not returned. Kris could only believe that was because Ottofer had found the freedom that he himself so longed for.

For all the safety the Fusion Farms gave, Kris felt more like a prisoner of the system. A captive even though he and his kind represented the peak of world technology. Life making life. Whatever chaos might lie beyond the farm gates could be no match for the civilized order they had created.

So it was that Kris packed his oil supply and sneaked from the farm to find his destiny in the world.

The going was slow across the barren desert sand. Days became months, until one day Kris' sparkling eyes saw for the first time, trees—proving that some elements of the old stories were true.

His joy, however, did not last long, for, as soon as he entered the forest humans surrounded him. But, Kris knew order would defeat the primitives, and he was not scared. At least, not until the creatures hoisted him to their village and he saw the pole — metal body parts hammered into it and Ottofer's hollow eyes staring back at him.
 
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